


Resonate

by breatherepeat



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Developing Relationship, Fluid Sexuality, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, london lockdown, progressive hearing loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 162,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatherepeat/pseuds/breatherepeat
Summary: Alternative universe. All history is the same, except Dan never met Kyle and Kyle never joined the band. Set during lockdown and uses lockdown themes, yet this will be story about two people falling in love in the new "normal." Whatever that is.
Relationships: Kyle Simmons/Dan Smith
Comments: 346
Kudos: 147





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A little birdie told me that it is AUgust and I listened to the recent KROQ interview where Dan mentioned that he has been riding his bike to the studio, thus this story popped in my head. 
> 
> Full disclaimer, I am a hearing person. I am not D/deaf or hard-of-hearing. I have a Deaf family member and am learning American Sign Language (ASL) and studying Deaf culture. I am a hearing person that is using information from my Deaf family member and from my studies of Deaf culture to write about a character that has progressive hearing loss. I mean no disrespect to the D/deaf or hard-of-hearing community. I make no claims that the experiences of this character with progressive hearing loss is the experience of all people within the D/deaf or hard-of-hearing community. Additionally, I have limited experience with British Sign Language (BSL).

The eeriest part about riding his bike through Central London now was the stillness that surrounded him.

The motor sounds of vehicles, especially the pfsssst sounds of the buses, and chatter of people mulling about their day were replaced with the wind moving past him as he rode through the empty city streets.

He could hear himself breathing it was so quiet.

Lockdown, and being off tour in general, had reduced a bit of his lung capacity.

As was wearing a mask. His flatmates laughed at him for wearing it while he rode the bike, but he figured better safe than not. Just like the helmet on his head.

It had been a few weeks into total lockdown and he needed a new habit. A structure to his day to help fill the time. To help fill his mind.

So riding his bike to the studio was the logical choice.

He loved his flatmates but there was a reason why people had jobs and purpose throughout the day.

And he figured it was rude of him to make so much noise throughout the day while he worked out new lyrics and arrangements. If he were his own flatmate, he would have thrown himself out a long time ago. He supposed it helped that he was away on tour most of the time and took a "break" from music when he was home.

But, now, there were no tours and no travel to get him out of the house. He couldn't go see his parents or mates that were not in lockdown with him.

Thankfully, the studio had been finished last year and since he co-owned it, he could spend his days socially isolating while he worked. And make as much noise as he pleased.

The next record or playlist, whatever people were calling a collection of music now, was going to be varied.

But mostly loud.

Shouting into the void or something. He wasn't going to analyze it because he was shite at that.

For whatever reason, music came easy to him, but the rest of life was a mystery he was not qualified to solve.

He had a lyric that had been an earworm in his head all morning and he was eager to get it down.

Making the last turn, Dan anticipated slowing down but not that there was going to be a person in his way. People rarely existed on his rides.

Pressing on the brakes with force, he stopped the bike in time. But the force of the stop made him fly off the bike and into said person.

Dan's strange brain choose to focus on the fact that the guy smelled good rather than the pain of colliding into him.

The man was lean yet solid underneath him. Dan's head was somewhere near his chest and their legs were intertwined with one another.

"I'm so sorry." Dan pushed himself up off the nice smelling lad and automatically reached his hand down to help him up. Then he remembered that it was illegal to touch people so he withdrew his hand right as the guy went to take his offering. "Sorry, forgot we can't touch each other. Fuck, are you alright?"

"What the hell?!" The guy shouted through his mask as he stayed sat on the pavement with his hand still in the air. Thankfully, there was no one around them and they were not in anyone's way. "Run me over and then tease offering help. Wazzock."

"I didn't mean it like that. Just, safety precautions and all that. Not that I didn't just violate so many of them by running into you and-" Dan pulled at his shirt before gesturing to his hands and then the man before he was interpreted by the man shouting at him.

"Whatever you are saying right now, I cannot hear you!" The man slowly raised himself off the pavement and dusted off his jeans. Righting his jacket, he moved the headphones off to rest on his neck. Once the headphones were off, Dan could hear the loud music blasting through them. "Use your phone or fuck off."

"What?" Dan shouted over the music. _Turn your music down and we wouldn't have to yell at one another_ , is that Dan thought in his head. But he was a proper British man that was raised by a family that forced manners from a young age, so he would never say such things. "What do you mean?"

"Again, if you are saying something to me, I CANNOT HEAR YOU!" The man yelled back and took out his mobile from his pocket. Turning his attention to the phone, he appeared to be making sure that it still worked and then showed it to Dan. Running a hand through his longish brown hair, the man appeared to have settled down a bit before he continued. "Type it on your phone. I would use mine, but we are not supposed to touch each other's things."

Dan looked around them and wondered if he was being filmed or something. Again, there was no one around them and no signs of hidden cameras. Deciding he would play along, since he had ran the man over and it was only right to follow his request, Dan reached for his phone in his pocket and found it wasn't there.

Palming his jean pockets and then his jacket again, Dan did not find the phone. "I don't have it, do you see it anywhere?"

"Are you stupid or something?! Type it out!" The man yelled over his music at him again. "Still cannot hear you!"

Feeling the frustration build up inside him, Dan pulled at his shirt a few more times and decided to look for the phone on his own. His bike was laid on its side behind him, with what appeared to be minimal damage. Dan didn't care as much about the bike as he did the phone given the song files on it.

"Fine, walk away!" The brown haired man shouted at him as Dan looked around for his phone. "Don't worry about me. Probably broke my rib, but all is well. Carry on!"

Dan found his mobile lying in the street and despite the lack of vehicles, Dan still looked both ways before entering the street. Holding up his mobile, Dan raised it in the direction of the shouting man and saw the understanding in his eyes.

"Sorry. Just, no one listens when I tell them to type it." The man lowered his voice and must have realized that he had his music blasting because he turned it off. "My name is Kyle Simmons, S-I-M-M-O-N-S, in case you want to write me a cheque for my pain."

Dan went to turn on his phone and found that the blank screen did not go away. It must be broken. "It won't turn on."

Realizing that he was talking again, Dan looked up and wondered if the man could hear him better now that the music was off. He got a blank stare back at him so he figured that was a no.

Panicking, Dan gestured toward the studio and wondered if he could understand what he was trying to communicate. There was paper there and he could write it down old school for him.

The man didn't seem to understand and appeared to become frustrated again, but Dan raised his hands in a peace offering and showed him his blank phone again before pointing toward himself and the man. Then he pointed toward the studio and raised his eyebrows.

That, he appeared to understand and Dan quickly picked up his bike and looked over his shoulder to make sure that the man was following him.

Dan wondered if the authorities were going to arrest him because he was letting another person into the building with him. And then he laughed to himself because before he would have been worried that he was letting a strange man into an empty building with him. One that was miffed with him, and rightfully so, because he ran him over with his bike. Or technically his body, Dan talked to himself while he went around the front desk to grab the paper and two pens.

Using the hand sanitizer on the desk, Dan cleaned his hands and offered the bottle out to the man. He accepted and Dan pushed down on the pump for the liquid to come out.

While he cleaned his hands, Dan scolded himself for grabbing two pens because while he apparently couldn't hear him, the man named Kyle spoke well on his own.

**Sorry. So sorry. I didn't see you there and I tried to stop. Are you okay? You said your ribs hurt? Do you need A &E? Are we even allowed to go there? I would bring you, but... Can I do anything to help?**

"Thank you." Kyle said as he finished reading the note held out to him. "I think I'm alright, but my ribs hurt. I don't think I need A&E, but I would like to rest for a bit. Can I stay here for a minute?"

"Oh course." Dan said and then realized he was stupid because he was talking again. Writing it down, he also asked if he wanted water or something else to drink.

"I have water, but thank you." Kyle sat in the spot that was offered to him, a sofa in the waiting area.

Dan sat across from him in a chair with the paper on his lap. Going to run his hand through his hair, Dan realized that he still had on his bike helmet and quickly took it off.

"What is this place?" Kyle asked after a few seconds of breathing and looking around. "Looks like a waiting area for something."

 **Music studio.** Dan wrote and then without thinking wrote, **I work here.**

Short and to the point. Not that he was all that recognizable, but it helped that he wore a mask now. If he were to run into someone, and not just literally, he didn't have that voice in the back of his head that made him wonder if they knew him. Which was such a weird thought to have.

"Isn't it closed?" Kyle sat forward, appearing to have caught his breath. "Are we supposed to be here? I cannot afford a fee, mate."

Dan shook his head and wrote, **It's fine. I know who owns it and I'm allowed here.**

"Sorry about before. I don't normally get that cross but people are wearing masks and I cannot pass by reading their lips anymore." Kyle ran his hands through his hair and Dan was struck by how it appeared to shine under even the dim lights that he turned on. "I have the hearing aids, but they only allow me to hear so much. Bad time for my hearing to start getting worse, innit?"

**I'm sorry. I would take off my mask, but that doesn't seem safe.**

"No, keep it on." Kyle shook his head as he pointed at the paper between them. Dan noticed the rings on his long fingers and his eyes might have stayed a bit too long. "I have no right to complain. I'm healthy and my family is safe. So what if my ears don't work?"

Dan nodded his head and took his eyes away from the rings. His hands looked soft and he wondered what Kyle did for a job.

Dan paused not knowing what to do now. He wasn't the best conversationalist and he felt weird having to write down his thoughts.

In the silence, Dan found himself looking at Kyle's eyes. With everyone wearing masks, it was one of the only reference points on someone's face, but even then, Dan had a bad habit of looking away from people when he spoke.

Somehow, it was a bit easier to look in Kyle's direction.

Kyle's eyes were almost the same shade as his hair. And his eyebrows were thick and framed the eyes well.

Dan smiled behind his mask and then shook his head at his own odd behavior. Maybe he had hit his head on the fall.

"Music studio?" Kyle continued after Dan nodded his answer. "I play the keyword. Used to be able to manage the synths, but now they have to be really loud. I can remember what the notes sound like for the keys but not the sounds of the synths. I used to play more, you know? Before. Well anyway, I'm sure you need to clean or something, so I will leave you alone."

Kyle stood slowly and Dan could tell he was in pain. Dan wanted to tell him he could stay, but then he wondered where that thought came from. Dan had music to attend to and obviously Kyle had his own day to get back to doing.

"Wait!" Dan yelled at his retreating form and then slapped his head realizing he was still being a tool. Catching up to him, Dan tapped his shoulder and Kyle turned around.

Damn, with the light coming in from the windows, Dan could see every speckle in Kyle's eyes. Dan forgot what he wanted to say and stood staring into his eyes for longer than what felt comfortable. Yes, definitely some sort of head trauma.

"Yes?" Kyle laughed and brushed back his hair to get it off his face. "Remember that you forgot to write me that cheque? No worries. I know where you work now. I will just tell your boss."

Dan shook his head and wrote down his request for Kyle's number.

Dan felt his face blush and he really hoped that the mask hid most of it. He wondered if he would ever feel comfortable interacting like a normal human.

**So I can make sure you are not permanently injured later.**

Kyle slowly nodded his head and then gave his number as Dan wrote it down.

"Text me." Kyle smiled as he turned away and walked out the main doors.

Dan would have swore Kyle gave him a wink before he left, but he wasn't sure.

Locking the door and taking off his mask, Dan told himself that it was easier to breathe now because the mask was off.

Not because Kyle, with the rich, long brown hair, speckled, shiny eyes, and unique rings had left.

No, it could not be that because he wasn't into lads.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Dan spent most of his afternoon sat at the piano. The large piano that Dan felt ridiculous about owning, but at the same time, thought that it was pretty wicked.

There was a lot of paper scattered throughout the studio that he could have used, but Dan found himself writing on the back of the piece of paper that he had written to Kyle on.

The song was in his head and he literally just had to get it out and make it a physical object, but for whatever reason, he was distracted.

Maybe everyone was distracted at the moment.

But, it was not productive to wallow in those thoughts.

And so help him, if he wrote another depressing record because of this virus, he was going to quit music all together.

Not that he could ever do that, but the song gods, with nothing else to do due to lockdown, must be listening and he needed their help.

Folding up the paper as he put it into his pocket and biting into a carrot with his other hand, Dan wondered what time it was and why his stomach was growling so loud. He had left fairly early in the morning for his standards and the carrots were meant to be his lunch. He was expected to have “family” tea with his flatmates later.

Finding the time, he realized if he didn’t leave exactly at that moment, he was going to be late.

Closing up the studio and putting his helmet and mask back on, Dan walked outside and found himself looking around for Kyle.

Wow, he really was an idiot.

The bike ride back was lonely, but quick. His mates scolded him for being late as they had already made all the food and Dan tried to appease them by making drinks.

This was part of the new normal. Family tea to settle into the nighttime routine.

Then Dan would either videochat his parents or read or watch something. Every few nights the group watched things together, but their tastes varied and with all their together time, it was nice to have space.

But too much space was scary now as well.

Maybe he would go on Instagram that night? It was still early and he had some musical energy from being in the studio all day.

Reaching for his phone, Dan remembered that he needed to order a new one and went off to find his laptop in his room.

Going through the website, Dan felt guilty for making someone risk their life to bring him a new phone. However, at the same time, he needed a phone. Like, actually needed a phone. Especially now as it was one of the most important lifelines with others.

Going through his bedside table, Dan found his old phone and turned it on. Until the world went back to being safe, Dan could make do with the older model. It needed a few updates so he busied himself by getting ready to go live.

The guilt feeling returned when he thought about taking up the lounge area with his lives, but his mates told him it was fine. They had retreated to their rooms and did not need to be in the lounge. He would use his own room, but the WiFi in the old building was horrible.

The old phone finally finished the update and Dan went to send out the notification he was going live in a few minutes.

He put the phone on the stack of books by the piano he had been using for these and made sure the angle worked with this phone. It was a bit smaller than the newer one.

He still had a few more minutes and he reached for the piece of paper in his pocket.

Turning it over and away from the song lyrics, Dan found the number on the back and figured he would ask if Kyle was alright. Taking the phone off the books, Dan fought to keep his hand from shaking as he typed in the number.

**Hello, it is Dan. Just making sure you are not permanently injured.**

Then, like the idiot he was, he stared at the screen like Kyle did not have a life of his own and he was going to text him immediately. Running his hand through his hair, Dan sighed and set the phone down.

He needed water.

Settling back in with his glass, Dan saw the red flashing light at the top of the phone and wondered if Kyle had messaged him back. He still had a few more minutes before he would go live and he was curious to see if he was okay.

_Dan, huh? You know, you never told me your name. Wise move. I couldn’t contact my solicitor to see what I am owed in damages without your name. Funny thing that, since you ran into me, I cannot hear for shite._

Fuck, was he serious? Oh, that would look great. Everyone had time now and he had to run into the one that wanted to use that time to sue him.

Dan went to type back another apology but another text came through before he could finish.

_Just joking. My mates say that it is not funny but what do I care? I cannot hear them._

As Dan was trying to figure out how to respond to that message, another came through.

_All kidding aside, I am alright. My ribs still do not like me, and the backs of my elbows are sore, but I am fine. Nothing I don’t have to deal with when I am checked playing ball._

**I feel terrible. I would offer to buy you a coffee but that seems not allowed at the moment. I was extra careful on the way home and will pay more attention tomorrow on my ride back.**

_So, now I know where to serve the solicitor paperwork. You really are not a wise one, are you?_

**Are you joking again?**

Oh course Dan managed to ride his bike into a mad person during a pandemic.

_Yes, no worries mate. So you clean there every day, even with no one working at the moment?_

Dan laughed to himself and wondered when he alluded to being the cleaning staff there.

Maybe it was the hair? He needed to bleach it again as the dark roots were coming through. He had plans to grow it out and he had made peace with the fact that it was not going to look good for a while. Not that it ever looked good, but maybe more presentable.

Realizing he didn’t answer, Dan panicked for a response. Did he keep up the ruse of being the cleaning staff or did he admit the truth?

He felt gross telling people what he did because they inevitably looked him up. Dan still needed to go through the process of finding out about a person over time and a complete stranger can find out where his mother was born within minutes.

**Don’t actually clean there. I mean, I do. I’m not a completely gungy person. I am recording music and it is a nice space to work and isolate at the same time. Remember, I know the owners.**

_Oh, that sounds like a blast. I worked at a radio station in uni and messed about in an old recording studio through that gig, but never anything proper. That place looked proper._

Dan had a confusing thought about what Kyle did at a radio station and then felt his permanent ball of guilt in his stomach increase because why couldn’t someone that cannot hear work at a radio station?

**Same. I worked at a radio station in uni and met one of the owners of this recording studio through a mate. It is a proper one, much better than the place he used to own.**

Dan wanted to ask if he could show Kyle around the studio, but that seemed weird. He barely knew him and just because Kyle was kind (and had nice eyes), didn’t mean he needed to be inviting strangers into the studio with him alone.

And, they were not supposed to be having anyone in the studio at all.

And, why did Dan feel the need to want to see him again?

_I can imagine. The one I went to, you were lucky if it recorded the whole song, it was so shite. Nowadays, I would need to blare it anyways. I cannot get music loud enough anymore._

**Our studio gets loud. You would like it. New equipment and all. He went all out with it.**

That ball of guilt spasmed as he remembered the cheque he wrote for the studio to be built. He could do so much to help with that money now.

_Why, Daniel, are you inviting me to the studio? Or just holding out your hand to take it away?_

Fuck, what was he doing? Dan took his eyes away from the message and realized he was late starting the livestream.

Pulling at his shirt and then attempting to smooth down the spikes in his hair, Dan felt the panic raising through his chest.

Did he respond back yes and indicate that he wanted to see him again?

Did he say he was just being friendly and it wasn’t really safe to invite him?

Or did he just ignore him and hope that it all went away?

He was now almost ten minutes late and he needed to make a decision. Before he knew what he was doing, he opened up Instagram and went live.

Ignoring it, it was.

“Hello.” Dan swallowed and tried to shake off his nerves. Fuck, he really was an idiot and now he needed to act like he wasn’t in front of people on the otherside of the phone. With a shaky hand, Dan picked up the phone and turned it the other direction to try and get a better angle. Not that it would look all that good given it was his mug he was trying to put into frame. “Everyone alright? Who do we have here?”

Dan somehow made it through the livestream with minimal mistakes. He messed up a whole chorus and about a million notes, but it was still a better one than the last. Seriously, no one would think that he did this for a proper job given how he performed with just a tiny screen in front of him.

Pressing his hands together to calm more of the nerves, Dan looked to the phone again and decided he needed to do something with that damn flashing light.

There was another text on the phone and the battery was almost fully drained. As he went to open them, the phone turned itself off and Dan took it as a sign that he needed to not be talking to strange people during a pandemic.

Sure, bleach your hair and act like a massive git online, but don’t go completely mental.

The phone was placed on the charger and Dan found the book he had been reading near his bed. Changing his clothes and turning off the main light, Dan settled into his bed and opened the book.

The words were blurring together despite the glasses and Dan knew he would need to re-read the whole section or be lost for the rest of the book because nothing was sticking in his brain.

Realizing that he didn’t text Charlotte back, Dan reached for the phone and responded to her question. Thankfully, the old phone had restored his messages from his new phone. Dan hoped that he sounded somewhat like the film nerd he said he was and the film club idea would not fall on its head. Making himself be brave, Dan went back to the texts and found Kyle had sent him another one.

About thirty minutes after the last one.

For a total of three unread messages.

_Sorry, don’t mean to be forward, but I really would love to hear how loud the studio can get. I would wear a mask the whole time. I promise, I’m not some creepier or anything. I actually work down the street from there. I was on my way to work when you crashed into me. Boss is understanding and I still have a job. Who would have thought I would be thankful to have that crappy job?_

_Did I scare you off? I promise, not a creepier. Creepers probably say that though._

_I am talking too much. Sorry. Have a good night. Wash your hands and avoid touching your eyes. Stay well. Promise I will not stalk where you work._

Dan knew that Kyle could see that he had read the messages, but he couldn’t get himself to text back.

He tried but everything he wrote sounded stupid and like an excuse.

So, he deleted the texts and the number and went back to his book. Yet, just like before, his mind couldn’t stay on the words.

Switching to his laptop, Dan found the music file of actual good music. Not his own. And fell asleep listening to music through his earphones.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Dan went through his morning routine and waved to his mate before he left the house. He noticed his front wheel was a bit wonky on the ride and wondered if he was skilled enough to fix it on his own.

Just as everyday had been since the lockdown began, the streets were empty and there was barely anyone moving about.

Slowing down fully, Dan jumped off his bike before the last turn and walked the bike to the front door.

Leaning the bike against his leg, Dan raised the keys to the lock and found a bright orange paper taped to the door. Dan almost touched it, but then remembered that they were supposed to be cautious with touching things. Did that apply to paper?

Dan went inside and took a face tissue back with him to pull the paper off the door. Unfolding it with the tissue touching the paper, Dan found himself smiling like an idiot.

_I, Kyle Simmons, mostly innocent injured party hereby relinquished my right to formally sue Dan Jacks [never said your surname so I’m going to call you Dan Jacks due to the name on the door]. I, the injured party, realize that I should have never been walking on the pavement for it is totally NOT for pedestrians and only for wayward cyclists. Therefore, Dan Jacks, the wayward cyclist, is free to text me back without worry of admission of guilt._

Further down on the paper, underneath Kyle’s signature, Dan found another note.

_Okay, I cannot sue, will you talk to me again? You know my number. :)_

Putting the paper down on the desk, Dan threw away the tissue and sanitized his hands.

Opening his phone, Dan went to his messages and found that he had deleted the number last night. Digging through his jacket pockets, he found the piece of paper from yesterday and replied before he could overthink it.

**You sure do think you are funny, don’t you?**

Dan barely had the phone back in his pocket when he felt it vibrate.

_Tried to be a real comedian but I never knew if anyone was laughing at my jokes so I quit that gig. Like a sad clown, I gave up on my dreams a long time ago._

**Do you have a limit of deaf jokes you can make a day?**

_Technically, not Deaf. I started to lose my hearing in uni and it progressed from there. Humour is my coping mechanism. At least that is what my therapist told me. And my audiologist. And my mother. And my nan. And my mates. Do you see a pattern here?_

**Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. I try to use humour as well, but I’m not funny. Usually just get a blank stare back and people slowly walk away from me.**

_Well, I have an amazing excuse if I don’t understand you._

_See how that works? It's funny because it is somewhat sad, but true._

Dan found himself smiling again and shook his head as he looked around. He was in an empty studio and no one could see him, but texting Kyle still felt a bit risky.

Looking back to his phone, he found yet another text. Kyle must be bored along with the rest of the world.

_Honestly though, it breaks the awkwardness a bit if I joke about it first. Lets the other person know that I KNOW I cannot hear and that we can talk about it. It doesn’t have to be so weird._

Dan decided to change the subject and act like he had manners.

**How are you today? Working?**

_I’m fine, thanks. Barely working. We have seen a drastic reduction in business since this all hit. Apparently, most people do not want to leave the comfort of their homes for coffee when there is no work to rush off to. So, we are essential, but there is no one on the streets. And I think some people honestly think we are closed. How are you?_

Fuck, Dan thought to himself. He offered to buy him a coffee and he apparently works in a coffee shop. Just his luck.

Dan wondered what to reply back and found Kyle solved that for him.

_You like coffee? Please come by and keep me company. There is literally no one here and the silence is killing me. Damn, hit my limit of hearing loss jokes for the day. Wow, that is a new record._

Dan found himself laughing and heading toward the door before he thought it through.

There was only one coffee shop on the street and Kyle was right, he worked about five minutes away from the studio. Dan must have been in there before, but he didn’t remember if he had ever seen Kyle there.

“Mr. Jacks! Hello!” Kyle yelled across the empty room as Dan entered. There was a plastic partition between them and he wore a mask, but without anyone else there, there was no need to shout and the sound echoed. “Care for a coffee? We have them all. Literally, anything you want me to make, I can do it.”

Dan walked closer to the counter and found there was a notepad on it. The instructions on the top said to circle what you wanted and then to put the pen in the “contaminated” bin across from the one labeled “sanitized.”

Dan found his hand was shaking as he took the pen and made his order. He willed it to stop shaking as he pushed the paper through the plastic slot so Kyle wouldn’t see that he was horrible at basic human interaction. He was mostly successful.

Kyle read his order and also answered the question on the bottom. “If you are comfortable, you can take it off while no one is in here. The plastic goes all the way up to the ceiling and you are the first customer since I opened at six.”

Dan nodded his head and unhooked the mask from one side. It felt weird to have his face exposed in public, even though it had only really been a few weeks, but maybe it would help them communicate better.

“Can you hear me?” Dan found himself joking and felt that guilt spasm in his stomach. Kyle could kid about not being able to hear but maybe it crossed a line when he did it. “Sorry, I’m an idiot, ignore me.”

Kyle paused for a second and then appeared to understand him.

“Don’t worry. Coping mechanism, right?” Kyle turned his back to Dan to start and make the coffee.

Dan put his mask back on and looked around the shop. All the tables were pushed to the sides and the chairs were missing. There was nothing on the shelves underneath the counter and the place felt bare. Dan hadn’t been inside a business since the lockdown began and, much like taking off the mask, it felt strange.

“Here you are.” Kyle opened the small door in the plastic and set the coffee on the counter. “You can keep your mask on. I can barely read your lips. It takes practice with someone new. You have an accent?”

Dan shook his head no and opened his phone.

**No. I don’t think so. Born here. Lived here my whole life. Went to Leeds for a bit. My parents have a bit of an accent. Maybe I picked up on that?**

“Your mouth forms words a bit differently, that is why I asked. Maybe you are just one of those people that mumble. You mumble?” Kyle raised his eyes and Dan found himself staring at those eyebrows again. Kyle had his hair pulled back into a loose bun and Dan could see the hearing aids looped over the top of Kyle’s ears.

Dan shrugged his shoulders and almost spilled his hot coffee on himself in the process.

“Easy mate, only the first one is on the house.” Kyle shook his finger at him. “You spill that, you are paying full price.”

Dan shook his head, about to insist that he could pay, and started to write in on his phone, but Kyle stopped him.

“And don’t say you have to pay because you ran me over yesterday and I still cannot take a deep breath without remembering the trauma of your body catapulting toward me.” Kyle raised his hands and laughed. “Remember, I relinquished my rights to sue and I cannot hear you anyways. Dammit, now I went over my limit for today. Might get kicked out of the club if I keep up this behaviour.”

Dan laughed with him and found his eyes. It felt awkward because of the plastic and the masks, Dan told himself.

Not because it felt like Dan was flirting with him back.

The eye contact felt intense and Dan couldn’t get himself to look away. Outside of his family and maybe a few really good mates, eye contact had always been hard for him. Yet, with Kyle, he almost craved it.

What the hell was happening to him?

Dan felt that panicky feeling start back up again, but thankfully the moment was broken by someone opening the door behind him.

Kyle’s attention left him and he greeted the man like he knew him. Before Kyle could say goodbye, Dan turned and left.

The whole world felt strange and now he wondered why he felt so drawn to Kyle.

A man.

He had all the time in the world right now, but definitely did not have time to analyze that.

After washing his hands and finding the notes he had been working on from the day before, Dan reached for his coffee and saw that Kyle had written something on the cup.

_You have an adorable smile._

Dan told himself to stop smiling at a cup and go back to work.

Reading the message again, Dan forced himself back to the song.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Dan added a new stop to his morning routine. Instead of staying at the studio, Dan only stopped there long enough to stash his bike.

He walked halfway to the coffee shop with his helmet on and then went back to put it on the bike seat before leaving again.

Briefly stopping in front of the door, Dan willed himself to walk in the building.

Much like before, the place was empty, and there was a dark haired man working behind the plastic separating the room. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the man was not Kyle.

“Hello.” The man said as he waved his hand at him. He gestured to the counter where the notepad was to order and Dan wondered if maybe it wasn’t just something that Kyle used to take the orders.

“Is Kyle ‘round?” Dan felt his voice crack at the last vowel and he hoped the plastic and the mask he wore made it less noticable.

“You hearing?” The man asked. As Dan walked in closer, he found that he looked a bit like Kyle, but not fully.

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head with his answer and felt stupid. The man could obviously hear him. “I was here yesterday and Kyle made my coffee. Just wanted to thank him. Best cup I have had since this all started.”

“He doesn’t work until later today.” The man looked at him and they shared an awkward silence. “Want to order something?”

“Oh, yes.” Dan felt the blush rush to his face and he wrapped his arms around himself to try to comfort that awkward feeling he got when he acted like he was an idiot. “Want me to write it down or can I just tell you?”

“Kyle uses the pad because he cannot hear the orders. And since we opened two months ago, he advertised that we are Deaf and hard-of-hearing friendly. If people need it, they can write it down.” The man explained. “You can just tell me.”

Dad ordered and, like he did yesterday, he looked around the bare shop while he waited. Nothing had changed.

“I’m his uncle. We opened this place together.” The man opened the plastic door and put the coffee through. “Hopefully, we make it through this with a business. You work ‘round here?”

“A few doors down, actually. One Eyed Jacks? It is a music studio. We are in the same boat.” Dan took his coffee and kept it in his hands for something to focus on. “Thankfully, I can pause without worrying too much about having a business in the end. I guess it all depends on how long this lasts.”

“Kyle used to do music. He tell you?” Kyle’s uncle asked as he looked Dan over.

“Some. That is another reason why I came here. He wanted to see how loud the studio was and I didn’t know what to say. Because of the lockdown restrictions, not because he cannot hear.” Dan felt like stabbing himself in the stomach, but he powered through. “Tell him I was here, please?”

“Sure.” His uncle called out as Dan left out the door.

Dan, much like the day before, walked back to the studio in a daze trying to get his face back to its typical colour and forget how awkward he was when talking to people. It was only when he locked the door behind him that he realized he did not pay for the coffee.

A few hours later, Dan heard a loud banging at the door and he turned off the mic before slowly peeking his head around the corner to see who was outside.

Kyle's uncle must have called the authorities and they were finally able to attend to Dan's habit of stealing coffee from a struggling business.

Dan's heart was beating fast in his chest as he went to meet his fate. Dan calmed down a bit seeing that it was Kyle.

Walking toward the door, Dan felt his heart speed back up again. He didn’t want to acknowledge that this time it was because it was Kyle.

Dan waved as he got closer to the door and then remembered he didn’t have a mask on. Holding up his finger, he ran back to where it was and then back again.

Good, now he could blame the racing heart on the running.

“Hello.” Dan said as he opened the door for him. He really needed to get in the habit of just not talking around him. Thankfully, and Dan hoped it was not wrong to say this, at least Kyle couldn’t hear him be an idiot.

“My uncle said you came ‘round this morning.” Kyle appeared to be looking Dan over and Dan ran his hand through his hair because he felt watched. “Said I could come here. I hope this is okay. I texted but you didn’t reply. So, obviously that meant come on over uninvited, right?”

Dan nodded his head and reached for a piece of paper and pen near him. He didn’t actually say that Kyle could come over, but he was not going to bring that up since he was already here.

**I was. Good coffee. Hello. Please, come in.**

After showing it to him, Dan’s eyes went to Kyle’s hair as Kyle read it. Dan found it was curling toward the ends and he wondered if he had noticed that before. It must be because Kyle wore it in a bun while he worked and he had taken it down before coming here.

“Is this a good time?” Kyle asked looking up and appeared to notice that Dan was obsessed with his hair. “Do I have something in my hair?”

Kyle’s hand brushed through his hair and Dan watched it move before shaking his head ‘no.’

“It is getting long. I normally wear it shorter. I was going to have it cut before the lockdown, but then, well, you know.” Kyle laughed and it snapped Dan back into his body.

Writing down for Kyle to follow him, Dan held it out and then brought them into the back room.

He had papers everywhere and it was a bit of a mess. The only place to sit was in front of the piano and Kyle didn’t wait for an invitation to sit down.

“Fuck, can I play?” Kyle asked with his back turned to Dan. Kyle’s hands were hovering over the keys but already moving from what Dan could see from behind.

“Sure.” Dan answered. Walking closer to the piano, Dan nodded his head as Kyle watched him this time for a response.

Kyle played well, much better than Dan.

After finishing the Radiohead song, Kyle opened his eyes and looked up. “Was that right?”

Dan nodded his head and wrote his answer.

**Much better than me. Be thankful that you cannot hear me play. I’m terrible.**

“Rubbish.” Kyle laughed and moved his hands back to the piano again. He played a few more notes to a song that Dan did not recognize. “Glad to see that you can joke about it. Most people get nervous. Need to know me longer before they realize that it is fine.”

**I’m nervous most of the time. Maybe I have learned to hide it well.**

“You nervous ‘round me?” Kyle laughed as he held his hand to his chest. “I wouldn’t harm a fly. Literally, I have captured a fly before and brought it outside for a compassionate release.”

**People in general. Don’t flatter yourself.**

Kyle laughed again and pushed the paper away. “I don’t have to take this abuse. I’m fabulous, learn to deal with it.”

Dan let his eyes go down to Kyle’s feet and found he had on fancy trainers. He was going to write that he liked them, but that didn’t feel right. Not knowing what else to write, Dan waited for Kyle to take the lead.

“Okay. I was promised loud and while this piano is amazing, not loud enough for me.” Kyle stood with his words and made Dan raise his head at the sudden movement. “Please, lead me to the loud music.”

Dan gestured toward the sound board and walked into the room as Kyle followed him.

Dan pointed to one of the wheeled chairs and then took the other one for himself. Searching through the laptop, Dan found the loudest file he had, thankfully not of him playing, and set it to play. Moving the knobs on the board, the sound increased until it was painful to Dan’s ears.

Looking over, Dan found Kyle had laid back in the chair with his eyes closed.

The pain in his ears was worth it to watch Kyle take in the music.

Kyle’s eyelashes were long and dark over his cheeks.

Moving his eyes down, Dan noticed the facial hair behind the mask.

It struck him that he didn’t really know what Kyle looked like without the mask on.

Soon Kyle’s hands started tapping on his legs and Dan felt the music move with Kyle’s hands.

As the room grew silent again, Dan’s ears continued to ring with the change. Kyle’s voice seemed soft and distant when he spoke to him though Dan knew he was talking loud.

“Fucking amazing!” Kyle leaned forward in his chair and found Dan’s eyes. “Do it again. Please?”

Dan reached for his paper and found he had left it in the other room. There was more paper by the laptop, but he couldn’t find a pen.

His body tingled as Kyle brushed his hand down the top of his arm. Dan turned to Kyle’s hand on his arm and then to Kyle’s other hand holding out a pen.

Dan must have stared at the pen without taking it too long because Kyle asked if he was alright.

The words were not forming and Dan looked back to Kyle’s hand on his arm.

“Sorry, it must be killing your ears.” Kyle took his hand away from his arm and Dan felt whatever spell he was under leave him.

Finally taking the pen, Dan wrote just that and he said he was going to get something. For Kyle to stay and he would be right back.

Walking out of the room and down the hallway, Dan paused and stood back against the wall.

Whoa. What was that?

Dan returned after a moment and held out the headphones they use when his nephew visits. It would cancel some of the sound and allow Kyle to listen as loud as he would like.

After a few more songs, and Dan trying to look anywhere but in Kyle’s direction, Kyle stopped the laptop on his own and gestured for Dan to take off the headphones.

“Thank you.” The volume of Kyle’s voice was low and Dan could tell he was trying to hold it together. “It has been so long since I felt that.”

Dan wanted to say that he understood and that it would be horrible to not hear music anymore, but he was distracted by the wetness in Kyle’s eyes so he simply nodded his head and hoped that Kyle would understand.

Kyle nodded his head back and the silence took over the room again.

“Okay, enough of that. I will leave you alone.” Kyle stopped himself from wiping his eyes and laughed. “Fucking cannot touch my face. I wanted to wipe away the evidence, but I cannot.”

Dan raised a finger and left to get the facial tissue.

Turning the corner as he walked back to the sound booth, Dan ran into Kyle in the narrow hallway and froze.

There wasn’t any space in between them. Definitely not the two metres that was recommended.

Dan realized that they were similar heights, with Kyle only slightly taller than him.

Kyle was warm in front of him and his chest was moving in and out with each breath. Dan couldn’t make himself look up. Not yet, so he focused on counting the breaths.

He smelled good.

“Tell me you feel this as well.” Kyle took a step closer and Dan could feel him against his chest.

Dan went to answer but didn’t have any words and Kyle wouldn’t hear them anyway, so he slowly nodded his head and willed himself to look up.

Kyle’s rich, brown eyes were watching him and Dan could feel his gaze move through his whole body.

“Is this okay?” Kyle’s hands moved around Dan’s waist to his back and Dan answered by dropping the tissue box and wrapping his arms around Kyle’s back.

Dan still couldn’t speak, not that it would do any good, so this was the best he could do.

Kyle’s hands were on Dan’s back and he could feel tingling sensations move up his back in their wake.

This was different.

Resting his face against Kyle’s shoulder, Dan became very aware that he was wearing a mask.

But he was grateful because if Kyle tried to kiss him right now, no matter how good this felt to be so near him, he knew he would panic and run away.

Instead, he wanted to live right in this moment for a bit longer.

It was nice to touch someone.

Everyone had been overly cautious with touch as of late and Dan didn’t realize he had missed it.

Take something away from people and then that is all they want.

But Dan didn’t know he wanted this.

He had never felt this with a man.

Sure he looked. Some people were just naturally beautiful, but Dan never acted on it before.

Kyle seemed to like it as well because he only moved his arms up higher to mimic Dan’s hands on Kyle’s back.

After a few minutes or maybe even a few hours, Kyle took a step back but kept his hands on Dan’s lower back.

Dan opened his eyes to find Kyle looking back at him and he lost his breath.

It was too much and Dan took a larger step back and crossed his arms against his chest. His eyes moved to his feet and then around the room, not finding anything to settle on.

“You alright?” Kyle asked. “That was nice, right?”

Dan nodded his head quickly but couldn’t bring himself to look in Kyle’s direction. His mind was swimming with thoughts yet he couldn’t make sense of them.

“I liked that. The music, but especially the hug.” Kyle ran his hands through his hair and started walking toward the door when he didn’t get a response from Dan.

Dan stayed where he was and kept his eyes on the floor.

“I’m not misreading this, am I?” Kyle turned back to him. “Please tell me if I am.”

Dan slowly shook his head no and looked up only briefly to make sure Kyle saw him.

“Okay. Thank you again.” Kyle waved before he opened the doors to leave.

Dan looked vaguely in his direction again but he was already gone. Rushing to lock the door, Dan took out his phone and texted home that he wouldn’t make it to tea.

Walking back into the piano room, Dan looked around and found he couldn’t be here neither.

Turning off the lights as he walked through the building, Dan took his bike and found himself biking toward his parents’ house. It was too far away from where the studio was to get there, but it felt comfortable to head in that direction.

The streets were too quiet and Dan felt the eeriness surrounding him again. Stopping the bike, Dan let it lean against his leg as he took out his phone.

**I liked that. A lot. A lot, a lot.**

**Sorry I couldn’t say that back there. Or if I made you feel like I didn’t like it.**

**I did.**

Kyle must have been on his phone because he replied back right away.

_Good. No need to be sorry._

_It felt strange touching someone, didn’t it. Nice, but strange?_

Dan nodded his head even though Kyle couldn’t see him. At least he was developing that habit.

**This all feels a bit forbidden and I don’t know what to do with it.**

**I have been with women, but never men. Not like this.**

There was a long pause before his phone made a sound again. Dan took his eyes off a bird flying in the darkening sky and found Kyle had messaged him back.

_I have had my heart broken before by straight men. As I rule, I don’t date them._

Dan almost wrote back that he didn’t date straight men either, but that felt wrong.

**Maybe I am not 100% straight? Maybe that is why it never worked out before? I like when you are near me, what does that mean?**

Dan turned the phone off and felt like he was going to vomit. Taking off his mask, he sat on the grass and waited for his phone to make a sound again.

_I dunno. I like being near you, but not if you are just going to end up breaking my heart. I cannot do that again._

_Fuck, I don’t even know your surname, Mr. Jacks._

Dan laughed and wondered how Kyle could do that. Turn such a serious conversation into something that seemed manageable.

**Smith. It sounds like a fake name because it is so common, but my name is Dan Smith. Honest truth.**

_How am I suppose to Google that and make sure you are not a serial killer that preys on cute gay men?_

Fuck, Dan thought. Please don’t Google me. Please don’t Google me. It would only take a few more clicks and Kyle would see and he wasn’t ready for that yet.

**Take my word for it. I’m good on my word, promise**

_Might need to contact my solicitor again. You know, have them draw up another contract? Just to be safe._

Dan smiled into the phone and shook his head to break the weird feeling surrounding him.

He could do this.

This was nothing.

Or maybe it was a grand something.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan and Kyle had been texting for the past few days. Silly conversations that lead nowhere to more serious conversations about the news they had heard that day.

Dan stopped going to the coffee shop because he stopped venturing into town due to the recommendation that people take the direction to settle in place more seriously.

Dan decided to turn his extra energy into writing through Zoom and talking with Charlotte about getting the Distraction Tactics film club finalized.

The writing sessions were crap but talking about films was a good distraction.

From the world and only a bit from Kyle.

More from the world really.

Hearing his phone ping, Dan took his eyes away from the laptop open to the song file for that week. It was either Charlotte messaging him back or Kyle finally answering his text about how his work day had gone.

It was Charlotte confirming that they could go on the next night and one of the actors of the film would join them. Dan texted back a load of upside down smiley faces and then sent her the questions he had for her from the fans. Dan liked to preview questions whenever possible and he hoped it would make him interviewing her the next day go smoother.

Putting his energy into this project felt like he was doing something worth it and he had gotten great feedback from everyone since he had announced it.

His phone pinged again and Dan looked down to find a message from Kyle.

He let himself smile as he opened it up.

Inside the message was a picture of Kyle smiling and the closed sign to the business behind him. Underneath it, he wrote: _Uncle is a bit gutted but I am glad that we are closing for a few weeks. It doesn’t make sense to stay open if we have no customers and we have money saved up. I couldn't stand in there and attempt to find something to do anymore._

**That is the first photo you have sent me. And the first time I have seen the bottom of your face.**

Dan never thought he would be flirting through texts with a man but then again, he never thought the world would shut down either.

_Be honest, how fucking cute am I?_

**I believe you used the word adorable for me, so I will toss it back at you**

_I did? Oh, the coffee cup. I didn’t think you saw that. Slick, ain’t I?_

**Something like that.**

_You busy tomorrow? We could go to the park with our free hour?_

Dan had planned on using the day to prepare for the livestream and now he wondered if he really needed all day or if he could take an hour out to go outside.

“Okay, enough of this secret smiling.” His friend said as she sat next to him on the sofa and took his phone from his hand. She had been a mate for long enough that she could get away with it, but Dan still found himself reaching for it back. “Why are you using this old thing? It barely moves. Oh, fuck. Who is that?”

“Kyle.” Dan answered without seeing what she was talking about, but he was the only thing on the phone that she would question him about. “His family owns the coffee shop down the street from the studio. I ran my bike into him the other day and we started texting. Broke my phone in the fall.”

“Why did you say that he looks adorable?” She pushed Dan’s hands away from her as she handed back the phone like she hadn’t just stole it and went through it. “Something you want to chat about?”

“He wrote it on my coffee cup and it is a joke.” Dan felt his cheeks blushing and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with that for long with her. She knew him too well. Way too well.

“Bullshit.” She moved her hand over the phone in Dan’s hand and scrolled back up to the top of the messages between Kyle and him. She scanned the words as she spoke, “That is a lot of texting for just some lad at a coffee shop. You writing with him or something?”

“Maybe.” Dan tried to close the phone but she took it out of his hands again and almost made his laptop fall to the floor in her haste. “That is still my phone.”

“Yeah, shut it.” She dismissed him with a smile and both knew that it was only friendly banter. “What is yours is mine. Says so on the flatmate agreement.”

“I have proof that it does not in fact say that.” Dan focused on fixing his laptop and making sure that song was still here for the livestream. He was not going to record it again. And, he had already accepted the fact that she was going to find out sooner or later anyway so it didn’t matter what she read on his phone.

“Dan, what is this?” She asked after reading through the messages and not just skimming through them. “Fuck, this isn’t just a mate, is it?”

“I dunno.” Dan shrugged his shoulders and fidgeted by pulling out his shirt. He felt uncomfortable underneath her eyes and he knew he needed to say something because she was not going to let it go. “I honestly don’t know. Just going with the times.”

“You interested in him?” She asked going through the messages again as if they held some clue. There wasn’t anything scandalous in them, but it didn’t read as just friendly texts. Especially the first bits about liking to be near one another. “Because he is obviously interested in you.”

“Maybe.” Dan flattened his shirt and hugged his arms across his chest, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She could keep his phone, he didn’t care anymore. “Possibly.”

“Are you going to see him tomorrow?” She scrolled to the top of the messages again. Dan wondered if maybe she thought this was a prank and there was a clue in there that would prove it. “Is that even allowed right now?”

“We wear masks and use hand sanitizer.” Dan squeezed his sides underneath his arms and looked around the room for the next bit. She was a mate but Dan didn’t like talking about this type of stuff. “We have only hugged.”

“Alright, be honest, are you joking?” She looked to the phone before Dan could answer and must have found her answer. “Damn, he is so into you. Look.”

On Dan’s phone was a picture of an old fashioned picnic basket and the words, _Luxury dining for two?_

“It is real.” Dan took back his phone and shut it before she could see him text anything else. “I might go. I want to go. I should go. Right?”

“That's him in the picture?” She asked and Dan nodded his head. “Then yes. If he is that sweet on you through text and looks like that, fuck yeah, go.”

“Does that mean...I mean...what does that mean?” Dan willed himself to look at her and found she was smiling at him. Dammit, now she was writing some love story about them and he would have to go. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Don’t just sit there. Text him back!” She pushed on his arm and looked at him pointedly until he did as she told him. “Okay, now tell me more about him.”

“His eyelashes are super long and his hair curls at the ends if he takes it down after working with it up.” Dan finished the text but kept his eyes down on his phone until he closed it and hid it under his arm, crossing them against his chest again. “He smells good. He is funny without trying. Okay, maybe he tries too hard at times, but it is a laugh. Did I mention that he plays? Like, really good, plays the piano?”

“Oh, you are gone for him.” She laughed and pushed at his arm. “Wow, never thought I would have this conversation with you. Quarantine changed more than your hair? What are you going to do with that by the way? You are starting to look like a hedgehog. Seriously, Dan. Sort that out.”

“Fuck off.” Dan freed a hand to run through his hair, but he knew she was right. “Help me bleach it again tonight?”

“So you can look all hot for your date tomorrow? Sure thing.” She laughed as she stood to go toward the kitchen. It was almost time to start making dinner and Dan knew his mates were going to be taking the piss at him all night once she told the others.

“It isn’t a date!” Dan yelled in her direction as she started to walk down the stairs.

“It is a date!” She shouted back. Dan could hear her laughing as she walked further away from him.

Opening his phone, he saw another text from Kyle. It was another picture with Kyle making the cheesiest face he could, his eyes closed because he was smiling so hard.

He is adorable, Dan thought to himself and then jumped when the phone pinged with another message from Charlotte.


	6. Chapter 6

“I dunno, it is really complex.” Kyle set down his drink on the other side of the blanket. They sat on opposite sides from each other because they had taken their masks off. Kyle could read some of his words, but as Kyle explained to him, it was not an exact science. “I have been studying for several years and I find it difficult to remember. I doubt you will remember them.”

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head in defeat and finished his own drink.

They had finished their meal and were soaking up more of the fresh air before their hour was up. Dan had asked if Kyle could teach him a few signs to help with the mask situation and the fact that apparently, Dan’s mouth was broken because it was hard for Kyle to pick up on the words.

“Fine, if you insist.” Kyle waited for Dan to look up at him and then continued.

“This means ‘yes.’” Kyle nodded his head up and down.

“This means ‘no.’” Kyle shook his head back and forth.

“You are joking?” Dan waited for Kyle to start laughing, but apparently he was telling the truth because he never started. “Really?”

“See, you already knew some!” Kyle smiled at him and Dan felt that warm feeling move through him again. He had felt it for most of their time together and Dan knew it wasn’t because of the London weather. “Good thing because your lips don’t work or something.”

Dan raised his middle finger in response and found he got Kyle laughing again. He loved that sound.

Holding his stomach, Kyle kept laughing and said, “And let’s not forget the universal hand gestures.”

Opening his phone again, Dan sent him another message. He was going to have quite a one-sided chat log between them.

**I wish I knew more. Then I wouldn’t have to text as much.**

“No worries. You are already doing better than most of my mates. There are only a few that can be bothered to learn. Some forget to write it down and I have learned to accept that I will not get most of the conversation. Especially in large groups. If that is ever a thing again..” Kyle brushed his hair behind his ear and smiled in Dan's direction. “Too bad you have to stay all the way over there.”

Dan smiled back and found Kyle’s smile increased.

Kyle gestured toward Dan’s mask and waited for Dan to put his back on as well before moving in closer. The food and drinks were set aside and Dan found Kyle right in front of him. “Hello.”

Dan answered by nodding his head and found he got Kyle to smile at him. At least he was fairly sure that he was smiling because the corner of his eyes got smaller like it did when Kyle smiled without the mask, so it must be a smile under there.

Tentatively reaching his hand out, Dan rested it on the top of Kyle’s and looked up for a reaction.

“Didn’t Shakespeare write something about hands touching as being the same as kissing.” Kyle asked, turning Dan’s hand over and slowly moved their palms across one another. Dan felt a shiver move through him at the touch and Kyle appeared to feel the same. “Must be because of the plagues back then. They must have known kissing would only make it worse.”

Dan had thought about kissing Kyle more and more lately.

Would it be the same as kissing a woman? Better?

Dan watched as Kyle’s attention was on his middle finger drawing a smiling face on Dan’s palm. Kyle touching him was already better than most of his kisses with women in uni.

Finishing the mouth, Kyle looked up and found Dan staring at him.

The intense feeling from the eye contact that Dan had felt in the coffee shop and in the hallway of the music studio returned full force and Dan felt his heart respond.

Dan didn’t know what else to do, so he pulled Kyle in closer to him and held him in a tight embrace. It didn’t matter that they were in public. There was hardly anyone around anyway.

Kyle held him with just as much force and Dan could feel Kyle’s heart racing against his chest. Kyle’s hair brushed against the side of Dan’s face and Dan knew he needed this.

It didn’t matter that Kyle was a man. Not if it felt like this with what limited contact they could have at the moment.

But, they had already been in the park long enough and their hour of outside time was likely up.

And they probably violated so many restrictions by even touching like they were.

Dan reluctantly pushed back and reached for his phone.

**I need to go soon. I have something I need to do tonight.**

“Plans? Who has plans anymore?” Kyle laughed after reading the words. “Can I come?”

Dan shook his head and felt he needed to explain himself, but Kyle must have understood because he didn't appear upset.

Dan helped Kyle gather up their things and soon all that was left was their good-byes.

Dan waved and turned to leave, but not before Kyle hugged him again. It wasn't as long or intense as the others, but it still felt nice.

“Text me.” Kyle whispered in Dan’s ear and Dan felt his knees weaken in response.

Dan prided himself on only looking back twice as they walked their separate ways.

Both times, Kyle was looking back at him.

*******

Dan turned off the livestream and ran his hand through his hair. Fuck, that went so fast yet so slow all at once.

He made it through though. Technical issues and all.

He hoped it didn’t sound like he was tripping over his words as much as he felt he was messing up.

Charlotte had messaged him at the end to tell him what a great job he had done and how much fun it was to focus on something not related to the CDC and WHO.

Dan spent a few more minutes reading through the comments and then turned the phone off to give it a much needed break.

“That went well.” His friend smiled at him as Dan sat with his hands running through his hair. “You can relax now.”

“We both know how well that goes.” Dan sighed and folded himself down onto his lap.

“Lover boy watch the livestream?” She asked, rubbing the back of his shoulders. “He a big nerd like you?”

Dan shook his head in response. She pushed on a spot that had been tense for likely months and he winced from the pain.

“No, he didn’t watch or no he is not a big nerd?” She pushed on the spot again and Dan sat up to answer her.

“Haven’t told him about that quite yet.” Dan anticipated the slap on his arm and moved away before she could hit him too hard. “What? That is fucking awkward as hell and what do I even say?”

“He hasn’t heard you on the radio?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. “Or the telly? I could understand a few years ago, but it is quite annoying to see your mug everywhere now.”

“Literally, fuck off.” Dan smiled at her as he pushed away her hand. Settling into the sofa, he realized he didn’t tell her about Kyle. “He is losing his hearing. Has hearing aids and the lot, but can’t listen to music like that anymore. Fucking perfect for me, right? I don’t have to annoy him with my voice.”

“I wish you wouldn’t do that so much.” She said as she had said many times before to him. “I can joke around about being annoyed with you, but it seems a bit sad when you do it to yourself.”

“Old habits.” Dan hugged his arms to his chest and lowered his head down on the back of the sofa.Turning his head, he saw he still had her attention. “We hugged again. In the park. He touched my hand and...it felt really good. Like, really, really good, you know? What if I tell him and he is upset because I lied to him or something? Or he thinks it is a bigger deal than it is?”

“He doesn’t sound like the type.” She copied him and laid back, resting her head against the sofa. “And if he doesn’t understand, it wasn’t meant to be, right?”

Dan nodded his head and stayed there for a few more moments. He was exhausted and his bed was too far away.

Closing his eyes, Dan allowed his brain to drift back to the park and Kyle’s arms wrapped around him. It had felt nice. Strong arms holding him close.

He couldn’t lose that.

Not now.

Not after he had already fell hard for him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild angst in this one. It won't last long, promise.

It was strange to have his mates have day jobs. They had important jobs and were deemed essential. Their lives, a bit modified to keep them safe, stayed the same and Dan was left feeling like a waste of air.

It had been nice to sneak off to the studio and spend time there. It helped break up the day and allowed Dan to feel like he still was being productive.

And being in the studio had felt normal. He was comfortable there. He knew what to expect.

As much as he tried, Zoom meetings and working at home was not the same as being in the studio.

He really couldn’t complain though because what a champagne problem to have?

And he had Kyle to text throughout the day.

To add more purpose and structure to his day, he started volunteering at a local food bank. It was easy work, boxing up food and delivering it to those that needed it now more than ever.

There were safety precautions in place and Dan felt like it was literally the least he could do with his free time due to his non-essential career choice.

Surprisingly, on the third day he volunteered, he saw Kyle there.

Dan had just signed in and took his temperature to add to their log, answering a few safety questions about his contact with others and whether he had any concerning symptoms.

Kyle never mentioned volunteering there, but to be fair, neither did Dan.

Kyle’s attention was on the boxed food that he was putting into a larger box. Before Dan could walk over to him, a man approached Kyle and touched his arm.

Kyle looked up and obviously knew the man by his reaction. Soon both Kyle and the other man’s hands were moving and Dan felt a lump grow in his stomach.

Dan stood there watching them have a full conversation with each other and listened to them laugh, all without knowing anything they were talking about.

Someone was calling his name beside him and Dan took his attention away from Kyle and his mate.

“Sorry. I think I know him.” Dan said looking back to Kyle. Kyle was still in the conversation with the other man and Dan was reminded once again that Kyle couldn’t hear him.

“Yeah, I think he started today. I cannot remember his name.” The woman looked between them. Dan knew that she was one of the organizers of the food bank and had made a point to introduce herself to every new person that started there. Therefore it was a bit strange that she didn't know his name. "Chuffed to give him a job. But, I’m glad he made a friend. I didn't believe he was deaf at first. He talks so well! Good for him, getting out and doing something. So inspirational."

Dan only nodded his head as he continued to watch Kyle with the man. If he wasn't so distracted by the obvious connection they had, he would have paid more attention to the ignorant words she was saying about Kyle.

Would they ever be like that? Or would their whole relationship be Dan writing his words down for him?

“Dan?” The woman called his name louder and Dan realized he must have zoned out.

“I think I need to go.” Dan shook his head to clear his thoughts and turned. “My head cannot do it today.”

“You need to let us know if you are having any symptoms.” The woman continued to talk to him as Dan made his exit. He waved back at her to let her know he heard her.

Walking home, Dan crossed his arms across his chest and once again tried to figure out what he was doing with his life.

******

It was Kyle’s idea to get on Zoom that night.

Dan cleared it with his flatmates to use the lounge. It was later than most of his livestreams and they had all gone to bed. He promised to be quiet and respect the fact that they needed to get up in the morning.

Kyle was clear on the screen and Dan could hear him well. He told him twice that he was a bit loud and Kyle raised his thumbs to say he was going to be quieter with his voice.

Dan used the chat to type out his responses, but he also spoke because Kyle said it would help him learn how he formed words. It wasn’t ideal to do it over video, but people needed to make do with what was available to them.

“I saw you today.” Dan said after he finished typing the same information. He added the name of the food bank in the chat.

“Really?” Kyle asked surprised. “Why didn’t you say hello to me?”

“I left actually. You were talking with someone. A guy with blonde hair.” Dan typed and then finished his thought. “You seemed friendly with him.”

“Oh, yeah. Harry. He is a good lad. We met during one of my courses when I was learning to sign.” Kyle smiled. “We dated for a bit, but he is happily married now. No need to feel threatened by him.”

Dan sat staring at the screen, thinking how he could type this to Kyle so he would understand what he meant.

After Kyle asking if the video had frozen, Dan said fuck it and just started.

**You can talk to him. Like, really talk to him and I dunno. I felt like maybe you deserve that. Someone that can talk to you.**

“You are talking to me, right?” Kyle smiled and then he must have seen on Dan’s face that it was no time to kid around. “It doesn’t matter that you have to write things down for me. It doesn’t. If you want to learn to sign, I can teach you. I’m not that good at it. I forget words all the time. And it is harder for my brain to put together what someone else is trying to tell me. I grew up hearing and speaking English. But, I learned when I needed to. Not that you have to, by any means. What we are doing is fine. I’m used to it.”

Dan ran his hand through his hair and leaned forward, adjusting the laptop so it was closer to him. “What if you never understand how my lips work?”

Kyle paused and gave Dan a blank look. “Are you talking about lips?”

“Actually my point.” Dan set the laptop down and didn’t bother to type his response.

“What did you say?” Kyle asked, his eyes narrowing and creating cute wrinkles between his eyes.

**Why do you have to be so cute?**

“I blame it on my parents. My whole family, really. We are a cute lot. Genetics.” Kyle smiled at him and those cute wrinkles went away.

“How did you learn?” Dan asked and then typed it down. “You were older, so was it harder?”

“It was. I was in denial for a long time. I, I was going to uni for music. Did I tell you that?” Kyle pushed back his hair from his face and crossed his arms as he sat back. He appeared to be in his bedroom from the looks of the objects behind him. “It got worse, a lot worse, during my second year and I quit. I was angry. I love music and I felt like it was being taken away from me. Things got dark for a while after I left school. Moved back home with my parents and started associating with people I normally would not have otherwise. Drinking and smoking all the time, you know?”

**I couldn’t imagine. I would be so angry. Music helps me so much to get out of my head. I would not have made it through adolescence without it.**

“Anyway, I met someone that signed and he told me that I was wasting time feeling sorry for myself. It wasn’t going to change anything and I needed to sort myself out.” Kyle paused and leaned forward again, adjusting his screen. “He was right and I started looking at it in a different light. Music could still be a part of my life, just in a different way. And if you even mention Beethoven or anyone else like him, I’m going to hurt you.”

Dan raised his hands up showing that he would never. And praised himself for not saying it because it was the first thing he thought of when Kyle mentioned going to uni for music and then losing his hearing.

“To answer your question. I took courses and practiced signing with others. It helped, but it is still hard. Communicating with people is hard enough when you are hearing. There are different layers to it, but it is similar when you start to lose your hearing. Things get misunderstood and you need to clarify things.” Kyle brushed back his hair again. “Wait, you said you went to Leeds for a bit? Did you do uni there?”

Dan nodded his head yes.

“I went there. We were probably there at the same time, at least for part of it.” Kyle smiled and his attention turned to a different part of the screen. Dan could hear him typing something. “Are you on Facebook or Insta? Maybe we have mates in common.”

“No.” Dan voiced and didn’t type. Then remembered what Kyle’s attention was not on him and he typed out: **Never got into social media**

Which was a lie because he had both private and public accounts but he still had not talked to Kyle about the band and he hadn’t talked to his family about Kyle, so the two couldn’t co-exist together. At least not yet.

That guilt lump in his stomach grew thinking about all the people he was keeping things from at the moment.

“Never got into social media? What are you an alien?” Kyle laughed and kept his attention on the screen but off of Dan. “Wait, let me look at my list of people.”

Dan waited while Kyle searched through people. Kyle listed off a few and Dan thought he knew one of them.

Dan typed in the person’s name and then realized his mistake.

**Wait, nevermind. I thought that was someone else. I don’t know him**

“Yeah, I don’t remember him all that well. I heard he was in a band with someone.” Kyle appeared to be still looking through the list of people. “Weird, huh? Maybe he knows a few famous people by now?”

Dan knew if Kyle kept searching he was going to find something. Dan had met up with their shared mate a few times during the festival cycles and there were pictures of them together.

He tried to stop him, but the damage was done.

“Hey, Kyle!” Dan shouted at the screen and pinched his arm because he was an idiot and he was going to lose him now because he didn’t say anything and Kyle was going to know.

**Wait, there is something I should tell you.**

“That is strange. You must have a twin with longer hair.” Kyle’s eyes then narrowed and at the screen and his smile dropped. Sounding confused, Kyle asked, “Is that you? It is tagged as @bastilledan. There are a bunch of pictures that...”

Kyle’s eyes were on him now through the screen and Dan felt his mouth go dry.

Kyle’s eyes on him had always felt nice, even when he was panicking about what it meant.

It didn’t feel nice now.

“The tag leads to loads of pictures with your face. That is you.” Kyle sat back in his seat and his body went out of frame for a few seconds. When he came back, he looked hurt and Dan felt his stomach drop. “This. This is why I don’t date straight men. I have to...I have to go. Good night.”

The video ended with a shot of Kyle’s hand pressing the button. Then Dan’s screen went back to the screen that started the Zoom session.

“Fuck.” Dan closed the laptop and crossed his arms across his chest. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Opening his messages, Dan went to the top and clicked on Kyle’s name.

**I was going to tell you honest. It so awkard to tell people and I liked that you didnt know. That is separate. That whatever is going on between us had nothing to do with that**

Dan's hands were shaking and he didn't care if he was spelling words wrong. Dan sent the message and then waited. Kyle typically responded back within a few minutes, and he hoped he would now.

Not wanting to wait, Dan sent him another one.

**Please dont think I was lying to you. I wasnt. I just never explained it further**

**The more we talked, the more weird it felt to tell you. I still haven learned how to work that into conversation. I suck at conversation**

**Kyle please, answer me**

Dan waited for a response, and didn’t realize that he was holding his breath until his head felt lightheaded. Taking in a deep breath, Dan decided to go back to his room and wait there.

Right as he accepted the fact that despite the exhaustion he felt, he was not going to be able to sleep that night, Dan heard his phone ping on his chest.

_Give me a minute to process this. I will text you once I wrap my head around it_

It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to calm that monster in Dan’s brain that told him he completely fucked it up. That there was no coming back from that hurt look Kyle had given him.

Dan wanted to text back to have a good rest and that he was so sorry, but he also wanted to respect the fact that Kyle told him to give him time.

It was enough that Kyle could see that he saw it.

At least he hoped.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyle made him wait for close to twenty hours before he texted Dan again.

Dan felt his heart drop with his stomach and he was almost afraid to open the message.

Was it going to be Kyle telling him to fuck off?

_I want to know if there is anything else that you haven’t told me. I thought about it and I know that we are still getting to know one another. While I realize that, I still think you should have told me sooner. Now it just seems like you lied to me and I don’t like that feeling._

Walking away from his friends to sit outside in the dark, Dan typed back his response.

**I apologize. Yes, we are getting to know one another and you have been very open with me about yourself. I was going to tell you. I promise. I have been going round and round with this and I guess I have been panicking more with the fact that you are a man rather than what I happen to do for a job**

_I can understand that. I have had people lie to me before and I guess I am overly aware of any of those signs now. There are things I do not pick up on because I don’t hear them and that is scary in itself, but to have someone that I’m opening my heart up to not tell me important information is a big red flag for me_

**I have been lied to and cheated on before. Actually, my last serious relationship was a disaster toward the end. I can understand that. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was lying to you. And I obviously did, so I’m sorry. Full disclosure, I own that studio with two of my mates. I bought it with money I made touring and writing songs. I feel gross talking about money and the things that I have accomplished because I feel like I’m bragging but I’m not. That is why I went around the truth with the studio and what I do.**

_Anything else I should know…._

**I have private social media for my family and close mates. I have public social media for everything else. I haven’t told anyone in my family about you. My best mate knows and she has been very supportive.**

**And, I really like you.**

_I really like you as well._

**I think I’m falling in love with you and I’m scared. Love never worked for me**

_Me neither._

**Can I see you?**

_Now?_

**You have plans? World is shut down.**

_Come to mine? We can talk more in person._

**Address?**

Kyle sent him the address and Dan wrote back that he would be there in fifteen minutes. They lived close to one another and it would be a quick bike ride over.

Explaining the situation to his flatmates, he told them to listen for a phone call from the police station if he was arrested for going out past curfew.

The night was cool and Dan pushed himself to get there faster to get away from the cold. At least that sounded good in his head.

Kyle lived in a flat similar to his own, but the main door led into his flat rather than a shared hallway.

“Hello.” Dan said as Kyle opened the door. He wasn’t wearing a mask and just realized that he didn’t even think to bring it with him. “Fuck, I don’t have-”

Kyle took off his mask and stepped in closer, narrowing the distance between them to kiss him.

As soon as he felt Kyle’s lips on his own, they were gone and Dan opened his eyes wide.

They weren’t supposed to do that.

“Sorry. That was stupid of me.” Kyle took a step further back and pushed his hair back off his face.

Dan saw that Kyle wasn’t wearing his hearing aids and wondered if it was like him and his glasses. That it was nice to take them off at the end of the night and not have to deal with them.

Swallowing but keeping his eyes on Kyle’s, Dan smiled. “That felt very illegal.”

“It did.” Kyle nodded and moved in closer. “Can I do it again?”

Dan nodded his head and leaned in to kiss him. It was just their lips pressing together, but he held it for longer than their first. Kyle’s facial hair was soft on his top lip and Dan wanted to deepen the kiss but it didn’t feel all that safe.

Gripping onto the sides of Kyle’s shirt, Dan took his lips off Kyle’s and leaned their foreheads together to breathe. Kyle’s breath was warm on his face and it smelled really good. Like mint. He must have just brushed his teeth, maybe that would work if either of them had the virus.

“Fuck.” Dan could still feel his heart pounding and he wondered if it was because of the bike ride, Kyle being so close to him, or the fact that he felt like the authorities were going to lock them both up for even being near one another.

“Please, come in.” Kyle moved back enough for Dan to enter yet not to make Dan lose his grip on one side of his shirt. “My flatmate is quarantined with his parents in the north. We are the only ones here.”

Dan nodded his head and followed Kyle further into the room. The lounge and kitchen shared the space and there were three doors off to the back. Dan figured that one of them must be the bath and the others led to the bedrooms.

The room was dark and the telly was on. Whatever Kyle was watching was paused on the screen.

“I was trying to distract myself while I waited. The film is good, but why did you pick it during a pandemic?” Kyle moved them to the sofa and turned on the light near them. “Kind of going a bit in the wrong direction with that, you think?”

Dan shrugged his shoulders and then took in his surroundings.

He was sat in Kyle’s flat with nothing between them.

No plastic dividers.

No masks.

He felt himself starting to feel overwhelmed and he wanted to tell Kyle, but there was no paper anywhere.

“I know. Feels like we are being stupid. We are.” Kyle couldn’t read his lips well, but he apparently could read his body language and facial expressions. “We could isolate together? Want to spend fourteen days with me?”

Dan nodded his answer before he could think through his response. He didn’t have anything else to do and he liked spending time with Kyle. If this was the new normal, he could adapt to this.

“Can I kiss you again?” Kyle asked leaning in closer and Dan found his arm hurt because he had yet to let go of Kyle’s shirt. “I really want to kiss you again.”

Dan slowly nodded his head and moved his hand from Kyle’s shirt to around his back.

Kyle’s lips found his and he felt all the air leave his body. Opening his mouth slightly, Dan kissed back and chased the feeling being near Kyle created for them.

Kyle’s lips opened more as well and Dan felt Kyle’s tongue move against his mouth. Using the hand on Kyle’s back, Dan pulled him in closer and rested back against the back of the sofa so Kyle’s weight was on him more.

Their tongues touched and Dan wanted more. They were breathing in each other’s air and their mouths were moving against one another in the most wonderful way.

Shakespeare was wrong. Kissing Kyle was much better than touching their hands together.

Yes, Dan could isolate well right here with him if it meant he could keep doing this.

Kyle pulled back first and found Dan’s eyes as Kyle asked, “This still alright?”

“Yes.” Dan nodded and used the time to take a deeper breath. Kyle’s eyes shined in the light from the lamp near them and he could feel that warmth move through his body again.

“Tell me if you-” Kyle was cut off by Dan’s lips moving against his again and then Dan felt Kyle’s hand move from his waist to his front, pushing up against his shirt making it rise. “You feel good.”

Dan’s hand moved underneath Kyle’s shirt to slide up his back and his other hand found his hair. Kyle’s hair was soft, much softer than his own over-processed hair. Dan opened his mouth more and moaned as Kyle followed him right into the kiss.

Kyle trembled as Dan moved his hand further into his hair to hold the back of his head. Kyle’s hand was fully underneath his shirt now and his thumb was pressing against his nipple.

Dan used the hand that was on Kyle’s back to move to the front and he pushed him back around his ribs.

Kyle’s pupils were blown wide and his mouth was wet and red with their actions. Kyle swallowed and then smiled at him.

There wasn’t a question there but Dan nodded back letting him know he understood. Kyle’s hand was still underneath his shirt and he still had his hands on Kyle.

“Tired?” Kyle asked and shifted his body so he didn’t need to use his hand to rest against the sofa. Kyle’s thigh brushed against his own and Dan’s attention was drawn to it before moving back to his eyes. The freed hand moved to Dan’s face and he traced down Dan’s cheek with his finger. “Want to go to bed?”

Dan shook his head no and then wondered if Kyle meant sex. “Not yet.”

Dan figured that answered both ways that question could be interpreted.

“Okay.” Kyle’s finger was now on Dan’s throat and Dan moved his chest up to get closer to him again.

Their kiss continued as hands continued to wander. Maybe it was harder to talk to Kyle and them to understand one another, but they could communicate like this from now on.

Dan felt Kyle’s hand moving down toward his joggers and he stopped it before it could go lower. He was not ready for that yet and he needed a moment to breathe again.

“Sorry.” Kyle said, moving his head back yet staying close to him. “This feels really good, right? Like mad good?”

“Yes.” Dan answered and looked toward his hand on top of Kyle’s, still resting on where the top of his joggers met his stomach. It would be easy to press them down lower and make some of the pressure go away, but Dan really was not sure if he was ready for that.

He surprised himself to know that it seemed little to do with the fact that Kyle was a man and more to do with the fact that this felt too good to go too fast to risk fucking it up.

“I don’t want to rush this.” Dan spoke after he saw he had Kyle’s attention. “Let’s enjoy this for longer.”

“I didn’t think I would get to kiss you so soon.” Kyle’s finger traced his face again, with their hands still together on his stomach. “Or touch you like this, at all.”

“I like how you touch me.” Dan brushed down the hair on the back of Kyle’s head where he had messed it up. After it laid flat, Dan allowed that hand to move to trace Kyle’s jaw. “Your facial hair is soft. Never snogged anyone with facial hair. I like it.”

“I like you.” Kyle’s finger stopped as it hit the temple of his glasses and then jumped over it to trace Dan’s hairline. “Maybe I like you better with darker hair. Not when it was so crazy, but when it was styled up and back.”

“What have you been looking at?” Dan blushed as he felt Kyle’s hand move through his hair. Fuck, that felt amazing. Playing with his hair and rubbing his head was Dan’s unconscious move to regulate himself and it felt even better when Kyle did it. Better than any drug he had tried.

“Pictures on the internet. Loads of your gorgeous face. Turns out, very helpful for stalking.” Dan closed his eyes as Kyle’s hand found the spot on the back of his head, the one that could probably put Dan to sleep if caressed with the right pressure. “Watched a few videos as well. Mostly official ones. I could have been teasing you with those all this time and now I am even more offended that you didn’t tell me about them.”

Dan’s eyes opened at Kyle’s words but his face didn’t seem upset. “I honestly would have told you sooner, I just didn’t know how. I like that you know now.”

“It is getting easier to read your lips.” Kyle moved in closer and brushed his lips against Dan’s. “Maybe because we can be so close now.”

“Kiss me.” Dan said before Kyle’s lips were fully on his again. Dan knew he didn’t hear him, but he wanted to believe Kyle could feel him say it all the same.

They kissed for a few more minutes and Dan found he couldn’t breathe so he moved him back again. Why did he need air?

Kyle’s hand had most of Dan’s shirt off and Dan pushed it down as he sat up.

“I need a minute.” Dan spoke after he had Kyle’s attention. “Can I have some water?”

Kyle signed water as he repeated it for Dan.

“Water?” Dan copied Kyle’s movement with his pointer finger and thumb pressed together moving across his cheek. “Like that?”

“Very good.” Kyle kissed his nose and left him to get the water.

Dan ran his hands through his hair and took a few deeper breaths until Kyle returned with the water.

“Thank you.” Dan said as he took the glass and downed the full glass. “How do you sign that?”

Kyle raised his open hand to his chin and moved it down and forward.

Dan copied him and smiled to himself as he placed the empty glass near the sofa. Kyle was watching him and Dan knew he wanted to ask him why he was still breathing so hard.

“I’m fine.” Dan raised his eyebrow in a silent question.

“Thumb up and forward.” Kyle answered. “Means good.”

“Okay. I’m good.” Dan made the sign and then ran his hands through his hair again. Pulling out his shirt from his chest, Dan saw that Kyle did not believe him. “This is a lot to take in. Give me a minute.”

“What to watch the film?” Kyle gestured to the telly. “I can restart it.”

“No.” Dan shook his head. “Start it where you stopped.”

“Don’t restart it?” Kyle asked and moved back against the sofa and curled his leg up. “Right?”

Dan nodded his head and sat back further as well. His arms naturally hugged himself and he looked toward where Kyle’s hand was resting on his thigh. He was barely touching him, but it felt nice.

Dan took his eyes off his leg and toward the telly. There were captions on the bottom of the screen that were distracting Dan from the film, but given that he could recite most of the scenes from memory, it was nice to focus on reading the words.

Dan’s heart rate and breathing slowed down as he continued to read the words on the screen. Maybe he needed to add the captions to his own telly when he felt himself getting anxious.

It wasn't until his heart rate returned to normal that Dan realized Kyle did not have the sound on.

They stayed like that until the end credits and both were yawning as the television dimmed.

“Want to go to bed?” Kyle asked, moving his hand down to Dan’s knee as he slid forward. “Sleeping, I mean. No funny business.”

“No funny business?” Dan laughed and uncrossed his arms from his chest to rest his hand on Kyle’s hand. “Who says that?”

“What?” Kyle moved his head to see Dan better but didn’t wait for an answer. “Cat?”

Dan shook his head and said nevermind.

“First rule of interacting with a person with hearing issues, never say ‘nevermind.’” Kyle smiled at him to show he meant no malice. “Now, what did you say?”

“I asked who uses phrases like ‘funny business.’” Dan gave a weak smile even though Kyle did not seem upset. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“People think it is easier to just dismiss it but it is frustrating.” Kyle kissed his nose and then stood. “Bedtime, mister.”

Dan followed Kyle to his room and paused looking around. It was a basic room and Dan wished there was more light to explore what was in there. His eyes were tired from reading the captions and there was only one dim light on.

“You can snoop around in the morning. I’m a heavy sleeper.” Kyle smiled as he got Dan’s attention by throwing some clothes in his direction. “Want to sleep in these?”

“Thank you.” Dan smiled back and then remembered to sign it as well.

The smile on Kyle’s face grew before he turned away so Dan could change his clothes with some privacy.

It was a sweet gesture given their previous activity on the sofa, but Dan appreciated it. Kyle was giving him space to get comfortable and he was happy to have that option.

Dan took off his glasses and put them near the bed before crawling in. He rested his head on the pillow and touched Kyle’s shoulder to let him now he could turn around.

“Finally got you in my bed.” Kyle turned to face Dan and moved in a bit closer so he could rest his hand on Dan’s arm. “It is too dark in here to see your face properly. I will say goodnight and see you in the morning for the both of us and you can give us a kiss for good dreams.”

Dan closed his eyes and gave Kyle a gentle kiss, allowing it to linger for a moment. As he moved his head back to the pillow, Kyle squeezed the top of his arm and Dan closed his eyes.

Dan had sleep issues since he was young, but falling asleep in Kyle’s bed came easy to him.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan had been up for the last hour going through emails and responding to messages. 

The day before, as he waited for Kyle to text him back, he had been quite useless. 

He tried to “work” but it all felt pointless and too much to process. 

He had managed to maintain most of his sanity through all the anxious energy that surrounded the world, for he was used to riding those waves, but yesterday had been the first day that he felt what a lot of people were talking about. 

Lockdown felt like a lockdown in their energy and brain functioning. That it was hard to go through the day with so much uncertainty and unknown. 

Even more so than ever, Dan felt gratitude for his life and privileges that his life allowed him. 

There was a new video in the works and a layout for the artwork had been presented to Dan. Opening that file attached in the email completely drained his battery and Dan wondered if it would be completely crossing boundaries if Dan looked around the room for Kyle’s charger. 

Kyle was still crashed beside him. It was early, but Dan was not used to sleeping so well so he woke up earlier than normal. 

True to his word, Kyle was a heavy sleeper. 

Kyle stayed asleep in the same position he had fallen asleep in throughout Dan getting up and using the toilet. Opening his phone and going through the messages, even the loud song files from Woody of the drums he had recorded. 

Dan worked all the while Kyle stayed laid on his side, with his head facing Dan’s direction. 

It had been ages since Dan slept in the same bed as someone. It typically took him a few nights to get used to another person next to him, but it felt surreally natural next to Kyle. 

Finding Kyle’s charging cord next to his side of the bed, Dan connected it to the power point and sat back on the bed. 

The sun had started coming through the window and it hit the top of Kyle’s head, highlighting the different shades of brown in his hair. 

Dan knew how soft Kyle’s hair was now and he wanted to touch it, but he also didn’t want to chance waking up Kyle. 

Dan hoped the light stayed high because he wanted to take in the sight of Kyle sleeping a bit more. 

Those long lashes rested peacefully on his cheeks and he was letting out soft sounds as he breathed in and out. 

Dan felt his heart swell up a bit and he found himself touching his lips with the ends of his fingers. 

They had kissed yesterday. 

Full on kissed and it didn’t feel as strange as Dan thought it would. 

Kyle had facial hair and his hands were a bit bigger, and likely rougher due to all the washing and sanitizing as of late, but everything else was the same. 

The warm feeling moving through him as Kyle’s lips moved against his own. 

The feeling of wanting to touch the other person everywhere and anywhere that he could to keep them near and making sweet sounds. 

Dan wasn’t quite sure if he had ever felt this much so fast though.

Maybe it was because he was getting older and knew what he liked. But that didn’t make any sense because he never knew he could feel this way about a man. 

Maybe it was because it was Kyle. 

His personality was infectious and he was so kind. 

He had his issues like Dan had his issues, but he wore them so much better than Dan did. 

Dan moved in a bit closer, and hovered his hand over Kyle’s hair. Maybe he could touch it just a bit and keep the light off his face for a bit longer. 

Kyle’s hair was as soft as he remembered it being and Dan found he couldn’t stop at merely touching it a bit. 

Smoothing it down and behind Kyle’s ear, Dan bit his lip as Kyle made a sound as Dan’s finger touched Kyle’s ear. 

“Shhh.” Dan found himself saying before he could stop himself. 

Removing his hand and placing it in his lap, Dan waited to see if Kyle was going to open his eyes. 

After counting to twenty in his head, Dan saw that Kyle was still asleep and moved his hand back to his hair. 

It went a few centimetres underneath Kyle’s ear and then curled itself over. 

And it was so fricken soft. 

Feeling bold, Dan traced his middle finger down the side of Kyle’s face and stopped it at his chin. Kyle sighed into the touch but didn’t open his eyes. 

Taking his glasses off again, Dan put them in the same spot as last night and went to lie on the bed. 

Lying down so he was stretched lengthwise and under the covers again, Dan moved in closer until he could count every freckle on Kyle’s skin. He didn’t have as much as Dan did on his, but Dan wanted to know every one. 

Was that creepy to think? 

Before Dan could analyze his bizarre thoughts further, Kyle made a whiny sound and slowly opened his eyes. 

“Morning.” Kyle’s eyes drooped as he stretched out his leg and brushed it against Dan’s. Kyle’s voice was low and rich with sleep and it might be Dan’s new favourite sound. “Sleep well?” 

Dan waited a full minute for Kyle to open his eyes again before he answered by nodding his head. His response got him a smile in return and Dan couldn’t keep his own smile off his face. 

“You look good in the morning. No pillow lines on your face.” Kyle kept his leg over Dan’s and slid in closer so that their noses touched briefly before he moved back to see Dan’s face. “It is weird to see you without glasses.” 

“I haven’t been wearing my contacts since this all started.” Dan waited to see if Kyle understood him before continuing. “Without my glasses, I have an excuse to be this close to you.” 

“No excuse needed.” Kyle closed his eyes again and put his hand underneath the back of Dan’s shirt. His hand was warm but Dan still felt himself shiver at the touch. Kyle’s eyes opened quickly, “Fuck, that okay?” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and relaxed into the feeling of Kyle’s hand on his back. To emphasize how okay he was with it, Dan copied him and moved his hand underneath the back of Kyle’s shirt. He prided himself on the fact that Kyle had the same reaction as him. “You okay?” 

“Better.” Kyle’s hand moved down Dan’s back and rested on the waistband of the shorts he had given Dan to sleep in. The tips of his fingers brushed along the short hairs there and Dan felt himself shiver again. “Still okay?” 

Dan kissed him in response and moved his hand down into the back of Kyle’s shorts. He wasn’t quite touching his bum, but he was close enough to have Kyle either moan at the kiss or his hand in his pants. 

They both needed to brush their teeth so Dan kept the kiss simple. Before he moved away, he felt Kyle against his leg and panicked a bit. 

He was hard. 

Unmistakable hard and Dan had no idea what to do with that information. 

Well, he had some idea what to do with it, but that was not happening. 

Kyle must have felt him freeze because he moved his hips back and started apologizing. “Sorry, you feel really good and it is morning, so…” 

“No, I understand.” Dan said, making sure that Kyle understood what he said. He had been there on multiple occasions, just never on this side of it. 

“We don’t…” Kyle cut himself off and seemed to be searching for words. “I know that...you know, that is…” 

“It’s okay.” Dan almost moved his hand to Kyle’s front to show him how okay it was, but he wasn’t quite bold enough for that yet. 

“You want breakfast?” Kyle changed the subject to both of their relief. “I went to the shops yesterday and am fully stocked. Cereal? Toast? Full English?” 

“Coffee?” Dan smiled at Kyle’s list of options. He was sweet but coffee was required in the morning. 

“Don’t actually drink the stuff.” Kyle said with a sheepish tone and laughed when Dan pushed him away by the hip. “What? Sorry.” 

“You bleeding work in a coffee shop and don’t drink the stuff?” Dan raised his voice at the end by habit to emphasize his shock. “Like, not at all?” 

“I think I got most of that.” Kyle said moving away and climbing out of the bed. He quickly adjusted himself and Dan found his eyes were drawn down to where Kyle’s hand was and he let himself look. 

Dan didn’t see much and soon he was reaching for his glasses and following Kyle out of the room. 

“Oh good, I see you have made yourself at home.” Kyle pointed to Dan’s phone on his charger as they left the room. “I hope you found the toilet alright? I forgot to give you the grand tour.” 

Kyle stopped as he entered into the lounge/kitchen area. “To your right, the kitchen. I do my best work in there. To your left, the lounge. I do my best sleeping in there. John’s room back there. He doesn’t do much work in there. Toilet straight ahead. I won’t tell you what I do in there.” 

Dan laughed and fell onto Kyle at his words. 

Kyle’s hand moved to his arm and stayed there. “I really wish I knew what you sounded like when you laugh.” 

Dan swallowed the last of his laugh and stood up the rest of the way. He felt tears in his eyes and he felt bad because what the hell was he crying about? 

“Hey now, don’t start feeling sorry for me now. You were doing so well.” Kyle went to rub away the tears that had escaped down Dan’s cheek but stopped himself. “Maybe I shouldn’t touch your face.” 

Dan shook his head at his own stupidity and wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. Fuck, that was so sad to think of because he loved the sound of Kyle’s laugh. “I’m sorry. Not for you, but for me. I mean, because I shouldn’t be crying at that. But, fuck.” 

“I know.” Kyle ignored his protest from before and wiped away a tear with his thumb that Dan had missed on his other cheek. “I think I can remember what my mum sounds like but my other family members’ voices are fading. I heard that happens. Brain doesn’t need that sensory information anymore so it erases it.” 

“Fuck.” Dan wiped at his eyes again and then crossed his arms. Then thought better of it and hugged Kyle instead. He didn’t need to hug himself when Kyle was right there. 

Kyle wrapped his arms around his back for a few moments and then pulled away. “Okay, brekkie. Kitchen. I need to toilet, be right back.” 

Dan sorted himself out more while Kyle was away and moved myself into the kitchen. There were eggs and bread, so Dan started looking around for a pan and told himself he would need to bring coffee from home if he were going to stay the night here again. 

After breakfast and teeth brushing, Kyle gave him a spare that he insisted was not his flatmates, Kyle asked what Dan wanted to do with their day. 

“What would you have done?” Dan asked, leaning against the door frame of Kyle’s room. He had changed back into the clothes he wore last night. They were nightclothes but clean enough to wear throughout the day. 

Kyle was making the bed, a habit he said he learned he needed to do everyday from a quarantine blog about surviving the lack of routine in their new life. 

Dan thought that was a bit silly, but he didn’t mention it to Kyle. Mainly because Kyle started doing it while he had his back turned to Dan. 

He had put his hearing aids back in and Dan asked how they worked. Kyle said they helped him with the locations of sounds. Before his hearing started to deteriorate, they helped him hear as well as he did when he was a child. 

Dan apologize for asking, realizing he might be overstepping into something private, but Kyle kissed him and told him he could ask him anything. 

Dan’s phone was fully charged and he found he had another message from Woody. Instead of the usual sound file, it was a picture of him and his family. The text said, “Things I’m grateful for today.” 

“Cute kids.” Kyle looked over his shoulder at his phone. His hand moved in between the door frame and the small of Dan’s back and Dan found he quite liked it there. “He looks like the...drummer?” 

Dan nodded his head. “A drum solo was in the files I played for you at the studio. That was him.” 

“Oh.” Kyle continued to watch Dan’s lips even after he finished talking. Dan wasn’t sure if he was waiting for him to say something else or if he was trying to figure out what he said. Before he could ask, Kyle continued, “Can we go back there? I want to play you something. Something I wrote.” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and smiled. He very much would like to hear that. “We can go right now.” 

“Okay.” Kyle smiled at him and left to grab something out a chest of drawers. He had a file in his hand and Dan was curious to see that his hand was shaking a bit. He had never seen that with Kyle, that was more of a habit that Dan had. “Ready?” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded and then realized he didn’t have the keys. They were in his room at home. “We have to go to mine and get the keys.” 

“I get to see your posh place?” Kyle pulled on the back of Dan’s shirt as they walked toward the door. 

“Sure.” Dan laughed as he shook his head. So posh that he shared with three other people. “Remember that when you see it.” 

“What did you say?” Kyle asked, closing the door and locking it. When that was finished, he looked towards Dan's face and narrowed in on his mouth. Dan knew he was waiting for a response but it still felt like Kyle was getting ready to kiss him again. Fuck if that wasn't sexy to have Kyle give his mouth so much attention.

Dan fought the urge to kiss him and almost said ‘nevermind’ but stopped himself. “It isn’t what you will expect. Just, remember what you said when you see it.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I attempted to not use her name, but I couldn't find a way to make it work. However, her name does appear to be common knowledge so I decided to leave it in.

Kyle drove them to Dan’s flat. His father had given him a vehicle to use, a small car that barely fit his tall frame, when news of the virus started to spread. His parents did not want him to take public transport to work and the vehicle was the solution.

It was an older car that belonged to Kyle’s uncle at one point. Not the uncle that owned the coffee shop with him, but another one. Kyle explained that he had a large family.

Dan must have looked shocked that Kyle had a vehicle because Kyle went on a long lecture about how people with hearing loss are typically the safest drivers because their eyes are constantly scanning around them.

Dan listened and waited until Kyle was finished before he explained that he was shocked that Kyle had a vehicle in London because of the hassles of owning a vehicle in the city.

Kyle apologized and said that people had made comments before about him driving and he wanted to put it out there that he was a safe driver. And that Dan would be safe with him.

Kyle seemed quite pleased with himself when he mentioned that Dan was safer in the vehicle than on his bike given the reason that they met was because Dan ran his bike into him.

Dan squeezed Kyle’s arm and undid his seat belt to give him a quick kiss because he could.

Dan explained that his flatmates were likely at work by now and that Kyle could come in without a mask.

Dan realized that him kissing Kyle and spending the night at his house probably meant that it would be pointless to wear a mask around Dan’s flatmates anyways.

Because whatever Kyle potentially had, Dan likely had it now as well.

“This is not what I expected.” Kyle said as he looked around the modest kitchen. The bedrooms were above them and the lounge on top. “How many people live here?”

“Three.” Dan dropped his hand from his grip on the side of Kyle’s top and turned to face him. “My best mate and her boyfriend. And a shared mate. And me. So four. Sometimes five if the other mate has his girlfriend here.”

“That is a lot of people.” Kyle stepped in closer and put his hands on Dan’s waist as he spoke. Dan liked that they could be this close now. And that it seemed like he didn’t need to write everything down for Kyle. “John’s fiancee moved in, but they share a room. How does it work here? You share a room?”

“No. I have my own. But, I’m gone the majority of the time. One year, I think I slept here five nights total.” Dan wrapped his arms around Kyle’s back and moved in closer.

Kyle wouldn’t be able to see his lips anymore but Dan wanted to communicate with him in a different way. It was boring talking when they could be kissing.

Kyle’s lips found his and it was so easy to move them together. Dan felt Kyle’s hand underneath his shirt and he leaned in further to deepen the kiss.

“Fuck. Shit.” Dan heard from behind him and moved away quickly from Kyle. Kyle was startled from the sudden movement and followed him for a few more seconds until he realized that Dan was moving away on purpose.

“Oh, wow.” The female voice continued from the stairs.

“Sophie. This is Kyle.” Dan straightened down his shirt and brushed back his hair. Finding her eyes and seeing how wide they were, he knew she was going to say something else and he tried to reason with her.

Looking directly at her with his most serious face, Dan said, “Be nice. Please, like it is your nan that bakes those Christmas cakes that taste like cat food. Be so nice to him.”

“Nice to meet you, Kyle.” Sophie smiled as she moved her eyes from Dan to Kyle standing next to him. “I’m Sophie.”

Dan turned to see that Kyle had smiled back at her and repeated the same greeting. “Hello. I’m Kyle. Nice to meet you.”

Dan pulled a bit on Kyle’s shirt to get him to turn to him and repeated her name for him. “Sophie. My best mate and flatmate. I thought she would be at work by now.”

“Slow day so they told me to stay home.” Sophie answered, raising up her water container in her hand. “About to go for a run and clear my head a bit. Apparently, not before a lovely surprise in my kitchen.”

Dan’s brain remembered the sign for water when he saw what she had in her hand and he briefly wondered why he was strange.

“Fuck, be nice.” Dan said in a lower voice as he looked toward her again.

“What? When am I not nice?” Sophie smiled as she finished walking down the steps and closer to them. Her eyes stayed on Kyle despite her words being directed at Dan.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about so quit it.” Dan said in the same lower tone and waited for her to see how serious he was. He already felt the nerves in his stomach and he needed this meeting to go well. “Please.”

“Okay.” She changed her tone to one that showed she understood that Dan was freaking out and Dan was reminded why they had stayed friends for so long.

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked, looking between them. His hand sought out the lower part of Dan’s back, grounding Dan into the room. “Everything okay?”

Dan pulled on his shirt again and nodded his head. “She is leaving to go run.”

“Good weather for a jog.” Kyle nodded his head in Sophie’s direction. “Be safe out there.”

“Same.” Sophie smiled at him before putting on her mask and then waited for Dan to look at her again before turning to leave. Her eyes said that she was sorry and that it would be fine.

“She seems nice.” Kyle said as Sophie left their view and Dan heard the front door shut. “She has always lived here with you?”

“Best mate. The one with the boyfriend.” Dan nodded his head and then reached for his phone.

**Sorry. She startled me and I panicked. I told her to be nice. Not that she wasn’t going to be nice to you. But to me. I didn’t think I would panic like that because she saw us. Or maybe I did. I’m sorry.**

Kyle finished reading Dan’s phone and then put his hand on Dan’s chest. “Beating a bit too fast, huh?”

“I’m sorry.” Dan repeated and looked down to Kyle’s hand on him. He felt embarrassed and weird and he didn’t like it. Sophie knew that Dan was seeing Kyle but it was different to have her actually see Dan being with Kyle.

He had always been private with displays of affection, even among his mates, but that felt like an overreaction for what it was.

For maybe the first time since he started this with Kyle, Dan actually started to feel like what it would mean that he was with Kyle. They wouldn’t just stay in their own little, safe bubble. Eventually, people were going to see them together.

And that troubled Dan because it emphasized that the main reason he had panicked so much was because Kyle was a man. So what would that mean when more people would know? When his parents knew? His sister’s children?

“It’s fine.” Kyle kissed his forehead and waited for Dan to look up at him. “There are those eyes I have been falling in love with. No fair that you deny me looking at them.”

Dan’s face went red and he buried his head into Kyle’s neck. Taking in a few deeper breaths and Kyle’s scent, his brain evened itself back out. And he remembered that he didn’t need to solve all these issues right this minute.

Kyle had the same reaction as Dan when he walked in his room. As his eyes were scanning over everything, Dan grabbed the keys to the studio and a mask, waiting for Kyle to finish his exploration.

“You have a lot of things.” Kyle smiled, still looking around, his eyes now on the book and film collection Dan had on his wall. “I want to go through them all and learn more about you. What secrets does this room hold?”

Dan wondered if Kyle was teasing him with a song lyric, but he stopped himself from thinking like that because it was likely just a coincidence.

Dan nodded his head and then stepped in front of Kyle. “Some stuff from my parents’ house and collections from my travels. Some of which is at the studio now. Needed more space.”

“Do you have awards?” Kyle seemed curious and moved his finger down the front of Dan’s chest. “You that good?”

Dan shook his head and felt Kyle’s finger stop as it reached his stomach. It was embarrassing how much Dan liked Kyle touching him and how much Kyle affected his brain. “I mean yes, but not really that good. If you are ‘round long enough, you are bound to win something or another.”

“I didn’t understand that. Show them to me when we get there?” Kyle smiled and stepped in closer. His lips found Dan’s again and it was just like in the kitchen, only there was no one to walk in on them here.

Dan had his hands underneath Kyle’s shirt and he wanted to take it off. He almost did, but then he felt Kyle’s hand move down his front and his brain stopped.

Fuck, that felt good.

Pressing his hips into Kyle’s hand, Dan let out a breath and his mouth moved away from Kyle’s. Kyle only allowed him a quick break and then his lips were back and his hand was moving his joggers down.

That overwhelming feeling took him over again and Dan took a large step back.

“Sorry.” Dan heard from a distance. His heart rate was beating in his ears and he could still feel where Kyle’s hands had been on him. “I got carried away. I should have asked.”

Dan shook his head and took off his glasses as he moved his hands across his head.

That was more than fine.

After a few deeper breaths and Dan putting his glasses back on, he reached for his phone again.

**I like you. I like that. My body sometimes doesn’t like me and it makes me panic about stupid stuff. I want to do that with you, just not yet**

“Okay.” Kyle smiled and handed back Dan’s phone. “Ready to go?”

Dan nodded his head and then covered his face with his hands. Get it together, he told himself and reminded himself to breathe again.

They drove to the studio with little conversation.

Dan told himself it was because he wanted to make sure that Kyle’s full attention was on the road, but the truth was that Dan felt uneasy and didn’t know what to say.

Kyle allowed them to ignore it and Dan was forever grateful that Kyle was the person that he was, because he wouldn’t have been able to handle a full conversation about what happened and Kyle seemed to respect that.


	11. Chapter 11

Kyle was able to park right near the studio and they both were reminded again about how bare the city looked without vehicles and people moving around.

Like a film set for a modern day horror picture.

Dan unlocked the door and sanitized their hands before taking off his mask. Dan’s folded mask went on the front desk near Kyle’s folded mask. A new sight for the building.

Dan silently brought them back to where the piano was with Kyle’s shirt in his hand. If Kyle minded that apparently that was how Dan chose to communicate directions with him, he didn’t say anything.

“Okay.” Kyle started as he set down the file on top of the piano. “In uni, the last assignment that I had before I quit was to write a song and present it to the class. I finished most of it, but...yes...so then it sat there forever. Two years ago, I found the sheet music again and I started adding to it.”

Dan nodded to show that he was listening when Kyle looked up from the paper in his hand. Dan was stood across from him and took in how Kyle’s hands were shaking again. Dan fully understood those nerves and it made him feel better about his own neuroses.

“I can remember old songs because of the notes. My brain knows what they should sound like, you understand?” Kyle paused and Dan nodded. “I don’t know why I can remember them and not what my grandmother sounds like, but I am not going to question it. Probably because it is more concrete. Like, if I knew my nan spoke in A4 then I would have remembered it.”

Dan thought he understood. Once he memorized a song, it was easier to play it. And when he wrote songs, he had a general idea of what it would sound like in his head before he would play it on anything.

Kyle pressed his hands down on the piano. “Can I play it for you?”

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and smiled. “I want to hear it.”

“Okay.” Kyle brushed his hair back and sat down on the long bench. He opened the file with the music sheets and settled them in front of him. “No laughing.”

Dan waited for Kyle’s eyes to be on him. “No laughing.”

Kyle started and must have missed a note, because he stopped and pressed his hands together. A move Dan had used many times when he messed up something. Just like his own, it appeared to calm Kyle’s hands and he started again.

It was good. Kyle played well. It sounds a bit like a late 90’s song and it made Dan smile.

Kyle’s hands hovered over the keys at the end and he kept his eyes there for almost a full minute before he looked up.

“Was it shite?” Kyle’s tone was serious and Dan felt all the insecurity in it. Kyle’s eyes never left his face and Dan wanted to calm him down.

“It was beautiful.” Dan smiled and moved to sit on the bench with Kyle, but toward him so he could see him. “Absolutely beautiful. You play really well. So much better than me. I wish I had your confidence.”

“Thank you.” Kyle said as he signed as well. His hands were still shaking a bit and Dan took them in his own to ease them. Kyle’s hand fit his own well and the added pressure helped soothe them just as Dan knew it would.

“Want to record it?” Dan smiled big at his idea. What better use of the studio and their time today then to focus on someone else’s music?

“No.” Kyle shook his head. Then his eyes narrowed and he appeared to change his mind, with his face relaxing. “Really?”

“Yes. But it will cost you.” Dan changed his expression to one he hoped looked serious. Dan was horrible at hiding his emotions and he knew he wouldn’t be able to carry on this ruse for long, if at all.

“Oh, yeah, Mr. Jacks? What will I owe you?” Kyle leaned in closer, not taking the bait that Dan was actually being serious.

“Most people use a payment system.” Dan leaned in closer yet but still far enough away that Kyle could see his lips. “We have a fiance person that handles that. Unfortunately, they are likely not able to work right now. So, for you, we will have to come up with some other arrangement.”

“Why, Mr. Jacks, are you implying what I think you are implying?” Those dark eyebrows raised and Dan remembered the first time he felt himself become obsessed with them. Surprisingly, it felt like so long ago now but in reality it was only a few days.

Dan slowly nodded his head and his face broke, showing his smile for Kyle to kiss.

Dan sighed into the kiss and felt the warmth move through him. Kyle’s hands moved from his own to the back of Dan’s head and held him there. Would it always be this good to kiss him?

Kyle’s hand was playing with the longer hairs on the back of Dan’s neck and Dan slid his tongue against Kyle’s lips one more time before pulling back.

“I think we could arrange a payment plan with kisses.” Dan’s smile spread and then kissed Kyle’s cheek. “Maybe even a few cuddles.”

“What did you say?” Kyle’s hand moved down Dan’s back and then around to his stomach, seemingly wanting to keep touching him anywhere he could.

“Maybe a few cuddles?” Dan waited to see if Kyle understood and felt his face hurt as he smiled again. It was a good pain.

“Anyone else pay you in cuddles?” Kyle brushed his nose against Dan’s. “Who do I need to win against in a match of strength?”

Dan thought about Rory and how he would react if Dan asked for cuddles as payment. And then he thought about the more established artists his mates that offered to record here and had to bite his lip to not laugh.

“No worries there, mate. You are the only one I’m kissing at the moment.” Dan gave him a kiss on the chin when he finished talking and hoped that Kyle understood him.

Standing, he felt Kyle’s hands try to pull him back in by his shirt but they had more important things to do.

“Stay here. I will get it ready to record.” Dan stared down at Kyle’s face and brushed down his hair because he wanted to touch him again. “I cannot mix it, but I know people.”

“Oh, you _know_ people now?” Kyle laughed. “Wouldn’t even tell me about your career and now you _know_ people. Funny that.”

Dan left as Kyle was still teasing him. “My man _knows_ people.”

Dan felt dumb, but he also felt like he missed him even though he was right in the other room. That was some teenage angst there and Dan laughed at the irony of teenage angst in his thirties. Maybe he was hitting his milestones in reverse.

Dan nodded at him through the window and pointed to the piano to tell him to start.

They recorded three versions of it before Kyle thought he did well enough to leave it as it was.

Dan ran in between the rooms during the different takes and it felt normal.

Recording studios and creativity were Dan’s comfort zones.

He loved working on his own music, but it had been a solo venture thus far and it was nice to set that aside and focus on someone else’s music.

Especially people like Kyle that were so talented but needed access to the right equipment to share their talent with the world.

And the fact that he would help Kyle made him even happier.

Kyle said he was making a deposit in his account and kissed Dan when he made the last run into the room. Dan smiled into the kiss and allowed the payment.

Before it got to be too much again, Kyle pushed himself away and brushed back down his hair. Dan’s hands had found their way into it again and it was a bit of a mess.

“Your turn.” Kyle smiled as he continued to catch his breath. His chest was moving up and down and his lips looked used in the best way. “Play me a bop, Mr. Jacks.”

“No.” Dan shook his head, also trying to calm himself. Kyle had moved Dan’s shirt up high in the back and it felt off, so he pulled it back down. “Not going to happen.”

“I showed you mine.” Kyle whined yet stayed where he was, likely trying to not make them have to work on catching their breath again. “It is only fair.”

“You have the internet to watch me.” Dan brushed his hand through his hair and then crossed his arms across his chest. He was sitting with his legs on either side of the piano bench, facing Kyle. He kept his eyes up, but only because he wanted to make sure Kyle could read his lips. “YouTube was developed for a reason.”

“But, I have the live version sat right in front of me!” Kyle's voice got a bit loud as it echoed through the empty room. “I promise I will not laugh.”

Dan covered his face with his hands and then moved so he was sat facing the piano. It was only fair given that Kyle had been vulnerable in front of him.

“Don’t look.” Dan said as he turned toward Kyle, his hands already on the keys.

“Don’t look?” Kyle leaned in closer and laughed. “I can’t barely hear it and you want me to not look? Why don’t I just leave the room?”

“You can look.” Dan felt himself blush and he felt stupid again. His hands began to shake. Pulling out his shirt and then underneath his arm, Dan took a deep breath and tried to decide what to play.

His nerves got the better of him and he forgot every single song he had ever written. Why was this so hard? Biting his lip, he gave Kyle a slight smile.

“Where is the music?” Kyle asked, going to stand. “I’ll get it and I can play it with you.”

“I don’t use music sheets to write.” Dan felt his face get redder and he felt like a fraud now. “I know how to read some of it, but I was never properly taught how to do all that. I learned by ear.”

“Humble brag.” Kyle elbowed him in the arm.

“That wasn’t...” Dan felt that tight ball in his stomach squeeze and he wanted to make sure that Kyle knew that was a hard limit of his. “Don’t say that, please.”

“Okay. Sorry.” Kyle seemed genuinely sorry and moved on. “Learned by ear. That is impressive. How did you get this gig anyway?”

“Fuck if I know. Dumb luck, maybe?” Dan hugged his arms across his stomach and waited for the wave of nerves to pass him. It had been a while since he went through their origin story with anyone. “Started writing lyrics in secondary school. In secret. Always in secret because it was right embarrassing.”

“Look at me, please.” Kyle reminded him and turned himself so he could see Dan better. “Reading the front of your mouth is hard, the side is nearly impossible.”

Dan nodded his head and turned with his arms still across his stomach. He started over again and went through Ralph ratting him out to the music contest in uni.”

“I graduated with my degree in English Literature and found myself bored. Music seeped back in and I found Woody. Will plays the bass. Found him through Woody. I kept trying to find a fourth, but no one would agree to it. Charlie came on later when we needed someone to play on tour while I ran around the stage like an idiot.”

“Hey, I like how you dance.” Kyle rested his hands on Dan’s thighs. “I want to dance with you one day.”

“How do you…” Dan sighed and wished the internet didn’t exist. Again, it wasn’t fair that Kyle got to know all this about him and he didn’t have the same cheat codes. “Nevermind.”

“That one is okay.” Kyle squeezed the top of Dan’s thighs when he saw Dan’s eyes widen at the word. “As you can imagine, I am probably the worst dancer of the pair of us.”

“I want to take you to a music festival. It gets so loud and everyone just doesn’t give a fuck. All dancing to whatever is in their head.” Dan lessened the grip on his stomach. “That is, if that is ever allowed again. All those people without income. What is going to happen to them?”

“It will come back.” Kyle’s hands continued to move up Dan’s thighs until he undid the grip Dan had on his shirt. “You are wrinkling your top.”

“Habit.” Dan allowed Kyle to take his hands. Kyle moved his palm against Dan’s right hand like he did in the park yet his eyes stayed on Dan. Dan felt the unease in his stomach be replaced with the wonder that was Kyle touching him. “I like how you do that.”

“What?” Kyle asked with a soft tone, his hand still moving gently against his own.

“Touch me and make it all feel better.” Dan kept his eyes on Kyle and allowed them to have that moment. Like Kyle’s hand on his back in the kitchen early today, the weight of the silence in the room held them in place while they watched one another.

“Play me a song.” Kyle broke the silence and Dan was brought back to the fact that they were in the recording studio and Kyle was patiently waiting for him.

“Okay.” Dan reluctantly took his hand away from Kyle and turned on the bench so he was once again facing the right direction.

Dan started to play an older song. It was the first one he thought of and he knew he could get through it with minimal mistakes.

He could feel Kyle’s eyes on him but it wasn’t like when he performed in front of others. He couldn’t describe it, but it was different.

Half way through the song, Kyle stopped him by placing a hand on his arm.

“Can you not hear me?” Dan asked, almost in a fog. Kyle shook his head in response.

“You are not singing.” Kyle kept his hand on Dan’s arm and kneaded it. “I have a ticket for the full show please.”

“Oh you do, do you?” Dan felt himself smile and blush at the same time. “Do I add it to your tab?”

“I will give you a million kisses in return for you singing for me.” Kyle leaned his head against the side of Dan’s head and then kissed his ear. “Minus one. It might take awhile for me to pay off my tab.”

“Likely so.” Dan said and turned his head to kiss Kyle because he was so close. “Minus two.”

Starting from the beginning, Dan played the first verse without singing. He focused on his hands and not the fact that Kyle was sat next to him as he began to sing the lyrics.

He allowed himself to go for the higher notes in full voice in hopes that Kyle could hear them.

Kyle joined in with his hands on the keys near his side and followed the notes that he saw Dan play. Dan broke his concentration for a few beats as he heard Kyle humming the notes, but then went back to focusing on finishing it.

When he was done, he sheepishly looked toward Kyle to see what his reaction would be. Dan had no idea if he was able to hear any of it, but Kyle seemed happy and that made him happy because of it.

“Very good, Mr. Jacks.” Kyle clapped his hands and then kissed the side of Dan’s head.

Dan turned his head swiftly and found Kyle’s lips. This time, he didn’t pull back and he didn’t allow Kyle to either.

By now, Dan knew how Kyle was going to respond to their kiss and he wanted more.

Pulling him up by the shirt, Dan walked backward until he found a wall and put his hands behind Kyle’s back to pull him in close.

Kyle must have felt the same urgency because he had Dan’s shirt off and then his own before pressing in closer.

They were breathing as one and Dan didn’t know if he ever wanted it to end. Kyle had rings on his fingers and the metal was cold from the room, making Dan shiver in their wake.

“This okay?” Kyle took a few deeper breaths and found Dan’s eyes. They were both breathing hard despite not really doing anything yet.

“Can I touch you?” Dan moved both of his hands down Kyle’s chest and marveled at the short hairs on Kyle’s chest. Not as soft as the hair on his head and face, but fairly soft. He rested his hands on the top of Kyle’s jeans, the tips of his longest fingers holding onto the waistband. Dan swallowed and made sure that Kyle understood him. “Anywhere I want?”

Kyle nodded and leaned his head against the side of Dan’s. His warm breath moved against Dan’s face and in his ear, with it stopping altogether once Dan had his hand on him.

Kyle was hardening in his hand and Dan felt powerful knowing he was the cause of it. Kyle started breathing again as Dan’s hand moved down his length, with the best sounds directly going into Dan’s ear.

Dan lost himself in what he was doing and only came back when he felt Kyle’s hand moving underneath his own waistband.

Kyle was wearing jeans so it was a tighter fit, but Dan had on joggers and Kyle’s hand easily found its way down.

Dan was hard and only getting harder. Kyle’s hand was big and it fit him well. Kyle’s fingers were long and the rings added to the sensation of having someone touch him there. Of having Kyle touch him there.

They mimicked the same moves on one another and Dan moaned into Kyle’s throat before kissing him there. His mouth needed to do something and Kyle’s neck was the closest skin he could find.

He came with his teeth pressing into the warm skin on Kyle’s neck and prided himself on keeping his hand moving enough that Kyle followed him shortly after.

Kyle kept an even grip on him as he kissed his cheek and then mouth, pushing his tongue into Dan’s mouth before Dan could fully open up.

Kyle’s body weight was pressing him into the wall and Dan felt light headed. Kyle’s free hand was behind his head and he used it to turn Dan’s head to the right so he could deepen the kiss.

If he didn’t need air, he would have stayed a happy man, but he pulled back panting and raised his clean hand to Kyle’s face. Dan kept moving his hand until it was in Kyle’s hair and he finally felt like he could take a deeper breath without panting.

Kissing Kyle might help him work back up to the lung capacity that he had while on tour.

Kyle was whispering something into his ear and Dan was finally able to hear it once his heart rate lowered enough.

“Love you. Love you.” Kyle’s breath was warm on his ear and Dan loved every minute of it.

Kyle smiled against Dan’s lips and gave him a slow kiss before removing his hand from Dan’s pants and stepping back.

Dan moved his hand out of Kyle’s jeans and they stayed staring at one another. The comfortable silence fell on them again and Dan couldn’t help but smile.

His face muscles were going to be as strong as his lungs by the end of the lockdown.

“That was nice.” Kyle returned the smile, his eyes scanning Dan’s face

“More than nice.” Dan agreed. “Minus four?”

“Clearly minus fifteen!” Kyle’s voice echoed through the room. “Maybe even minus twenty!”

“Maybe.” Dan took a hold of the front of Kyle’s jeans and pulled him in the direction of the toilet so they could wash themselves.

“Can I hear it?” Kyle asked once they had their tops back on. “The recording of me.”

“I don’t know, love, you tell me.” Dan joked straightening his shirt down and stepping into Kyle’s space. “Since I’m dating you, do I get a limit of hearing loss jokes I can make now? Or is that insensitive?”

“For me, I am okay with it. I wouldn’t do it around any of my Deaf or hard-of-hearing mates though.” Kyle brushed back Dan’s hair and kept his hands on his shoulders. “They might think you are being rude. And, we are going to have to increase your signing vocabulary before I introduce you to that lot. They love to sign fast.”

“I would like that.” Dan shied his eyes down and then back when Kyle gave him a pull on his shirt on his shoulder. “Sorry, I love looking at you, but I’m not use to this much eye contact. It is exhausting.”

“How do you think I feel after trying to read those broken lips all day?” Kyle leaned in a few centimetres closer. “I still say you have some accent that you are trying to hide from me.”

“You can understand me better now, right?” Dan felt concerned that he was exhausting Kyle and started to plan on taking a few signing courses during the lockdown. “Teach me more.”

“This one is an easy one.” Kyle crossed his arms across his chest to make an X shape. “Care to guess?”

“Love?” Dan was fairly sure that he had seen that one before. “Like a hug for yourself?”

“Yes.” Kyle nodded his head. “Now what does this mean?”

Kyle pointed to himself, made the sign for love, and pointed to Dan. All the while with the cheesiest grin on his face. The one that made his eyes disappear and his mouth scrunch up.

Dan felt his heart flutter and he signed it back.

“Okay then, that lesson is done.” Kyle said matter of factually. Moving his hand down Dan’s arm, he took his hand in his own. “I do, by the way.”

“Same.” Dan nodded his head and felt that comforting silence wash over them again.

“My song!” Kyle shouted out of nowhere making Dan jump. “I didn’t sign over a million kisses and a billion cuddles to not hear my song being played.”

“Make it loud?” Dan asked even though he already knew the answer.

“You know it!” Kyle kissed him quickly and turned toward the direction of the sound booth. “Minus one hundred.”

“That’s cheating.” Dan called out as he followed behind him. Kyle didn’t hear him but it didn’t matter.


	12. Chapter 12

Dan tried to make a deal with Kyle that he could deduct a thousand kisses from his tab if he brought Dan down to the coffee shop and made him a coffee, but Kyle said that he wouldn’t be able to because his uncle had the key. 

There were no coffee shops open near them and it seemed irresponsible to go to a food shop just to get coffee, so Dan made the awkward choice to have Kyle drive them back to his house. 

It was tea time and everyone would be home. 

Before they headed in the direction of Dan’s house, Dan texted his mates and made sure they were comfortable with Kyle coming into their home. 

Dan explained that Kyle had been extra safe since the restrictions were put into place and he had had no face-to-face contact with anyone without a mask until the day before when Dan kissed him. 

They voted and agreed that Kyle, and Dan now that he had potentially exposed himself, could come inside. 

Dan did not bring people around to their house without a proper period of dating protocol. 

Mainly because he didn’t have that many people to bring around and secondly, because it was awkward to introduce new people to his mates. 

Mates that he had literally known for more than a decade and that had no qualms about taking the piss out of him. 

He would hope that Sophie had primed them a bit and shared that Dan was anxious about bringing Kyle there. 

Either way, he wanted to prepare Kyle. 

Turning on the overhead light, Dan unbelted and turned to face Kyle. “I have known them for years. They might tease me about bringing you here. Ignore them. Please.” 

“You think I haven’t been in a million of these situations before?” Kyle said and then likely realized how that sounded. “I mean, not with meeting boyfriend’s mates, but in general. I know how to blend. Go with the flow. Regular social chameleon, I am.” 

“A what?” Dan wasn’t sure if Kyle said chameleon or something else. It sounded off to his ears. “Chameleon, like the lizard that changes colours?” 

“Yes. A chameleon.” Kyle seemed confused. “What did I say?” 

Kyle said it the same way again and Dan realized maybe that was just how Kyle pronounced it. He had always sounded a bit posh in the clarity of his words, with each word enunciated in a formal manner. Maybe it was just a fluke. 

“That. You said that.” Dan assured him and placed his hand on his arm. 

“I will mispronounce words at times. I was hearing for the first twenty years of my life so I have the muscle memory for words, just some are harder than others. Especially ones I don’t use as much.” Kyle put his hand over Dan’s. “Again, I don’t mind if you point them out, but don’t make a habit of it. Please don’t correct me in front of others, even if I sound foolish. And please, never ever talk for me. I hate that. Literally hate that. I have to learn how to communicate with others, they can learn to communicate with me.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head. Learning Kyle was the same as learning anyone else he had been in a relationship with. There were things they might mess up on, but Dan was glad Kyle was open about it. “Thank you for telling me. I will tell you my limits as well. Like with the bragging thing, I don’t like when people say that. I don’t like talking about myself like that. Full stop.” 

“Now that is out of the way. Let’s go meet these mates.” Kyle turned off the overhead light and opened his door. As they were walking toward the main door, Kyle asked, “They all know about me? About us?” 

Dan nodded his head. It was darker out and he moved them closer to an outside light. 

“Anything I can’t talk about with them?” Kyle gestured toward the door. “Let’s get that out in the open as well.” 

“No, they know me. Too well know me. I’m a private person though. I don’t go ‘round shouting about my feelings.” Dan fought to keep his eyes up and on Kyle for this. “Never talk to them about anything we do, like sexually. That is gross. I mean, not because what we do or will do is gross.” 

“Totally understand that one.” Kyle took Dan’s hand and started to fidget with it, likely to help distract Dan from pulling on his shirt. “What about those songs? I read some of those lyrics.” 

“I write from other people’s perspectives most of the time. Those aren’t my feelings.” Dan took his hand back to run across his forehead and then through his hair. 

“Really?” Kyle raised his eyebrow and moved in closer. “I find that hard to believe, but okay.” 

They had already started eating when Dan and Kyle entered. There was a round of 'hellos' and 'it is nice to meet you,' with all of them telling them to get food and eat. 

Kyle put some food on his plate and smiled in Dan’s direction as Dan was shouting at his mates about something they said. Dan knew that the smile was only for him because there was no way that Kyle heard anything that his mates had said. 

Once they were seated, Dan took a drink and looked at his mates around the table. Everyone was on their best behaviour and Dan was grateful. 

“So, Daniel, what did you lot get up to today?” Sophie smiled at them. “What? I’m being nice.”

“We went to the studio. Kyle recorded something.” Dan looked to Kyle quickly to make sure that was okay. “I told them about your song, is that alright?” 

“Yes.” Kyle smiled at him and Dan heard Sophie swoon. Kyle’s attention was on Dan, so he continued, “Dan was kind enough to help me actually hear it. If it is loud enough, I can still hear the music. Very sad. Tragic story of a boy who loves music losing his ability to hear music.” 

“That is fascinating.” Sophie said and then realized that Kyle must not have heard her because he looked out to the group. She repeated herself when she found his attention on her. “You work in the field?” 

“I used to rig and de-rig the stages for festivals and some of the background sound engineering. Followed the festivals around the area. Less of the engineering as the hearing went, but I still put together the stages.” Kyle took a bite of his food and turned to Dan because Dan had put his hand on his thigh. “What?” 

“I didn’t know that.” Dan said, shaking his head. He wondered if they had been at the same festivals before. They both grew up in London, but the city was massive. Then going to the same university and being on the touring circuit. 

“We might have met before and not even known it.” Dan smiled and then realized they were still in front of his mates. 

Turning his attention back to his food, Dan told everyone to talk about their days. He felt like too much of the attention was on them and he needed a break. 

Dinner went fairly smoothly and Dan finally had his coffee after his mates separated into their respective areas. Dan brought Kyle to his room and turned on a few lights so they could see one another. 

“Feel free to snoop.” Dan sat on his bed and took a drink of his coffee. It was warm and helped take away a bit of the headache behind his eyes. “I didn’t snoop in your room. Although, I could have when you were fast asleep.” 

“You talking about this morning? When you used my phone charger?” Kyle sat on the bed, so they were facing one another. “What else did you look at? Be honest? Find my secret sweet stash?” 

“Nothing.” Dan shook his head. “Promise. I was emailing back a few people and finalizing a few things with the next record. This year was meant to be a planning and recording year. A break from the touring. Who would have thought it would be so much of a shutdown?” 

“Obviously, it was so we could meet one another.” Kyle smiled and moved in closer. “Think about it. Same town, never met one another. Same uni and similar friend group. Never met one another. Festivals. Never met one another. You would have never been riding that bike if the public transport didn’t seem so unsafe. You would have never ran me over.” 

“You are a glass half full kind of guy, right?” Dan kicked at Kyle’s leg. 

“I am the guy that says the glass is always full. Whether it be with the liquid of your choice or with air. It is all how you look at it.” Kyle kicked him back and laughed when Dan had to protect his coffee so it wouldn’t spill on the bed. 

“I like looking at you.” Dan said once he knew the rest of his coffee was safe. He had waited all day for it and he was going to finish the whole thing. Simple pleasures in life should not be taken for granted. 

“Who wouldn’t?” Kyle gave him a cheesy grin. “I’m cute and adorable. And someone is obsessed with my hair.” 

“What? Am not.” Dan knew that was a lie but it was fun to flirt with Kyle so he was going to drag this out. 

“Am so.” Kyle’s mouth dropped in shock. “You woke me up this morning playing with it. You messed it up at least three times today when you were kissing me. You touched it in the studio. In the car. Face it mate, you are obsessed with it. Another reason for the lockdown, so I couldn’t trim my hair and you would become obsessed with it.” 

“No. I was only helping you sort out that mess.” Dan finished what was left in his cup and set it aside. Reaching his arms forward, he tugged Kyle toward him and slid down so that Kyle was lying on top of him. “Now, those eyebrows. I’m obsessed with those.” 

“Are they not hair?” Kyle continued their banter and shifted himself so he was a bit more comfortable, his legs falling in between Dan’s. “Case closed. Obsessed.” 

“You got me there.” Dan’s hand moved down Kyle’s back. He was narrow enough that Dan’s hands almost covered the span of Kyle’s back. “Is there a cure?” 

“For all this?” Kyle briefly looked down at himself and then leaned in closer, kissing Dan’s lips in the process. “No one has found it yet. The research is not promising.” 

“What should I do?” Dan realized that Kyle didn’t hear him, so he moved his hand underneath Kyle’s shirt and kissed him back so Kyle wouldn’t move. 

Kyle’s hands started to move along Dan’s sides and then underneath his bum, pressing Dan up against him. 

Dan moaned as he allowed Kyle to rub them against each other. Dan’s hand found his way into Kyle’s hair to wrap around the soft locks and Dan felt himself sinking further into the bed. 

Kyle deepened the kiss with the feel of Dan’s hand in his hair, showing Dan that Dan might be obsessed with his hair, but Kyle had no issue with it. 

“Can we?” Kyle took his mouth away and Dan could hear the sounds of both of them breathing fill the room. “Less clothes, maybe?” 

Dan nodded his answer and moved his hands to Kyle’s front to unzip the jeans and push them down. Kyle’s hands had easily pushed away the joggers. 

Shirts were removed next and then they found themselves lying bare against one another. 

“Do you have anything?” Kyle kissed down Dan’s throat as Dan moved his head back to allow Kyle full access. “To help us move together better?” 

Dan thought if there was anything in the room and remembered he had lotion for his hands. They were getting dry and red with all the washing. It was somewhere in the room, but he really did not want to move to get it. 

Pulling gently up on the hand he had in Kyle’s hair, Dan told him about the lotion and Kyle moved away from him much too quickly. 

The good news was that Dan got full view of Kyle as he stood and looked around the room. 

Kyle was very much a man and that was very much his dick that was hard. Hard because of what he and Kyle had been doing. 

Kyle must have found it because he was back in the bed and his hand was cold on him. He was right though and it helped them move against one another better. 

Dan’s hand found its way back to Kyle’s hair and he held on tight as Kyle pressed against him and lowered his head to kiss him. 

“Not so tight.” Kyle winced as Dan pulled too hard on his hair, but it really was Kyle’s fault because he had added his hand between them to help. 

The feel of Kyle’s hand guiding them together and the thought of what they were doing was too much, with Dan pulling on his hair again as he squeezed his hand into a fist as he came. 

“Kiss me.” Kyle begged with his hand still moving them together. 

Dan listened and soon he felt Kyle’s body shivering above him.

Kyle’s hand fell away and he rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan petted the hair on the back of Kyle’s head in apology and they stayed like that for a while. 

Kyle’s breathing evened out and Dan wondered if he had fallen asleep but he moved his head up right as Dan accepted that was how they were going to sleep. 

“You okay?” Kyle asked with his eyes looking so deep into Dan they almost felt like he was looking straight into his soul. 

Kyle’s clean hand was tracing an imaginary pattern across Dan’s chest and Dan wanted to explain everything he was feeling and had ever felt in his life, but he couldn’t find the words. 

Dan nodded his head and Kyle gave him a quick kiss before he was moving up and away from him. 

Dan reached out his hand because he didn’t want him to leave yet and Kyle explained that they needed to sort themselves and get ready for bed. 

Dan accepted the explanation for moving away from him and soon they both were in clean clothes and had their teeth clean. 

Dan’s shirt was too big on Kyle’s narrow frame but it looked so much better on him than it ever did on Dan. 

Kyle allowed Dan to get away with not speaking until they were laid back in the bed, this time with clean sheets as well. 

“You sure you are okay? You haven’t said anything since…” Kyle’s hand moved down Dan’s chest and found his hand to hold. They were laid facing one another and Dan had been pulling at his shirt, trying to get comfortable. 

“I’m perfect.” Dan moved in a bit closer and kissed Kyle to prove it. He settled back on the pillow and watched as Kyle watched his face. He liked being under Kyle’s watchful eyes. 

“It is okay if you are panicking. I almost lost my mind the first time I slept with a man.” Kyle searched Dan’s eyes for answers. “You can talk to me about it.” 

“It isn’t that.” Dan wondered for a second if that were true and then he realized he felt happy and that had always been an unsettling feeling for him. Happy meant that he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and the feeling to go away. “Scared this is going to end.” 

“Us?” Kyle narrowed his eyes at him. “I don’t want that. Do you want that?” 

Dan shook his head no and realized he still had on his glasses so he removed them. When he turned back, Kyle was closer to him and he rested his head against Dan’s. 

“Then it doesn’t end.” Kyle whispered to him and then closed his eyes. 

Dan moved his legs in closer and took in the full scent of Kyle near him. The sound of his even breathing and the weight of his hand in his own. 

Sleep came easy, even with the light shining on them. He had kept it on so Kyle could see him and he was too comfortable to move to turn it off. 

Instead, he followed Kyle into sleep and allowed everything to fall away.


	13. Chapter 13

Dan woke up with a massive headache and groaned as he pressed his head into his pillow. 

The top of his head brushed against Kyle’s face and Dan moved back so he wouldn’t wake him. 

Rubbing his hand against his forehead a few times, Dan slowly opened his eyes and then closed them. The lights he had kept on last night were bright and he regretted not turning them off before he fell asleep. 

Keeping his eyes closed, Dan turned toward the edge of the bed and stood up. Turning off the lights with his eyes closed, Dan opened them once the offending lights were off. 

The sun had yet to come up and the room was dark now, but Dan knew the layout of his room enough to get around. Dan grabbed for his glasses and kept them in his hand as he blindly walked toward his door. He was not going to put them on yet, but wanted them for when he needed to find what tablet to take. 

He had to turn the light on in the kitchen to see, but he quickly found the tablets that he needed and he downed them with a full glass of water. 

Rubbing at his forehead again, Dan closed his eyes and leaned his elbows against the counter as he waited for them to work. Hopefully he had caught it before it turned into a full migraine. 

He really did not want to deal with a migraine today. 

He had a business meeting with his manager scheduled later today and he wanted to run the idea he had to her before he did it. 

Also, he had Kyle upstairs and he didn’t want to be a bore while he fought through the migraine. 

After a few minutes, Dan felt well enough to put on his glasses and start the coffee. 

Dan finished the full mug before he ventured back to his room. The headache was now a dulling pain and he wanted to check on him. 

Kyle had moved in closer to Dan’s spot, but he was still fast asleep. The light was just starting to come in through his window and Dan figured that Kyle would be asleep for a least a few more hours. 

Dan left him a note that he would be outside and took his phone off his charger before giving Kyle’s head a quick kiss. The soft hairs tickled his mouth and Dan smiled because he was obsessed with it. 

Dan took the guitar outside with him, along with another full cup of coffee.

Because apparently he was a bit psychic, he had ordered both a piano and guitar for his home at the beginning of the year. 

He was terrible at the guitar, but he was willing to learn. Before news of the virus spread, Dan had made a vow to learn guitar during their break. Now, with lockdown in place, Dan had a running list of things he wanted to learn. 

And the list was growing now that he met Kyle, with British Sign Language being added to the top of the list. 

He searched for a few signs and set his phone down on the table while he practiced them. He wanted to surprise Kyle with them when he woke. After going through them a few times, Dan turned off his phone and focused on the guitar. 

He sucked for a lack of a better word and made a mental list to ask Charlie to show him the part again. Then he sent himself a reminder on his phone because he knew his mental list would leave his head as soon as he thought of something else. 

“You still giving that thing a go?” Sophie’s boyfriend asked as he stepped outside and took a seat next to Dan. He had coffee in one hand and a piece of toast with jam in the other. 

“Had an idea.” Dan spoke and cleared the sleep out of his throat. “Might not work though.” 

“Good luck.” Sam set down the coffee and took a bite of his toast. Swallowing, he gestured to upstairs. “Kyle still here?” 

“Sleeping.” Dan nodded and put down the guitar. And took another drink of coffee. “Thanks for allowing him in. Well, me in too. I didn’t plan on...him?”

“No worries, mate.” Sam smiled behind the coffee mug. “Sophie is very pleased with you. She loves Kyle.” 

Dan felt himself blush and he looked down to his bare feet. 

“I, however, now have to listen to how much she approves of Kyle and how in all the years that she has known you, you never gave her any signs that you were into lads.” Sam finished his toast and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “We did not sleep much last night.” 

“Sorry.” Dan ran his hand across his forehead and felt some of the tension return. “I will talk to her about it more. Later, once I wrap my head around it.” 

“Please do. For my sake.” Sam stood and gathered his mug before saying his goodbyes. He was off to work and wouldn’t return until right before “family” tea. 

The others left the house without word to Dan. He went through his phone and got lost in a few messages about his family before he returned to his attempt to figure out the cords on the guitar. 

“Morning.” Kyle said as he walked through the door to the outside. “You always wake up so early or are you avoiding me?” 

“Totally avoiding you. Why I left the note and all.” Dan smiled and then remembered what he was going to do. Resting the guitar against his stomach, he waited for Kyle to turn the chair around and then straddle it as he sat close to Dan. 

Raising his right thumb with a fist, Dan moved his hand forward. Then he opened the same hand so his fingers touched the inside of his right shoulder before moving across his chest to the inside of the left shoulder. 

Kyle beamed at him and then signed ‘good morning’ to him back. 

“You are doing great.” Kyle leaned the chair forward so it was only on two legs and strained his neck forward to kiss Dan. 

His mouth bumped into Dan a bit hard as he almost lost his balance in the chair. 

Righting the chair, Kyle hugged his long arms around the back of it and appeared to study Dan’s face. “You don’t seem right. You okay?” 

“A bit of a headache.” Dan set down the guitar, finished his coffee, and then moved his chair in closer to Kyle. “I get them sometimes.” 

“You alright?” Kyle’s left hand moved to rest on Dan’s knee and Dan was glad he had moved in closer. “Can I do anything?” 

Dan looked to Kyle’s hand and then back to his face. “You already are.” 

“That’s right.” Kyle smiled at him and squeezed at Dan’s knee. “I forgot how amazing I am for a second. Thank you for reminding me.” 

“The most amazing.” Dan nodded and leaned in closer to kiss him. Without the worry of Kyle falling on him, he could give him a proper kiss. 

Kyle’s lips were soft and his mouth tasted like toothpaste. 

“You found everything alright?” Dan used his hands to move back Kyle’s hair from his face. His hands stayed near Kyle’s ears and he found Kyle wasn’t wearing his hearing aids. He debated if he should ask, but Kyle beat him to it. 

“Batteries were drained. Need to change them out.” Kyle covered Dan’s hands with his own and moved them forward, kissing each palm before holding them between them. “We can go to mine later.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and felt the ache in his head protest the movement. He needed more caffeine or more tablets, or both. 

Kyle must have seen the change in his face, because he dropped one of his hands and smoothed his fingers across Dan’s forehead. It was a move that Dan regularly did for himself and he was impressed that Kyle knew what he needed. 

“How did you know to do that?” Dan asked, his eyes glued on Kyle’s rich brown eyes. How was it that he was so wonderful and perfect for him?

“You literally do it all the time. You said you have a headache and I saw in your face that something changed.” Kyle repeated the same movement with his fingers. “I have been studying you trying to sort out your lips and I’m good at reading facial expressions. I am going to be a pro at reading yours. Just give me another fortnight.” 

“You really are amazing.” Dan focused on the feel of Kyle’s hands on him and tried to push back the pain in his head. 

“Same.” Kyle brushed back Dan’s hair and kissed his forehead before moving back. “You take anything for them?” 

“Caffeine and more caffeine.” Dan closed his eyes as Kyle’s hand found that spot in the back of his head and he almost felt like he would cry it felt so good compared to the headache he was fighting off. “Some tablets this morning. Probably should take some more.” 

Kyle kissed his forehead and then pulled on Dan’s hands leading them back inside. “Tablets. More coffee. Tea for me. And breakfast?” 

Dan gave a slight nod and went about completing the list of things Kyle said. 

After Dan took a quick shower and changed his clothes over, Kyle drove them to his and Kyle completed the same tasks. 

Dan watched as Kyle changed the batteries and then put the hearing aids on. 

“What is it like?” Dan asked before he thought it through. Fuck, that was personal and it didn’t matter to him. “You don’t have to answer that.” 

“I don’t mind.” Kyle adjusted the one in his left ear and tied his hair back so it didn’t fall into his face. “It is getting worse. I need another appointment, probably needed one before everything shut down, but I have been putting it off. I know what they are going to say and I don’t want to hear it.” 

Dan waited for Kyle to laugh at his joke, but when he didn’t, Dan moved in closer and kissed his cheek. 

“My left ear had always been better than the right, but I think they are about the same now.” Kyle rested his hand on Dan’s arm. “It is strange. Upsetting. Frustrating. But, it is what it is and I am learning to accept that it might all go away one day.” 

“I don’t know if I should say I’m sorry that it is happening to you or if that is insensitive.” Dan looked away and then back at Kyle. “I wish I could, I dunno, help?” 

“You already are.” Kyle used the same words Dan had used earlier and smiled down at him. “Seriously, you just being you has been so good for me. So good.” 

Dan pulled him into a hug and held him close for a few minutes before kissing his cheek. 

“Want to go do something boring?” Dan asked once Kyle’s eyes were on him. 

“With you? Sure.” Kyle kissed him once and then again. 

Kyle had driven them back to Dan’s house and drank the tea Dan made him while Dan went through his meetings. 

Kyle watched Dan stumble through the Zoom meeting with his manager and then another one with Will and Woody. 

There was a chance of having someone else on a track and his manager was supportive of the idea. She was going to message the right people and get his contact information. 

Will spend most of the Zoom session on mute and couldn’t be bothered to learn how to turn on the sound. Woody was at full attention and seemed impressed with Dan’s idea to include someone else for their first track back. 

“I want it to be loud. In their face. Just like the song, get their attention and almost force them to listen.” Dan leaned forward and tried to contain some of the energy he felt. The four coffees and caffeine tablets he had taken today probably added to his energy. “Loud enough that everyone can hear it.” 

Dan felt Kyle kick his leg at his words and he knew Kyle must be learning how to read his lips from the side better. Dan was sat on the sofa with Kyle’s feet resting against his thigh, so that Kyle could alternate between playing on his phone and watching Dan go through meeting after meeting. 

“Are you done?” Kyle whined after Dan ended the session with the band. His toe moved up and down Dan’s thigh and when Dan looked his way, he looked incredibly bored. “There is only so much I can take staring at you and not being able to kiss you. I still owe you so many kisses and at this rate, I am not going to be able to repay you anytime soon.” 

“Pitty. I might have to keep you ‘round longer to make sure you pay off your debt.” Dan set the computer on the floor and crawled his way over Kyle as he spoke to make sure he saw him. 

Dan had just enough time to give him a proper smirk before he had Kyle’s hand cupping the back of his head and Kyle’s lips on his. 

Tongues touched and Dan shifted around on top of him trying to get closer. 

Hands were moving against skin and it was getting harder to breathe. 

Dan knew they would need to stop or move to his room soon, but he wanted to enjoy the kiss a bit more. 

Feeling Kyle’s hand moved down his back and into the waistband of his pants, Dan pulled back and rested his head on Kyle’s while the oxygen filled his lungs again. 

“Not here.” Dan panted out and then pushed his head back to repeat it so Kyle could see it. “Not here. Let’s go to my room.” 

Kyle followed him with little protest and barely waited for Dan to shut the door before his lips were back on him. 

Kyle was very attentive with his kisses and soon Dan found that neither of them had on shirts and they were lying on his bed. 

Kyle’s weight felt good pushing him into the bed. He was lean but solid against him. 

“Do you have any condoms?” Kyle asked into his ear as he kissed around it. 

That sent Dan back to reality and he stopped his hips from pressing up into Kyle and used his hands to push against Kyle’s chest.

Kyle must have read it on his face because he shook his head and apologized. “Sorry. I guess we need to talk about that first.” 

Dan nodded and pushed his hands into the bed to sit up higher on it. Kyle moved back and sat close to him, but with some space between them. Kyle was facing him and waiting for him to say something. 

Dan moved his hand through his hair and wondered how to have this conversation. He always felt awkward with these types of conversations and preferred to just go with what felt right, with consent of course, rather than be an adult and discuss it. 

This was new territory and it felt bigger than them just rubbing each other off. 

“I get tested fairly regularly. I haven’t been with anyone in over six months. I was negative then.” Kyle started the talk and sat watching Dan. 

“Last physical, I was negative. I probably don’t get checked as much as I should.” Dan crossed his arms against his chest. “I typically don’t sleep with random people. Random women.” 

“Same. I had a few hook ups in uni, but I was always safe with them. I wasn’t with anyone for a while and then started with Harry. That didn’t last long, we were better as mates. Alex lasted a few years, but he broke my heart. I haven’t really been with anyone serious since him. Maybe three others that I have slept with since then.” Kyle listed off his history easily as Dan listened. 

“Similar. A few hooks up and then a few serious relationships. Last one broke my heart and made me swear off anyone for about a year.” Dan couldn’t stop himself and he had to look away at the last bit. “You, you were a surprise.” 

The silence filled the room and both processed the information. 

Dan felt Kyle’s hand on his leg before he spoke. 

“We don’t have to.” Kyle’s hand moved further up his leg. “We have been going really fast and we can slow down.” 

Dan nodded his head. It was true. 

Dan had never allowed himself to go so fast with someone he actually cared about, but Kyle felt different. 

It was harder to ignore that they had between them. 

Dan heard noises underneath him and he knew some of his mates had returned from work. 

“Sam and Sophie are probably home. I can hear them downstairs.” Dan pressed his hands down and moved himself closer to Kyle. “Can we pause this? Talk about it more later?” 

“Oh course.” Kyle smiled and leaned his head against Dan’s. “I have nothing else to do right now, so I will be free whenever you want to talk about it more.” 

Dan signed thank you because Kyle wasn’t looking at his face. 

The rest of the evening was spent hanging out with Dan’s flatmates and the group playing a board game together. Kyle won and showed his full personality to the group as he did his victory dance for them all. 

Dan couldn’t keep the smile off his face and he had to wonder what he did to deserve someone like Kyle.


	14. Chapter 14

There was a strong arm wrapped around his stomach holding him back to the body behind him. Soft breaths could be felt on the back of his neck, as well his chest moving against his back with each breath.

They were in his room and it was still dark in there, with only a tiny light on to help light up the floor in case someone needed to use the toilet at night.

Turning ever so gently, he smiled at the man behind him. He was fast asleep and seemed at peace. His arm tightened its grip as he moved, but now it was loose on his stomach. As if he realized he was staying and didn’t need to fight to keep him near.

He was gorgeous up close. His eyelashes fell down gently on his cheeks and there were freckles scattered about his face.

He would have gladly stayed wrapped up in the warm bed with him, but his bladder had other plans.

So ever slowly, he moved out of the bed and grabbed his phone.

After he had went through his morning routine, he opened his mobile and went through what he had missed since the day before.

He had a few messages from his mum and one from his father. His sister had also messaged him as well. They were attempting to find a time to have a family Zoom session this weekend.

A family Zoom meeting during a pandemic might be the perfect time to tell them about the man still sleeping in his bed.

Responding back with times that would work for him, he sent them and switched to the next text.

Apparently lockdown and global panic lead to exs texting you after months of no contact between them.

_Hello. I know we haven’t spoken in ages, but I wanted to reach out and make sure you are doing well. I realize that might be bold of me, but I miss talking to you. I am quarantined with my family and they kept asking about you. Funny that, I think they like you more than me the way they go on about you. I don’t think they will ever forgive me for letting you go. Or, I guess pushing you away with what I did. Have I apologized lately for that? If not, I’m sorry. I fucked up the best thing I had going for me and I don’t know how to make it right. How do I make it right? Please tell me._

_Fuck, I was drunk and lonely. Ignore that message I sent last night._

_Unless there is still hope for us._

Closing out of the messages without a response, he set the phone down and walked further into the kitchen. He didn’t need to be thinking about exs right now and how people that you love the most can turn out to be the ones that can hurt you the most.

It took too long to come back from that breakup and he didn’t need to be going down old roads.

Seeing the stream escape out of the kettle, he went about making his tea and took his mug to the window.

It was a nice day. The sun was bright and there was a slight breeze moving the branches of the trees.

Some of his neighbors were out walking their dogs and children. It was now a common scene to see neighbors he never realized he had walking around.

One dog seemed excited to be out with its owner, with its mouth opening every few steps. Dogs were going to be the winners of this year, hands down.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder until he realized that Dan was here.

Kyle had been alone in the flat since John went to stay with his family. It had been very lonely to be on his own after the first week of solitude.

He didn’t have a routine anymore, especially after they decided to close the coffee shop.

So, he made myself a routine by getting up. Using the toilet and brushing his teeth. Making tea and then looking through his phone. Then outside. Next would be to change clothes and make his bed. It helped make the days go by better.

But having Dan with him here, that was the best thing that could have happened to him.

“Sorry.” Kyle smiled at him and felt his face protest the movement. His face literally hurt from all the smiling he had been doing lately. “Say it again, I was distracted by how lucky I am that you are here.”

Dan was talking something about feeling strange that Kyle had left the bed before him. At least that is what it seemed like he was saying.

“Sleepy boys need their rest.” Kyle stepped in closer and gave him a kiss on the nose. “Feeling better? That mean headache leave you alone?”

Dan nodded his head and moved in closer to kiss him. It was a quick kiss on the lips, but it made everything about the morning feel better.

Running his hand through his hair with his free hand, Kyle smiled down at him. “Can we go to the studio again today? I want to listen to you play.”

Dan seemed to agree with the idea and said something about getting ready. Kyle nodded his response and soon Dan was heading off toward the toilet.

Kyle washed his mug and set it aside to dry.

Going back to his room to change, Kyle stared at the hearing aids on the top of his chest of drawers.

Was there even a point in putting them on?

He had been putting off his appointment with the audiologist since before lockdown began. There was something wrong with the left hearing aid and it needed to be fixed.

Instead of amplifying the sounds around him, all Kyle could hear through it was wave sounds. Annoying wave sounds that made him almost dizzy at times.

He had had them for a few years and they had lasted about as long as his previous ones had. The other ones never made the wave sounds toward the end though.

Kyle felt Dan’s eyes on him so he picked the hearing aids up and put them on.

Dan was waiting for him and smiled when he saw him turn around.

The whoosh whoosh sounds started again so Kyle reached up to his left ear and turned that one off.

Walking toward Dan, he smiled back and made a wish that maybe one day he could hear his voice before his hearing completely left him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, a bit more angst in this one.

More than anything in the world, music made sense to him. 

He could see it and feel it. He knew how to string the notes and the words together to make a track. 

Unlike people and situations, it was not all that complex. 

And because his anxious brain constantly told him he needed to do as much as possible because people might stopped caring about them at any moment (or the fucking world was going to come to an abrupt halt), Dan had a backlog of ideas and products going into the lockdown. 

This year was scheduled as one to sort out the backlog of ideas and polish them up. 

And then release it to the wolves. 

He had pieces of tracks and ideas on his phone and some tracks that were already recorded in makeshift studios while they were on the road. 

Dan’s task was to go through them and sort out what needed more attention and what could go to the label for approval. 

Unfortunately, his old phone sucked and most of the flies he tried to access, that were saved to the cloud, would not play for him. 

After the fifth attempt at opening the file he was fairly sure was him singing a chorus while lying on the tour bus, Dan decided the phone was right and he needed a break. 

Dropping it down on the table he was sat at, he turned his attention to Kyle sat at the large piano. 

Kyle had washed his hands and kissed Dan’s temple before heading for the piano. For the past three hours, he had been playing various songs. 

At times, stopping and restarting them. He had an impressive memory and Dan wished he could play as well as him. 

And remember as much as him. 

Dan tapped the pen he had in his hand against the table to the tempo of the song and smiled realizing that it was another Radiohead song. Kyle must be into them. 

Kyle was sat a few metres away from him and so Dan could see his profile. 

Kyle paused for a second and brushed his hair behind his ear, the light from above caught one of his rings and made a line across the room. He went back to playing the same song again and Dan bit underneath his lip as the same hair he had brushed back fell forward again. 

Dan knew how soft that hair was and he wanted to touch it. 

And maybe other parts of his body as well. 

Since the day before when they were in his room and they stopped before they went further, Dan had been thinking about being more intimate with Kyle. 

Hands down, he was attracted to him. There was no issue there. 

Just being around him, and in the same room with him, he felt the attraction to him. 

He loved the feel of his body underneath him, or on top of him. 

He loved how Kyle’s eyes watched him so intently, even when he was not trying to figure out what he was saying. 

He loved how Kyle’s hands could be so gentle yet strong on him. 

He loved the sounds he made when they moved together. Or when Dan’s hand would get lost in his hair. 

He loved him as a person. So much, even though he had barely known him for more than a few days. 

He loved that Kyle had spent the majority of their time in the studio today playing music while Dan worked on his own. He was content to be near him yet also engage in his own thing. 

Kyle paused again to brush back the same hair that had fallen down and Dan felt his body react. 

Kyle was right there and he wondered how he would react if he went to where he was and acted on his thoughts. 

If he would brush his hand through that hair and turn him around on the bench. Would Kyle be surprised? Try to kiss him? 

And what would he do if he moved to his knees and unzipped him?

Put his mouth on him?

Would his arms fall back and make harsh sounds as his elbows hit the keys of the piano?

He had seen Kyle the other day. Naked and hard. 

What would it feel like if he ran his tongue down his length? 

Dan moved the pen up to his mouth, without thinking, and licked along the smooth surface. 

Would Kyle moan at his actions? 

Would he put his hand on his head and help guide him down?

“Fuck!” Dan snapped back to the present as the clip of the pen cut his tongue. 

Dropping the pen down on the table with his notes, Dan looked toward Kyle to see if he had witnessed his foolishness. 

Thankfully, he hadn’t. 

His attention was still on the song that he seemed to have difficulty getting all the way through. 

Dan ran his hand through his hair and willed his body to settle down. He shifted in his seat and was embarrassed to find that he had gotten hard by his daydream. 

What the hell was wrong with him? Getting turned on over a dumb pen in his mouth. 

He was hopeless. 

It took him a few more seconds, but Dan felt that he could stand without embarrassing himself so he moved toward Kyle. 

Halfway there, Dan paused as Kyle took the phone out of pocket and looked at it. 

Much as he had done before within the past hour, he ignored whatever message or notification was on it and put it back in his pocket. 

And much as he did before, Dan saw his jaw clench before he went back to the song he was playing. 

Running his hand down Kyle’s shoulder to the top of his arm, he smiled as Kyle stopped mid note and turned to him. 

“Am I being too loud?” Kyle asked. His eyes seemed a bit darker than usual and he appeared a bit agitated. “I can stop.” 

“No. No.” Dan shook his head and lowered his head to kiss him. Sitting down on the bench so his legs were on either side, he kept the smile on his face. “I needed a break. Phone sucks. Maybe I should pay more attention and not break things?” 

“Your phone?” Kyle brushed back his hair and focused on him. He still seemed agitated but his face was relaxing. “What about your phone?” 

“I have files on it. Music files. Songs. Ideas. Random thoughts and melodies.” Dan explained but Kyle did not seem to be understanding him. Reaching for the pen resting on the music desk (and ignoring any thoughts he had about what he did with the last pen) and the blank paper in front of Kyle, Dan asked, “Can I use this?”

Kyle nodded his head in answer and brushed back his hair once again while he watched Dan write. 

“Can’t you buy a new phone?” Kyle looked back to Dan and waited for a response. 

Dan wrote down that he didn’t want to make someone risk their life to deliver him a phone when he had another one he could use. 

“That is kind of you.” Kyle’s eyes brightened a bit and he leaned forward to kiss Dan. Dan ignored the pain as Kyle’s tongue brushed against the spot he had cut from the pen and moved his hand around Kyle’s waist to hold him closer. 

Kyle’s hand rested on Dan’s thigh and started moving back up his leg, until Kyle’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. 

Kyle ignored it at first, but once it finished vibrating, it started up again. 

Dan pulled back from his lips and swallowed, trying to get the air back in his lungs. “Someone obviously wants to get a hold of you. Do you need to answer it? I will wait.” 

Kyle watched Dan’s face for a bit longer than usual and then took his phone out of his pocket. After looking at it briefly, Kyle appeared to turn the phone completely off. 

Dan saw the darkness in his eyes and he wanted to ask what that was all about, but then he wondered if maybe that wasn’t his place. 

Kyle set the mobile off to the side and turned back to him. “Don’t be upset, but I did something you might not like.” 

“What?” Dan’s heart started racing thinking that it had something to do with the phone Kyle just turned off and the darker look behind his eyes. “What did you do that might upset me?” 

Instead of answering, Kyle turned more toward the piano and started playing. Dan’s dumb brain needed almost a full verse before he could process that Kyle was playing "Blame." 

Dan’s heart rate settled down and he smiled. Kyle played it well. 

It was another full verse before Dan realized that Kyle was singing the words under his breath. From what he could hear, Kyle had a rich tone to his voice. 

After he finished, he looked toward Dan and seemed a bit scared for a reaction. 

“You are probably the most fucking amazing person ever. You realize that?” Dan tried to find the words to express himself but that was all that could come out. 

“I looked it up. On the internet.” Kyle smiled at Dan’s words and Dan was fairly certain he saw him blush. “It is a good song.” 

“Thank you.” Dan felt himself blush at the compliment. “Why are you looking up that trash on the internet?” 

“Hey, it is not trash.” Kyle seemed to take offense with Dan’s words and he turned in a bit so he was facing him more. “It is wonderful. An accomplishment. Something you did. Be proud of it. Not everyone gets to do what they are good at.” 

Dan felt that and he realized that he hit a nerve with him. “I’m sorry. That was beautiful. I like to hear you play. You sing?” 

“Some.” Kyle nodded his head and appeared to relax some. “I’m sorry. I have been...I don’t know what I have been. This is a lot. All of this.” 

Kyle’s eyes moved around the room and then back to Dan. “And you.” 

“I know.” Dan nodded his head and leaned his against Kyle’s briefly. Whatever was going on between them only appeared to be increasing and it was overwhelming on many levels. 

“I thought I was done with music.” Kyle’s hand moved around Dan’s back and fidgeted with the bottom of it. “I accepted that it was not going to happen. And I thought I was done with love. You are hitting me somewhere visceral. Somewhere that is very hard to open back up.” 

Dan nodded his head and kissed along Kyle’s face. Brushing Kyle’s hair behind his ears, Dan kissed his lips and then moved back. “Would you believe me if I said I understand? At least about the love part?”

Kyle nodded his head and seemed to be debating with himself. He seemed lost for a few seconds and then Dan saw a hint of wetness in his eyes. 

“It's all fading away.” Kyle bit at his lip and then looked away, his voice querying. Dan saw Kyle’s mouth start to shake with his words. “I’m not going to have any of it left soon. What good is it that I can play it if I cannot hear it? Or at least remember what it sounds like? How is that fair? It isn’t fair.” 

Dan’s eyes felt the tears forming and he didn’t know what to say, so he pulled him in close and held him. The angle was all wrong, with Kyle turned facing the piano, but it didn’t matter. 

After a few minutes of breathing together, Kyle moved back first and wiped his eyes with his fingers. His face was red and he seemed lost again. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t lay this all on you like that. I mean, fuck, I haven’t even known you for a fortnight.” Kyle wiped at his eyes again as Dan did the same. “Welcome to my life. I’m a fucking mess.” 

Dan waited until Kyle stopped wiping at his eyes and then cupped his face, making sure that he had Kyle’s full attention. “We haven’t known each other for long, but I know I love you. I cannot deny it. I don’t want to deny it. I’m a mess as well. Maybe not in the same way, but you will learn. We have only scratched the surface. But every part of me wants to be with you. Do you understand?” 

Kyle bit at his lip again and moved his hands so they were on Dan’s. Kyle’s red eyes watched Dan’s eyes and Dan felt all the insecurities in them. “We are both a mess and you want to be with me.” 

Dan nodded his head and then rested his forehead on Kyle’s again. They stayed there for longer this time as Dan heard Kyle start crying again. Soon, Kyle’s arms were around Dan’s back and he was pressing himself as close as he could into him.


	16. Chapter 16

They left the studio soon afterward. 

Kyle seemed embarrassed and Dan tried everything he could to assure him that it was okay. That he couldn’t possibly fully understand, but he wanted all of Kyle. Tears and insecurities and all. 

Kyle nodded his head, but Dan wasn’t sure if he fully believed him. 

Dan thought back to the sad clown comment that Kyle had made toward the beginning of their relationship and it hit him harder now that he saw there was some truth behind it. 

Kyle loved music as much as Dan but he would never be able to enjoy it the same way Dan could. It was heartbreaking. 

Dan put together from Kyle’s words and his reaction to being in the studio that Dan was stirring up some past issues that Dan knew nothing about. 

But, he was willing to listen whenever Kyle wanted to share more with him. 

They drove back to Kyle’s so he could pack a sac with some clothes and necessities, with Dan insisting they stay at his because there were more people and his mates were wonderful at getting people out of their heads. 

Selfishly, Dan knew he would need to be in his flat to continue the livestreams and Distraction Tactics club without raising suspicious flags. 

Kyle asked if they could nap when they got to Dan’s and Dan followed him into his bed despite not being tired himself. 

His flatmates were not home yet but they would be any moment. He sent them a text that they were in Dan's room and to eat tea without them. 

He got a text back that food would be saved for them. And a big winky face underneath it. 

Dan could only imagine what Sophie thought they were doing in his room to miss tea, but Dan also knew it wasn’t a conversation that could be done over text. 

Kyle had taken his hearing aids off and buried his head into Dan’s chest, with his arm around his waist as soon as they moved to the bed. He was asleep within minutes and Dan was happy that he could rest. 

It had been a roller coaster of a day and it was barely even past dinner time. 

Dan wasn’t sure if he had ever gone from being so needy and wanting of someone to feeling so heartbroken and wanting to help someone as he did today. 

Welcome to the new normal indeed. 

Try as he might, sleep was not going to come to Dan so he tried to open the files on his phone again. Thankfully, he was able to get several more to open and then he ended up deleting most of them because they had already been dealt with. 

Dan switched to his messages and found one from Ralph. He was asking when Dan was going to do another music livestream and if they wanted to share time on one. 

Dan replied back and then rested his thumb on the keyboard. Ralph was a lifelong mate and Dan really wanted to share what was happening with him. Maybe a text wasn’t the way to come out to someone. 

Did he need to come out? Was that a thing for him? 

Did being with Kyle make him gay? Bi? Something in between? 

Before he could talk himself out of it, Dan pushed the call button and raised the phone to his ear. 

“A text and an in person phone call? Someone must be bored in lockdown. What's the matter? Brain cannot function with all this down time?” Ralph’s voice was light despite his words. They knew each other well enough to basically just bust each other’s balls and still know that it was done only in love. “How the fuck are you?” 

“You probably already know. An anxious mind needs projects and certainty. Thankfully, I have the new album to focus on and the internet to distract me.” Dan looked down to Kyle sleeping on his chest and wondered if he should just lay it all out or build up to it. His brain decided for him. “How are you?” 

“About the same. I have plenty of time to focus on music, yet I have no time to focus on music. How does that work?” Ralph laughed into the phone and Dan felt a sense of normalcy with the sound. “Instagram and the like, so grateful to have them. Imagine being a new artist and not have gigs?” 

“Literally cannot imagine. There is going to be so many people affected by this. In so many different ways. It is unreal.” Dan swallowed and tried to switch his brain away from the news he saw on his phone about the projected deaths the health officials released. “You feeling okay? Your family healthy?” 

“Yes. All quarantined and safe. My parents, they didn’t believe it at first, but I think the news scared them enough to follow guidelines.” Ralph appeared to be strumming a guitar and Dan had a list to come back to that. “What about yours?” 

“About the same. You know how my father is. No one can tell him what to do, but I think he understands now. My aunt, my mum’s sister, she had some symptoms of it and my mum panicked. Seeing my mum panic like that, made him pause and think it through.” Dan felt his heart rate increase and he fought through it. “I need to tell you something.” 

“Fuck, is she okay? Your aunt?” Ralph’s voice changed and Dan felt that guilt lump in his stomach start to grow. He should have thought that through. 

“No. Jesus, no. She is fine now.” Dan swallowed and willed himself to relax. Much like all the other times he willed himself to relax, he came up short. “I met someone.” 

“Love in lockdown? I thought that was only an idea for a television show.” Ralph laughed again and Dan felt himself relax at the sound. “What, you kiss through a mask?” 

“We met in masks, yes. I have been using my bike to ride to the studio-” 

“That isn’t allowed anymore, is it?” Ralph cut him off, his own ADHD brain working much like Dan’s anxious brain did. 

“Not really. It is just me there.” Dan bit underneath his lip and thought maybe he wouldn’t be able to do this. “And them. They play and we have bonded over that.” 

“Oh really? Nothing sexier than a woman that knows how to make good music.” Ralph paused as Dan didn’t say anything else. “Well, go on now. Tell me more about her.” 

“His name is Kyle.” Dan blurted out in one breath and then closed his eyes as if he could hide from whatever reaction Ralph had if Dan couldn’t see it, even over the phone. 

“Kyle, huh?” Ralph said after a long pause, or at least it felt like it on Dan’s end. “Kyle a bloke then?” 

“Yes.” Dan’s heart was beating so fast he worried that he was going to wake Kyle up with the movement. “Is that okay?” 

“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Ralph’s tone seemed almost taken back. “Why would I have a problem with that?” 

“I dunno.” Dan swallowed and opened his eyes, looking around his room and everything he had accomplished in the last few years. “I’m trying to figure this out myself.” 

“You love him?” Ralph’s tone went back to his normal voice. 

“Yes.” 

“He love you? He decent to you?” Ralph’s tone went up a bit, as if he would fight off anyone that dared to harm him. 

“So much.” Dan felt his heart rate evening out and he could hear noises below them, his flatmates likely having a good time. “I...you are going to like him. Whenever we can meet people again, I want you to meet him.” 

“Kyle who plays...what does he play?” Ralph’s guitar could be heard again. 

“Piano. He said he played the synths before as well.” Dan used the hand that was not holding the phone to brush down Kyle’s hair. He didn’t want to share Kyle’s whole story with Ralph, at least not yet. “He is good.” 

“You going to ask him to join your band?” Ralph laughed and started playing a song Dan knew. “Or have you gotten over that?” 

Dan paused thinking about how that would work. 

Could that work? 

He would have Kyle with him when he started touring again, whenever that would be. 

Kyle could play for people. 

Could that work? 

No, Dan told himself. It was too soon and too weird to ask Kyle about any of that. 

At least yet. 

“Dan? You still there?” Ralph’s song stopped and Dan could hear someone shouting at Ralph in a distance. “Fuck, I need to go. Dan?” 

“Yeah?” Dan looked down toward Kyle and waited. 

“If you love him and he is a good man, keep him close, okay?” Ralph told someone that he would be right there. “Stay well my friend.” 

“Same.” Dan ended the phone call and laid his phone on his chest. The battery was almost drained again but Dan was not going to move and risk Kyle waking. 

Kissing the top of Kyle's head before pushing his own head against the pillow, Dan closed his eyes and surprised himself by falling asleep. 

A few hours later, Dan woke to find Kyle had turned away from him but was still sleeping. 

He needed to use the toilet and decided he would sneak some food to his room on the way back. 

“Ah, lover boy comes to get some food.” Sophie startled him as Dan stepped off the stairs and into the kitchen. “Good thing you have mates that care about you and make you food. What do you do for us is the question?” 

“I cleaned the other day while you were at work and did the washing up for the whole house, so I don’t know what you are on about.” Dan took out the food from the fridge and sat on a stool near her. “What is this?” 

“Lew wanted to be adventurous with tea so he made that.” Sophie laughed at Dan’s expression. “It looks better than it tastes.” 

“Isn’t that supposed to be the other way ‘round?” Dan laughed with her as he poked at the food. It took a while to move back to its original shape so he pushed it away. He wasn’t all that hungry. 

Standing to get some water, Dan saw that Sophie’s eyes followed him. He was used to being watched by Kyle but it felt weird now with her eyes on him. He knew she wanted to ask him a million questions and he wasn’t sure if he had the answers to any of them. 

“Ask, you know you want to.” Dan took a drink and then filled the glass again before sitting down in the same spot. He ran his hand through his hair and then crossed his arms against his chest as he looked toward her but not fully at her face. 

He was going to take advantage of the fact that she could hear him without looking directly at her. 

“I don’t really know where to begin.” Sophie finished the glass of wine she had and rested her arms on the counter. “He seems nice. Really sweet and funny. He is funny. He looks at you like you hung the moon.” 

Dan felt himself blush and was glad that the room was dark. 

“This something that has been going on for a while? You weren’t hiding this from us, were you?” She sat back and Dan could tell she was uncomfortable. Similar to Dan’s reaction to telling Ralph and Ralph seeming upset that Dan was implying Ralph would have a problem with it. 

“I don’t think so.” Dan shook his head and pinched his skin underneath his arm. “Literally hit me in the face. But, fuck, it is so good. He is so wonderful. We had this moment today and I can’t even. I love him so much.” 

“I chuffed for you.” Her voice sounded like it was smiling but Dan couldn’t look at her face to confirm. “You deserve this. You know that, right? Whatever she did to fuck with your brain, that is her problem. Not yours.” 

“Sure.” Dan agreed even though he didn’t really agree. It was easier that way and he knew that she knew he was lying so he added. “I’m still working on that.” 

“Good. Because I like Kyle and I like you around Kyle.” Sophie rested her hand on Dan’s arm before pushing back his head. “Don’t fuck this up with that stupid brain of yours.” 

“Lots of love to you as well.” Dan laughed as she left. 

Dan finished his water and threw whatever was on the plate in the bin before finding two apples to bring upstairs.

Kyle was still asleep when he returned but Dan didn’t want to go back asleep yet. 

Plugging in his phone, he waited for it to turn on and then went to his email. 

There were a few junk messages but he stopped at the one from his manager. 

“No way.” Dan read the email again and then turned to Kyle, wanting to share the news. 

His back was still turned to him and Dan told himself it could wait until the morning. 

Reading it again, Dan shook his head.


	17. Chapter 17

There was the softest of tickles on the side of his face waking him up.

It didn’t feel early, but the bed was was cozy and the body next to him was warm.

Slowly opening his eyes, Dan was greeted with the wonderful sight of Kyle’s rich, brown eyes looking back at him.

Mornings like these could come as often as they would like.

Kyle signed good morning to him with the hand he had been using to brush along his face and Dan whimpered a bit at the lost of contact.

Thankfully, Kyle couldn’t hear the pathetic sound he made.

Dan smiled and signed back to him. He could get use to this.

Especially when he needed to go on voice rest while they were on tour.

If that was ever going to be a thing again.

Pushing away those thoughts, Dan moved in closer and kissed the side of Kyle’s head and then briefly his lips.

That darkness that had been behind Kyle’s eyes yesterday was gone and he seemed rested.

“I like waking up to your face.” Kyle brought Dan out of his thoughts and back into the room. “You scrunch your face up around your nose when you dream.”

Dan smiled at Kyle’s words and pushed back the negative thought that he had about the last time someone told him he did that.

But, that was a different time and a different person.

And she was not in bed with him.

Kyle was the only one that mattered now. 

“I do?” Dan decided the best way to play it was to go along with it. “I don’t kick, do I?”

Kyle shook his head and moved his leg in closer to brush along Dan’s. “Nope. Bed is safe with you in it. Just the cute, little rabbit nose to distract me from the hardness in my pants.”

Dan boldly moved his hand from Kyle’s hip to the front of his jeans. Kyle had slept in them last night and Dan briefly wondered if he was comfortable enough, but then his brain was distracted by other thoughts.

Kyle hard in his hand. His breathing going shallower as Dan’s hand continued to move on him.

Dan’s mind went back to the studio yesterday and his daydream.

The side of his tongue still hurt a bit from his stupidity as he licked it against the inside of his teeth. Dan felt a full shiver move through him and he wanted to be bolder.

“Can I?” Dan made sure he waited for Kyle to open his eyes again before he asked. Kyle’s face showed him the answer and Dan pushed back any doubts he had that he wouldn't be able to do this.

Pushing back the blanket that was covering them, Dan moved to the top of Kyle as Kyle moved to lie on his back.

He gave him a quick kiss on his mouth and then started making his way down.

Pushing up Kyle’s shirt, Dan kissed around the short hairs near his belly button and felt himself respond at what he was doing.

He continued to give lingering kisses to Kyle’s stomach as his hands shook slightly as they worked Kyle's jeans undone.

Kyle raised his hips and pushed down the material while Dan watched in awe.

Dan felt stupid because it was just a dick but Kyle was making breathy sounds above him and Dan saw him twitch as Dan’s warm breath got closer to him.

Pushing the heel of his hand against himself to ease some of the pressure there, Dan focused back on Kyle in front of him.

The skin was soft and warm and he fit well inside his mouth. Sucking a bit as he moved himself up, Dan felt Kyle’s hand on his head and looked up.

As their eyes met and Dan felt that familiar feeling of eye contact, he knew he was okay. Kyle pushed up on his hips and Dan was lost in the moment. Fuck, this was nice.

His main focus was on making Kyle feel nice, but he felt himself enjoying it as well. He liked the feel of Kyle in his mouth, and while there was no piano for Kyle's elbows to bang against, it was pretty fucking hot in its own right. 

Dan pressed his hips against the bed, in between Kyle’s legs and focused on the man inside his mouth. He almost came twice from what he was doing and the reaction he was getting from Kyle, but he held off.

Kyle was making low moaning sounds as his hips slowly rose to help guide himself in.

Before he knew what was happening, Kyle was pulling him up closer to his face and kissing him. Kyle’s hands were on the waistband of the loose shorts that Dan had changed into last night and they were easily moved down.

They kissed each other through it and Dan never thought once about the fact that they had yet to brush their teeth.

He wanted Kyle and Kyle wanted him.

All too soon it was over and Kyle was looking up at him while they tried to catch their breath. As scary as this was, it was all worth it to have Kyle’s eyes on him like that.

To feel what Kyle was feeling just by his eyes alone.

Dan never had that with her.

They went about getting ready for the day after that. With both of their hands seeking small touches here and there. Hands down, it was one of the best mornings that Dan likely had ever had.

As Dan washed up their dishes from breakfast, Kyle sat behind him and turned back on his phone.

There was a lot of activity from being turned off for so long and Dan could hear the continuous vibrations as it went through the messages and notifications.

Dan was finishing drying a mug when he heard Kyle curse behind him.

“Fucking arsehole.” Kyle’s voice was loud and echoed through the quiet kitchen. There were the only ones there, with Dan’s flatmates leaving before either of them left his room.

“Everything okay?” Dan asked after tapping on the counter in front of Kyle. “What happened?”

“I need to ring my mother.” Kyle ran his hands through his hair and tucked the strands behind his ears. As he reached for the phone, most of them moved back in front of his ears again.

Dan had a strange thought of how Kyle was going to ring anyone, but he saw Kyle prop the phone up on the counter and heard the phone click as the video started.

“Child!” Dan heard what he assumed was Kyle’s mother on the end other of the line. “Why is Alex ringing us and why are you not answering your texts? Your uncle went to your flat and waited for five hours before he went home. Are you okay?”

Kyle answered in a combination of English and hand movements that Dan’s put together was signs. He was moving his hands slower than he had when Dan saw Kyle talking with Harry at the food bank.

“I’m fine. I am spent the night with someone and didn’t go home last night. Alex wouldn’t leave my phone alone so I turned it off.” Kyle paused and pushed back his hair again. “I’m sorry if I worried you. I’m fine. I really am.”

“He said something about...the experts are saying...Kyle, you can’t do that to us.” Dan heard her voice break toward the end. “You are doing well?”

“Yes. I’m great actually.” Kyle smiled and signed it again as he looked over the phone at Dan.

Kyle silently asked Dan if he wanted to meet his mother and Dan felt all the blood drain out of his face. The adoring look on Kyle’s face helped but Dan was not good at meeting parents.

He stumbled over words and tried to not be a massive tool, but he always ended up doing something that he cringed about later.

Kyle’s face dropped a bit because Dan was not giving him a response and Dan decided he would do anything to make Kyle never look like that again, so he slowly made his way over.

Brushing down his hair that was likely sticking up and then straightening his top, a dumb loud top that looked like he was attacked with bleach, Dan made the final steps toward Kyle and looked down at the phone.

There was a woman on the screen that looked like the petite, female version of Kyle and Dan told himself that she was not a scary monster.

“Hello.” Dan waved and then felt like an idiot because his face felt like he was trying too hard. “How are you? Are you well?”

“You hearing?” Kyle’s mum asked as she signed.

“Yes.” Dan swallowed and realized that his hands were on Kyle’s shoulders and she could see them there.

Her hands did something without her talking and he felt Kyle’s arms move as he signed something back to her without saying anything.

Okay, that wasn’t fair. Dan looked to Kyle and saw that his face was getting red. Now he really wanted to know what they said.

“Forgive my manners.” Kyle’s mum turned her eyes back to Dan. “I am well. Thank you for asking. How are you?”

“Good. Thank you for asking.” Dan raised his thumb and moved it forward to show her that he knew some signs. Unfortunately not enough to know what made Kyle blush. 

Kyle’s mum made another hand gesture and Kyle introduced Dan to her.

“Mum, this is Dan.” Kyle smiled up at him and didn’t sign it. When he turned back, he added something and Dan decided right there that he was learning BSL as quickly as possible.

“He is.” Kyle’s mum voiced. There was a moment where no one said anything and then Dan felt like he needed to excuse himself.

After he told her that it was nice to meet her, Dan told Kyle he was going upstairs.

Dan busied himself with responding to emails and texts while he waited. About twenty minutes after he went upstairs, he heard Kyle shouting below him.

Unfortunately for privacy, it was an older building and the floors were quite thin.

Dan tried not to listen, but his ears kept going to the sounds below him.

“Why are you bothering my parents?”

Kyle’s voice rose up through the floor.

“Just because I don’t drop everything that I’m doing and respond back to you, you ring my mum and worry her? Who does that?”

“Well, you are not that person anymore and I would appreciate it if you never spoke to them again. You know she hates you right? My sweet mum hates you. How does that feel?”

Dan winced at the tone in Kyle’s voice. Dan wondered if Kyle was talking to Alex, the apparent ex-boyfriend. And likely the one that broke Kyle’s heart.

“As if I would ever do that over a text from you. My God, you are narcissistic!”

Kyle must have realized that he was being loud, because now all Dan could hear was the sound of Kyle’s voice but not the words he was saying.

After waiting a full five minutes with no sound coming from below him, Dan closed his laptop and started working his way down the stairs.

Kyle was still sat in the same spot and he appeared to be texting somewhat aggressively. Dan wondered if it was still Alex and whether he needed to worry about Kyle talking to him. Not for himself, but because Kyle appeared to not be handling it well.

Dan put himself in Kyle’s spot and if it was his ex-girlfriend ringing his parents, he would likely have a similar response.

“Fuck. Sorry.” Kyle looked up from his phone as Dan moved to stand beside him. He went back to the message as he continued to talk. “I need to do some damage control and possibly call off a hit, I will be done soon.”

Dan nodded his head despite the fact that Kyle’s head was down. Instead, he ran his hand down Kyle’s arm and couldn't ignore the tension he felt there.

Dan went about making more coffee and some hot water for Kyle and waited.

Kyle’s tea was seeping when Kyle put down his phone and rubbed at his face.

“I’m sorry.” Kyle let his hands fall from his face and then ran them through his hair. “My ex thought it would be fitting to ring my parents and tell them he was worried about my mental health because I was not responding to his texts. My mum, you know mothers, tried to message me and then ring me with no answer and it all went from there.”

Dan nodded his head and leaned over the counter, taking a drink from the warm mug. “Everything sorted now?”

“I believe I caught my brother before he headed toward Alex’s house with a baseball bat. He doesn’t even like baseball but he saw it in a film and now he thinks he needs to keep one for protection.” Kyle let out a weak laugh and took the offered mug of tea. Kyle signed thank you. “Fucking pandemic and everyone thinking they need to reach out to people.”

Dan took another drink and watched as Kyle took one as well. After Kyle looked toward him again, Dan bit underneath his lip and asked, “Anything I should know about there?”

“What do you mean?” Kyle seemed confused.

“I didn’t mean to, but you were shouting and the floors are thin.” Dan drew blood so he stopped biting his lip. “Maybe I should have told you that sooner.”

“I don’t realize how loud I get, so it might not have mattered.” Kyle shook his head and leaned back in his seat. His eyes went to the mug and he traced around the edge. “You hear everything?”

Kyle’s eyes looked up briefly and Dan nodded his answer. He was fairly sure he heard most of it.

“Alex and I were married. Got married after a year of absolute bliss.” Kyle pushed against the mug and followed it with his eyes. “He was cheating on me, likely the whole time. With two different men. When I confronted him, he had the galls to tell me that it was at two separate times. Like that mattered at all. I told him that made it worse because not only was he a horrible person, but he realized it and did it again anyways.”

Kyle crossed his arms against his chest and played with the strings on his wrist. 

“The divorce did not go well. He fought it the whole way through and shared things he had no business sharing.” Kyle sat back in the chair and found Dan’s eyes. “I told him things. Personal things. Things that you share with someone that you think you are going to spend the rest of your life with. When you think you can trust them with your life.”

Dan nodded his head to show that he was listening but he really was not sure exactly what Kyle was talking about.

Kyle continued to play with the strings while his eyes stayed on the tea mug. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Dan said after thinking it through and Kyle looked toward him. “I would like to think that you can trust me, but it was only been thirteen days. We don’t have to lay all our cards on the table.”

“Can you write it down?” Kyle ran his hands through his hair and tucked it behind his ear. “My brain is tired and it is harder to get what you are saying.”

Dan nodded and reached for his phone, but then realized he had left it upstairs. Gesturing to Kyle’s phone, Dan asked if he could use it.

Kyle slid it across to him and then lowered his head down onto his hands, his elbows resting on the counter.

Dan ignored the messages labeled 'Last Mistake' and clicked on his name. He typed out what he wanted to say and then added.

**We weren’t married but I was going to ask her. She said all the right things and helped me through some stuff from the past. She didn’t share those secrets, but she was doing the same behind my back. Only one man, but it went on for over a year. Her excuse was that I was gone too much. Like that made it better.**

Kyle finished reading the texts and then lowered his head down again. After a few seconds, he raised it and asked, “Want to do something fun today?”

Dan nodded and wondered what they could do that was fun, and still legal, to do.

“My parents have a house in the north. It is on the water’s edge. We can pack up the vehicle and go away for a few days.” Kyle smiled at him. “I promise, I will not murder you there.”

“Only there?” Dan teased back and got a bigger smile in return.

Dan thought it through. He couldn’t leave, not right now. Walking closer, he took the phone back and wrote out.

**I would love to spend time alone with you, but I cannot right now. There is too much going on with the album and the lives I’m doing on the internet. There is a few charity things that I agreed to and I cannot turn them down. I want to, maybe sometime soon? Don’t hate me.**

“I understand. I don’t hate you, but you lost a peg on my 'People I Love' list. You moved underneath my sister, so watch out.” Kyle pulled Dan in closer by the waist and rested his head on his chest, Dan’s hand moving around his back. “What are lives?”

Dan snorted and told himself that he fucked up again.

Typing it out with one hand, he waited for Kyle’s reaction and was surprised.

“So you go on Instagram and people drop everything and watch you?” Kyle laughed and stood. “How do you manage that? I almost had to leave the room for you to play me a song in person and I am only one person. There must be, what hundreds watching those?”

“More.” Dan answered and wanted to reach for the phone, but Kyle was directly in front of him again so he needed to face him. “It helps me by knowing that I’m doing something. Or at least tricking myself into believing I’m doing something. I'm horrible at them. I trip over my tongue and play the wrong notes.”

“But, people?” Kyle laughed and kissed him. Turning them around, Kyle leaned Dan’s bum against the counter and smiled. “So, Mister Instagram Followers, what are we going to do today? Since you turned down my escape plan.”

“I need to re-watch a film and give notes to Charlotte.” Dan found Kyle’s eyes were studying his face again and he was eased by the feeling.

“Who is Char-lot?” Kyle’s eyes narrowed. “That a person?”

Dan nodded his head. “She is great. You will like her.”

“I get to meet her?” Kyle laughed and moved his hands further around Dan’s back. “Is it ‘getting to know you’ week?”

“Speaking of that...I told my best mate about you.” Dan wondered why Kyle looked confused.

“Sophie?” Kyle tilted his head. “Didn’t she already know? Did you have to tell her again? Am I that forgettable?”

“My other one.” Dan answered and found Kyle looked even more confused. “What?”

“You cannot have two best mates. That defeats the title of ‘best.’ Might was well call them, my equal mates. Seems a bit awkward.” Kyle whispered the question, “Do they know that they are not really ‘best?’”

“Oh, shut it.” Dan laughed and leaned forward.

“Okay, I’m done. Tell me about this equal mate of yours.” Kyle changed his tone to a serious one but tickled along Dan’s side as he asked.

“He is not an equal mate. Ralph. He is a best mate. Just a different kind.” Dan laughed and moved away from Kyle’s hand.

"Is it because he has a penis?" Kyle whispered and exaggerated looking around the room before continuing. "Daniel, maybe you need to hear this, but society cannot judge people just because they don't have a penis anymore. It is sexist."

"You are on one today." Dan laughed and tried to move away from Kyle's hands. "Hey, that is not fair. I need to look at you so you can understand me and I cannot defend myself properly." 

“I cannot hear you when you don’t look at me.” Kyle tickled him harder and Dan had to move away again. “Why do you keep doing that? You know I need to see your gorgeous face to figure out those broken lips. You have memory problems like your best mate? You know, the one without the penis? Even though we cannot say that anymore. End sexism!”

Dan let out a loud laugh as Kyle tickled him more and then leaned forward, trying to get away.

Kyle eventually stopped, but not before both of them were a giggly mess.

“You finished?” Dan asked, his eyes raised and leaning forward. Kyle's hands rested on him but were no longer causing him laughing fits. 

“For now. I reserve the right to commence 'Find Dan’s Tickle Spot' in the near future.” Kyle smiled at him and then kissed his nose.

“So, Ralph…”


	18. Chapter 18

Dan found he liked watching films with Kyle. 

He liked the captions on the bottom of the screen and how Kyle pointed out bits that he didn’t notice. 

In fact, the majority of the notes he wrote were based on Kyle’s observations of the film. 

Kyle said he wanted compensation for his ‘work’ and Dan said he would deduct a thousand kisses in exchange. 

Having Kyle’s head on his lap was the best position to watch a film because he could run his hand through his hair as much as he wanted. 

When the film was finished, Kyle turned to face him and asked why he was so obsessed with his hair. 

Dan shrugged his shoulders and said it was soft. Everyone liked soft things. 

“I am going to have it trimmed when I can. Just a warning so you are not devastated.” Kyle smirked up to him and settled into Dan’s lap a bit more. “Unless you want to do it?”

“Do you see this? You trust someone that has hair like this to do your hair?” Dan pointed to his hair and shook his head. Brushing Kyle’s hair back, so it went over his head, Dan noticed he didn’t have the hearing aids in again and he was curious. “You don’t like wearing them?” 

“They don’t work.” Kyle closed his eyes for a minute and sighed into the feeling of Dan’s hand in his hair. “I need new ones. Left one doesn’t work at all anymore.” 

“I’m sorry.” Dan paused and leaned down to kiss Kyle’s forehead. 

“Me too.” Kyle smiled from the kiss. “I can teach you more signs if you want. I mean, if you are not busy Mister Instagram Followers.” 

“I’m going to ignore that name because it will not stick. Go back to calling me Mr. Jacks, if you insist on a nickname.” Dan had a thought. “You know the reference right? One Eyed Jacks?” 

“A pirate that wandered in land?” Kyle teased as he sat up, with his legs crossed and his knees resting on Dan’s thighs. “Right sexy man with long hair and a wooden peg leg? I was a pirate for Halloween once.” 

“You would make a sexy pirate.” Dan moved so he was sat mirroring Kyle. Kyle had distracted him away from asking if Kyle knew who David Lynch was. “You will need to grow your hair out more.” 

“You like long hair on a lad?” Kyle’s hands found Dan’s and held them as they rested in between the gap created by their legs. 

“On you.” Dan smiled and allowed Kyle to fidget with his hands. Dan knew what the next question was going to be, so he answered it on his own. “I don’t know if I am attracted to other males. I mean, people are fit and they are nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to kiss them. At least, I don’t think I would.” 

“You are only kissing this handsome lad, so what does it matter?” Kyle laughed and moved Dan’s right hand up to kiss it. “Lesson number one: Use one hand as a dominant hand. I use my right. It will make things easier.” 

“Do I get a kiss with every lesson?” Dan leaned in closer and kissed Kyle’s lips. Moving back, he asked for lesson two. 

“Eye contact is important.” Kyle said and then puckered his lips. He opened his eyes when Dan did not kiss him. “Hey, now, my lips are waiting.” 

“Maybe a kiss somewhere new each time?” Dan bit underneath his lip and wondered if this was a dangerous game to play. 

“I like your terms.” Kyle leaned forward and kissed Dan’s forehead. “Now, say the words when you sign them. It helps those that read lips and some signs are similar, so it helps people know which one you mean.” 

Dan kissed Kyle’s cheek after that one and then sat back for the next. 

“Keep your hands up so people can see them.” Kyle kissed Dan’s neck, straining his body over to kiss right below his ear. 

“BSL is a language with its own rules.” Kyle kissed Dan’s ear and then the other. “Don’t be surprised if you see a different order of words than English.”

Dan wondered if they discovered the best way to learn because he was eagerly waiting for the next lesson. 

“Now, basic greetings and manner signs.” Kyle moved back when Dan leaned forward. “That wasn’t a lesson, I was just introducing the topic.” 

Dan smiled and kissed his lips, licking his tongue into Kyle’s mouth before pulling back. “Then it doesn’t matter that I kissed your lips again.” 

“Well played. You might be my best pupil ever.” Kyle smirked at him and then went back to the topic. 

“You already know good morning.” Kyle waited and continued when he saw that Dan was not going to try and kiss him for that. “Good afternoon is the same sign for good and then the first two fingers from your dominate hand to your chin and then forward.” 

Dan kissed Kyle’s chin after he finished copying the sign himself. 

“Good evening is good and then your two open hands facing you, moving down over your face to your chest, twice.” Kyle waited for Dan to complete the sign and then leaned forward to kiss Dan’s collarbone. 

“Good night, is the same, only you move your hands down once.”

Dan copied the sign and then kissed Kyle’s collarbone. 

“Okay, now review.” Kyle smiled and watched for Dan to show him what he learned. 

Dan went through each sign and then smiled. He liked this. 

“Good, but you didn’t do the kisses after the sign so I cannot give you full credit.” Kyle laughed at Dan’s facial expression. 

Dan crossed his arms in fake shock and pouted. “I don’t want to play anymore.” 

“I take it back.” Kyle uncrossed Dan’s arms and said it again. “I take it back. Play with me.” 

“More, teacher.” Dan kept his arms uncrossed and waited. 

They went through a few more signs but then the kisses started getting longer and longer in each spot. By the time Kyle tried to teach him his name sign, Dan simply leaned forward and put his lips back on Kyle’s. 

Dan pulled them back and unfolded his legs as Kyle rested on top of him.

Everything they did appeared to lead to this and Dan was a fan. 

They were in the lounge and Dan could faintly hear his friends in the kitchen, but he didn’t want to stop. They would stay down there until dinner was finished cooking, so they had time. 

Kyle’s hand was underneath his shirt and he pressed against the point underneath Dan arm that he found himself pressing into when he was anxious. Over the years, it had formed somewhat of a rough patch of skin. But, if you didn’t now it was there, you wouldn’t notice it. 

Kyle pressed into it again and then moved back. He was breathing heavy but he also seemed like he wanted to ask him a question. 

Dan took the opportunity to take a deeper breath himself and found that he was most definitively going to have better lung capacity with Kyle’s lips taking away most of his oxygen during the day. 

“Did you do this?” Kyle asked, his thumb pressing into the spot again.

“Fidget spot. My mum used to smack my arm when I did it, but she doesn’t hit as hard anymore.” Dan smiled and tried to pull Kyle back in to the kiss, but Kyle stayed back. 

“This the only place you do it?” Kyle seemed concerned and he shifted off him so he was lying with his back against the sofa. The size of the sofa really was not meant for two grown men, and they were still pressed in tight together. 

“I have a rough patch underneath my lip, on the inside. I bite at it.” Dan brushed down his shirt as Kyle’s hand moved from underneath it. “Why?” 

“Curious.” Kyle smiled. “I developed a habit of rubbing the skin on my wrist and my therapist said I needed to pay attention to that. That it might turn into something else.” 

Kyle pushed back the string bracelets on his left wrist and showed the mark to Dan. It looked like the one on the side of Dan’s chest, but a bit darker in shade.

“I just want to make sure that it doesn’t trigger me into doing it again.” Kyle nodded his head and then moved himself so he could stand. Pushing down his jean shorts that were bunching up, Kyle sat on the sofa as Dan moved as well. “It is just a thing that I need to pay attention to now.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and pushed down on his shorts as well. Once he was sure that Kyle was looking at him, he added. “Let me know if that happens?” 

“Deal.” Kyle smiled and stood, holding his hand out. “You decent enough to see your mates? Food smells good tonight.” 

Dan nodded his head and referenced the conversation away for later. 

*****

Kyle talked Dan into going live while he was in the other room. Dan in the lounge as usual and Kyle underneath in Dan’s room. 

“Hello, is everybody okay?” Dan leaned into the phone and smiled. “Everyone doing alright?” 

Dan read through the comments a bit and found a few names that he recognized. “Ah, we have some friends here. Hello, Charlotte. Hello, Bim. How's it going?” 

“Okay, I’m not promising I’m not going to mess all of these up, but we have had a few requests.” Dan sat back and straightened his shirt. Tuning the piano to get the right sound, Dan had a thought to bring the reverb mic from the studio.

Dan had another thought that maybe it would help Kyle hear him better and made a mental note to ask him later. 

The first song was finished with only a few off notes and Dan turned back to the comments again. 

It was quick, but he was fairly certain he saw Kyle’s name and a comment next to it about his hair. 

“Okay. A few more and I will leave you alone.” Dan pressed his hands together in front of him and thought through what he wanted to play. “I think I can remember this one. If you have any requests, please send them in. I can prepare and maybe do it next show. Maybe.” 

Dan made a weird face and started in on the song. Soon enough, he was telling people to wash their hands and take care. 

His phone barely made it through and Dan wondered if maybe he would have to breakdown and buy another one. At least it would be helping to stimulate the economy. 

Not that Apple needed to worry about making money. 

Dan was taken out of his thoughts by Kyle’s arms resting on his shoulders and hugging him back from behind. Kyle kissed along his neck and then turned him around. 

“You did well Mister Instagram Followers.” Kyle teased him and Dan decided to not react. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had gotten under his skin. “I could feel the music a bit through the ceiling. Can I?” 

Dan nodded his head and moved over so Kyle could sit next to him. The bench was not as big as the one in he studio and their thighs were glued together. 

“I know an old song, you know it?” Kyle asked, playing the first few notes. “I learned to play with this song. Not by ear, but by studying how the notes work together.” 

“I don’t know it.” Dan shook his head and watched as Kyle’s eyes moved back to the keys. 

“What about this one?” Kyle started playing another one and Dan made a pleased noise hearing it. 

“You know that one? That is one of my favorites. She is amazing.” Dan’s hands moved to the keys and he tried to follow along based on what he knew it should sound like and what Kyle was doing. 

After they were finished, Dan brushed his leg against Kyle’s and waited for his eyes. “I like playing with you.” 

“I hate it.” Kyle grinned showing that he was joking. “That is why I asked us to do it.” 

“Did you ever...play in front of anyone? I mean, did you want to do that?” Dan waited and really wondered if Kyle didn’t understand what he meant. Reaching for his phone, he was stopped by Kyle’s hand on his arm. 

“I understood.” Kyle took back his hand to brush back his hair. “I have. I get nervous. Before it got worse, I used to play more. I played at my sister’s wedding. Everyone cried and I vowed never to do that again. At least at emotional events like a wedding.” 

Dan nodded his head and then kissed his shoulder. 

“Bed?” Kyle asked, playing a few more notes, and if it was a song, Dan did not recognize it either. “No funny business. I’m exhausted and need my beauty rest. When I went to the toilet earlier, I saw a wrinkle. A wrinkle! It is from smiling at your face. I blame you fully.” 

Dan kissed both sides of his mouth, even though he saw no wrinkles there. “There. Kissed it better.” 

“Kissed it better.” Kyle repeated and then stood to wait for Dan.

Sleep came easy again and Dan started to wonder if maybe Kyle was the magic cure for his insomnia. That is, among the many other things he appeared to be a cure for just by loving him.


	19. Chapter 19

Dan felt Kyle behind him when he woke up. 

Kyle’s arm was around his stomach and holding him back against him. 

And Kyle was hard. 

From the position that they were in, Kyle was pressed up tight against his bum. 

Dan moaned as he pressed his hips back against him and heard Kyle moan in response to his movement. 

Dan was not sure how far he wanted to take this, but for now, it felt good. And from the sound of it, it felt good to Kyle. 

And he wanted them to feel good. 

Dan covered Kyle’s hand with his own and moved it down, so it was underneath his pants and he could feel that Dan was into this. 

“Fuck.” Dan heard in his ear and then he had Kyle sucking on the back of his ear. Kyle’s hand firmly held him and started moving, making Dan want to move his hips back more. 

They hadn’t talked about this. In fact, they had stopped the other day when it was mentioned. 

But Dan did not want to stop now. 

Using his hands, he pushed down his bottoms and then moved his hand back to indicate that he wanted Kyle to do the same. 

“I won’t press into you.” Kyle seemed to understand without Dan telling him. 

Kyle’s breath was warm on his neck and it gave him goosebumps when it hit the wetness his mouth had left on Dan’s skin. 

Kyle’s hand left him momentarily to push down his sleep bottoms and pants, and Dan bit his lip at the loss. 

Soon enough, Kyle’s hand was back on him and Dan pressed himself further into his hand. As he moved back, he felt Kyle’s skin on his and keened. 

“Fuck.” That felt better. 

Kyle’s erection was pressing against his bum and the friction was maddening. 

“Tap my arm…” Kyle groaned and then held his hips still for a few seconds. Dan wondered if he was trying to stop himself from coming so soon or if he needed to stop to allow his brain to think. “Tap my arm if you want me to stop. Okay?” 

Dan nodded his head and pressed himself back against Kyle again, letting him know it was okay to move against him. 

Kyle bit at his shoulder and Dan moved his head back to try to get closer to him. 

Kyle’s hand kept working him and there was no thought of tapping out. 

Was this how it was supposed to feel like with someone? Because Dan believed he might have wasted too many years having sex without it feeling like this. 

If this felt so good, how would it be if Kyle moved inside him? 

Dan covered Kyle’s hand with his own and helped move it slower. He wanted to feel all of this and he didn’t want to go too fast. 

Kyle whined into his ear and Dan felt him release against his bum. 

Kyle’s hand gripped him harder as his hips continued to press against him, only slower now. 

It was too much and Dan felt himself go. 

He blanked for a good five seconds and felt his heart rate spike, and then he heard Kyle talking into his ear in between kisses. 

Kyle was asking if he was okay and Dan honestly never felt more loved and cared for in his life. 

Dan nodded his head and then quickly turned so he could see Kyle’s face. 

Dan gave him a kiss that he hoped told Kyle everything that he felt and how okay he was with what they just did. 

As they turned, they pressed against each other again and Dan wondered if they could go again. 

Soon, both of them needed to breathe and they spent the time looking at one another. Kyle’s rich, brown eyes were looking into his soul and he felt safe in his sights. 

The world was losing its collective mind but in his bed with Kyle, he was safe and loved and nothing else mattered for the next few minutes. 

Kyle signed good morning to him and Dan smiled back. He would have done the same back, but he wasn’t sure if he quite had full control of his body yet. 

“That was amazing.” Dan waited to see if Kyle understood and then kissed his chin. 

“You sure you are okay? I should have asked first-” Kyle stopped talking when Dan found control of his arm and lifted it to press his finger against his mouth. 

“I loved that.” Dan nodded his head and then used his hand to brush back the hair falling on the left side of Kyle’s face. “I love you.” 

Kyle nodded his head and kissed him again, with Dan’s hand moving to the back of his head and holding him close. 

Kyle’s hands were underneath his back and pulling him in closer and Dan couldn’t describe what he was feeling. 

He wanted everything and nothing all at the same time. 

Dan felt Kyle’s tongue reach further into his mouth and he almost told Kyle to keep going. To guide himself into his bum and move into him as his tongue was moving into his mouth. 

But, he stopped himself because he knew he still needed time for that and he didn’t want to rush himself. 

Panting, Dan leaned his head against Kyle’s shoulder and tried to focus on breathing again. 

“You still okay?” Kyle asked, trying to move Dan’s head so he could see his face. “It’s okay if you are not.” 

Dan rested his head back on the pillow and nodded his head. “I’m great.” 

Dan followed what he said with the sign for good and let out a slow breath. 

There were no sounds coming from the flat and Dan wondered if anyone was there. 

“Want to take a shower with me?” Dan used both of his hands to push back Kyle’s hair and then held it there, so he could see his face better. “I’ll wash your back?” 

“Okay, but we might need to wash yours more.” Kyle smirked and then went to move away but was stopped by Dan’s hands in his hair. “Kinda need you to let go of my hair, mate.” 

“Wait.” Dan loosened his grip when he saw that Kyle was staying. “Thank you.” 

“You are most welcome.” Kyle smiled and then shook his head, likely trying to get Dan’s hands to fully release his hair. “Maybe I don’t want you to do my hair after all. Not the way to trim it, Mr. Jacks.” 

Dan waited for him to stop and give his full attention back to him. “Thank you for all of this. I’ve never. Never. Not like this.” 

“Me either.” Kyle’s face went serious when he saw that Dan was trying to say. “Thank you. After Alex, I didn’t think I would have anything like that again. But, this, this is so much more.” 

They stayed there looking at one another for a few more seconds, but it didn’t seem awkward. 

What was it about Kyle that allowed him to just look at him and not feel like he needed to hide away?

Dan was on the right side of the mystery, so he didn’t care to spend too much time analyzing it. 

After their shower, where both of them managed to keep their touches to a minimum, Dan told Kyle he wanted to go to the studio quickly and then prepare for the livestream that night. 

“Again?” Kyle asked, biting into his toast. They were sat opposite one another, with the kitchen counter in between them. 

Dan was grateful for the space because he felt like he could think a bit better with Kyle further away from him. 

He wanted to have him closer, but he could definitely think better with him on the other side of the counter. 

“For the film we watched yesterday.” Dan nodded his head and then remembered he had yet to record anything for the theme song. “You, you are a bad influence on me.” 

Dan pointed his finger and shook his head. “I didn’t record anything for tonight and now I have less than ten hours to make something.” 

“Don’t you make music for, like, your job?” Kyle smirked at him. “I think you will be okay.” 

“Fuck off.” Dan finished his coffee and moved around the counter. 

Maybe thinking was overrated. 

Dan had most of Kyle’s shirt off when he heard the main door shut. Much as he did before, Dan moved back and found that Kyle followed him for a few seconds at the sudden movement. 

“Someone is here.” Dan whispered to him. Kyle nodded his head and fixed his shirt, and then helped Dan fix his as well. 

“Sorry, I forgot my food and didn’t want to go full aggro on anyone today. Tomorrow, maybe. But not today.” Sophie walked into the kitchen and found Dan and Kyle standing close to one another. “Don’t mind me.” 

“We are leaving actually.” Dan brushed back his hair and then moved away from Kyle. Tapping on his arm, he told him that he needed to get his phone and keys. And masks. And that he would be right down. 

Kyle gave him a quick kiss in response and Dan actually heard Sophie grinning from across the room. 

He wasn’t gone long, but when he returned, both Kyle and Sophie were huddled over the counter. 

Walking closer, he saw the piece of paper between them and that both had pens in their hands. 

For a split second, Dan wondered if Sophie was sharing secrets. 

“Won again!” Kyle raised his arms in victory. 

“You are cheating.” Sophie said without much grit. She tapped the paper and made a few more marks with her pen. “Best out of five. Loser has to kiss Dan.” 

“What?” Kyle asked, turning his attention to Sophie from the paper. “I didn’t get that.” 

Sophie made sure to keep her head still and then she repeated the terms. 

“You just want to make me want to lose.” Kyle laughed and made a mark on the paper. “That is cheating.” 

“What are you doing?” Dan tried to ask casually as he walked closer and failed because Sophie turned and smirked at him. 

“Wouldn’t you want to know?” Sophie teased and then made a mark on the paper. “Your boyfriend is a cheat.” 

Dan felt himself pause at the word ‘boyfriend’ and then he realized that it was an accurate term. 

Kyle was his boyfriend. 

“Your turn. I’m not throwing the game.” Kyle looked up to Sophie and then followed her eyes to Dan. Kyle needed to turn back further, but he gave him a smile. “Sophie is cheating. Make her stop.” 

Dan put his arm around Kyle’s lower back and leaned his head in so he could see the paper. Like a couple of school-aged children, they were playing noughts and crosses. 

Dan was proud to see that Kyle had won two games prior to the one that they were on. 

Looking at Kyle, Dan lowered his voice and said, “Top corner.” 

“I can hear that!” Sophie said from the other side of Kyle. 

Kyle made the mark and Sophie threw down the pen. “I’m not kissing him.” 

Kyle made a big sigh and said he would do it then. 

The kiss was quick, but Dan felt like it made a statement that this was going to be normal now. Kyle was going to kiss him in front of people and it was going to be his life now. 

A part of him loved it and another part of him, the one that typically popped up in his head and threw awful facts at him, said that it might be a problem around certain people. 

Sophie left as they left and Dan was quiet on the ride to the studio. 

He needed to tell his parents. And soon. 

Rip that plaster off before he ended up never telling them and introducing Kyle as the best mate when they came to their wedding. 

When Kyle stopped the vehicle, Dan blurted out. “I need to tell my parents.” 

“What?” Kyle asked, turning more toward him. 

Dan did the same and turned so he could see Kyle better. “I need to tell my parents. About you. About us.” 

“Okay. They are going to love me. Parents love me.” Kyle teased as he put his hand on Dan’s, likely trying to stop it from shaking. “Especially my own. But, my mum likes you. She said you look sweet.” 

“My parents love me. That is not a problem. I find it hard to talk about these things, with anyone.” Dan pulled at his shirt with his free hand. “Still trying to figure out being an adult.” 

“Will they mind?” Kyle leaned in closer and took Dan’s other hand so it stopped messing with his shirt. “That I’m a dashingly handsome, young lad?” 

“I dunno.” Dan ignored Kyle’s sense of humour and tried to think back through every conversation he ever had with his parents. They were fairly liberal for their generation. “I hope not.” 

“Want to tell them with me there?” Kyle kissed his cheek. “Again, people love me.” 

“Maybe I have to talk to them first. And then they can meet you. Don’t want them liking you more than me.” Dan smiled and felt his hands start to settle down. “Might have to tell them a few horrible stories about you. You know? Even the playing field a bit.” 

“Were you a good son to them?” Kyle asked. “I don’t see you giving them much trouble.” 

“They are good parents. I would like to think I treated them well.” Dan looked around them and once again found himself shocked at the lack of people around them. They could probably run down the streets naked and not see a soul. “Okay, let’s go inside.” 

Dan grabbed what he needed and found Kyle playing the piano in the main room when he returned with the bag of items he needed. 

He waited by the door and watched him play. It sounded like the song that Kyle was having difficulty with the other day, but today it seemed like he knew it better. Dan made a mental note to ask him about it later. 

Dan heard the main door shut and he wondered what glitch was happening with the matrix today to make him jump twice at unexpected people walking in on them. 

Dan turned and put his mask back on, leaving Kyle to play a bit longer. 

“Hiya, mate!” Dan heard from down the hallway. Mark was stood at the end of it and Dan saw him put on his own mask. “You are not supposed to be here, under order of the Queen.” 

“We are both going to the gallows then.” Dan joked back and kept his two metre distance from him. “We should be in good company.” 

“I wanted to go through a few of the files you sent me. Woody and Will sent some in as well.” Mark stopped and turned his head closer to Dan. “Who is that? You have a track going?” 

“No.” Dan shook his head. “It is Kyle. He works at the coffee shop, a few doors down from us. I ran him over with my bike...wow, fourteen days ago. Damn, it feels like longer than that.” 

“And you have been keeping him here ever since? Afraid he is going to go to the press? Or blast it on social media?” Mark laughed. “That him playing?” 

“Yeah. I think he is stuck on that song. He was playing it the other day as well.” Dan turned to where Kyle was and then back. 

“So you have been keeping him here locked up?” Mark raised his eyebrows and started stepping backward. “I never was here.” 

“Fuck off. No, I have been spending time with him. We are isolating together.” Dan crossed his arms and was reminded that he had the bag in his hand. Putting it down on the ground, he asked, “Do you know how to make our sound system louder? Or maybe make the music so someone could feel it more?” 

“That is your job, mate. Hit ‘em with the lyrics.” Mark took a step back to where he was standing and started in on his thoughts. “I think I could probably mess ‘round a bit with what we have here. Why do you ask?” 

“Kyle,” Dan pointed in his direction. “He is losing his hearing and he loves music. Said it is harder for him to hear it now. I turned the system up as loud as it could go the other day, at least as loud as I know how to make it go, and he seemed to love it.” 

“Someone you ran your bike into? Fourteen days ago?” Mark narrowed his eyes and took a pause. “That seems odd.” 

“The world seems odd at the moment, don’t you think?” Dan pinched underneath his arm and took a quick breath. “I, I. Yeah. I am sorta, kinda, maybe seeing him. Like, romantically.” 

“Oh.” Mark seemed a bit shocked but also like he was trying to stop being at the same time. Dan and him had known each other for a long time and Dan knew that he would probably have the same reaction if Mark (if he wasn’t with his wife, of course) walked into the studio saying he was dating a man. “Oh?” 

“I know. I don’t quite understand it either.” Dan turned back to the direction Kyle was in because the piano notes stopped again. This time they didn’t start again and Dan figured that Kyle was coming to find him. Turning back, Dan pinched underneath his arm again. “I’m in love with him. Like, the best ever film love story, in love with him.” 

“Okay.” Mark nodded his head and then looked behind Dan. “Hiya, mate.” 

Kyle stopped right before he was touching Dan and then looked toward Dan’s face. 

Dan took off his mask and smiled. “Kyle, this is Mark. He makes me sound good. I told him about you.” 

“You tell him about the scene of my near murder right outside these walls? About how you need to put that bike away before you hurt someone?” Kyle joked with him and put his arm around Dan’s waist. “Or did you tell him that you saved me from imminent peril?” 

“Neither.” Dan laughed and pushed at Kyle’s stomach. “Mark can make the studio louder and maybe so you can feel the music more.” 

“Really?” Kyle turned toward Mark and raised his hands. “Please?”

Mark seemed to be putting everything together and didn’t respond right away. 

“Oh course. I will mess ‘round with it today after I work on the files from Woody and Will. And whatever you left me. I will leave instructions.” Mark nodded his head. “And clean everything.” 

Kyle looked toward Dan and Dan repeated what he said. 

“Thank you!” Kyle’s voice was loud. “I would hug you, but I don’t think I’m allowed. I will save it for you, how does that sound?” 

“He is funny.” Mark laughed and nodded his head. “Keep this one.” 

“That is the plan.” Dan said toward Mark’s direction.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Brief talk of suicide toward the end of the chapter.

“I want to watch you. Can I watch you?” Kyle was sat in front of him, their legs resting against one another. “I will be quiet. Promise.”

“I’m not worried about you being quiet. I’m worried about you giving me a look and I start laughing or something.” Dan sorted through his papers again. They had the order of events and the questions he had for everyone on them. “Or, I will just stop the whole thing and start snogging you because you will look too tempting over there.”

“Well, that I understand.” Kyle nodded his head and reached for the papers. “This for the grand show? Hey, these are my questions!”

“I told you I was going to use them.” Dan smiled at him, reaching for them back. He knew they were not going to go anywhere, but they felt safer in his hands. That way he knew exactly where they were at all times.

His laptop was charging and sat on the table in front of him.

Everything was ready, but his phone. It decided that it wasn’t going to turn on and Dan wondered if he could ask Sophie to use hers.

Dan went through the song file again and then the video, before starting to read the questions. Sophie was still not home from work yet and it was hours before the show.

“What about your phone?” Kyle asked, smirking as he watched Dan go through the ritual again.

Kyle had been quiet for the past five practices, so he must have been using a lot of self-restraint.

“No go on the phone. Old geyser said ‘not today.’” Dan sat down the questions on top of the laptop and turned back to Kyle. “I will ask Sophie.”

“You can use mine.” Kyle took out his phone and showed it to Dan, as if he had not seen it before. “Not as fancy as yours, but it works.”

“Funny.” Dan laughed and moved in closer.

They had time and maybe they could fill it with something that would get him out of his head. “If you don’t mind, I would like to use it. I would have to sign into my account, so no using that to your advantage.”

“A verified account on my mobile.” Kyle grinned and moved in as well, spreading his legs further so that they rested almost completely on top of Dan’s and he could move them around Dan’s back if he was more flexible. “Who will I slide into with a DM?”

“Be careful now, I have spent many years proving to them that I’m an idiot.” Dan’s moved his hands up more so that they were on Kyle’s arms and holding his elbows. “Nevermind, you can message any of them.”

“Rude.” Kyle moved in a few more centimetres and found himself in Dan’s lap now. “Seriously though, could I DM a Beetle or something? One of them is still alive, right? Oh, Katy Perry. I can smooth talk her. I look a bit like Russel and that Orlando fella.”

“She texted me the other day that she is not into that type anymore.” Dan decided to tease and found he had Kyle for a second.

“Shut the fuck up, she did not!” Kyle pushed at his chest and made him move backward enough that he had to catch his balance.

“I did not. I don’t have her information.” Dan laughed at Kyle’s face and felt proud of himself. He finally got him. “I don’t have many people’s information actually. Oh, I forgot to tell you. You know Blur?”

“That a hearing loss joke? Who the fuck doesn’t know Blur?” Kyle petted the area he pushed and appeared to be trying to make friends again.

“Graham Coxon, he agreed to do guitars for a track!” Dan smiled up and blushed because Kyle’s hands were moving down his chest now. “Can you believe it?”

“You telling the truth? Because I seriously thought I was going to get a Christmas Card from Ms. Perry and now my dreams are crushed. I imagined a picture with her and a million kittens on it. All decorated in red, oh course.” Kyle’s hands were now underneath Dan’s shirt.

“My manager emailed me the other night with his contact information. I need to send him what I have and wait to see what he says.” Dan shivered as Kyle’s fingers moved across his stomach and up toward his chest. “That feels nice.”

“Graham Coxon digits or my hands on you?” Kyle leaned in a bit more and kissed him before he could answer.

Dan wrapped his hand around Kyle’s lower back and pulled him in closer. Kyle was getting hard and he could now feel him against his stomach.

Damn, that was beginning to feel like the sexiest thing ever.

Kyle’s hand found his nipple and Dan moved Kyle’s shirt out of the way to touch skin.

They needed to move to his room, but Kyle’s tongue was in his mouth and he didn’t have much say so in what he was doing at the moment.

As Kyle pressed his bum down against him, Dan moaned into the kiss and clawed at Kyle’s back.

“Easy there. Watch the skin.” Kyle kissed his way to Dan’s ear and then sucked on it. “Want to go to your room?”

Dan nodded his head and followed Kyle as they made their way to his room.

Before the door was shut, Dan had his mouth back on Kyle and he was pulling at his shirt.

He wanted to touch skin together again.

Once they were naked and lying down, Kyle started making his way down his chest to his stomach. In between a kiss, Kyle told him again to tap him if he wanted him to stop.

Dan pressed his hips up in response and was not ashamed that Kyle felt how hard he was against his chest.

Dan pressed his head back and into the pillow when Kyle finally stopped teasing him and put him inside his mouth.

“Fuck.” Dan moaned and pressed his hips up again, mindful that he didn’t want to choke him. Because then he might have to stop and Dan would not survive him stopping.

Dan made the mistake of looking down and he almost pressed his hips all the way up because Kyle’s hair was falling against the sensitive skin around his dick and taking him all the way down.

“Kyle.” Dan tried to warn him but he couldn’t reach him in time.

Kyle worked him through it and then slowly made his way back up to his mouth.

Dan kissed him and felt Kyle against his leg, gently pressing into him and likely trying to make himself feel better.

Dan pushed him back and took a few deeper breaths.

When he could talk again, Dan told Kyle to wait a minute and he quickly found the lotion they had used the other day.

“Maybe not ready for you to be inside me, but we could do what we did this morning?” Dan asked shyly as he moved back into the bed.

“Can I touch you there?” Kyle seemed to be working through Dan’s boundaries and Dan felt more in love with him.

“A bit.” Dan answered and felt himself go red.

Dan turned and pressed back into Kyle and tensed a bit when he felt Kyle’s hand on his bum.

Kyle eased back and then moved back against him, with the lotion helping him move smoother against him.

Dan moaned and pressed up and back and felt Kyle let out a warm breath against his back as he tightened his grip on Dan’s hip.

Kyle rested his forehead on Dan’s shoulder and Dan could feel him breathing against his back.

Dan turned back around and kissed him because he didn’t know what else to do with himself anymore.

****

Dan looked up and saw Kyle watching him as Dan was trying to interview Charlotte about the film.

Dan swallowed as Kyle smiled at him and raised both of his thumbs. He lost his question for a minute and then had to look down at his papers to find it.

The letters took a minute to go back into words on the paper and Dan swallowed again as he apologized for losing his place.

Dan powered through the rest of it without looking in Kyle’s direction.

Turning off the livestream, Dan let out a slow breath and turned back to Kyle.

“That was fun. You go into full interview mode with these things, huh?” Kyle stayed where he was and put down the book he had been fidgeting with.

Dan had told him he had an idea for a book club as well and Kyle told him he had too many ideas, but then spent the last hour going through the book.

“I thought I wanted to do that, when I was in school. Be a film journalist. Spoiler alert.” Dan smiled and ran his hand through his hair again. "I am not qualified."

Reaching for the phone, he saw there were a few messages from “Last Mistake” on the main screen. Dan had turned off message notifications for the livestream and only saw them as he ended the livestream.

“Alex messaged you.” Dan stood and handed the phone over to Kyle. “I didn’t see them.”

“Okay.” Kyle took the phone and turned off the screen before standing. “I don’t want to talk to him.”

Dan nodded his head and stretched, he was sat in one position too long and he could feel it.

“He is worried about me. At least that is what he says. I don’t believe anything that man says anymore.” Kyle crossed his arms and Dan was surprised he didn’t take a step closer to him. “He keeps reading these articles about how isolation is messing with people’s mental health and he thinks he needs to be my therapist. Which, I only check in with every now and then now. Doing much better now that I don’t have to deal with his narcissistic self.”

“Okay.” Dan nodded and crossed his own arms. That wasn’t the first time mental health had been mentioned, but Dan didn’t want to overstep. And it seemed like Kyle was trying to tell him something on his own.

“He told my parents that he thought I had topped myself. Because I didn’t respond back to him and because no one could reach me.” Kyle hugged himself closer. “Because apparently that is a thing now. If you have a history of that. Because of the isolation. They might think you will try to do it. Again.”

Dan pinched himself under his arm and took in what Kyle was saying. Fuck. What did he say?

Dan opened his mouth and stopped himself from stepping forward. He honestly did not know what to say to that.

He had people tell him after shows because the music had helped them through similar situations. That was always heartbreaking but nice to hear, in its own bizarre way that he would never understand. How was it that he had any sort of effect on someone he did not personally know?

But, he knew Kyle. Intimately, knew him.

Dan thought back to the mark on Kyle’s wrist and how he said he needed to be careful about such things.

That it could trigger something worse.

“It was ages ago. Right after I quit university.” Kyle paused and looked down to their feet. “I took a few pills and took a nap. I figured that would be easy enough, you know? It didn’t work. I woke up so fucking grateful that it didn’t work. I didn’t tell anyone until I married Alex and we were sharing things about each other. I asked for a divorce and he told everyone what I tried to do. It didn’t matter that it was years ago by then, everyone looked at me differently.”

“I’m sorry.” Dan said and went to step in closer. Kyle’s eyes were down so he didn’t hear him.

“I went to therapy after the divorce. To help sort out what he did to me. I don’t feel that way now.” Kyle looked up and held Dan’s eyes on him. “I would never do that now. Even with these damn ears, I wouldn’t do that. Okay?”

Dan nodded his head and put his hand on Kyle’s lower back. “I won’t look at you differently. I promise.”

Kyle nodded his head and unwrapped his arms to put around Dan. He tightened them and Dan allowed himself to move into him more.

****

It was a bit harder to sleep that night, for both Kyle and Dan. 

Dan started off with his head on Kyle's chest and his arm wrapped around his stomach. Kyle's hand was on his back and holding him close while he gently traced random patterns into the back of his shirt. 

Dan moved his hand across Kyle's stomach to his left arm lying next to him.

Dan fidgeted with the strings of his bracelets and tried to lose himself in the feeling of Kyle's chest moving up and down with his breathing. 

Kyle's finger stopped its movement on his back, with his hand moving to rest on Dan's head. 

"I don't hurt myself." Kyle said casually. "That is not what that mark is, if that is what you are looking at." 

"I'm not." Dan said as he raised his head up and turned on a light near the bed. He had moved it there so Kyle could see his face at night.

Dan put his head on the pillow and was thankful that Kyle kept his hand on his head despite the movement. "I was thinking about how grateful I am that you are still alive. That the world shut down and I got to meet you. And then I felt the permanent lump of guilt in my stomach grow because how can I be thankful for that? People are dying and lonely. Some might lose everything. So why do I get you? What makes me so special to have so much while people have literally nothing?" 

"Maybe we needed each other?" Kyle said as he moved his hand through Dan's hair. "We are not without pain or hardship. I'm a gay man that had my husband cheat on me and then take all my money in the divorce. I love music and my stupid ears don't work right. So we have each other right now, we deserve it. To be happy. I'm so fucking happy right now. And yes, the world is losings its mind, but it will come back. We will come back from this." 

"How can you be so sure?" Dan moved in a bit closer and closed his eyes. Kyle's hand in his hair and his words were making that guilt lump lessen its hold on him. 

"I'm not. But what is the alternative? Be bitter and hopeless?" Kyle smiled at him. "Been there. I'll stay here please. With you." 

"Same." Dan smiled back, his hand still fidgeting with the strings on Kyle's wrist. "Do these mean anything, or do you just like them? I used to wear a bracelet my mum bought me. When we first started touring. I hated it but it felt nice to have something from her. Like she was still protecting me even though she was not there." 

"There is a bracelet for every year I decided to love myself, despite my faults." Kyle looked down to his wrist. "I don't have many now, but I hope to add to it." 

"That is brilliant." Dan leaned in closer as Kyle turned back to him. "I like the idea." 

"It wasn't mine. It was my therapist's idea. He said it would be a good visual reminder for me." Kyle kissed Dan's nose. "I like the idea as well." 

Good night, Dan signed to Kyle. Kyle signed it back and used his long arm to turn off the light. 

When he moved his arm back, Dan put his head on his chest and continued to fidget with the strings. 

After a while of counting breaths and smoothing the strings through his fingers, Dan could hear that Kyle had fallen asleep. 

Sleep still did not come for him, but he was content to stay right as he was and go through lyrics in his head. 

If they happened to be about the man sleeping underneath him, he would never tell. 

Maybe only to Kyle, one day. 


	21. Chapter 21

It had been two days since Kyle told Dan his secret and Dan had stayed true to his word.

He looked at him the same way he had always looked at him: A bit in awe and mostly with love.

Kyle thought the best thing about Dan was how he looked at him. His eyes were honest and true.

Dan wore his heart on his sleeve, and while he was typically wrong about how much of an idiot he was, at least he was upfront about it.

There was no facade with him. He wasn’t a cocky musician that hit it big and then decided he was above everyone else.

Dan acted like he was the least important person in the world.

Kyle quickly picked up on the fact that Dan loved his family and friends with his whole heart.

His mates were a tight knit group of people that appeared to have grown into adulthood together. And why it was common for most Londoners to have flatmates, Kyle knew that Dan did not need to stay with his friends. He could have moved out and lived on his own a long time ago.

Instead, he chose to stay with his mates because he loved to have people around him that he cared about. And he would much rather spend his money on music, travel, and others than on himself.

The money issue was not a thought for Kyle until he saw Sophie slide Dan’s bankcard to him on the table as she returned from the shopping.

It hit him all at once that he had been literally staying with Dan, and his mates, for free for the past several days. He had been using their utilities and eating their food.

And, he had food at his own flat that needed using up.

Kyle looked down to the tea he was drinking and wondered if he should have been offering to pay his share the whole time.

Right as he was going to offer Dan money, Sophie took out a small bag for Dan. Sophie was grinning as she put the bag next to the card and then went about putting the shopping away.

Dan was talking to her, but his head was turned away so Kyle could not see what he was saying.

Sophie made a waving hand gesture and continued putting away the items.

Kyle turned back to Dan and watched as he opened the bag. Dan’s face went a deep shade of red and, for a second, Kyle wondered if Sophie had bought him condoms.

Dan raised the item out of the bag and turned toward Kyle, showing him the lip balm.

Attached was a note: **To help with those used lips as of late.**

Dan pushed the lip balm toward Kyle and started talking to Sophie again.

Her back was turned to them, but Kyle could tell that from the way her body was moving, that she was laughing at whatever Dan was shouting at her.

Dan had explained to Kyle a few days ago that Sophie and him had been mates for over a decade and she was likely the one person that could always get away with calling him out on his shite.

She had been one of the supporting people that pushed Dan into music and pursuing what he was good at after uni. She had helped with the name of the band and some of the first art designs for their promotions.

Kyle asked him if they had ever been romantically involved and Dan laughed. Sophie was like a sister to him and he couldn’t imagine being with her in that way. They were best as mates and that was the end of it.

Last night, Sophie had been talking to Dan in the other room and Dan came back to his room quieter than usual.

Kyle knew from the way Dan looked in the morning and how he carried himself throughout the day, that he hadn’t been sleeping as well.

And yesterday, he seemed like he had another headache.

Kyle offered to make him a coffee when he saw him rubbing his head that night as they watched a film as a group. Kyle had seen how Dan used the caffeine last time to help ease the pain, but Dan signed to him ‘no, thank you.’ It was only a mild nuisance and Dan didn’t want to risk staying up late again.

Kyle pulled Dan closer to him and rubbed Dan’s head with his fingers, hoping that it would help like a coffee.

Unfortunately, despite his magic touch, the headache did not seem to go away and Kyle fell asleep before Dan. He tried to stay awake with him, but his brain was tired and Dan was typing on his laptop. Dan had told him that he typically would work through the insomnia.

When Kyle woke that morning, Dan was sleeping near his shoulder.

Before he went to bed, Dan had written in the notepad they had next to the bed about how he wanted to talk to his parents in person. He wanted to share with them the news about Kyle and what a wonderful person he was, but he thought it would be strange to do over a Zoom or Facetime call.

After Dan woke around ten in the morning, Kyle assured him that he was not rushing Dan into telling his parents and if he needed some time, it was okay.

Dan insisted that he wanted to tell them, but he was upset that he couldn’t do it in person.

Kyle nodded his head and said that he understood. He did. Opening up and being vulnerable was hard enough, but to do it over a dodgy internet connection was even worse.

They readied themselves for the day and had come downstairs to Sophie coming back with the shopping. And her small gift for Dan. And he guessed himself as well. Since he was the one kissing Dan so much.

Kyle felt Dan’s hand on his arm and he turned his head toward him. Dan was asking if he wanted to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Or a talk. But in this context, walk seemed like the more appropriate word.

It was nice out for a London day and Kyle loved the sunlight on his face. There was no one around them, but they were still wearing their masks. The news kept saying that it was important and both thought better safe than sorry.

Dan was going through the signs that he had learned over the past few days and Kyle was stopping him every now and then to show him a different way to hold his hands.

Kyle was proud of Dan for learning so quickly. Most of the people that he had been with, if they did not already know BSL, did not take much of an interest in it.

Alex didn’t at first, but as they became more serious, he learned the basic vocabulary.

Kyle could hear better back then with the hearing aids in, so it didn’t seem as important to teach Alex. Alex still would forget to sign and talk to him while he was either too far away or had his back turned to him.

Especially toward the end, it seemed like Alex had many conversations with his back turned to him.

Now, with his hearing the way it was and the lack of proper hearing aids to help amplify the sounds around him, it was important for them to communicate.

Kyle had stopped wearing the hearing aids completely a few days ago because all they did now was make him dizzy and feel a bit sick.

Dan signed the wrong word for dog and Kyle corrected him. Dan seemed upset and then made the right hand movements for it.

“You okay?” Kyle asked, stopping Dan with a hand on his arm.

Dan nodded his head and looked around quickly before taking off his mask. Dan was talking about trying to learn and that he felt a bit foolish because he kept messing up common words.

“No worries, mate.” Kyle turned so they were facing each other on the street. “I mess up all the time. Especially with my mates that sign quickly. The fact that you are even trying to learn, makes my heart swell. You are doing brilliant. It is a language. You do not learn a language overnight. Or a fortnight.”

Dan nodded his head and gave him a quick kiss near his temple before he put his mask back on and they were on their way again.

Dan asked him in sign language how he was and Kyle responded. It was a beautiful day and Kyle was in love, things were amazing. And he told Dan with his hands.

Kyle wanted to teach Dan something new, so he stopped them again.

“We have to practice your fingerspelling for things that are not common signs and for names.” Kyle smiled and signed his sign name, a combination of the letter ‘K’ and the sign for music. “That is my sign name. Harry gave it to me when he learned that I played. He had been in the community so he could give me a sign name.”

Dan repeated his sign name and signed that he liked it.

Kyle thought about what name he wanted to give Dan, but ended up saying that he needed to think about it more. It was a sign that would stay with him and he wanted to get it right. “I want to make sure it is an accurate one. I might have to use it for a long time and don’t want to get it wrong.”

Dan took off his mask and smiled at him. Then he took off Kyle’s mask and kissed his mouth.

Kyle had previously wondered if maybe Dan was concerned about being recognized, especially walking down the street and kissing a man. But apparently, that was not the case as Dan took his hand and continued to walk them down the street.

There still was no one around them, so they kept their masks off but ready in their hands.

Dan seemed to notice that Kyle was lost in his head and asked him what was wrong. Kyle was surprised that Dan answered that most people only come up to him when he has a gig related to the band. Otherwise, he blends into the crowd.

“Even with that big marshmallow head bloke going around the world playing your song?” Kyle squeezed Dan’s hand and saw him blush. Fuck, if that wasn’t a cute sight to see. “Wait a minute, you know what he looks like, don’t you? Let me guess, ears are too big for his head, right?”

Dan shook his head and laughed, falling a bit into Kyle’s arm while they walked. Dan didn’t answer the question though, so Kyle took that as the true answer. He knew only a man with big ears would wear a white bucket on his head.

Nearing a park area, Kyle gestured for them to enter and Dan nodded his head. They sat in a spot near some water and Kyle saw there were a few people around them.

All sat or stood in their small groups.

It was a bit strange to be in an area that had people that were not Dan’s flatmates. But, everyone was keeping their distance from one another, so it seemed safe.

Dan was sat directly in front of him, with their knees touching one another. They both wore shorts and light tops due to the weather. As they were both plasty white, Kyle hoped they did not burn.

That wouldn’t work well with their habit of lying naked together.

Dan was talking about something related to the weather or the area, Kyle wasn’t quite clear so he asked him to sign it.

Dan paused and turned his eyes up to the left while he appeared to think it through. Ever so slowly, Dan signed ‘outside good,’ ‘sun good,’ and ‘people good.’

Kyle signed ‘well done’ to him and then asked him more. Signing while he spoke, Kyle asked, “Tell me more. Can you hear any birds or the wind? Children shouting?”

Dan nodded his head and again looked up and to the left before signing ‘birds yes,’ ‘children no,’ and ‘wind what?’

“Wind.” Kyle signed again. “Hear in trees? Move?”

Dan nodded his head and signed ‘wind’ again.

Kyle smiled and gave him a kiss for his efforts. He was pleased to see that Dan did not pull back from him or appear to have an issue with them kissing even with other people around them that could clearly see them.

Straight men had massive barriers about kissing around others, at least from Kyle’s experiences.

Kyle decided to use another technique to both have an excuse to touch Dan and also practice his vocabulary without voicing.

Kyle traced words on the palm of Dan’s hand and then waited for Dan to sign them. Once they reached twenty words, Kyle signed ‘well done’ again.

Dan had a slight blush and signed ‘thank you’ back.

Because everything was pleasant and they had run out of vocabulary words that Dan knew, Kyle decided to bring up the issue of money and paying his way.

Kyle voiced for the conversation rather than sign it. It was too complex to translate into sign for Dan to understand.

“I noticed you paid for the shopping this morning. With Sophie and the bankcard. I want to pay you for my share. It isn’t fair that I’m staying with you and eating your food.” Kyle looked toward Dan as he waited for a response.

Dan seemed surprised and shook his head. Then something about it being Dan’s treat and Kyle didn’t need to worry about it. When they were at Kyle’s place, he could treat him.

Kyle nodded and signed ‘thank you.’ He got a smile from that and he was happy that was out of the way.

Dan started talking about his parents and that he was going to Zoom with them that night. He wanted to know if Kyle could sit in on the last half of it. Once Dan told them about Kyle and explained the situation.

Kyle nodded his answer and kissed him. “They are going to love me. Have I mentioned that?”

Dan laughed and nodded his head.

They moved to lay on the grass, with their heads near one another and their joined hands together. After a few minutes, Kyle turned to Dan to tell him something but noticed he was asleep. Kyle decided it could wait until later and that he would wait until their hour was up before waking him.

After tea and a quick game of cards with Dan’s flatmates, Dan said he was going to go upstairs and Zoom his parents. He told Kyle to give him thirty minutes and then join him. Kyle nodded and watched as Dan shouted something to his mates before leaving toward the stairs.

They were all still sat in the kitchen, with drinks and cards among them.

Sam touched Kyle’s shoulder and asked if he wanted more to drink. And then something about parents and being nervous.

Kyle shook his head. “Nah, I’m okay. Thank you.”

He continued by asking Kyle if he had been playing the piano in the lounge, because it sounded different from what Dan played.

Kyle laughed and nodded his head. “I have played since I was a child. Started on my nan’s piano. There is a song that she taught me and I’m trying to remember how it goes. I don’t have the sheet music or the title for it and she has passed now, so I cannot ask her.”

Sam said that it must be hard to play and not hear.

Kyle agreed. “It is my normal now though. I know the notes and what it should sound like, I just hope that the piano is in tune.”

Sophie waved her hand at him and asked if he could hear any of what he played.

“I used to be able to hear it well with my hearing aids. Then over time, it needed to be louder and louder. Unless it was a very low, baritone note. I can still hear some of them. Mostly now, it is almost nothing.” Kyle took another drink of his wine and looked around.

Sophie said she knew someone that worked in the hospital on the neurology unit and if Kyle had been assessed by them.

Kyle nodded his head and said he had been to countless physicians and specialists over the years. All said the same thing, he was likely to lose more of his hearing as it progressed but they couldn’t tell him how much he would be left with or exactly when it would be gone.

Sam and Sophie both seemed to be saying how sad and frustrating that must be to someone that loves music.

Kyle agreed. “I need to get an appointment to see if they can upgrade my hearing aids, but every place is shut down for non-essential needs. While it is annoying, it is not an imminent need for me to hear. So I wait and enjoy spending time with you fine lot in the meantime. You all have been so welcoming. Cheers.”

Kyle saw them nodding their heads and blurted out, “And Dan’s studio is amazing. Mark is going to make it louder for me.”

Sophie went on about how she enjoyed having Kyle there and how nice it has been to see Dan smile so much. That she knew Kyle was good for him and she was a bit worried about him after the last breakup.

Kyle felt himself blush. “I really love him. He is amazing. I feel a bit like a teenage girl around him. Isn’t that silly? In my thirties and finding myself giggly over someone?”

Kyle knew that Sophie said ‘ah’ by her face shape. Sam pointed out that it was time to go upstairs and Kyle waved goodnight to them.

Dan was in the lounge with the laptop on his knees in front of him. The bright colour of the wall hit him as he entered, as most of the lights in the room were on. Kyle had a thought about whether that was for his benefit or for Dan’s parents.

Dan appeared to be in the middle of a serious conversation by the look of his face but his face relaxed when he looked up and saw Kyle waiting by the door.

Dan said something else down to the screen and then waved Kyle over.

It took a minute to situate them so they were both on the screen, with their shoulders touching one another. Both of Dan’s parents were smiling at him and appeared to say hello.

They seemed nice and neither of them appeared upset, or to be crying. That was a huge score for Dan and Kyle was happy for him.

Dan turned toward him and told Kyle that they said hello and asked how he was.

Kyle turned back to the screen. “Hello. I’m fine thanks. How are you both?”

Both smiled and said they were well. Kyle didn’t need to turn to Dan for that answer.

Dan was saying something else to his parents and Kyle turned his head and caught the last part. It had something to do with music.

Kyle kept his attention on the screen until they finished talking and then looked to Dan. He was already waiting for him. Dan was good at this, it typically tripped people up to go back and forth.

Dan signed music and then said that his parents played as well. And that they said they could all play together whenever the restrictions ended.

Kyle nodded his head at the screen. “I would like that.”

Dan’s parents said a few more things and Dan kept repeating the words for him, signing when he knew the word as well.

After a short while, they said their goodbyes. Dan’s mum gave them a kiss with her hand and Kyle had to smile because Dan did the same to the screen during lives.

“They are sweet.” Kyle turned Dan toward him after he closed the laptop and set it down. “Be honest, do they love me?”

Dan laughed and Kyle grinned. Dan nodded his head and Kyle nodded back. “See, I told you.”

Dan signed ‘love’ and pointed to him.

Dan’s eyes were kind and he was looking at him with the same adoration that he always had. So Kyle kissed him in return.

When they went to bed, Kyle signed ‘love’ and then ‘good night.’ Dan nodded his head and gave him a kiss for good dreams.

******

The next morning, it seemed like Dan was better rested and Kyle let himself relax a bit as well. He hated to see Dan tired and anxious.

Dan told him about the livestream later that night and how he wanted Kyle in the room with him.

“What? I get to watch?” Kyle smiled and hugged Dan in closer to him.

Dan pulled back a bit and said Kyle might be able to hear him as well.

Kyle scrunched his eyes and asked, “You said what?”

Dan went on about some mic he picked up at the studio and how it makes sounds change a bit to allow the sound to fill out the room more. Kyle nodded his head as Dan spoke and thought he picked up on most of what Dan was trying to tell him.

Dan stretched his arms and moved himself out from underneath Kyle’s arm. Stretching down his hand, Dan signed ‘shower.’

Kyle nodded his answer and eagerly moved himself up to follow Dan to the bath.

Dan had been playing with the reverb mic, as he fingerspelled it for Kyle, all day and seemed that he finally got it to work the way he wanted it to.

Dan was right. It filled out the sound more and made Kyle feel it move through his body as Dan played the notes on the piano.

Kyle put in his right hearing aid and rested his head back against the wall. He was sat in the lounge on the sofa and he could hear some of the music.

Maybe it was because he could feel it move through his body, but Kyle swore the notes seemed clearer to him.

Dan asked to use Kyle’s mobile to go live and Kyle handed it over without question.

He got to feel, and somewhat listen, to Dan play music, while also watching him. It was going to be wicked.

Right before Dan pushed the button to start, he handed Kyle the lyrics to the songs he was going to play. They were numbered on the top as well.

There was one hand written one in the mix, with Dan putting a large smiley face next to the title.

Kyle read through the lyrics and felt his face almost break as he smiled. Fuck, he was sweet on this man.

_Or do you not think so far ahead? (ahead)_  
_'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh)_

_Yes, of course_  
_I remember, how could I forget?_  
_How you feel?_  
_And though you were my first time_  
_A new feel_  
_It won't ever get old, not in my soul_  
_Not in my spirit, keep it alive_  
_We'll go down this road_  
_'Til it turns from color to black and white_

_Or do you not think so far ahead? (ahead)_  
_'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh)_

_Or do you not think so far ahead? (ahead)_  
_'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever (ooh, ooh)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinkin Bout You- Frank Ocean


	22. Chapter 22

Mark was now his new favourite person. 

Not that he wasn’t amazing and brilliant before, and likely the reason that anyone even cared to listen to their records, but now he was top tier wonderful. 

Because the main room of the studio was not only loud, but you could feel the music wired through the speakers all the way down to your toes. 

Which allowed him to have the amazing view of Kyle bopping and moving next to him. And at times, into him. 

Blinding Lights was currently playing through the amped up sound system and Dan never wanted the song to end.

Kyle’s long hair was chaotic in his movements with his head and his cheeks had taken on a tint of pink due to the exertion of literally bouncing to the beat.

Bumping into Dan again, Kyle linked their arms together and made them dance as one across the room. 

Touring and festivals may be cancelled at the moment, but they were living out their own dance party. 

Right as the song ended, Kyle gave him a smile that lit up his whole face and then the next track started, sending Kyle off again with his own unique dance moves. 

Moves he was impressed to see matched his own dance moves fairly well. 

Not that it mattered what they looked like, because it was only the two of them there and Mark had made the most epic playlist imaginable. 

The bass of Bad Guy was currently making Dan feel the vibrations move through his chest and he surrendered to the music. 

After almost an hour of dancing their hearts out, the playlist ended and they both seemed sad to let the moment go. 

“Fucking wicked!” Kyle’s voice was elevated despite the music no longer blaring through the system. “Mark is maybe my favourite person now. Sorry, but not sorry. I only am putting up with you now to be near the genius that is that man.” 

Dan decided he wasn’t going to point out to Kyle that he was being loud because Kyle was happy and the day was turning out to be a brilliant one. And the slight glimmer of sweat on his forehead reminded them of their time last night in his bed. 

But, as amazing as it was now, their day hadn’t started that way. 

Kyle and Dan went to the food bank to volunteer their time since it had been a few days. 

The woman who organized the charity recognized Dan and greeted him. Telling him that there was a need for people to deliver the boxes of food. She, for whatever reason, started raising her voice at Kyle and told him that he would be working in the back today. 

Dan asked if Kyle would work with him, and she said that it wouldn’t be appropriate because Kyle wouldn’t be able to understand anyone. 

Given the fact that everyone was wearing masks, Kyle stood in the dark not knowing what was being discussed. 

After a few more minutes of Dan trying to get a straight answer out of why Kyle couldn’t work with him making deliveries, Kyle finally interrupted and asked what they were talking about. 

Before Dan could attempt to interpret the issue, the woman cut him off and said that was the exact reason why Kyle was needed in the back. 

Dan rarely felt rage directed at a particular individual; however, the woman was pressing on his frustration tolerance and he wanted to snap on her. 

Literally biting his tongue, he signed what he could to Kyle to help him understand the issue. After a few missed signs and Dan needing to fingerspell a few words, the woman appeared upset and told them that she didn’t need their services today. 

Dan was close to opening his mouth and having a full rage movement; however, Kyle spoke and interrupted the long lecture Dan was planning in his head. 

Raising his voice, which Dan knew he was doing on purpose to mess with her, Kyle told the woman that he was fully capable of making deliveries with Dan. In fact, he was willing to use his own vehicle to assist. Kyle emphasized that he would be using his own vehicle as well. 

She shook her head and again turned them away saying that she didn’t want any trouble. That they were making a scene and she would like for them to leave. 

Kyle turned to Dan and Dan couldn’t sign because his brain couldn’t comprehend the fact that the woman was turning down their volunteer time during a pandemic because she didn’t understand that Kyle was fully capable of managing himself. 

Dan took Kyle’s hand and directed him toward the exit. Once they were back in Kyle’s vehicle and no longer needed the masks, Dan attempted to tell him what happened and Kyle nodded his head. 

“She was always odd toward me. Some people don’t understand what it means to be Deaf or hard-of-hearing. That it only limits our hearing abilities, not our other abilities.” Kyle seemed to understand that Dan wasn’t handling the situation well and continued. “I used to get really upset at people like her. Telling them off and causing a scene. But, that never solved the issue. Ironically, they never listened to what I said. Instead, I learned to kill their misguided views with kindness and education. For the most part; I’m no saint.” 

“I just cannot believe how ignorant people are. We are volunteering our time to help with a global pandemic and she is being particular with how we can help? Doesn’t make any sense.” Dan shook his head and turned his head toward the door of the building. 

“Welcome to my world. Wait until I ask an employee of an airport to write something down for me so I can understand them and they ask me if I need wheelchair assistance.” Kyle nodded his head when he saw the shock on Dan’s face. “I lost it at that one. And, even yet, they wouldn’t write it down for me.” 

“I’m sorry people are so ignorant.” Dan felt like he needed to apologize on behalf of all hearing people. “Please tell me if I ever do something like that to you.” 

“I will. But, I have a feeling like I might not need to because you listen to me. You help me understand what is being said, but you don’t treat me like a child or someone with intellectual functioning deficits. You treat me like Kyle.” Kyle leaned forward and kissed Dan’s cheek. 

Dan turned his head at the last moment and took his lips. If they were going to kiss, might as well make it a proper one. 

They decided to go to the studio following that disaster and found the note from Mark that the system was set up for them. 

Kyle wiped at his brow and pushed back some of his slightly damp hair. Dan liked watching Kyle and finding strange, random things he did sexy.

Pushing back slightly damp hair while still breathing harder, very sexy to watch. 

“What?” Kyle smirked with his hands still in his hair. His eyes were on Dan and he was looking him up and down. If it would have been anyone else doing it, Dan would have turned away, but it was okay when Kyle did it. “You want this or something?” 

“Maybe.” Dan voiced and signed. Then shrugged his shoulder. 

It only took three seconds for Kyle to narrow the distance between then and kiss him. And an additional five seconds to have Dan pushed against the wall. Twenty to start to pull at his clothes. 

Dan used all the will power in the world and gently moved Kyle back to see his face. “Not here. Okay?” 

“Not here, what?” Kyle played the innocent act and Dan felt his will lessen slightly.

“No sex in the studio. Where I work. With my mates.” Dan held Kyle’s gaze. He would have attempted to sign a few of those words, but his hands were occupied stopping Kyle’s hands from moving further up his stomach. “No. No. No.” 

“Yes. Yes. Yes.” Kyle nodded his head and kissed him. 

Dan allowed the kiss to continue because it felt nice and Dan had learned that Kyle was persistent when he wanted to be. As Kyle’s hands started traveling south, Dan stopped them more firmly. 

“I think the porn studio is making you get all thirsty in here.” Dan smiled and laughed when Kyle tilted his head. Maybe he had forgotten to mention that information.

“Did you say porn?” Kyle’s head stayed tilted for a few seconds after Dan affirmed his question. Rightening his head, Kyle moved his hands around Dan’s back and laughed. “What does that even mean?” 

Dan explained how the previous, previous owners used the space and Kyle looked around the room while staying close to Dan. 

“Huh.” Kyle turned back and shook his head a bit. “Check that off my list of things I never thought I would experience.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Dan copied Kyle’s movement and put his hands on the small of Kyle’s back, underneath his top. “What else is on that list?” 

“Seeing my nan downing a shot like a furloughed sailor. A kitten born with only one ear. My husband turning out to be a person I would come to despise.” Kyle lowered his head slightly and brushed his forehead against Dan’s. “Someone that makes me believe in love again.” 

“That is a varied list.” Dan had to repeat himself because Kyle was not paying attention to him at first. “I like being that someone.” 

“Who says it is you?” Kyle put on his serious act. “I was talking about Frank Ocean. Man’s words are sexy.” 

“They are.” Dan started tracing patterns on Kyle’s back because he felt himself getting restless. “Met him once. I fanboyed out and left feeling like an idiot. But that man can write a song.” 

“I’m sure you made a right idiot of yourself.” Kyle continued to tease and then started kissing his forehead. “Will you bring me to places like that? Or will I be your hidden secret?”

Dan didn’t have an answer and he felt that lump of guilt twinge in his stomach. Kyle deserved an answer. It was a simple question and he felt like there was only one obvious answer. “I’m still sorting that one out. How to add you to that part of my life. It isn’t fully because you are a man. I haven’t shared any of that about myself.”

“It is okay.” Kyle kissed his forehead again and then moved back. “I will never be a dirty, little secret though.” 

Dan nodded his head. He didn’t want that for Kyle. He didn’t want to live in shame and he didn’t want to make anyone else, especially someone as wonderful as Kyle, feel shame because of him. 

“Can I keep you my cherished, somewhat secret?” Dan looked up from Kyle’s lips to his eyes. “I will never deny you, but I might never offer you up either. Unless it is with someone that I love and trust, then I will gladly shout your name.” 

“Deal.” Kyle straightened Dan’s shirt and then his own. “Want to go through the playlist again?” 

Dan nodded his head and went to start their private dance party again.


	23. Chapter 23

The film had been playing on the television for the past hour, but Dan’s mind was elsewhere.

He liked the film. He had seen it more than once before, but never with captions on the bottom of the screen.

Even with the captions that appeared to soothe his brain, his attention was not on the screen.

Typically when his brain was distracted like this, he was caught in an idea for a track, an idea for the stage, or lost in the never ending loop of ‘what ifs.’

Instead, his mind was on Kyle’s legs and how they were pressed against the sides of his hips.

Kyle was lying flat on the sofa and Dan had sat down in between his legs and let himself get cozy resting back, half on top of Kyle and half on Kyle’s sofa.

The added benefit from the position was that Dan could sign words to Kyle and Kyle could see his hands.

For the past five minutes, Dan’s hands had been moving up and down Kyle’s calves. He wasn’t really paying attention to his movements, but it felt nice to relax against him.

Kyle’s attention appeared to be fully on the film because every now and then, his stomach would move Dan’s head as he laughed at whatever was happening on the screen.

Kyle’s hands were resting on Dan’s shoulders and, like the laughter he felt, every now and then, his hands would rub against his shirt.

Absentminded bliss.

A rare feeling that Dan probably only experienced when he was high. 

There was no drug he was on now.

The television’s volume was off. They were at Kyle’s flat, and apparently, the television is always set to mute.

Dan briefly wondered if John also had hearing issues, but he wasn’t bothered enough to ask.

Dan closed his eyes and continued the slow movements of his hands against Kyle’s calves. The short hairs moved in the direction of his hands and created a pleasant texture for his brain to focus on.

There were minimal sounds around them and Dan felt himself falling into sleep.

Was this what Kyle experienced throughout the day? Minimal noise and relative peace?

Dan fell asleep with Kyle’s hand moving through his hair, brushing the locks backward over his head. Kyle was putting the right amount of pressure to make everything just the right amount of serene.

The film was finished when he woke and the room had dimmed. It must be late because now the natural light was not filling the room.

Dan let out a soft voice of protest as he slightly stretched his body; not wanting to leave the quiet and warm space they had created together.

One of Kyle’s hands was resting on Dan’s shoulder and the other one couldn’t be felt.

Kyle was breathing like he was asleep, with his stomach moving ever so smoothly up and down with his breaths.

Dan feared if he moved he would wake him. He had no idea what time it was and thought maybe if it was late enough, they should stay in the position they were in and he would drift off asleep again.

Kyle’s phone was lying on the table in front of them and he reached for it.

The time read 2258 and there were twelve texts waiting for Kyle.

Kyle had been allowing Dan to use his mobile for the livestreams and if Dan needed to contact someone when they were away from the house. Otherwise, Dan had been making due without a phone for the first he could remember in his adult life. Maybe even longer.

It was almost freeing to not be tied down by the device. He didn’t need it as much since he was not on the road. Any communication that he needed could be completed over the laptop with either his home wifi or the internet connection at the studio.

The world was in lockdown and Dan was taking cue from the times. Pause and enjoy the moment. Break away from addictive devices and be present in the moment.

He had been present for most of the days spent with Kyle. They had been attached to each other for the past...ten days. Ever since Dan invited himself over and Kyle broke all safety guidelines by kissing him.

Wow. Dan didn’t realize that he could be around someone that much and not want space from them. He was an extroverted introvert, with introverted tendencies allowing him to recharge and regroup himself.

He felt he could recharge and regroup with Kyle around him and that was something he never experienced before with someone.

But, even with the closeness and Kyle being generous enough to allow Dan to use his phone, Dan knew it was wrong to want to read the texts.

They were listed as from “Last Mistake” and Dan had put together ages ago that the name referred to Alex.

Kyle had explained the reason why Alex had been messaging Kyle as much and that Kyle did not want to respond back to him. He alluded that the messages were based around the concern with Kyle’s previous issues, but Kyle hadn’t shared the full content of the messages.

Dan wanted to trust Kyle, because Kyle had never shown him any reason to put up his typical pessimistic shield.

But, those voices in his head, the ones that grew when he fed them attention, were telling him to be suspicious of a man that was as amazing and wonderful as Kyle.

Everyone had their secrets and their faults.

And the fact that Kyle insisted on using an electric toothbrush and finishing Dan’s toast if Dan didn’t on his own, were not the stuff of faults and secrets.

Fuck. They were right there. Kyle was asleep. There was no passcode on the phone. There had to be a reason why Alex was messaging Kyle so much. He wanted to get back together with Kyle. Kyle had other secrets he was not sharing with him. Kyle was married to the man, obviously he cared about him. Maybe Alex had changed and was proving to Kyle that he had changed. Maybe Kyle was going to listen and take him back. Maybe, Kyle was already planning on it and he was just being nice to Dan. A person to use to transition back to the person he really wanted to be with. Maybe Kyle was only staying with him because it was Dan’s first relationship with a man and he wanted to wait until he fucked him before he left him. What if Kyle didn’t really love him? Never loved him? Was going to fall out of love with him? What if Kyle was going to hurt him?

“Stop.” Dan told himself out loud and waited to see if he woke up Kyle with his words. Obviously, that was stupid, but Dan’s brain wasn’t working at full capacity at the moment and he needed to get this under control before he did something stupid like open the messages.

Dan’s finger pushed the screen and he told the rational part of his brain to “shut up.”

Please respond back. I only wish you well.

I promise I will not contact your parents anymore. Please have your sister stop sending me threatening texts. I asked her myself, but she continues with at least one a day. I always thought she was the one that liked me best in your family. She has a very impressive vocabulary.

Do you remember that night during our first holiday together? Where we probably spend the majority of our time in our room despite paying for the Adventure’s Package? I do. First time I knew that I loved you was on that trip.

I have been an idiot. Sam and I broke it off about three months ago. He said that I was still hung up on my ex and I needed to either work that out or take a break.

I tried the break. It didn’t work.

I want to try us again.

Dan bit underneath his lip and quickly tasted blood with the pressure. He knew he shouldn’t have read the texts. Kyle was going to break it off with him and go back to him. He was MARRIED to him. Oh course, he was going to go back.

Dan was merely a stepping stone back to their relationship.

Dan gave in and fed the monster in his brain a bit more. Rational part of his brain was turned off.

I have grown so much since our relationship ended. I know what I want now.

You. Only you.

I want you playing me songs as presents and singing to me to wake me up in the morning.

I want you shouting at me when I’m an idiot and make you upset.

Please let me show you how much I have changed.

I am waiting. And trying to be patient, but it is hard. You are worth it. All the pain, maybe it is my punishment for hurting you. Let me love you better this time. I know how now.

Dan felt sick in his stomach and wanted to leave. The sofa and the flat. And anything that reminded him of how much of a massive idiot he was because he had fallen for the lies.

He always led with his heart in relationships and his brain caught up later.

He knew he shouldn’t have let his guard down.

Maybe he was a pessimist, but at least that protected him.

Fuck Kyle and trying to show him a different side to life.

Sophie was going to be so upset. Dan’s parents were going to be so upset.

Dan had let them down, again.

Now, they would go back to worrying.

And his mum casually telling him about a nice lady she knew from here or there.

Maybe she would do that with nice men she met now as well.

Did Dan even want to be with another man?

Were there now two sexes that could shred his heart into pieces?

Dan sat up quickly and felt himself get dizzy from the sudden movement. He had been lying down too long and his body was protesting.

Dan looked from the phone to the man lying on the couch and his heart actually hurt.

He had felt this pain before. It was one that only went away slowly over time.

He couldn’t do this again.

Dan took a few deeper breaths and allowed himself to orient back to the room. His thigh was touching Kyle’s foot and he could still hear the quiet breathing sounds Kyle was making. The mobile was bright in his hands, attracting his attention in the dimly lit room. The place smelled of the coffee he had made earlier (the coffee that Kyle did not like but had bought special for him because he knew Dan drank it) and the unique, sweet smell of Kyle’s cologne.

As his blood pressure evened itself out, Dan told himself to get himself together.

He hadn’t fed that particular monster in a while and it took control quickly with the small bit of insecurity Dan gave it.

Looking back to the phone in his hand, Dan wondered how he was going to tell Kyle he invaded his privacy. He couldn’t go back and unread the messages.

Realizing that he already was fucked, Dan scrolled back to the last message that Kyle had sent Alex and saw it was only three words among the blocks and blocks of texts from Alex.

_Leave me alone._

Dan let the breath he had been holding release.

Kyle was not going back to him.

Kyle wanted Alex to leave him alone.

Kyle’s family hated Alex.

Kyle’s family, at least his mum, thought Dan was sweet.

Kyle showed Dan that he loved him everyday.

Kyle was teaching him a new language. Why would he waste his energy on teaching Dan if he was only to leave him?

Dan thought back to his last relationship and once again cursed her for making him so paranoid with people.

Dan wanted to be closer to Kyle, so he moved back on top of him. Only this time he was facing down. His knees moved in between Kyle’s legs and he rested his head on Kyle’s chest.

Without any prompt from Dan, Kyle moved his hand around Dan’s back and Dan soaked in the feeling of being near him.

He wasn’t leaving.

He didn’t want Alex.

He was with him.

Dan could thrust him.

Dan could love him without fear of being hurt, again.

Dan turned his head up and found Kyle’s face.

Kyle had trimmed his beard earlier that day. He said he couldn’t shave the whole thing off because he would look like an adolescent, but it needed some sorting out.

The shorter hair on Kyle’s face tickled Dan’s face differently and made him want to kiss him more.

Not that he needed any more excuse to kiss him.

Kyle looked relaxed and content to be just as he was in that moment. He had his mouth open slightly, allowing the sound of his breathing to fill the space around them. Kyle’s heart was beating underneath his chest.

Feeling grounded back to the moment, Dan closed his eyes and told himself to sleep.

Unfortunately, that didn’t come until much later.

That monster had been awakened and he needed to be tamed again. Maybe not fully slayed, but at least injured enough that he knew to never come around again.

*****

Dan spent the majority of his first twenty minutes awake the next morning trying to figure out a way to tell Kyle he had read the messages.

He wanted to tell the truth, and he was going to tell the truth. But how did he bring it up?

Say it or just show him? Write it out for him so he could explain what he was thinking? Try to sign it?

The last option wouldn’t work because he did not have enough skill to explain what he was thinking with his hands. He barely had enough to explain with his mouth.

“I saw that Alex messaged me last night.” Kyle interrupted Dan’s thoughts as they ate breakfast.

Dan was trying to finish the small piece of toast he chose as his breakfast and Kyle was eating away at a bowl of cereal. He said it was a bit stale, but good otherwise.

Kyle had insisted that he didn’t need to buy much at the shops. Seeing what food Kyle had left in the flat, and knowing how much money the fancy coffee that he drank cost, Dan began to wonder if Kyle did not have enough money to buy more food.

It made sense. Kyle wasn’t working at the moment and he had rent and utilities to pay.

“I’m sorry.” Dan blurted out and then put his eyes down to his hands. They still held the last of his toast and he didn’t know if he could stomach eating the rest. “I couldn’t resist.”

“I cannot see you.” Kyle was smiling when Dan raised his head and it made that monster wince as another dagger was placed through its rough skin. “That is better. Don’t deny me that gorgeous face.”

“I tried to, but I couldn’t resist. He had sent you so many-”

“And you wanted to make sure that I was not planning on jumping ship and going back in that direction?” Kyle stopped Dan with a hand on his arm. “I have no plans on going backwards. Especially back to a man that is a pathological liar. All those things he wrote, he told me those back when we were married as well. He thinks he can talk his way back to me being with him. He doesn’t love me. It is only a game for him. He is in lockdown and cut off from whatever dick he was chasing ‘round town. Now he wants to mess with me. Probably thinks I’m lonely and ripe for the picking. Not happening.”

“I’m sorry.” Dan signed as he spoke. “So, so sorry.”

“I understand.” Kyle leaned over further and set down the toast before he kissed Dan’s mouth. Leaning back, he smiled. “I probably would have done the same in your situation. I don’t have anything to hide. You already know my deepest secret.”

Another dagger to the arm, the monster makes itself smaller.

“Still, I trust you and I shouldn’t have looked at them.” Dan felt that monster raise its head, looking for another attack strategy. “I will get my own phone and stay off yours.”

“Rubbish.” Kyle kissed his cheek and raised Dan’s head back up with his fingers. “Much better. I don’t have any secrets. I trust you as well. That is hard for me to say, and I know you know that.”

Dan nodded his head, because he did.

“Okay, now that is out of the way, and you can look at me again, what are we going to do today?” Kyle smiled and Dan felt himself relax.

The monster limped away, the daggers sticking out of its skin. It lost the battle and it would retreat for now.

Kyle was safe.

“What do you want to do?” Dan countered. He really did not care.

He had caught up with everything he needed to do and was ready for tonight’s Distraction Tactics. At least as much as he would ever be prepared without obsessing over it.

“Clearly not watch a film because you fell asleep, again, on me. Literally on me this time. We could go for a walk?” Kyle finished his cereal and stood to wash up their dishes. “I know a place that might not have that many people.”

Dan stood with him and leaned on the counter while Kyle quickly cleaned. Once he was drying them, Kyle looked toward him again. “Sound good?”

Dan nodded his head and kissed him.

Dan felt like he could breathe again and things were back to normal with him and Kyle.

Kyle smiled into the kiss and wrapped his hands around Dan’s back when Dan continued the kiss.

A walk would be nice, but maybe later.

“I want to.” Dan said under his breath and then swallowed as he stood back a few centimetres. “Can we, maybe, stay in for a bit longer?”

“Sure.” Kyle continued to smile as he brushed his head against Dan’s. “Anything in particular you want to do that requires indoors?”

Dan swallowed again and found Kyle’s eyes. “Could we...maybe, if you want…”

Kyle was pulling Dan in the direction of his bedroom and making sure they didn’t run into anything on the way.

Dan felt his heart rate increasing and he didn’t know if it was because of anxiety or because he really wanted this.

Kyle had been touching him more lately in certain places and it always felt good.

He knew this would feel better and he wanted that with Kyle. He wanted that connection.

Dan was on his back, with Kyle’s weight pushing him into the bed. They were still working on removing clothing, but Dan wanted to take his time.

“Go slow.” Dan spoke as Kyle checked in with him. Every few minutes, Kyle would look to him and make sure that Dan didn’t want to tell him something.

“Tell me what you want.” Kyle held his eyes on Dan’s and allowed them both to slow down for a minute. “Tap me if you want me to stop anything.”

Dan nodded his head and kissed him. The frantic feeling was leaving him and he felt himself ease back into being with Kyle.

The peace he felt by being near him.

The rest of their clothes were on the floor and Dan was pressing his fingers into Kyle’s upper back.

Kyle, true to his word, had moved into him with care. Now they were allowing themselves to adjust and Kyle was looking toward Dan for direction.

Dan hoped Kyle knew how much he loved the way Kyle looked at him.

Dan nodded his head and then pulled Kyle in closer so he could wrap his arms around his back.

Kyle’s hips pressed down and hit a spot that made Dan moan out loudly. Kyle’s fingers had hinted at the spot a few minutes ago, but now he could feel the full effect.

Dan wished Kyle could hear what he was doing to him. Dan got to hear the noises Kyle made and it made him want to hear more.

Dan held him closer and pushed his own hips back up to meet Kyle’s and let his eyes close. Kyle must have known that he was doing because he kept his movements centered on it. “Oh, Kyle.”

Dan buried his head into Kyle’s neck and one of his hands reached higher to find Kyle’s hair. Dan tried to not pull too hard on the soft hair, but Kyle’s hips sped up and that feeling was constant now.

Kyle checked in with him twice before they both came, Kyle after Dan.

Dan was holding back Kyle’s hair out of his face and avoiding allowing Kyle to move away from him. He never wanted him to move.

“You okay?” Kyle said with his brilliant smile on his face. His eyes holding Dan just was close as his arms had earlier when they were still pressed together.

Dan nodded his head and moved Kyle back down to him. He wanted Kyle to say near him and kissing him would keep him there longer.

That monster wasn’t even a thought anymore.

*****

Dan’s eyes kept moving over the top of the phone to the person sat across from him. Kyle had been watching patiently from the beginning of the livestream.

His head bopped with the beat of the music despite not being able to hear it. Dan had written down the notes for him so Kyle could see it. And he had described to Kyle earlier that he was singing in another language.

Kyle suggested Dan do a song in BSL and Dan said that he would need a teacher for that.

Kyle joked with him and said he knew someone that likely didn’t have much else to do.

Dan played along and said that was good because he needed a break from Kyle anyway.

Kyle laughed at the joke and held him closer to him.

Neither of them planned on leaving each other any time soon.

As the livestream finished and Dan turned off the electronic devices, he folded himself in half and willed all that nervous energy to leave him.

Kyle moved to him and started rubbing his back.

Unlike when Sophie had done it prior, Dan didn’t have that permanent knot between his shoulders.

“You are wonderful at that.” Kyle spoke and he continued to press into Dan’s back with his fingers. “Maybe you get to live out another life with this lockdown. One that you might have had without music.”

Dan breathed three more counts and then moved to sit up. Kyle’s eyes were on him and he was taken back to Kyle’s bed.

They had stayed there well into the afternoon. Dan was putting off moving because he didn’t want the feeling to end.

The feeling of being so connected to Kyle that he almost believed he knew what he was thinking.

Their hands continued to explore one another, but it didn’t lead to anywhere.

Just kind touches while they enjoyed their time together.

Reluctantly, Dan was talked into a shower and a quick meal before returning to Dan’s flat. Kyle said he knew that Dan would want time to obsess about the livestream and he best do it at his own house rather than Kyle’s.

“Maybe.” Dan nodded and wondered if they would ever have the feeling of this day back again. “Let’s not go to bed tonight. Let’s stay up as long as we can so this doesn’t have to end.”

“You want to stay up because you are afraid of what? I’m going to leave you in the night or something?” Kyle joked but it hit a part of Dan that he didn’t realize was still there with Kyle. “I will wake and find that I never really loved you? That this was all some wonderful dream?”

At least not that he acknowledged all that often.

Because he wanted to be honest, Dan nodded his head and felt the wetness fill his eyes. Kyle’s keen eyes saw the change and he quickly had Kyle’s arms around him.

“No plans of going anywhere.” Kyle kissed his forehead and kept his hands tight around Dan’s back. “Permanently in love with you.”

Dan nodded his head and closed his eyes to capture the feeling a bit longer.

No matter how many lovely words Kyle spoke to him, Dan knew that monster was still inside him. Just waiting to be fed again.

At least for that night, Dan knew that Kyle would help him fight it off.


	24. Chapter 24

“There you go!” Dan cheered to the screen in front of him. “You did it, mate! And only needed two goes!” 

“Is there a way to mute you?” Will’s eyes moved to the bottom of the screen as he appeared to be searching for such a button. “Normally have Coop turn you off in my ears.” 

“You miss me, admit it.” Dan teased as he laughed as Will ended up muting himself again and then unmuting it right as he cursed at the screen. “There you go!” 

“Oh, fuck off.” Will sat back in his chair, obviously done attempting to find any button that he knew what it did. “I don’t like this. Can we go back to being trapped on a bus together? I could just throw my smelly socks at you then.” 

“Don’t we all wish, mate.” Woody pushed back his hair and smiled into the screen. “Fuck, if you both aren’t handling lockdown terribly. Will, is that an actual baby king penguin on your face? And, Dan, mate, what is that hair on your head? You know I have to stare at the back of that thing for the majority of my life, why are you doing this to me?” 

Dan ran his hand through his hair and found that it seemed to have grown more. His fingers could get a bit lost in it now and there was less and less feeling of his actual scalp. 

“A king baby what?” Will asked to the screen. “Someone’s been watching children’s programs in their free time.” 

“Yes.” Woody leaned in closer and whispered. “Save me. Save me. I need adults to talk to.” 

“Seriously though, that the look you are going for?” Woody pushed back his hair again. It was a bit of a mess and Dan wondered the last time Woody did anything with his own hair. Glass houses and all. 

“Likely. And colours. Lots of colours this time ‘round.” Dan smiled into the laptop and was hit again by how much he missed these two faces in front of him. 

They were the reason he was able to do anything related to the band and beyond. They were his support, along with the touring crew and the recording crew, that allowed Dan to be in the music world. 

Even though they all got tired of one another on tour, they all cared for each other in a way that was more like family than mates. 

“Wonderful.” Will’s attention moved to something off camera and it stayed there. 

“Don’t listen to him. He wants to rock some neon pink clothes and rock out on stage, you know he has them in his wardrobe waiting for a special time.” Woody laughed and got Will’s attention back to the screen. 

“Okay, enough of all that.” Dan smiled into the screen and switched to business mode. “We need to get more recorded to piece together this...this collection.” 

“A collection, eh?” Woody laughed. “Not committing to that album yet, are we?” 

“I’m keeping our options open.” Dan nodded his head and saw Kyle enter the lounge from the corner of his eye. He looked up briefly and smiled at him, before signing 'morning.'

Dan had told Kyle he was going to wake up early and Zoom with the band. Kyle had said to let him sleep in and he would come and find him. 

Kyle signed it back and then added 'beautiful.' 

Dan felt his face protest the smile and turned his attention back to the screen as Kyle took a seat on the piano chair. It wasn’t turned on, but Dan guessed that really didn’t matter to Kyle. 

“Earth to Daniel.” Woody laughed as Dan took his eyes off Kyle. It was hard to do. “We lost you there?” 

“No. I’m here.” Dan’s eyes briefly went to Kyle again and he saw his arms moving as he played silently whatever tune was in his head. Kyle’s back was turned to him, so it was easier to put his eyes back on the screen. 

“Someone in there with you? I interrupted my solitude for this, at least you can pay attention to us.” Will’s face was stoic but Dan knew he was not upset. 

“Actually…” Dan smiled and ran his hands through his hair. He kept his hands at the base of his neck. “I met someone.” 

“In lockdown? Only you.” Woody shook his head and then tried to fix his hair. It did not appear to be cooperating, so it was tied off behind him. “What, you broke the rules and have her there?” 

“Something like that.” Dan wondered if he should go through the whole story of them meeting or go over and tap on Kyle’s shoulder to bring him to the laptop. “I waited for a bit and we were texting. They found out about me, us. You know, this? And panicked. I went to theirs afterward and we kind of haven’t left each other’s side since then. A little over thirteen days now.”

“Serious about this one?” Will appeared invested in the conversation now and Dan knew it was because he was a romantic at heart. Try as he might to be an emotionless being, but Will was a sucker for a good love story. “Fuck, she in the room with you? Oh course, you are serious. Don’t hate me mystery lady.” 

“It’s fine. They cannot hear you.” Dan looked up toward Kyle and found he was still playing around with the keys, with only faint tapping sounds being heard as Kyle’s fingers pressed on the keys. 

Dan wondered if it was the song he kept playing and then stopping again. He did not seem to know the whole piece and Dan kept making a note to ask him about it, but it always slipped his mind. That is, until Kyle was concentrating on it again and Dan remembered again to remind himself to ask him later. 

“They have on headphones or something?” Woody nodded as if he answered his own question. “Those noise cancelling ones? I have ordered loads of them. Put them on to sleep and don’t hear the children wake up in the morning. They don’t understand that now is the time to sleep in.” 

“Give me a minute.” Dan muted the screen and stood. 

Tapping Kyle’s shoulder, he instantly received Kyle’s attention and he seemed sad as he looked up. 

“Am I too loud?” Kyle turned to move away from the piano. “I can go back to your room.” 

Dan shook his head and pointed to the screen. Signing 'meet' and 'friends/mates,' Dan voiced the question as well. 

“I do.” Kyle nodded his head and followed Dan back to the sofa with a hand on his back. Right before they sat, still off screen, Kyle gave Dan a quick kiss. 

Kyle must have seen the slight panic in his eyes and was attempting to soothe it. 

As they settled on the sofa, Dan took Kyle’s hand in his own and then used the other to unmute the session. 

“Woody, Will, this is Kyle.” Dan pointed to Kyle and then smiled at him. 

Dan heard both say hello and then turned his attention back to the screen. “Kyle already knows your names.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Woody nodded his head and waved to Kyle. “Nice to meet you. No offense, but you are a surprise.” 

“Same, mate.” Will’s face broke and Dan could see him give them a slight smile. Secret romantic confirmed. 

Dan reluctantly took his hand back from Kyle and signed that they were surprised but happy to meet him. 

Kyle nodded his head and turned to the screen, “You thought I would be taller, right? I tried, but couldn’t stretch these legs out anymore.” 

That got a laugh from Woody, but Will’s eyes narrowed on the screen. 

“What is all that, with your hands?” Will kept his eyes narrow but appeared to answer his own question. “Are you signing to him?” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and saw that Kyle’s eyes went from him back to the laptop. “He has been losing his hearing for the past few years and he understands best with signing now.” 

Will signed 'hello,' 'how are you," and then his name to Kyle. “That is all I remember. I tried to pick it up in secondary school, but then I found it was hard to remember. Sorry.” 

Dan signed what he could and Kyle signed that he understood to Dan. Turning his attention to Will, “Thank you for trying. I have been teaching Dan and he is doing well. I recommend anyone that has free time right now to pick up a few basic signs. It will help so many people that used to read lips to get by. Including me.” 

Will nodded his head. “I learned French, what is another language?” 

Dan smiled at the screen and then to Kyle. They were already bonding. And not one of them had mentioned the fact that Kyle was a man. 

“Hey, now. I want in on this secret party.” Woody’s voice raised. “I can learn new languages. I am learning German through the educational programming my children watch.” 

“And you married a German, I think that might give you an advantage.” Dan offered and paused to sign what he said, but fingerspelling most of it. 

“And what is that sat next to you?” Woody countered.

“We all have taken advantage of our significant others to learn a new language. How cultured of us.” Will’s face moved to a slight smile again, but Dan would have missed it if he blinked. “Or that goes to show you how randy men are when it comes to attempting to seduce a woman?” 

Kyle looked to him and Dan had no idea how to interpret that into anything meaningful. Dan shrugged his shoulders and looked around for some paper. 

“Tell me later?” Kyle asked when Dan was unable to find anything nearby. 

“Kyle?” Woody waited after saying his name and Dan tapped his knee to turn his attention to Woody. “You cannot understand us when we talk? But, you speak?” 

“I grew up hearing and started to lose the hearing over time.” Kyle nodded his head. “I tend to try and pass by reading lips, but it is hard. Especially through the screens.” 

“Would you like us to type into the chat while we talk?” Woody pointed to the chat area. 

Kyle seemed to understand him because he nodded his head and said, “Please, if you don’t mind.” 

They chatted for a bit and Dan watched his mates learn about Kyle and Kyle about them. 

The subject of music was brought up, as it naturally would with this group, and Kyle offered that he played piano. 

“I cannot play well and I can hear the notes. How do you do it?” Will moved in his chair and appeared curious, his eyes not leaving the screen. He must have remembered that he didn’t type it out, because the chat then showed what he said. “Fuck, give me a minute.” 

Kyle explained and Woody offered that he should play with them sometime. 

Kyle looked to Dan and kept his eyes there. He signed 'can' and then 'I.' After a pause, 'not' and 'weird.'

Dan shook his head and signed 'I,' 'love,' 'music,' 'with,' and 'you.'

“Okay.” Kyle signed and then Dan heard Woody shouting at him. 

“What is happening? I feel so lost.” 

“He asked if that would be weird and I told him no.” Dan looked to the screen and then back to Kyle quickly. “He plays really well. I will send you some files of him playing.” 

Dan went through his laptop and emailed out a few files. One was the song that Kyle would play over and over and then stop without finishing. The song that Dan kept meaning to ask him about. Others were Kyle playing various tracks from other artists.

“What are you sending?” Kyle pointed to the email and the files attached. “Is that me? Have you been secretly recording me?” 

Dan signed 'maybe' and smiled at him. Dan was pleased to see that Kyle smiled back at him. Maybe he should have asked before sending them over.

The Zoom session ended with Dan reminding them of the need to send more recordings to Mark and they all waved goodbye. 

“That went well.” Kyle rested his head on Dan’s shoulder after the laptop was closed. “They seem like nice lads.” 

Dan nodded his head and signed 'my,' 'music,' and 'family.'

“You really love them, huh?” Kyle didn’t wait for an answer. “What did they mean I should play with them? Do people do that?” 

“I have been attempting to find another keyboardist for forever.” Dan moved Kyle’s head to his face because there were too many words. “That was their secret way of saying that I should see if you play well with us.” 

Kyle sat up and turned so he could see Dan better. Handing over his phone, Kyle requested, “Write that down please.” 

Dan wrote it and added in more information about how Charlie was great, but he only had two hands. So if Dan was going to move around the stage, then they needed someone else to play the keyboard. Will had tried, but he was rubbish and they needed him on bass. 

Kyle read as Dan typed, not saying anything. His breath was warm on Dan’s shoulder and Dan felt it increase a bit as he read. 

“What does that mean?” Kyle pointed to the phone and then looked up. His eyes seemed confused and a bit guarded. “What does that mean?” 

“Want to be in my band?” Dan asked with a blush on his face and a look what he hoped showed Kyle that he was serious.


	25. Chapter 25

Kyle turned his attention away from Dan’s lips and looked around the room.

The lounge was a shared space, but Dan’s musical instruments appeared to be taking up a lot of the space.

It was too bright in there. The light was coming through the windows and making the walls even louder than they were on their own.

Kyle’s hands moved up and down his thighs. He felt Dan’s hand on his forearm and he stood at the contact.

He needed to be outside. The air was too thin in the loud room all of a sudden.

Once he reached the outdoor area, Kyle looked around and saw that the weather was getting warm yet the trees were moving with a slight breeze.

The sound of leaves moving in trees was something that Kyle remembered for some odd reason.

Kyle raised his hands to his head and took a deep breath, hoping the extra oxygen would ease his body and tell it to calm the fuck down.

First two breaths did not work so he continued.

His heart was pounding and he didn’t know how to calm that other than to get his breathing under control.

Music was a dream he had given up on a long time ago.

He needed to give it up because it was too hard to hold onto. To know what he loved to do the most would never be within his reach.

There was no one that was going to want a person that was losing their hearing in their band or playing at their pub. Kyle understood that. That would be a terrible business move.

And Kyle couldn’t play on his own. Who was going to cue him to start? Or that there were issues with how his keyboard was tuned?

Or that everyone had left because he was playing terribly.

There were no hearing aids in the world that would help him pass as hearing while on stage.

He needed to give up that dream for his own sanity.

Now, Dan, wonderful and brilliant Dan, was offering him an opportunity to do something that he loved.

But, he was only doing it because Dan loved him.

He wouldn’t have given Kyle a chance to audition otherwise. He would have seen that he was not able to keep up and ended it.

How would it even work? Would he have someone near him telling him what to do? Would there be some sort of light system? An interpreter stood in front of him to tell him what was going on?

It wouldn’t work. He would be holding Dan back. He didn’t want to be a burden.

Fuck, he never wanted to be a burden just because Dan loved him.

It was unfair that he couldn’t hear, but that was his issue to manage. It didn’t need to be Dan’s issue.

Feeling Dan’s eyes on him, Kyle turned with his hands still on his head. He was holding back his hair on his head like Dan typically did when they were in bed together.

Dan’s eyes and hands on him in those moments were everything.

If he was in the band, would that continue?

Would Dan and the others grow to resent him because of his limitations?

“I can’t be in your band.” Kyle started talking before he thought through exactly what he wanted to say. Dan stood in the doorway and Kyle let out a long breath. “How would that even work? You are only asking me because of what we do together. What happens if that all goes to shite? Huh? Do I get kicked out? What if my hearing gets worse, because it is going to get worse, and I mess up everything? I don’t want to hold you back.”

Dan used the phone he had to type and Kyle was grateful because his mind was spinning and he couldn’t focus enough to read his lips.

Those wonderful lips that smiled at him and kissed him. He couldn’t lose that over the ridiculous idea that he would be in the band with him.

Kyle began to pace while Dan typed. Apparently, Dan either had a lot to say or he was going through and changing it.

On the twelfth lap around the small outdoor area, Kyle felt Dan’s hand on his back and he stopped.

Kyle’s hands were shaking as he took his phone and he needed to blink a few times to see the words.

**You play beautifully and I know that you can read music. We could have some sort of light system or screen in front of you to tell you what to play. We have an amazing touring crew and sound people that can even make me sound good. They are going to love you. We could make it work and I get to have you around me.**

**My heart hurts to think about going away and having to leave you behind. No one has any idea when the world will right itself in that way, but I don’t want to be away from you. So yes, it is selfish because I don’t want to leave you but it is also selfish because I know how well you play.**

**Please, think about it. That is all I ask.**

Kyle had to read through it twice before his brain allowed him to process it.

Dan was sat in a chair watching him. His arms were crossed over his chest and he could see Dan pinching himself under his arm. That patch of skin that was rough because of repeated use.

Kyle hadn’t given thought to the fact that if the lockdown was lifted and the music world would go back to normal, then Dan would leave to go be a part of that world.

Kyle didn’t want him to leave either. What they had was good. So very good. Maybe it was because they only met one another a short while ago, but Kyle felt like he couldn’t breathe well unless he was near him. Maybe that would fade a bit over time, after the newness of their relationship went away, but Kyle still couldn’t picture a life without Dan by his side.

Sitting in the chair near Dan, Kyle put the phone on the table and lowered his hand from his hair.

His eyes found Dan’s and he melted at the concern and earnest look he was giving him.

“You are not just saying this because of what we are doing together?” Kyle asked after a few moments of taking him in. Dan’s eyes were on him the whole time and he could feel the love through them. “Like, this could actually be a thing?”

Dan signed that he already had Kyle in his bed, so why would he need to promise him anything just because they were together. Dan had the best smile on his face and he moved his chair closer after he finished.

Kyle nodded his head and signed back that he didn’t realize that Dan would leave if lockdown ended. He voiced as he signed because Dan did not know some of the words.

Kyle was impressed overall on how quickly Dan was picking up the ability to sign. He had some suspicions that Dan spent some of his sleepless moments at night watching training videos, but Dan had yet to confirm that.

Dan signed for him to please think it over and Kyle nodded his head.

Taking Dan’s hands in his, he pulled Dan in closer and kissed him. Besides the quick kiss before the Zoom session, Kyle had yet to kiss him today.

That was too long to wait.

Dan’s tongue did a little flippy thing and Kyle pulled him in closer.

It was getting harder to breathe again, but Kyle would take this lack of oxygen any day.

Kyle loved him and Dan had always shown that he cared about him.

Maybe this could work.

Maybe his dreams of performing music would work.

Kyle pushed away the thought that if it didn’t work out, maybe it would be the final thing that pushed him over the edge.

He didn’t want to think of such things.

Not when Dan was in front of him and smiling into the kiss. His hands moved underneath his shirt and pulled him in closer, so that the chair titled too far and he fell into Dan with the force.

He much rather focus on the fact that he knew Dan was breathing harder and likely making wonderful sounds because Kyle was near him.

Dan had asked him earlier about not being able to hear him in bed and if that was an issue. Kyle shook his head and said he had the feel of him, that was enough for him. And, he knew that Dan was into it because of how his breathing would change. Now he could feel it move against his skin. And about how much that turned Kyle on.

Dan was likely the best thing that ever happened to him.

He was open minded and kind. He treated him like a person and loved him so well.

The other day in bed, when Kyle was inside him and they stared at one another for ages, Kyle felt so much peace and calmness in his being.

And, now if he was able to play music as a job because of him, Kyle would have to do something to repay him.

He didn’t know what, because there literally was nothing that could compare. But Kyle was going to spend his time trying to find something.

Dan’s hands were pulling on his shirt and Kyle wondered if maybe Dan had forgotten that they were outside. That his neighbors might be looking outside to see what a lovely day it was and get a full on view of a pasty, white man loving on another pasty, white man.

“Inside.” Kyle pulled back just enough that he could say what he needed and then ignored his own statement to kiss him more.

Dan’s breath was warm against his face when he pulled back. Probably to get oxygen and try to process what he said.

Kyle wondered if Dan’s brain went a bit chaotic when they were together like this as well. Kyle loved it, but it was also a bit unsettling to have so much fog because he was simply around him.

Dan was standing them and moving them backward. Dan refused to move away from his mouth and appeared to hit the doorway behind them before they were in the house again.

Dan’s hands had his top off and they were working on his trousers now.

Kyle knew there was no one here, but it seemed a bit risky to do this where they were in the kitchen.

Anyone could come home and Dan would likely never be able to look at them again.

And, if they were going to do this properly, they needed the bag that Kyle had brought here from his flat.

“Upstairs.” Kyle allowed enough time away from Dan’s lips to say it and then tried to guide them in that direction. His trousers were falling down because Dan had undid them, so he held onto them as he walked them backward.

Somehow, they made it to Dan’s room without too many bruises and Dan was underneath him and guiding him inside.

Dan’s eyes were on him and Kyle was looking for any sign that he needed to slow down or wait.

Dan closed his eyes briefly and pushed his head back when Kyle slid in further and Kyle swore he heard Dan moan.

Dan’s breath was quickening and Kyle was fully inside. Fuck, he would live right here.

In this room, in this bed, and inside him.

Kyle started to move his hips and felt Dan chase him, not wanting to be away from him for long.

The eye contact was too much and Kyle wouldn’t last long if he stayed looking at him.

Burying his head in Dan’s neck, he focused on Dan’s arms around his back and how his hips were squeezing his sides every time he pushed back down.

How he could feel Dan’s heart beating through his skin and that he knew he wasn’t ever going to be able to not have this anymore.

Kyle would give it a go and see what playing with the band would be like.

Anything to keep this feeling.

Anything.


	26. Chapter 26

Kyle was lying on his side in Dan’s bed, with his back toward Dan.

When they had fallen asleep, they had been facing each other. Kyle’s rich, brown eyes were hard to see in the dark, but Dan knew that they had been looking at him before he fell asleep.

Because they always looked at him.

Kyle’s eyes followed his lips and his eyes.

It was exhausting to have that much attention on him at all times, but Dan wouldn’t change it for the world.

Even now, as they lie in the same bed together, Dan missed Kyle’s eyes looking at him.

When did he turn into this person? Someone that craved someone’s eyes on him?

Dan literally shied away from people that were too intense and hardly could keep his eyes on anyone for long.

But, with Kyle, he almost needed it.

Dan knew that Kyle needed to focus that much attention on him to attempt to communicate with him, but Dan also hoped that Kyle did it because he craved it as much as Dan.

It was early or late, either way the sun was not in the sky.

The flat was quiet, with no sounds of activity.

Kyle was breathing softly next to him and his body moved with his breaths.

Dan was awake and didn’t feel like sleeping.

He felt like doing a million things, but he knew that he would only do one thing for a least a little while longer.

Kyle’s back was bare and the blanket was laid across his hip bone, letting Dan see the beginning of the swell of his bum.

Which was also bare because before they had signed ‘good night’ to one another, they had been together.

That was a new experience.

Sex with a man was different, in many, many ways.

There were places on Dan’s body that he never knew he needed touching, but Kyle had shown him how wonderful it all could be.

Dan was certain that if it wasn’t Kyle touching him, it likely would not be as amazing, but Dan could honestly not even picture himself having sex with anyone else.

Sex with women, especially ones that he loved and cared for, had been amazing. He liked their soft curves and the love his partners had given him.

But, with Kyle, it was so amazingly different. Dan almost couldn’t explain it to himself. However, he also knew it was because he had never loved anyone like he loved Kyle.

He had never fallen so fast or so hard for anyone in his life.

Kyle was the wonder that this world gave him.

Kyle with his infectious smile and sense of humour. He had his self-deprecating self as well, which Dan could wholeheartedly relate to, but also he had a sense of confidence and positivism that was so refreshing for Dan.

Dan felt like he could write symphonies based on Kyle’s personality and the way he loved him. Dan was a lovesick adolescent all of a sudden.

Moving his hand up, Dan traced Kyle’s name on his back with his finger. Could he feel it?

Kyle didn’t seem to respond to the gentle touch, so he wrote more.

He wrote words about love and wanting to be with someone. He wrote about being happy and never wanting it to end.

Dan laughed at himself because he was writing one of those ‘everything is amazing’ love songs and he was so not that person. Not that songwriter.

But hey, maybe he could sell it to one of those artists that sang about this stuff?

Maybe he would need to do it under a ghostwriter name because this song would be too positive for his reputation. Too personal to be associated with his real name attached to it.

Dan was still writing song lyrics on Kyle’s back a few minutes later and Dan felt Kyle stir.

It was too early (or late) to disturb Kyle so he moved his finger away.

Waiting to see if he was still asleep, Dan heard Kyle’s breathing even out again.

Reluctantly, Dan removed himself from the bed and dressed back in his night clothes.

He needed some water and time outside.

Dan did not want to leave Kyle but there was no alternative.

And he knew that Kyle would be there when he returned.

Stopping in the kitchen first, Dan poured himself a glass of water and then went outside to sit on their outside patio.

The night was dark and still. There was hardly any wind and no sounds of people anywhere.

Stillness had always been a worry for Dan.

In stillness came thoughts and ideas that Dan did not want to entertain.

Thus, he worked and put all his efforts into music and the people around him.

He loved his job and the fact that he was lucky enough to do it.

It stressed him out at the worst of times and it was hard to be away from family and friends, but it was the only thing he could see himself doing.

Journalism was an idea that seemed to fit him, but something that was not meant to be.

Music was a secret hobby that turned in so much more. If Dan really sat down and thought about how he came to be who he was and what he did, he would make his brain hurt.

He never envisioned this life for himself, but he loved it.

The idea that Kyle could be both someone that he was able to love and work with, that was a dream he did not know he had.

He couldn’t be away from Kyle now that he was with him. Less than a month of knowing him and he was hooked. Attached and not detaching anything soon.

He had no idea how the crew and his band mates did it now. If they felt what he felt for Kyle for their loved ones, how could they be away from them for so long?

And Dan knew that was a bit naive to think because, again, he had only been with Kyle less than three weeks.

Yes, it was less than three weeks. Maybe in time, this urgency to be around him would lessen.

Even so, he wanted him with him. He didn’t want Kyle to fly out every now or then or, worse, only see him when Dan was home.

Dan was never home.

That wouldn’t work.

And Kyle was brilliant with the piano and he could play any of Dan’s songs well if he practiced them.

They would practice and find a way to allow Kyle to know what was going on during a gig. The fact that he had hearing issues did not need to be a problem.

Dan worried when he asked how Kyle would take the request. Dan was not attempting to give him a pity job, and he hoped Kyle saw it that way.

The fact of the matter was that they needed another person to help fill in the sound. Dan had been looking for ages, but there was never a good fit.

Maybe because somewhere it was written that Dan would meet Kyle.

Maybe.

Dan hugged his leg to his chest and thought he heard an animal off in the distance. A bird of some sort, he was sure of it.

There was a meme that Dan had seen online that was calling for bets with the next horrible thing that was going to happen this year. While it was funny, it was also sad that all people were looking toward was the next bad thing to happen.

Dan was so incredibly lucky for all the things he had in his life. He had his health. His family was healthy. He had enough money to withstand the lockdown and whatever may come for the rest of the year. And, he had a wonderful man sleeping in his bed upstairs.

Quickly, Dan's attention went back to Kyle and how much his life had changed since he met him.

Maybe he should write a few love songs and sell them off. He was full of inspiration and he could use it productively, rather than staring off into the late night (or early morning) and romanticizing Kyle.

Fuck, he was so far gone for him.

Going back to his bed, Dan moved himself so he was tight against Kyle’s back and moved his arm over Kyle’s hip.

Hugging his stomach and burying his face in the back of Kyle’s hair, Dan breathed in the scent of Kyle’s hair. His soft hair that only seemed to be getting softer as it grew.

Dan’s fingers moved along the short hairs near Kyle’s stomach and that is what lulled him back into sleep.

Whatever this ‘new normal’ was, Dan was content to live in it as long as he had Kyle by his side.

*****

Dan woke early, and he knew it was early because at least the sun was up this time, and reached for his laptop because he needed to get down a lyric before it drove him mad.

It was the same one he had drawn on Kyle’s back the night before but now it was constant in his head.

He wrote without thinking about the words and within ten minutes, he had a full song.

At least the lyrics, the notes would have to come later.

Saving his work, Dan switched over to his email. He skipped over the ones from his manager and a few writing partners because he wanted to be fully awake to answer them.

There was an email from Will with an attachment. It was only addressed to Dan and Dan found it odd that he would not add in the usual group that received recording files.

**Dan,**

**One of Kyle’s files had him playing this song. But, I think he had a few of the notes wrong. Or maybe he forgot how it goes? The way he was starting and stopping it, maybe he was trying to remember it?**

**I was going to attach the audio file of the song, but then realized my mistake. Attached is the sheet music for him.**

**Stay well my friend.**

**-Lord Farquarson**

**P.S. I like this Kyle. Don’t fuck it up.**

Dan laughed. Only Will would be the sweetest person imaginable and then put that at the end to make you forget how sweet he really was at the core.

Dan forwarded the email to Kyle’s phone and decided that was enough emails for today.

And enough allowing Kyle to sleep.

He wanted his eyes on him. It was a long enough break.

Moving over him, Dan curled up to Kyle’s front side and smiled as he kissed along his face.

Dan was over the blanket, but Kyle’s bare chest was in front of him, so he could continue his kisses there.

Right as he was nearing Kyle’s right collarbone, Kyle began to stir and move his legs.

As Dan sucked on the skin over the collarbone, Kyle’s breathing changed and his arm moved around Dan’s back and brushed down his back.

“Why clothes?” Kyle seemed genuinely upset with his tone, like Dan had betrayed him by getting dressed while Kyle was still naked. “Don’t like you in clothes.”

Dan smiled against Kyle’s skin and then moved up to see his face.

Fuck, he was cute.

Kyle’s face had a few lines from the pillow and his hair was standing up near the top. Kyle’s eyes were only half open and he looked like he might still be asleep.

Kyle turned up his lip and moved his hand underneath Dan’s shorts and pants. He smiled when he felt skin and Kyle sighed into the touch. Kyle’s legs moved forward and he pouted, likely because the mean blanket was in the way.

Now would be a useful time for Kyle to be able to hear him, because Dan could tell him to wake up and they could solve any of these issues that seemed to make Kyle grumpy.

Instead, Dan pushed down the blanket with his foot and moved in closer once the object was out of their way.

Kyle seemed to like that he could get closer to Dan, with a happy little sound heard once Kyle’s leg was over Dan’s and his hand moved lower into his pants.

Dan wondered if Kyle was awake enough to even know what he was going, but he was okay with this for now.

After a few minutes of Kyle’s hand exploring the skin on Dan’s bum and a few more happy sounds, Kyle opened his eyes to find Dan staring at his face.

“Morning, my beautiful.” Kyle’s voice was rough with sleep and Dan loved the sound of it. He wanted a track with Kyle’s morning voice recorded, but only for him to hear.

Dan signed ‘morning’ as he voiced. He didn’t add in anything sweet like Kyle because he didn’t know any signs for those types of words. Dan made a mental note to look some up.

“Why do you have clothes?” Kyle’s morning grumble appeared upset again due to the clothes situation. Kyle was bare against him and protesting the feeling of Dan clothed against him. “New rule, no clothes in bed.”

“Veto.” Dan smiled at Kyle’s face once he realized Dan’s answer. “I get cold sometimes.”

“I will keep you warm.” Kyle appeared to be proving his point by rolling them over so he was fully on top of Dan. “Better?”

“I’m not cold right this moment.” Dan smiled bigger and found Kyle’s eyes looking clearly at him now. He was awake and Dan felt that sense of grounding by being in Kyle’s adoring sight. “But yes, anytime I am closer to you, I’m better.”

“I heard you say kiss me.” Kyle grinned back and lowered his head to take Dan’s mouth.

Dan opened up his legs to allow Kyle to fall in between them and squeezed his thighs against Kyle’s legs. He could feel Kyle moving against him so he lowered one of his hands down.

Kyle’s hand stopped him and he raised their hands together to the side of Dan’s head. Holding it there, Kyle pressed against Dan and let out a loud moan.

It was still early enough that Dan knew at least one of his flatmates had to have heard that.

Kyle squeezed his hand and Dan no longer cared if the whole of London heard them.

Dan reached with his other hand to push down his shorts and pants, which were now half falling off due to Kyle’s movements against him. However, before he could push them down, Kyle’s other hand took it and moved it to the other side of Dan’s head.

Kyle’s lips left his own to scan his face. Dan nodded his head to let Kyle know he was okay with this. Kyle’s eyes stayed on his eyes and Dan felt Kyle push his hands against the bed, letting him know he wanted them to stay there.

Dan pressed his hips up because that was very hot and Kyle leaned in closer.

After they had both came, Kyle moved them back to their sides and traced his finger down Dan’s face to his throat. Keeping his finger near his collar, right as skin met cloth, Kyle waited.

Dan kept his eyes on him, also waiting for whatever it was that made Kyle freeze next to him.

“How is it going to work?” Kyle leaned his head against the pillow more and rested his arm on Dan’s hip. “Me being in your band? Please tell me it won’t be too much work. Or that I dreamed the whole thing.”

“Not dreaming.” Dan would have signed it, but Kyle had both of Dan’s arms out of use. “I really want you to try and see if you will like it.”

“But how?” Kyle’s eyes left him for a moment and then were back. Dan could see the anxiety on his face because it looked a lot like his own. “I don’t want to make you, I dunno, fall behind or something.”

“Can you play the keyboard?” Dan asked and saw Kyle nod his answer.

“Can you play the keyboard while looking at sheet music or a screen in front of you?” Dan asked and saw Kyle nod his answer.

“Can you see lights around you, even if you are playing?” Dan asked and, once again, saw Kyle nod his answer.

“Touring is similar to playing the same gig over and over again. The audience changes, but the songs do not. You learn to play one song with the group and it will be the same for the majority of the time.” Dan waited a minute and then asked, “You understand?”

Kyle nodded his answer and stayed quiet, but Dan knew he wanted to ask more because that anxious look only half went away.

Kyle moved his hand up and cupped the side of Dan’s chin. “What about your, what, manager? Label? Are they going to have a problem with this? With me?”

“I don’t know if you understand,” Dan tried to keep his face serious because it was a serious matter but he sounded like the biggest tool with this, “but, I am the talent and what I say goes.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kyle laughed and Dan’s heart melted because the anxiety was leaving if Kyle was laughing. “You have the power to make this happen?”

“So much power.” Dan nodded and kissed Kyle’s lips. Moving back, he continued, “What I say goes. I want you in my band. I get you in my band.”

“Why, Mr. Jacks, you have that much power?” Kyle was playing along and Dan knew he had him.

“That and more.” Dan started laughing because he couldn’t hold it any longer. He was so not that person, but he did have pull. He knew how to talk to the label people now and his manager adored him. Dan was very hands-on and it made her job easier, and harder at times, but mostly easier that Dan had a hand in most everything related to the band.

“I think I can hear your laugh now.” Kyle said once Dan was starting to get his giggling under control. Dan’s breath stopped for a few seconds and he opened his eyes to find Kyle looking at him. “I mean, not really, because ears, still don’t work, but I can imagine what it sounds like in my head. You have a beautiful laugh. It matches your soul.”

Dan swallowed and felt himself fall more in love with the man in his bed.

“You call me that, beautiful, but it is really you that is beautiful.” Dan moved his hand up and brushed back Kyle’s hair so it went behind his ear and curled underneath. “So very beautiful.”

“I love you.” Kyle rested his head against Dan’s head and moved his leg in closer.

Dan drew a heart on Kyle’s bare chest, right where his heart was and he knew that Kyle understood what he meant with the gesture.


	27. Chapter 27

Being in love was exhausting. 

Or maybe living during a pandemic was exhausting. 

Either way, Dan found himself drifting off to sleep during the film. 

Again. 

Kyle was going to think he didn’t actually like these things. 

Or, he would discover that Dan wasn’t sleeping at night. 

At least not well. 

The first few days sleeping in a bed with Kyle had been the magic solution to his chronic insomnia. 

Then reality set in or his brain remembered it needed to torment him. 

The short kips on Kyle likely didn’t help either, but so help the person that attempted to pry Dan away from Kyle. 

The group had ate their tea, played a quick card game where Kyle won (yet again), and then settled on a film to watch. 

Dan put the captions on the screen and twenty minutes into the film, he felt his eyes drooping. It was another five minutes before he found his head resting on Kyle’s shoulder and another three before he gave up and took his glasses off. 

He was asleep soon afterward. 

It was a conscious sleep though. 

He could feel Kyle breathing and enjoyed Kyle’s arm resting on his thigh. Kyle’s hand was in between Dan’s knees and his fingers curled under to rest underneath Dan’s knee. 

In the distance he heard the television and his mates laughing. 

It was peaceful and it felt right. 

Everyone loved Kyle and Kyle loved everyone. It was like they had been mates for years. 

Dan felt happy and content. So much so, that he pushed away the feeling of guilt he was experiencing while the world crumpled around everyone. 

How ironic was his life that it took the world turning on its head for Dan to be truly happy? 

“He asleep?” Dan heard Sophie ask Kyle but she must have not gotten his attention first because there was a delayed response after the question was asked and then it was heard a second time. 

“I believe so.” Kyle’s body moved slightly as he nodded his head, his hand squeezing Dan’s knee. “He keeps falling asleep during films.” 

“That is odd. He loves them. Even ones he has watched multiple times.” Sam’s voice could be heard. “Normally he is the one that suggests another film before bed, even if it is already late.” 

“Has he been sleeping?” Sophie asked and Dan began to wonder if he should tell them that he could hear them. 

Instead, he decided to listen in a bit longer. 

“Sleeping?” Kyle’s tone remained low with the question. “Yes. He stays up sometimes working, but he also goes to sleep when I do.” 

There was silence and Dan wondered if he actually fell asleep or if his secret listening in party was over. 

“He doesn’t sleep well.” Sophie was sharing his secrets and Dan wondered what her angle was with telling Kyle Dan’s sleep habits. “I’m glad he is able to at least sleep on you.” 

Kyle must have nodded again, as his body moved and Dan sighed as the restful slumber appeared to be leaving him. 

They quieted down after that and Dan actually fell into sleep. 

He had an odd dream of a dragon flying over Kyle’s head and Dan off to the side slinging arrows in the dragon’s direction. Dan knew he was dreaming because the arrows actually made contact with the dragon. 

Lips on his forehead and the tickle of short hairs woke him up to a dimly lit room. 

The television was off and it was quiet. Dan’s mates must have gone to their respective rooms. 

Dan signed ‘sleep’ and closed his eyes further. He was knackered and he didn’t want to move from his spot. 

Kyle was near him and he could continue to sleep on his bony shoulder for a bit longer. 

“No secret language.” Sophie’s voice was far away. She might be leaving to go up the stairs. 

Dan signed ‘night’ with one hand and then rested his hand across Kyle’s legs. He gripped Kyle’s thigh and let out a large yawn. He liked using his hands to talk to Kyle. It was so much easier than using his voice. 

Sleep was hitting him hard and his body felt heavy. Dan did not want to fight it. 

He had spent that day going through ideas with Kyle on how to best signal him to play along with the others. 

And kissing. A lot of kissing. So much that he used the lip balm and didn’t even care that Kyle laughed at him. 

They also went through a few more texts from Alex. It seemed like he was changing his tactic from ‘I’ve changed’ to a more threatening manner. 

Dan asked why Kyle did not block him, but Kyle said it was best to not turn away the enemy’s war strategy book if given access. If he allowed the texts to go through, at least he knew what version of Alex he needed to prepare for and he could plan accordingly. 

Kyle asked if they could take a picture together and send it to him. To show him that Kyle was with someone and he didn’t need to be talking to an ex anymore. 

Dan agreed as long as he could keep his face out of the shot. If Alex was unstable, then it would be best to not give him a picture of Kyle and Dan together that he could potentially do something with. 

Alex had a million questions about the male resting his head on Kyle’s shoulder with a hat covering his face. Kyle answered that Dan and him were together and Kyle would appreciate it if Alex stopped messaging him. 

That apparently was too large of a request, because more texts went through and Kyle decided to turn off the vibrations all together. 

More kissing followed and then Dan’s mates arrived home. 

Sophie might have said goodnight, but Dan did not hear her as he had fallen back asleep. 

Kyle was definitely coming on tour with them. Even if he was coming as Dan’s personal sleep assistant or pillow. 

Dan raised his hand to sign ‘sleep’ again and Kyle’s free hand found his hair. Kyle knew by now that Kyle’s hand across his head would lead to more sleep. 

Dan’s eyes were tired and he decided he was going to keep them closed until morning. 

His plans were cut short by Kyle kissing the side of his head and stopping the movement across his scalp. 

“Let’s go to bed.” Kyle’s hair on his face was tickling Dan’s ear and Dan let out a slight giggle as he jerked his head away. “I will keep it up if you decide not to listen.”

Kyle stopped tickling his ear and contradicted himself. 

Dan smiled into his shoulder and felt himself relaxing into the warmth. 

Out of nowhere, Kyle’s body left him and Dan fell onto the sofa. 

“Hey, what was that for?” Dan whined as he rubbed his shoulder that took the brunt of his fall. “Not nice.” 

Kyle had turned on a light near the piano and he had his phone in front of him. 

Dan stood and walked toward him. He didn’t have on his glasses and he had no idea where they were anymore. His eyesight allowed him to see Kyle silently playing the keys. 

Oh, the sheet music Dan had forwarded to Kyle from Will. It must have been the song that Kyle was attempting to remember, because his hands were moving fast. 

Dan watched as Kyle finished and then turned toward Dan. His tone confirmed that his eyes were wet. 

“My nan taught me to play with this song and it was so long ago, I forgot all about it until a few weeks ago.” Kyle smiled and kissed Dan’s chest, with his height in the chair lining him up well. “How did he know? Brilliant man. Give him more money, okay?”

Dan nodded his head and smiled at Kyle’s reaction. He seemed both sad and giddy at the same time. 

“Play with me?” Kyle looked up and pleaded with his eyes. “I can help you. If you asked nicely and give me kisses, you can deduct them from my debt to you.” 

Dan had lost count of the number of kisses and cuddles since the contract was made; however, he knew that his mouth felt used from kissing so much. 

They must have reached a few hundred kisses by now. 

Dan sat on the small seat with Kyle, both of them barely on it and needing to balance themselves with their other leg. 

Kyle showed Dan the notes and then watched as Dan mimicked his movements. Once Dan had that part down, Kyle moved onto the next bit and they continued. 

By the end, Dan swore that he could hear the song in his head and he wondered if this was what Kyle experienced with music. 

It was a different way to experience music, one that Dan might have never considered if he had never met Kyle. 

Damn, what would his life be like now if he had not run his bike into Kyle? 

Or if Kyle had been a complete tosser and walked away shouting at him. 

It was too late to go down those paths right now. And, that was not how it happened so why bother torturing himself?

Dan kissed Kyle’s shoulder and then stood, holding his hand out for him. 

Once they were in his room and settled for bed, Kyle asked Dan about sleep and Dan cursed his mates. 

Dan signed ‘sleep,’ ‘not,’ and ‘easy.’ He had to think about the next part, but he remembered what he needed. ‘You,’ ‘help,’ ‘peace,’ and ‘sleep.’ 

“But not always?” Kyle signed and spoke, moving in closer on the bed. Their legs were tangled together underneath the covers, their bodies naturally wanting to touch one another. 

Dan nodded his head and felt the tiredness behind his eyes. He would need to sleep soon or he would work himself right past tired to not being able to sleep. 

Giving Kyle a quick kiss, Dan closed his eyes and snuggled in closer. Kyle took his cue and moved in closer as well. 

Dan was lulled to sleep by Kyle making random patterns on his back. 

Right before he fell asleep, Dan wondered if Kyle knew he had done the same thing to his back the night before or if it was just a coincidence. 

Falling back into the dream with the dragon, Dan pulled back the string on the bow and held it for three counts. 

Releasing the arrow with his breath, Dan watched as the arrow sailed through the sky and expertly hit the dragon dead in the chest. 

A sense of pride washed over Dan as he fell further into sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

It was rare that Dan found himself with nothing to do.

Mainly, by choice. But also by his brain.

He loved working and having a project to work on. And he felt gratitude every day that anyone cared about what they did.

So, it was very strange to find myself without anything to do.

Kyle had left to go to his flat and complete a few errands there. He offered to bring Dan with him, but Dan told him that he would stay here and work on something in his absence. They were grown men, they could handle a few hours away from one another.

Dan hated to seem needy, or he likely would have gone with him.

Within twenty minutes of Kyle being gone, Dan had completed everything he needed to do.

There were clothes being laundered and the kitchen had already been cleaned the night before.

Dan went outside and looked at the plants on the porch. They all seemed fine. He gave them a few compliments because he had heard that it was important for their growth to talk to them.

Then he sat down and tried to find something else to do.

Everything was set for the next Distraction Tactics.

The music files were sent off to Mark.

He had already attended to all his emails that morning.

The guitar was too far away. And he still needed Charlie to show him what he needed to practice. 

Kyle was away.

For the first time since his mobile stopped working, Dan missed it.

But he knew that it would only be filled with tragedy, so maybe it was best to not have one now.

Maybe he should talk to his mum? But, the laptop was inside and it seemed like too much work to go all the way upstairs and then attempt to email her, hope that she saw the email, and then have to sit inside for the wifi.

Dan saw a bee land on one of the larger flowers and followed its movements.

Slowly wandering around the flower, the bee flew to the next one, and then the next. 

Was there a song in there?

His brain had turned off creating music at the moment.

In fact, anything music related appeared related to Kyle now.

Damn, now he missed him.

The bee flew away and Dan shouted at it for leaving him alone.

Maybe he should go for a run? It had been a while since he had done that.

He wondered if Kyle ran? Did he play sport? Kyle had mentioned basketball, maybe he expected Dan to play with him?

Dan did not do well with sports with balls. In fact, the ability to stay upright on the bike was an accomplishment for him.

After the stillness became too much, Dan decided it was time for a run.

He found his old running clothes and felt a wave of nausea as the material met his skin. Likely a flashback to running the marathon last year. Another thing that would be cancelled this year. Not that Dan planned on running it this year. Never again.

The sun was warm on his skin and Dan found that his lung capacity was still good. His lungs had been having a workout with Kyle around.

Halfway down the street two over from his house, he saw Kyle driving toward him and almost collapsed in relief.

Kyle drove up slowly and rolled down the driver's window. His eyebrows raised and then he started smiling.

"I know this is forward of me, but need a ride? I heard there was a pandemic and we needed to stay away from one another, but you look like you could use the help?" Kyle's smirk grew as he spoke, with Kyle half hanging out of the window. His eyes went up and down Dan's frame and Dan had to laugh at him.

"I was bored. Never leave me again. I shouted at a bee!" Dan walked closer and hoped that Kyle would understand him through the short breaths he needed to remain upright. Maybe his lungs were not at full running speed quite yet.

Maybe he would need to practice more with Kyle. 

"I think I got most of that, but I have no idea what that last word was. Spell it for me." Kyle narrowed his eyebrows on him. His perfect and cute eyebrows. 

Dan raised a finger to take another deeper breath and then his brain was able to work well enough to spell it. After spelling it, he remembered that he knew the sign for it and used that as well.

"I leave you alone for an hour and you are shouting at bees? For shame, young man. We need to support our bees." Kyle moved his head to indicate he wanted Dan to get in the vehicle. "Get in. I will drive you home."

Dan smiled and leaned in the window to give him a kiss first. 

Once he was in the vehicle, he leaned over and gave him another kiss. He really had missed him and he didn’t even care that he was pathetic. The way Kyle was kissing him back in the empty street proved that Kyle likely had missed him as well. 

Finally pulling back, Dan saw that Kyle now had alternating grey and black nail varnish on his fingernails. That was new.

"Nice fingers." Dan pointed to Kyle's nails and then looked to his face to see if he understood. "I haven't seen them like that."

"It is something I liked to do when I played." Kyle looked to his hands and then back to Dan. "I figured I could do it again. Now. With, everything."

"I like it." Dan nodded his head and pulled his shirt out from his chest. He was sweating and wanted to go home to shower.

Kyle signed 'thank you' and soon they were back at Dan's place.

Dan took a shower and returned to find Kyle sat in the lounge next to the piano.

Tapping Kyle’s shoulder when he came within reach, Dan smiled back to him and then turned on the keyboard.

Kyle was playing that song he nan had taught him and Will had sent over the sheet music.

"Will must really like you." Dan nodded to Kyle's phone in front of them. "He normally doesn't take an interest in things like that."

"How many times do we have to have this conversation? People love me." Kyle nodded to the keys. "Play with me. Do you remember?"

Dan nodded. He did remember a bit and he would go along with whatever else Kyle did.

Dan liked playing like his. It took his attention off his own mistakes because he was so focused on what Kyle was playing. 

“You remember.” Kyle beamed as they finished and he looked toward Dan. “I think you have promise.” 

“Thank you.” Dan found Kyle’s eyes watching him and he leaned forward to kiss him. He loved that he could do this whenever he wanted and that Kyle seemed to love kissing him just as much. 

They were both breathless when Kyle moved his head away. Dan’s mates would be home soon, so he didn’t want to go to his room. Dan was sure that someone had heard him moan the other time and he couldn’t look at them if they knew what they were doing in his room. 

Which was stupid because they were all adults, but, it didn’t sit right with Dan. 

“I have an idea.” Dan waited for Kyle to nod his head to show that he was listening. “After Wednesday, let’s go up north. You said there was a place we could go? And be alone?”

“Yes.” Dan felt Kyle’s breath on his mouth and he really wanted to be alone with Kyle right then. “I will make sure no one is there and we can leave whenever you would like.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and leaned in half the way to have Kyle’s breath back on his lips. Kyle moved the rest of the way in and immediately put his hand underneath Dan’s shirt. 

If Kyle got to touch, then Dan wanted to as well. His hands moved underneath Kyle’s shirt and he sucked on his tongue, with Kyle creating the most wonderful sound from his actions. 

Kyle’s hand was moving toward the zip of his shorts, but Dan stopped him because the sound of the door opening carried up to the lounge. 

Dan signed ‘friends/mates’ and wondered if they could go to Kyle’s after tea.

Kyle had the most wonderful pout and his eyes were narrowed on Dan’s lips. “Let’s go to mine. I love your mates, but I want to be alone with you. All alone so you can moan my name so loud that I can hear it.” 

Dan nodded his head and kissed the pout away. They could eat later. Or not at all, Dan really didn’t care anymore about food. 

Dan packed an overnight bag and Kyle brought home some of his things, including some that he had packed earlier that day. Dan explained the situation to Sam but left before Sophie came out of her room. 

Kyle turned the lock to his flat and Dan figured that was enough time to be away from Kyle’s mouth. 

Walking them backward, Dan hoped he was going in the right direction. Kyle’s hands were working on removing his clothes and Dan’s were doing the same. 

They were both in their pants when Dan ran into the door frame. Kyle stepped into the narrow space between them and Dan wasn’t sure if he could wait to get in the bed. 

Kyle was hard against him and his hands were making lovely circles on the top of his back. Dan tilted his head to the side and pulled harder on the back of Kyle’s hair, getting a loud moan in return. 

Dan’s other hand moved into Kyle’s pants and then around to his bum. 

Thus far, Kyle had only been inside him. Dan was curious but he wasn’t sure how Kyle felt about that. 

Dan moaned as Kyle’s hand moved to his front and Dan used all the will power he had to move his head back enough so Kyle could see him. 

Kyle’s lips looked used and wet. Licking his own, Dan found that his lips likely looked the same. 

“Everything okay?” Kyle asked, with concern in his eyes. “Are you hurt?” 

Dan shook his head because he wasn’t. 

Biting underneath his lip, Dan moved his hand down so it rested further on Kyle’s bum. It was tight and narrow, much like Kyle’s body. “Can I maybe…”

“Yes.” Kyle nodded his head and moved them further into his room. “Very much yes.” 

Their pants were removed and Kyle laid half underneath him, his legs spread out and waiting for him. 

Dan followed what Kyle typically did with him and was shocked at how warm Kyle was there. Kyle’s legs moved out further as Dan’s finger moved inside and he was creating wonderful sounds again. 

“More.” Kyle’s eyes found his and he said with a low voice. “And further inside.” 

Dan nodded his head and followed Kyle’s request. 

Fuck, he was warmer there and now Kyle was squeezing around his fingers. 

Pressing himself into the bed to tease some of the pressure, Dan curved his fingers like Kyle had done to him and got the reaction he was hoping for as his fingers put pressure on the nerve endings there. 

“Dan.” Kyle’s voice went full baritone and Dan knew he needed to get inside him soon or he would come from what he was doing. “Want you inside me.” 

Dan readied himself and lined himself to press into the brilliant warmth, his knees almost giving out as they pressed into Kyle’s bed. He didn’t want to hurt him, so he was going slower than he likely needed to but it was so wonderful. 

Kyle turned Dan’s head to him and Kyle held his eyes as Dan bottomed out inside him. 

Dan did not want to move for fear he would come from just being inside him alone. Kyle allowed it for a few more seconds and then moved his hips up, his heels pressing into the bed to give him leverage to move up. 

Dan found he needed to kiss him and their bodies found the natural rhythm of them moving together as Kyle started making low breathy sounds. 

Dan's odd brain went to the idea that he was playing Kyle like an instrument with his body, with certain movements creating certain reactions and sounds in return.

The same odd brain told him that of all the instruments Dan claimed to play, playing Kyle was the one he was best at given the sounds Kyle was making. And the feel of Kyle's fingers digging into the skin on his back.

His brain was so strange.

Kyle's hips moved up to meet him and Dan felt his body tensing. Dan came to the sound of Kyle moaning out his name and the feel of Kyle's legs squeezing his thighs.

As Dan recovered, he moved out slowly and threw the condom to the side. 

Soon he had Kyle’s hands in his hair as Kyle came into Dan’s mouth. Swallowing without thinking anything of it, Dan kissed his way back to Kyle’s face. 

Kyle was grinning at him and he laid underneath him with his legs still spread. 

Dan was hit with the feeling of being in love with him and it took his breath away. 

Kyle reached his arms up and moved Dan down to his chest, so Dan could still see Kyle’s face and their bodies could be near one another. 

Kyle’s finger traced around Dan’s eye to his hair and smiled more when Dan pressed his head into the direction of his touch. 

“That was nice.” Kyle broke the serene silence in the room. “We can do that more often, I don’t always have to be on top.” 

“I didn’t know if you liked that.” Dan felt his face blush at their topic. “I didn’t know if I liked that until only a few weeks ago.” 

“I like that.” Kyle nodded his head and stilled his finger near the bottom of Dan’s ear. “I love anything with you.” 

“Same.” Dan crawled up to kiss him and wondered if Kyle felt the same intensity that he felt when Dan was near him. Dan felt love drunk on him. Did everyone feel like this and Dan had just been doing it wrong all along? 

Or was this rare? 

Dan willed his brain to turn off as he told it that he would have the whole rest of lockdown, and hopefully his life, to sort out the mystery of love.


	29. Chapter 29

Kyle and his nan had been close. 

He spent a large amount of his childhood at her house because his family was large and it was nice to have a moment of peace. All of Kyle’s siblings would rotate through her house, but Kyle was the one that would typically stay the longest. 

Everyone said that Kyle was most like his nan in personality. Kyle’s nan was caring and kind, with a helping hand and a kind word for anyone who needed it. 

She could hold her spirits and make inappropriate jokes with the best of them. 

And she loved music. 

She had studied music at university and impressed everyone with her talent. But met her husband during her last year and decided to stay home instead of travel the world. 

She said that love was worth giving up her dreams. Instead, she was able to live a new dream. Having a large, loving family that were close together. 

Kyle loved music as much as she did, so Kyle never really understood how she gave up her dreams to be a wife and mother. 

She continued to play for family and friends, teaching her children and grandchildren over the years, but she could have been renowned. 

At least from the stories Kyle’s grandfather told the family every year. 

After Kyle quit university, he went to stay with her. 

She ended up kicking him out of the house after two months of watching Kyle literally throw his life away. 

She said she couldn’t watch him ruin himself. She would do anything to help him, but she couldn't enable him to continue down the path he was on. 

After Kyle woke up from his failed attempt, he went to her house and brokedown in her arms. She held him and told him that she loved him, but he couldn’t come back unless he started loving himself as much as she loved him. 

In anger, Kyle left and went to a pub. There, he saw a man that was signing with a mate. Kyle must have been intoxicated, because he asked what they were doing and the man explained. 

Kyle, in his drunken state, told the man about his hearing loss and dropping out of uni. And how he was attempting to numb his bad luck with spirits and drugs. 

The man gave him no sympathy and told him to get himself together. Music could still be a part of his life, but he was going to have to realize that it wouldn’t be easy. Because life never is, at least for the good stuff. 

Kyle finished his glass and left to go sleep it off on a mate’s sofa. 

In the morning, he went back to his nan and asked for her help. He would do whatever she asked of him, but he couldn’t do it alone. 

She hugged him close and said she knew he would come back. And that he could always come back, as long as he showed her he was trying. 

Kyle sobered himself up and took courses in British Sign Language. He started working and met Harry. A career in music fell away, but he continued to play on his own here and there. 

Life was good. 

Harry and him decided they were best as mates and Kyle met Alex. 

Alex had been wonderful for him. At least in the beginning. 

Alex adored Kyle, but in the end, Alex adored himself a lot more. 

His nan was the first person he told about the divorce. About how Alex was cheating on him and threatening to expose his darkest secrets.

His nan said ‘fuck him’ and for Kyle to focus on loving himself. Then she gave him the biggest hug and Kyle felt like he was going to be okay. 

She always made him feel like he was going to be okay. 

She became ill quickly and passed away even quicker. 

She was amazing and Kyle missed her greatly. 

Going through her things, Kyle found a picture of the tiny version of himself sitting on the piano bench with his nan by his side. 

She had been teaching him the song that Will had found for him. 

If Kyle did not love Dan so much, he would track Will down and give him the biggest kiss. Or, you know, if there wasn’t a virus sweeping around the world. 

Dan was sat next to him now. 

They had packed up food and clothes and driven to North Lincolnshire. They had been in the small car for nearly four hours and Kyle was ready to stretch his long limbs. 

His parents had a house near Cleethorpes Beach. It had been his nan’s and she passed it to Kyle’s parents. 

Typically, during the summer months, the small beach house would be overflowing with family and friends. 

“My nan loved this house. She loved having family here.” Kyle felt a sense of yearning for the days when he was still a child and his mind was not as heavy with the weight of the adult world. “She would love that we are here now.” 

Dan gave him a sad smile like he understood, but Kyle wasn’t sure if he quite knew how important his nan was to him. Maybe no one would ever really know. 

“Let’s go inside. I need to stretch and wee. And eat something that does not require me to only use one hand while I drive.” Kyle turned off the engine and made his way out of the vehicle. She had done well getting them here. She overheated once and they had given her a break, but Kyle knew she needed more rest now. 

Dan was opening the back and gathering their things while Kyle stretched his arms up and back. He continued with his back and then legs before he helped Dan bring the items into the house. 

Kyle was hit with the smell of the house and he bit his tongue to keep the wetness out of his eyes. He hadn’t been here since right after his nan’s wake. 

And the time before that, he was here with Alex and his family. 

Shaking the negative thoughts away, Kyle lifted the hand with the bag back toward where the bedrooms were. “Back this way.” 

Dan was lining up their bags while Kyle spread his arms out and fell into the bed. 

This was the room he would share with his brothers when he was a child. Then, with Alex. 

Thankfully, there were minimal memories of Alex here. 

“Stop fussing with the bags and come here.” Kyle whined on purpose to get Dan’s attention. Kyle really did not understand what was so damn important with the bags when he was lying right there, like the long sexy man he was. 

Kyle saw that Dan was laughing when he turned and he swore he could hear it. It sounded like the high notes on the piano, and birds singing to one another. At least in Kyle’s mind it did. 

Dan was saying something about maybe forgetting something but Kyle couldn’t be bothered to keep his eyes open. They had left early and he wanted a quick kip before Kyle showed Dan around the beach connected to the house.

Thankfully, Dan understood what he wanted and rested his head on Kyle’s chest. Dan’s arm moved around his stomach and then his hand moved underneath his back, holding Kyle in place. Like he was going anywhere. 

Kyle’s hand found its way to Dan’s head and, as much as Dan said he loved Kyle fingers in his hair, Kyle found it just as relaxing to play with Dan’s hair. 

Waking to the feeling of Dan moving away from him, Kyle used his hand to take Dan’s hand and keep him on the bed. 

“No.” Kyle could tell his voice was low because Dan’s whole body reacted. Kyle knew that Dan liked when his voice went lower because Dan would then initiate more touching upon hearing it. “Stay with me.” 

Dan made the sign for ‘toilet’ but Kyle could see that Dan was debating with himself whether he really wanted to leave when Kyle sounded the way he did. 

“Or come back quickly.” Kyle used the grip he had on Dan’s hand to move him close enough to kiss him. After the short kiss, Kyle moved his lips to Dan’s ear and whispered, “So I can make you come slowly with my tongue.” 

Dan’s body shivered at his words and Kyle could feel Dan’s breath quickening against his neck. 

Dan left quickly after that and Kyle didn’t have to wait long for him to return. 

Stopping near one of the bags, Dan found the lube and condoms before he was lying on top of Kyle. 

Kyle liked this new part of their relationship. 

When he first met Dan, they could barely touch one another and had to settle for cuddles or hands moving against one another. 

Now, he could kiss Dan and move all the way inside him. 

They would explore one another without worry of exposure. At least not a significant worry because they had been isolating in their small groups and taking every safety precaution. 

Dan’s hands were moving on him and pulling at his clothes, so Kyle decided to help him. 

Dan felt good naked, especially when he was on top of him. 

Or underneath him. 

Kyle was not picky. He liked all versions of naked Dan. 

Currently, Kyle had Dan on his back and Kyle was kissing around the short hairs that led downward. 

Kyle made a point to blow on the spot he just made wet and got his reward with Dan moving his hand to Kyle’s hair. 

Kyle had plans to cut it the first chance he would be given, but now he was considering keeping it long. Dan’s hands found it irresistible. At least that was what Kyle told himself based on Dan’s habit of running his hands through it and pulling it at the best moments. 

Kyle rewarded Dan for his kindness by taking him fully in his mouth and smiled as Dan’s hips raised up. 

Kyle had sucked off a few straight men in his day and they always loved this. A warm mouth with an expert tongue that knew what felt good, what was not to love? 

Dan was unlike any straight man he had slept with though. 

Dan got into Kyle’s mouth on him and would eagerly return the favour. 

He would take his time on Kyle and make sure it was good for him. 

And Dan let Kyle top him. Straight men were not into that, at least in Kyle’s experience.

Anal sex seemed a bit too gay for the straight men he had been with. A dick in Kyle’s mouth was fine, but they drew the line on anything related to the bum. 

Dan was pulling on his hair more and Kyle took it as he was getting close. Kyle double downed his efforts and stopped quickly when he felt Dan tapping on his head. 

Tapping was the signal to stop and check in with one another. 

Kyle wiped his mouth with the back of hand and moved up closer to his face. 

He was red in the cheeks and he had been biting his lip because it was almost the same shade as his cheeks. His eyes were wide and blown. Fuck, he was amazing. 

“You okay?” Kyle asked and stopped himself from pushing his dick against Dan’s thigh. The sight of Dan underneath was always a great sight, especially when he was as far gone as he was now. 

Dan nodded his head and then opened his legs more, biting at the spot right underneath his lip. Kyle had learned that was his worry/anxious biting spot, so he needed to check in more. 

“You want me inside you?” Kyle kissed at Dan’s lip, right over the spot on the inside that must be raw from use over the years. “Or do you want something else.” 

Dan moved his legs out a bit more and handed Kyle the lube. He said ‘inside’ and Kyle smiled in return. 

One of the best places in the world to be. Or maybe the best place Kyle had found. 

Keeping his eyes on Dan’s face, Kyle used his fingers and moaned when Dan closed his eyes on him. 

Dan’s breathing was getting quicker and Kyle could feel him swelling against his forearm as Kyle's fingers worked their way in.

Deciding Dan was ready after a few minutes, Kyle put the condom on and then more lube. 

“Fuck.” Kyle kept his head up until he was fully inside. Dan had nodded his head at him and Kyle knew he was okay. Allowing his head to fall down onto the pillow, Kyle turned his head to Dan’s neck and breathed him in. 

Definitely the best place he had ever been. 

Dan started moving them first, with one hand on Kyle’s lower back and the other right underneath the swell of his bum. Dan dug his fingers into Kyle’s skin as they moved against one another. 

They were amazing at this. Moving together and reading what the other one wanted. Kyle could feel Dan’s heart beating against his chest and Dan legs squeezing his hips. 

Dan titled his hips a bit and Kyle felt Dan respond to the new angle. Dan knew how to get himself off on Kyle and surprisingly he was not shy about using what he needed. 

Another thing that separated Dan from the other straight men that had been in his bed. Or in the same alleyway. Or backseat of a vehicle. Or anywhere. 

Dan was kissing at his ear and his hands were now in Kyle’s hair. Kyle knew Dan would come soon from those signs, so he decided to slow them down. He wanted to remain true to his word. 

The slower movements at the point they were at only made it that much better. 

Dan’s mouth was sucking on his ear when Kyle came and he felt Dan join him soon after. 

As amazing as it was to do that with Dan, the part that followed was quickly becoming his favourite as well. 

Kyle loved to touch and cuddle and be near people. Dan shared his love of touching and they would lay together afterward, just breathing as one.

How did he get so incredibly lucky? 

Or was this his reward for going through so much crap to get to this point in life? 

The point where he loved himself enough to fully love someone else. 

Dan’s hand was on the back of his head, keeping Kyle close to him and Kyle melted at the touch. 

He had never been loved like this. 

He thought he loved Alex and Alex loved him. 

Kyle thought at the time, when it was good between them, that Kyle had hit the goal in love. 

But this, with Dan, was so much more. 

Eventually, the both moved from one another and cleaned themselves up. 

After they were clothed, Dan kissed him and spoke against his lips that he loved him. 

Kyle had learned his trick early in the relationship. Kyle wondered if they had invented a new way of reading lips. 

“Same.” Kyle moved back and saw Dan’s surprised face. “Oh, didn’t know I could do that, did ya?” 

Dan shook his head but smiled brighter, his eyes narrowing and that wonderful glow making Kyle want to move them back to the bed and start all over again. 

But, there was time for that later and if they didn’t go exploring outside now, it would be too dark. 

They made a quick picnic to bring with them and walked out to the water’s edge. Kyle pulled back on Dan’s hand when the water became too close, and Dan turned his head to him in thanks. 

Kyle waited for the sign but then realized that with the food in one hand and Kyle’s hand in the other, Dan wouldn’t be able to tell him thank you in that way. 

Kyle loved that Dan was learning to sign and would use it to communicate with him. He was still learning and would hesitate on some words, but he was taking to it brilliantly. 

No romantic relationship had cared enough for him to learn the way that Dan was learning for him. 

Thinking back on Alex, Kyle found that Alex should have been making more efforts to communicate with him. They were married and they both knew that Kyle’s hearing loss was only going to get worse. 

Enough thoughts of Alex. For the past few days, there had been minimal texts from him as well. The picture Kyle had sent of him and Dan, it must have worked. 

“Do you like it here?” Kyle asked as they sat and watched the water move in and out. Kyle loved the water, from a distance. He was not going in there, but he could appreciate its magnificent beauty from a distance. “It is okay that you hate it. It will only hurt my feelings though, so lie if you must.” 

Dan laughed and signed, ‘no’ and ‘love.’ Dan gestured to the water and then Kyle and smiled to emphasize his point. 

“Good, because I love it here.” Kyle finished his food and put away the bag it was in. “I would come here with my family in the summers. It always seemed like a massive house when I was a child, but now it seems small. It makes me miss my nan, but in a good way. Does that make sense?” 

Dan nodded his head and said that he knew the feeling. 

“She would have loved you.” Kyle smiled down to his painted nails. It had been ages since he had painted them and it seemed like an important symbol that they were painted again. “And not just because you know people in the music world, but because you made me go back to music again.” 

Dan asked more about her and they spent the rest of the sunlight going through stories. 

Kyle felt a sense of peace come over him as they walked back to the house. There was sand in his shoes and shorts that they would get in the house, but it didn’t matter. 

He had Dan here with him, in his family home filled with amazing memories, and they were going to make more with the week they had planned away from the city. 

And the world. 

A much needed break from reality.


	30. Chapter 30

Dan loved this house. 

He had planned on working on music and traveling during his time off from touring and promotion. 

Then, the world stopped and so did most of his plans. He cancelled the first trip as soon as information hit about the impact the virus was having on China and other countries. And as more and more information came in, he cancelled more and more plans. 

Being away was nice. A little mini holiday with the person that he loved. 

Kyle was so relaxed and amazing in this house. Dan could tell that Kyle felt at home here and he was so glad that Kyle had shared this place with him. 

Kyle being calm and relaxed allowed Dan to feel some of the peace as well. 

Dan pushed away the hair on the back of Kyle’s neck and kissed the skin until his lips met his hairline. 

He was behind Kyle and moving inside him in a steady rhythm. 

Kyle’s hand was moving on himself and Dan could hear the wonderful sounds that moving together made Kyle make. They had been moving together for a few minutes and Kyle was only getting more vocal as time progressed. 

Dan loved everything about being with Kyle, with a new favourite aspect of their relationship discovered each day. 

Today, it was how Kyle’s neck tasted and how Kyle would moan his name. 

Dan bit at the skin there and felt Kyle push back against him. 

Neither of them were in a rush. 

Maybe they would spend all morning doing this. 

The only bad thing about this position was that Dan could not see Kyle’s face and he couldn’t kiss him. 

Licking at the bite mark he made on the back of Kyle’s neck, Kyle moaned his name louder and Dan slowed down his hips. It was too soon to come yet. 

Taking his fingers out of Kyle’s hair, Dan slowly traced his finger down the length of his arm to sign ‘slow.’ 

Kyle nodded his head and stopped his hand from moving on himself. 

Somehow, Kyle turned himself just enough that Dan could see his face and reach his lips. 

It took effort to stay still, but kissing Kyle was worth it. 

Kyle moved a bit more, so that his leg was out of the way and he could face Dan more. Using his hand, he guided Dan’s hand down his stomach to his dick and sighed into the kiss. 

Kyle was biting at his lips in between kisses and Dan wondered if he would be able to continue to more so slow. 

Kyle must have forgotten about going slow because he pressed his hips back a few times and Dan felt him release into his hand. 

“Fuck.” Dan breathed against Kyle’s lips and then kissed him through it, Dan’s hand being extra gentle with him as Kyle’s body went through the after effects. 

Soon, Kyle was biting at his lips again and pressing his hips back with purpose, with Kyle's muscles squeezing him until he felt his body go. 

Dan stilled their hips with his hand and rested his forehead against Kyle’s. 

Best way to wake up. 

Best place to wake up in. 

And the best person to wake up with. 

Breakfast was quick and soon they were outside, walking the beach with their arms around each other’s backs. 

Kyle asked if it was okay to be so close together, if Dan was concerned about people seeing them together. 

“Should I be?” Dan looked around and only saw a few people in the distance. The area seemed underpopulated at the moment. “Is it not safe?” 

As a White, straight man from a middle upper class family, Dan never had to think about whether walking down a beach with the person he loved would be safe. 

It was a strange actualization to have as they stood with hardly anyone around him. Being with Kyle the way he was, might be an issue for other people. It might cause undue attention and put them at risk. 

“I’m not worried about that.” Kyle looked around them as well and moved his hair out of his face as the wind caught his hair. “People know you and, I thought, maybe…” 

“Maybe what?” Dan almost had to laugh, but he didn’t want to cause confusion for Kyle so he held it in. Dan thought they had already spoken about this.

Dan was the furthest thing that anyone cared about until he was sat with an interviewer that wanted to talk about their album or tour. 

He could walk through a busy street in one of the most populated cities in the world and no one paid him any concern. A deserted beach was not a place that Dan felt anyone would care about him. 

“We haven’t talked much about it. That is all.” Kyle smiled and pushed away a strand of hair that kept blowing into his face. Dan helped him move it back and tuck it underneath his ear. And then, because he was so close to him, he kissed him. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Dan smiled back as he stayed close. To make sure he could help if the wind blew the hair in Kyle’s face again.

“Who am I to you?” Kyle’s smile was replaced with a somewhat worried expression. “In public, I mean. Who am I to you?” 

“Soon, or already, you will be a member of my band.” Dan kissed the slight frown Kyle had now. Moving back, he smiled to try to get Kyle to smile back at him. “People are going to be curious about you. They will fall in love with your personality and the way you play. They will see you as part of the band. A good mate to myself and the rest of us. There are a lot of people on our crew.” 

“And if they ask me more questions? About who I am dating or my sexual orientation, what do I say?” Kyle’s eyes narrowed with his question. “I’m not going to lie. I’m proud of who I am. It took me ages to get this comfortable with being me. I’m not going back.” 

“I will never ask you to lie.” Dan shook his head and moved his hands to Kyle’s face, to make sure he was watching him. “I don’t talk about relationships with anyone. I never have and I don’t care to. It just seems too weird that anyone would care about that. If you want to share about yourself, that is your right. I just ask that you don’t mention that we are together.” 

“So to lie.” Kyle took a step back and lowered Dan’s hands from his face. 

The wind blew the stubborn strand of hair back into Kyle’s face and Dan had to hold his hands together to stop himself from moving in and fixing it. 

Dan was not comfortable sharing their relationship with the world. He never shared any of his others. Was that lying? Dan did not see it as such, but he supposed it would be different if Kyle was in the band. 

The others spoke about their relationships. People knew that Woody was married and had children. They knew that Will was engaged to be married, just not that the wedding had happened right before lockdown. 

It didn’t seem like a big deal when they spoke about their significant others, but for Dan, he didn’t like it. 

“I don’t see it as lying.” Dan tried to fit the words to say what he meant, but they were not coming to mind. And with the lack of words, he saw he was losing Kyle more and more. 

“I told you I won’t be a dirty, little secret.” Kyle moved the strand of hair out of his face with a bit too much force. “I won’t. I meant what I said. I have come too far to go backwards. Even for you.” 

Dan felt the air leave his lungs and his mouth go dry. Was Kyle breaking up with him? 

They were at the most wonderful place and had been getting on so well. 

And now he was breaking his heart? 

Dan felt that permanent lump of guilt in his stomach twinge and he felt sick. 

Dan opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words he knew how to form. Biting at the spot underneath his lip, Dan closed his eyes and tried to relax himself enough to speak. 

“Are you ending things with me?” Dan spoke while his eyes were shut. He couldn’t look at him and speak at the same time, but he knew Kyle needed to see his face to understand him. “Over this?” 

Time stopped and Dan could feel the silence in the air. 

God, his chest actually hurt. Dan rubbed at it to see if it would help, but it only made it worse. 

What a cruel joke the world had played on him and Dan had fallen for it. 

The idea that he could be happy. That someone would love him through everything. 

Dan actually thought he was going to be sick and he had to turn away before he completely embarrassed himself. 

How was he going to get home? He couldn’t be around Kyle now. Kyle wouldn’t be able to drive him back. 

He couldn’t ring anyone to come and get him because he didn’t have a fucking phone and he couldn’t ask to borrow Kyle’s. 

What a fucking idiot he was to believe this could happen for him. 

She was right about him. 

He was impossible to love. 

That was what she had told him when he asked her about the texts on her phone and the voice he would hear in the background during their calls. 

She couldn’t love him because he was impossible to love. So, she had to find someone that she could love. 

Someone that would be around and available to her. Someone she could build a life with. 

Dan was none of those things. 

Impossible. 

Everything felt overwhelming and Dan knew he needed to leave. The sun was too bright and the wind too harsh on his skin. The sound of the waves crashing down on one another. The taste of blood on his tongue. 

Impossible. 

Dan was going to be alone forever. 

An old man writing songs about other people’s lives because he had no stories of his own to tell. 

Alone. 

Impossible. 

Kyle’s hand on his arm snapped him out of the loop going inside his head. 

“Dan?” Kyle’s voice was upset and Dan felt like he did that was well. He upset him and Kyle would hate him now. 

He would feel the same thing that Dan was feeling and that Kyle was the problem. Not Dan and his impossible to love, pathetic insecurities. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan signed without thinking about it and turned to walk away from him. He had no idea where he was going, but he couldn’t stay. 

Impossible. 

“Dan.” Kyle’s hand was on his arm holding him in place. “Look at me. Please.” 

Dan stopped trying to move and swallowed the guilt as he opened his eyes to find Kyle’s looking at him. 

“What happened?” Kyle stepped in closer and moved his hands underneath Dan’s chin, holding it so Dan’s head would remain up. “Why are you leaving?” 

Dan bit underneath his lip again and wished he knew enough to sign it. It would be so much easier if he didn’t want to talk. 

“You’re scaring me. Please talk to me.” Kyle kissed both of Dan’s cheeks and then moved back to see his eyes. 

Dan saw the care in them and the love. Kyle loved him. 

Kyle had daggers he used to slay away all those insecurities. 

And Dan had arrows to defend Kyle from the dragons. 

Taking a quick breath. “I don’t want you to go backwards. I don’t want you to not love yourself. I just don’t know if I’m ready. If I can...tell people about us.” 

“I won’t lie.” Kyle held Dan’s eyes and moved with him when Dan tried to look down. “But I understand. I cannot force you to be ready. If anyone asks me, I’m telling them the truth. I’m gay and I’m proud of it.” 

“I would never ask you to lie about that.” Dan swallowed and felt that guilt pounding in his stomach. Another wave of nausea hit him and he was concerned that he might sick up on Kyle. “Maybe don’t mention us. Okay? Not yet. Be open and proud of you, always. I’m not quite there yet.” 

“Okay.” Kyle nodded and held his eyes. “I love you. That is never going to change.” 

Dagger to the knee, the monster falls down. 

“I thought maybe. My brain thought that.” Dan swallowed and took another breath. “My brain-” 

“Our brains are not always right.” Kyle kissed his nose and Dan felt some of the nausea leave him. “We have thoughts that are not always true. Especially anxious ones like yours.” 

“I.” Dan felt that down to his core and swallowed again. “I thought you were ending it. Us. And my brain went back to what she said. About me.” 

“I’m not ending this.” Kyle smiled at him and kissed his nose. “It is going to have to take a lot more than a slight difference of opinion to make me walk away from the best thing in my life.” 

Dagger to the arm, the monster cries out in pain. 

“Fuck.” Dan let out a long breath and felt his body settle back into the moment, his heart rate decreasing and the moisture returning to his mouth. “I’m sorry.” 

Kyle kissed his mouth and stepped in to deepen the kiss. Kyle’s hands moved from his chin to the back of his head and the other on his back. 

Monster defeated. Players advance. 

******

“It is our anniversary.” Kyle was cooking their meal on the hob, stirring the dish as he spoke. “One month.” 

Dan shook his head and counted back through the days. He had 29. 

“Yes. One month of knowing me.” Kyle grinned. “Aren’t you the lucky one.” 

“No.” Dan shook his head and set down the plate before walking closer to him. “It has only been 29 days. Not quite a month.” 

“You calling February not a month?” Kyle laughed as he turned down their meal. 

Walking to Dan, he put his hand on Dan’s chest and moved it down his shirt, so that his fingers rested on the waistband. Kyle’s fingers were brushing against the skin there and he seemed distracted for a moment.

“February is a month. And it only has 28 days.” Dan grinned back and knew that Kyle was messing with him. This was better than their talk on the beach. This was just friendly banter. Or flirting. 

“You saying leap years don’t have a month with 29 days in February?” Kyle challenged him, raising an eyebrow at him. “You saying that science is not real?” 

Dan lowered his jaw in shock. He was going to go there? Closing his mouth to avoid looking like an idiot, Dan smiled. “You think you are going to win this with science?” 

“Yes.” Kyle kissed Dan’s jaw and then his mouth. “So, for our one month anniversary, do I get anything special? Diamond ring? A new vehicle? What are the kids doing nowadays?” 

Dan laughed and felt the lump of guilt inside his stomach shrink. Shaking his head, Dan said, “Maybe a holiday with me. And a hundred kisses to be spread over the next month. You know, the one with at least 30 days because it is not leap year nor February.” 

“Wrong there, mate. It is a leap year. Feels like forever since February, but we had 29 days.” Kyle’s fingers moved against Dan’s stomach and Dan’s attention was drawn there for a few seconds. "I still need a count of the number of kisses I owe you." 

Kyle was awfully close to other parts of his body and Dan knew they needed to eat before they entertained any of those ideas.

“Oh, I had to add to your debt.” Dan laughed at Kyle’s face, his jaw dropping in mock shock. “You know, I did the maths and it could have ended your debt too soon. I feel the way we have been kissing, we are going to run through them in a year. Or two. When your debt is repaid, what need would you have to stay around me?” 

“True.” Kyle laughed with him and stopped his fingers from going lower. “Best add at least 10 million more. Don’t want that debt to be paid off. You know, because I’m in love with you and all. That would break my heart to have to leave you.” 

Dan felt that lump of guilt shrink more. “Since we have so many more, maybe we should kiss now. You know, since we have so many again and it would be safe-” 

Kyle kissed him and moved his hands to underneath the back of his shirt. 

Kyle felt good next to him and on him. All around him. 

The food would have to wait because they had kisses to tick off the massive debt.


	31. Chapter 31

The next morning was spent similar to the previous one. 

Moving against one another in bed. Enjoying a delicious breakfast that Kyle cooked. And time outside enjoying the weather and the lack of people around them. 

Kyle pulled Dan back from the water’s edge again and Dan was curious enough now to ask him. 

“Are there jellyfish or something that I need to be aware of?” Dan pulled on Kyle’s shirt near his side and turned them so they were facing one another. 

Both of them had gotten a bit of colour on their face from the day before, and Dan was bitter to see that Kyle’s sunburn appeared to have changed into a tan while Dan still had red cheeks, so both were hearing caps to help block out some of the sun. 

And Kyle had on the sexiest pair of sunglasses that Dan had ever seen on anyone. Or they were the sexiest because they were on Kyle. Either way, Dan was happy to stop them and get to take in a better look of Kyle’s tanning face with the extra hot sunglasses on. 

“What's that?” Kyle smiled at him and pushed back the sunglasses with his pointer finger. The nail varnish was starting to chip off and it looked more like Kyle was a rock star than ever. 

Dan felt himself smiling back and taking in the full sight of the amazing man that woke him up this morning with his mouth on him and then made him breakfast. Fuck, Dan was a lucky bastard. 

“Something wrong?” Kyle smirked and bit at his bottom lip, fully knowing that Dan was at a loss for words because he was looking at him and for no other reason. “Do I have something on my face?” 

“Um…” Dan was struck by how much he was into the man standing in front of him. He wanted to write a million lyrics dedicated to his eyes, and his nose. And his tongue. His fingernails. The three short hairs in the center of his chest. His eyebrows and his rich, dark brown hair. And those fucking sunglasses. Dan swallowed and took a step in closer and then back. “Water.” 

“Yes, Daniel. That is water. A wet substance that covers most of the earth.” Kyle laughed at his own joke and kissed Dan right by his eye. “But, I have a feeling you have more to say than that.” 

Dan nodded his head like the idiot that he was and found he was watching his reflection in Kyle’s sunglasses. Telling himself to get it together, Dan closed his eyes behind his own sunglasses and found he could think better like that. “You keep pulling me away from the water. Are there jellyfish or something I need to be worried about?” 

“Yes. There are many dangerous creatures that live in the ocean. I am protecting you from them.” Kyle ran his finger down Dan’s cheek to his throat and rested it there. “You close your eyes when you think. That is cute.” 

Dan opened his eyes and saw Kyle giving him the most loving look. “You make my brain go to mush. Or even more of a mush. I need a break from looking at you to form thoughts.” 

Dan swallowed as he listened to Kyle’s laugh. It was true. He could barely put sentences together on his own, let alone having to watch Kyle’s intense eyes on him through those sunglasses. 

“Says the man that writes beautiful words and creates music with that brain. That has an English Literature degree from uni.” Kyle’s finger moved down across Dan’s chest and past his stomach to find his hand. “And little old me, takes away your ability to speak? If I read those lips correctly this morning, and last night, you had a lot to say about what we were doing in bed.” 

Dan felt his sunburn cheeks turn an even darker shade of red and he was brought back to Kyle staring at his face this morning while Dan lost his mind at how wonderful everything felt. 

Dan wasn’t sure if he had ever had so much sex in such a short span of time. Or at least such profound sex with someone he loved. 

Being with Kyle made Dan question if he had ever truly been in love before. Over the past few days, Dan was beginning to realize a lot about himself. 

That before when he would look at men and wonder what it would be like to be them, that he was also thinking about what it would be like to be with them. 

That his first crush was a lad in primary school that, for whatever reason unknown to little Dan, had taken an interest in Dan and wanted to be his friend. 

And the one time he had clicked on the “wrong” link, he openly stared at the two men kissing one another and wondered what that would be like. 

And now he knew that it would be like to kiss another man. And he was quickly becoming addicted to the drug that was having Kyle near him. 

“Did I lose you again?” Kyle smiled and stepped in closer. “Quick, close your eyes and take a break from this adorable face. It must be hard to be around this much amazingness.” 

“You are wonderful.” Dan said with all sincerity. “Amazing. Wicked. So fucking everything that means anything great.” 

Dan swallowed again and felt his breath get caught in his throat. 

Dan stopped himself from finishing his thought out loud. And was almost able to push the thought out of his brain completely. But, there was a part of his brain that was telling him that he needed to enjoy this because Kyle was going to learn soon enough that he was too good for Dan. 

That Dan was impossible to love. 

Kyle moved his sunglasses down and then took Dan’s off as well. “Look at me.” 

Dan moved his eyes up and felt Kyle looking into his being. Kyle’s other hand squeezed his own and he spoke, “You are wonderful. Amazing. Wicked. And everything that means anything great.”

Dan tried to turn his head away because it was too much to look at him. It wasn’t true, even if Kyle believed it to be. 

“I said look at me.” Kyle’s voice had a stern tone to it. Dan quickly turned back to him and Kyle smiled again. “It is true because I say it is true. Tell that fucking hag in your head to shut up.” 

Dan nodded his head and wrapped his arms around Kyle’s waist to rest his head on his shoulder. It was enough that Kyle said he believed it for Dan to revisit it in the future. 

“Okay, back to the ocean.” Kyle’s tone was lighter and he kissed the side of Dan’s head as he spoke. “There are these vicious creatures with sharp teeth that live there. Not a fan. I respect them enough to not break into their home.” 

Dan felt himself giggling and he was struck again on how Kyle could do that. Make everything better in two seconds. 

Stepping back, Dan continued to laugh, “You are protecting me from sharks?” 

“I do not see how that is funny.” Kyle said with a dry tone. “The words you are looking for are ‘Thank you, Kyle.’ But, hey, if you want our next dance party to be you hobbling around on one leg, far be it from me to stop you.” 

“Thank you, Kyle.” Dan grinned and fell into Kyle, making him laugh as well. 

Nearing where the pier was, Kyle stopped them this time. 

Kyle raised both of his hands. “I want to play a game with you.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded, he wasn’t sure what game they could play out here, but he was willing. “What are the rules?” 

“Rule 1: Use your hands to speak. Rule 2: No voice.” Kyle grinned and made a gesture like he was turning off his mouth.

“You want-” Dan was silenced by Kyle’s finger on the center of Dan’s lips. Dan grinned and gently bit at the finger. Kyle’s body shivered at Dan’s teeth and Dan felt proud of himself. 

Kyle signed ‘no’ and ‘talk.’ Raising his eyebrows in challenge, Kyle waited for a response. 

“But what-” Dan was silenced by Kyle’s mouth moving on his and Dan took his opportunity to deepen the kiss. As Dan’s tongue moved into Kyle’s mouth, Dan wondered if this was failing at the game, what would it be like to win? 

Seriously, Kyle was going to have to come up with a new consequence for using his voice, because this one was not going to be effective. 

Kyle moved back and raised his eyebrows again, with Dan taking the challenge and deciding to share with Kyle his observation. 

“I’m just going to want-” Kyle stepped into him this time and Dan felt the breath leave his body as Kyle thoroughly kissed him. Kyle’s hands were on his waist and pulling him into him. 

Definitely a game that Kyle was making Dan want to lose over and over again. 

Finally pulling back breathless, Dan sighed ‘okay.’ 

Dan allowed himself to take in the full sight of Kyle panting in front of him, Dan’s reflection in Kyle’s sunglasses showed a similar sight in himself. 

Kyle signed, ‘finished’ and ‘you.’

Dan nodded his head. He was finished, if they kept kissing each other like that, it was going to lead to clothing being removed. No matter how few people were on this beach, Dan was not getting naked in public. 

Dan signed, ‘like’ and ‘kissing’ before pointing to Kyle.

Kyle grinned and signed, ‘same.’ 

Kyle asked him with his hands if Dan wanted to walk down the pier and Dan nodded his head back. 

A few steps in, Dan put his hand around Kyle’s back and pulled him in closer to him. The sun was going behind the clouds more and more, casting shadows on the wooden pier. 

The shadows of Dan and Kyle walking together were Dan’s favourite. 

****

“No.” Kyle shook his head and laughed. “No.” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and played the difficult bit of "These Streets" again on the piano. “Same time.” 

“You are mad.” Kyle laughed more and moved his hands to where Dan had his as he showed him the piece. “It doesn’t work like that. People don’t do that.” 

Dan raised his eyebrows and waited, gesturing to the piano, Dan signed, ‘play’ and ‘now.’ 

“I need the notes in front of me.” Kyle moved his hands but they did not cooperate with one another. “I cannot play that.” 

“Then you need practice.” Dan said as he signed, ‘need’ and ‘practice.’ 

Their game from before had carried over through tea and now as Dan and Kyle brushed off the dust on Nan’s piano. Thankfully, Kyle got over the bit about not using their voices because that was harder. 

It was becoming more natural to move his hands and remember the signs. It was a good game to play and Dan wondered if he was winning it yet. 

“Teach me.” Kyle signed and laughed. “I’m going to suck. They are going to throw me out of the band. Your fans are going to throw piss at me.” 

“Never.” Dan signed and shook his head. “They are a nice lot. They don’t do that.” 

“Yet.” Kyle brushed back his hair and let out some air as the hair fell down on his face again. “My hair is losing its appeal.” 

“I love your hair.” Dan continued to sign as he spoke, but had to pause to brush his hand through Kyle’s hair. It was a bit frizzy and bigger given the humidity in the air. 

“Everyone knows.” Kyle turned to him and kissed him. “I wrote about it on my quarantine blog and everyone loved it.” 

“You did not.” Dan brushed back Kyle’s chest and didn’t sign. “You write about that? Us?” 

“Relax. I don’t use my real name. Or yours.” Kyle rubbed where Dan had pushed him and pouted. “Use your hands nicely, Mr. Jacks.” 

Dan pouted with him and signed, ‘sorry.’ 

“I do write about everything.” Kyle brushed back his hair again and turned a bit to face Dan more. “It is such a mad time. I figured if anything, I would look back at it in a few years and have a laugh. Or a cry, depending on how this all goes. I never thought that people would read it.” 

“Can I? Read it?” Dan almost forgot the sign for ‘read,’ but he figured it out. 

“It is not done yet.” Kyle kissed Dan’s cheek and then right near his eye. 

Dan used his hands to keep Kyle back. “It is a blog, it will never be done." 

“You are wise, Daniel Son.” Kyle said the words and then he must have realized that it worked. “Fuck, that is the first time I used that phrase with someone that is actually named Daniel.” 

“Only my grandparents call me that name.” Dan smiled at Kyle and moved in a bit more. “Sounds posh to me. Daniel. Ugh.” 

“I like it.” Kyle signed ‘like’ and traced around Dan’s chest. “Can I call you it?” 

“You already do.” Dan realized that out of everyone he knew, Kyle was the one that had the most names for him. “Never bothered with consent before.” 

“True.” Kyle nodded. “Can I call you Mr. Jacks, Daniel?” 

“Fuck you.” Dan bushed at Kyle’s chest again, but this time without much force. He worried that he actually might have hurt Kyle before and he had no intention of repeating that mistake. 

“You do.” Kyle grinned and then broke out laughing at his own joke, likely because Dan was rolling his eyes at him. 

“Okay, serious now.” Kyle made a point of taking a deep breath and placing his pointer finger against his thumbs as he moved them down. Kyle opened his eyes and asked in a serious tone, “What is my pet name? You call me Kyle and that is rather boring. Music man, write me a name.” 

Dan figured he was not the type of person that used nicknames. Kyle used them all the time, even for various objects around the house. 

“Love.” Dan closed his eyes and wondered if he could use that name. He had called her it a few times, but maybe not enough to make it her own. “Or Lovely. I like those.” 

“Me as well.” Kyle nodded and then turned back to the piano. “Okay, now how do I do this again?” 

They spent the rest of the night going through songs together and laughing. 

It was a good day and it ended with Dan wrapped up in Kyle’s arms. 

Kyle’s hand was on Dan’s chest and with Kyle’s front pressed up against his back.

Kyle was sleeping by the feel of his breathing against Dan’s neck. 

In the dark, Dan looked down to Kyle’s hand on him and then closed his eyes. 

There were songs of waves blending in with Kyle’s breathing and Kyle was warm against his back, evening out the slight breeze moving through the window by their bed. 

The peace of the moment lulled Dan to sleep. A sleep without dreams because there were no monsters to fight off. Not in that bed and not in Kyle’s arms. 

Not in Love’s arms.


	32. Chapter 32

The outside of the house had a deck that wrapped around the back half of the house. There were multiple chairs and tables showing the number of people that were once allowed to gather here. 

Kyle had turned on their playlist from One Eyed Jacks, and while his mobile would never be as loud as the studio, Kyle knew which song was playing by the way Dan responded to the change in tracks. 

The sun had set a few minutes ago and a few lit torches surrounded the desk, given them enough light to see one another and the ocean in the background. 

There was no activity in the houses directly next to them, with Kyle knowing that both were owned by elderly people that typically only used the houses during the busy summer months. 

For all intents and purposes, they were the only ones around and they could be as loud as they would like without anyone to be bothered by them. 

For the rest of the night, they were the only ones in the world. 

Kyle and Dan were dancing around one and into one another. Their dance party had started before the sun had set and after a few drinks. 

Dan was hesitant to drink with Kyle and Kyle assured him that he was not an alcoholic. He used alcohol and drugs to numb his feelings following his interrupted dreams, but he had learned and moved on. The alcohol was never the problem back then, it was the soul crushing feeling of having all of his dreams and plans taken away from him. 

But, now he had new dreams and plans. 

And two that returned after Kyle had given up hope for them. 

Music. 

And love. 

Dan lost his cap he had on his head yet he continued to move around the deck with abandon. 

Dan had moved the cap backward after the light had left them, and Kyle was a fan of having the cap turned backward because he could see his eyes better. 

But, now, he could see Dan’s hair and that was a great sight as well. A hedgehog bopping to the beat of music that Kyle could only imagine hearing, but could almost see in his head through Dan’s movements. 

Watching Dan dance, Dan confirmed that while he might claim to be a horrible dancer, he was a wonderful one to watch. 

Or Kyle was just incredibly biased because there wasn’t much about the man that he did not love. 

Maybe only that he seemed to have so much self-doubt and insecurities despite the amazing and wonderful person that he was on the inside. 

While Kyle could understand where those insecurities and doubts came from, he wished he could wave a wand of some sort and make them all go away. 

Or that Dan could see himself the way Kyle saw him. 

Or that Dan would know how he was slowly proving to Kyle that opening your heart up for love after having it smashed into a million pieces was fucking terrifying yet the most wonderful thing at the same time. 

The dorky, brilliant, self-deprecating, wonderful, talented, and so many other wonderful adjectives to describe man was making Kyle feel hope for the future again. 

The coffee shop with his uncle had not been his idea. His uncle was looking for a business opportunity and he knew that Kyle had no apparent direction for a career. It was the best option he had at the time, and Kyle was grateful for the opportunity. 

But, if what this wonderful and amazing person that was moving his body across the same deck that his nan had taught Kyle to dance on and that Kyle’s parents had slow danced during their anniversary party, was true in what he was saying, Kyle’s dreams of making and performing music might still be alive. 

Opening himself up to that idea was more terrifying than opening himself up for love. 

His music dreams had been pushed aside and Kyle thought he had made peace with the fact that he would never be able to pursue music. 

Yet, here Kyle was having a private dance party with the man that was promising him the world. 

Dan’s eyes found his and moved in closer, so that their arms were tangled together and they couldn't help but to bump into one another. 

Fuck, he adored him. 

After a few more moments of watching Dan enjoy their time together, Dan wiped his hand through his hair and stopped his wonderful movements. 

“Is it done?” Kyle thought there were at least two more songs on the playlist if he was keeping track right. Two more songs to watch Dan get out of his head to. 

Dan shook his head and appeared to be attempting to catch his breath. It seemed like they did that a lot around one another. 

Dan signed ‘need’ and ‘break.’ 

After he made sure that Kyle understood him, Dan turned away his adorable face and appeared to be turning off the music. 

When he turned back, Kyle felt his heart respond. 

The light was making his eyes even more blue and his sunkissed cheeks were warm with his efforts to keep up with Kyle’s dancing. 

“Thank you.” Kyle allowed himself to feel everything he was feeling in the moment. For time to slow down enough to allow Kyle to catch this moment forever in his head. 

For once again, Dan was proving to him that he could be loved and give love in return just by being with him and looking at him like he did. 

“For everything.” Kyle walked in closer and hoped Dan understood what he meant. And how deeply he meant it. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Ever.” 

Dan’s eyes went down only for a moment and then Kyle had them back. Fuck time, Kyle would count the passing of time in Dan’s eyes alone. And for now, Dan was looking at him so there was no time. 

Dan signed ‘same’ and ‘love.’ Dan bit at his lip and moved his hand to brush back Kyle’s wild hair. The breeze was blowing it around, but their dancing likely made the most of its mess. 

Dan signed ‘thank you’ to Kyle and Kyle knew he understood. 

Dan had been in a similar state of losing hope on love, so Kyle knew he understood that aspect of their relationship. And how being together was healing old wounds. Deep wounds that might not ever truly heal. At least not on their own. 

Kyle wasn’t quite sure if Dan would ever understand how Dan was healing the deep wound of grief Kyle had at having to give up on music. Maybe no one would ever truly understand that. 

The night progressed into a drinking game that barely had any rules, but was filled with truths. 

Dan was happily drunk, or so he kept attempting to sign to Kyle. 

Kyle was right there with Dan and told him so every time Dan reminded him of the pleasantness. 

‘Kyle name sign,’ ‘I,’ ‘drunk,’ and ‘happy.’ Dan signed in the right order and raised his hands into the air, waiting for the praise that Kyle kept giving him. Which was a quick kiss on some part of his body. 

Since the game began, Dan had been given fifteen kisses so far for signing.

“I know.” Kyle laughed as Dan’s smile increased as Kyle kissed his left eyebrow. Kyle was reminded again that he needed to find a sign that would attempt to encompass the magnificence of Dan for a name sign. It was not an easy task because if Kyle had his way, he would add a 'D' to the sign for 'amazing' but that might be embarrassing for Dan to explain to anyone. “Okay, more questions.” 

Dan nodded his head and giggled, signing ‘more’ and ‘kiss.’ 

“I will need to get you drunk more often. Are you always like this?” Kyle watched Dan hiccup and wondered if maybe they needed to slow down on the spirits. 

Dan shook his head and appeared to get himself under control from the hiccups. Then he signed ‘maybe.’

“Okay, but that wasn’t my question.” Kyle moved in a bit closer. They were both sat on the floor of the deck, with their legs crossed and their knees touching one another. “What is the first thing you thought when you saw me?” 

Dan shook his head and looked away, his body moving in a hiccup. Turning back, Dan signed ‘you,’ ‘don’t want,’ and ‘know.’ 

“I, I do. Honest. I, I will tell you. Okay? I, I will even go first.” Kyle felt his stutter coming back so he tried to slow down his words a bit. He tended to get ahead of himself when he spoke when he was hearing. But since the hearing loss, he put extra effort into making his words as clear as possible. That was getting more difficult as Kyle felt his body respond more to the almost empty bottle of spirits next to them. “I thought you were fit and had an amazing sense of fashion.” 

Dan laughed and pushed at Kyle’s chest, making Kyle move back a bit. Then he voiced that Kyle was a liar and that Kyle had been upset with him. Dan’s eyes turned sad and Kyle knew he had to turn things around. 

“No.” Kyle shook his head. “I saw you riding your bike and I thought that watching you come down the pavement. I only thought the other things once you tried to murder me.” 

Dan giggled again and his chest moved up in a hiccup. Dan signed ‘liar.’ 

“Honest.” Kyle rubbed his hands against Dan’s knees. “I thought you were fit and interesting. It likely helped that you are the only one ‘round me, but I noticed you straight away. And only afterward, did I realize that I should have moved out of the way. But, then where would we be?” 

Dan signed ‘sad’ and ‘alone.’ Then he must have realized that he shared something too real because he attempted to explain with his voice. 

“No.” Kyle shook his head. “We would be. It is okay to be honest.” 

Dan nodded his head and signed ‘want,’ ‘my,’ and ‘kiss.’ 

Kyle obliged by kissing Dan’s right eyebrow. Apparently, Dan wanted kisses somewhere else because he had a very unsteady Dan moving into his lap and kissing his lips. 

Dan’s long legs settled around him and Kyle felt Dan’s hands moving through his hair, likely making it even more of a mess. 

It was difficult to balance them both, so Kyle leaned them back against the deck post behind him and moved his hands underneath the back of Dan’s shirt. 

This was the bonus bit about being with Dan, Dan seemed as much into the physical relationship with Kyle as Kyle was into it with Dan. 

Dan’s hands pulled at his hair as his chest moved up and Kyle laughed into the kiss because he felt Dan hiccup against him. 

Dan pulled at his hair more, likely because he wasn’t pleased that Kyle was laughing at him. 

Kyle ignored his hair and focused on his hands on Dan’s hips, moving them so that they were better aligned with one another. 

They were only half hard, but Kyle knew that it wouldn’t take much to get them there. 

Just being around Dan made him want him, being this close together and having Dan’s tongue lick into his mouth, made Kyle want him on a visceral level. 

Dan moved his hips to grind against him and Kyle lost time for a minute. Good thing he wasn't keeping track of that anymore. 

Kyle had never felt this much for someone before and he was becoming addicted to Dan’s hands on him. And his body on him. 

He wanted to write about this part of their relationship in his quarantine blog because he knew that people would comment on it, but he also wanted to keep this private between them. 

Without warning, Dan moved back and was looking over Kyle’s shoulder. His eyes were narrowing and Kyle realized that Dan lost his glasses a long time ago. 

Kyle went to ask him what was wrong, but Dan covered Kyle’s mouth with his hand and kept looking over his head toward the beach. 

Kyle wondered if there was someone out there, but then he had Dan’s mouth back on him and that did not matter anymore. 

Nothing mattered anymore but getting Dan out of clothes and being closer to him. 

To Kyle’s surprise, Dan did not stop him when Kyle removed his shirt and only stopped kissing him enough to remove his shorts and pants with it. 

There was a very naked and hard Dan in his lap and Kyle wanted to tell him he needed to remove clothes as well, but Dan did not appear to want to leave his mouth anytime soon. 

Okay, Kyle could work with that. He moved his hands down Dan’s waist to his bum and squeezed him in closer. Dan’s hips responded in turn and Kyle could feel Dan grinding against him. 

Kyle’s heart was beating in his ears and he wanted everything all at once, but he needed Dan to come against him more than anything. 

Dan’s body stilled on top of him and Kyle felt Dan shake a bit with the feeling. 

With just as less warning from before, Kyle had Dan move away from him. Dan’s fingers were working on the zip to his shorts and Dan did not need much time to get them off him once Kyle raised his hips for him. 

Dan’s mouth took him down and Kyle banged his head against the post as he closed his eyes. Fuck, that felt good. Dan appeared to be on a mission to make him come as quickly as possible and Kyle knew he could do nothing to stop him. 

As if he would ever want to stop him from that. 

Dan hiccup around him and Kyle lost it, his head banging against the post enough to leave him feeling it after he came back from the absolute bliss Dan made him feel each time they did this. 

Dan still appeared to be hiccuping as Kyle opened his eyes and smiled at him. Dan’s eyes were on him and Kyle could feel him more than he had just felt his mouth on him. 

Fuck, he was in love with this one. 

Dan hiccuped again, with his chest moving up and then down. Dan’s hands were covering his face and he appeared embarrassed. 

Kyle couldn’t have that, so he moved Dan closer to him and put his head on his shoulder. He would allow Dan to hide there for a few minutes, but then they were going to go inside and sober up a bit before bed. 

After they had gone through their night routine, Dan crawled into bed with him and laid his head on Kyle’s chest. 

Kyle’s hand went immediately to Dan’s hair and he felt Dan hiccup against his body. 

Yes, he was definitely going to have to get Dan intoxicated more often. 

Dan hiccuped again and raised his hand briefly to sign something that looked like ‘love’ and ‘goodnight.’ 

Dan’s arm found its place across Kyle’s stomach and his hand tucked underneath Kyle’s hip. 

Kyle closed his eyes and dreamed of them on a stage together. 

People were silently cheering for them as Kyle played, but all Kyle could focus on was Dan’s body moving across the stage. And how, every once in a while, Dan’s eyes would met his and Kyle knew he was where he was supposed to be.

Maybe this was all supposed to work out this way.

Maybe Alex had to break his heart to allow Dan the opportunity to heal it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 80,000+ words? 
> 
> Wow. 
> 
> I cannot thank you enough for the encouraging words in the comments. Literally, you all make me smile. 
> 
> I have no idea how long this story will last, but I plan on continuing with at least a chapter a day until the end of August. And then come what may.


	33. Chapter 33

Dan wondered if maybe this could be his new life plan. 

Kyle and him would buy this house and live on the beach. 

They would spend their days creating music together and sharing the piano bench that made their arms brush against each other while they played. 

Kyle would cook for them and Dan would make the drinks. 

If the weather was nice, they would walk the beach hand-in-hand or with their arms around each other. 

Eventually, maybe, Dan would convince Kyle that the ocean was not a place to fear. At least around the shoreline where they lived. 

Their nights would be spent together, breathing each other’s air and moving together as one. 

They would get married near sunset and have the beautiful scenery in their wedding photos. 

His mum would cry during the ceremony and Dan would cry with her. 

The extra bedroom near their room could be a nursery. 

They would be free spirited parents that taught their children about the arts and civil rights. 

They could build a wonderful life here. 

But, that was a dream for another life. 

At least that was the impression that Dan got while on the phone with their manager. She was attempting to tell him why essentially abandoning his career right after switching records labels was a terrible idea. 

And that she needed to have a way to contact him, especially now, so he needed to buy a fucking mobile and check his email. 

“I had this year scheduled for holidays as well.” Dan went back to his previous argument, even though she did not care to listen to him last time. “It is a short trip. I will buy a mobile and, in the meantime, I will make sure to check my email more regularly.” 

“This year is not what anyone planned.” She seemed stressed, with her words biting sharper than they typically did. They had a great working relationship, mainly because she knew how to talk Dan through anxious moments and also call him out on his bullshit when needed. In Dan’s mind, she was another extension of the band and he did not wish to cause her distress. “But, even with the lockdown, this is a working year for us. I need to be able to get a hold of you and discuss whatever issue may arise.” 

“I understand.” Dan ran a hand through his hair and turned to find Kyle’s eyes on him. It was not a new sight, but each time he noticed them, Dan felt that wonderful warm feeling move through his body. He wondered how long that would last. “I will do better. Promise.” 

“Thank you.” Dan heard her let out a long breath and then heard a door slam behind her. She spoke quickly to that person to tell them she would be off the call soon. “I will let you go. Ring me when you have a mobile. Or if you decide the answer.” 

“I will.” Dan’s eyes tracked Kyle’s movements. Kyle now had his back turned to him and he was setting up their outdoor eating area. Much as they did for the past few nights here. “By the way, I added someone to the band.” 

“Daniel Smith, please explain yourself.” That sharp tone was back in her voice and Dan realized that maybe he should have kept this information until their next phone call. “Unless it is Charlie, you better start talking to me.” 

“We have been looking for ages and I need someone else to play the keys. This person can free Charlie to play the synths and I will be free to move ‘round the stage more. You know how-” 

“Dan, who is this person and why am I just hearing about them?” Yup, that sharp tone was in her voice and Dan knew he mucked it up. “Did you look into their background? Are they known?” 

“I met him a few weeks ago and we have been getting to know one another.” Dan felt terrible, but he was not going to add in the bit about them sleeping in the same bed because she seemed upset enough as it were. “He is brilliant with music. Studied in uni and he is not known. He is a good fit for us. I have been playing with him; teaching him our songs. He is good. I need him.” 

“We will discuss this later.” Dan heard her talking to whatever person was in the room with her and then she turned her attention back to him. “Buy a fucking mobile and stop adding people to the band without discussing it with me first.” 

“Will do.” Dan figured that might sound a bit like sarcasm, so he quickly told her to stay well and that he would ring her later. He hung up the call right as she wished him the same health. 

Looking at Kyle’s phone, he saw that there was another message from Alex. Dan read through it quickly and then closed the message out. It was the same message from the day before, with Alex asking Kyle about the person in the photo with him. 

For two seconds, Dan contemplated sending a reply that the person in the photo was also reading the messages, but Dan figured he already caused enough drama for the day. 

After plugging in Kyle’s phone, Dan walked closer to Kyle and wrapped his arms around his stomach as he half rested his weight on him. 

“Almost done.” Kyle turned his head to kiss Dan’s head resting near the top of his arm. “That go okay? You seemed tense.”

Dan nodded his head against his arm and decided he would tell him more about it later, when they could face one another. 

Sitting down to their tea, Dan went through the phone call with their manager and he brushed over the bit about her seeming upset that Kyle would be added to the mix.

No need to upset Kyle with that information because she would change her mind once she saw how brilliant and wonderful Kyle was and would be in the band. 

“This is really happening, right?” Kyle swallowed his food and ran his hands through his hair, keeping them at his neck. “This isn’t some fever dream and I’m going to wake to find I made this all up? Or maybe this is a new symptom of the virus? Lucid dreams with fit blokes that offer you the world on a silver platter?” 

“That would be a very specific symptom.” Dan laughed with him and brushed his foot against Kyle’s ankle under the table. They were sat facing one another. While Dan knew that was better for communication, and likely their sanity, he still wanted to be closer to him. Dan signed ‘true.’

“If not, I’m going to be so disappointed.” Kyle released his hair from his hands and took a drink. 

Kyle’s eyes met his over the glass and Dan wondered if his need to be with Kyle was starting to be concerning. Dan’s eyes were on his lips on the glass and how the wine was staining his lips the most wonderful shade of pink. 

They had spent most of the day in bed and finally got themselves together after the need for food outweighed the desire to be with each other. 

And from the more practical side of things, Dan had counted the number of condoms left and they were down to four. 

“Eyes off my lips. That is my job.” Kyle smiled at him and Dan was brought back to the present. As Kyle went to take a bite of his food, Dan had an idea. 

“We should go on Instagram tonight and go live.” Dan wondered if he ever had a more brilliant plan and felt his face protest his smile. “It will be perfect. I can introduce you and you can play for them.” 

“Say what?” Kyle stopped chewing and lowered his fork. His eyes were on him and he seemed concerned more than confused, so Dan figured Kyle understood him. 

Staring into Dan’s eyes, Kyle finally swallowed and asked again. “You want me to play live?” 

“With me of course.” Dan moved his foot closer to Kyle’s and nodded his head. After setting down his fork, Dan signed ‘music,’ ‘with,’ and ‘me.’ 

“You are mental.” Kyle shook his head and sat back further, but thankfully did not take away his foot. 

“Why?” Dan asked as he signed. “It is brilliant. People love you, right?” 

“But, I’m only starting to learn the songs and you said-” Kyle’s eyes moved down to the food and Dan waved at him before he interrupted. 

“You know the songs. You fucking know them better than me.” Dan signed most of the words while he spoke, but his mind was going faster than his hands. “I mess up all the time. Honest, you will do amazing.” 

Kyle seemed to be taking in the information and then he gave Dan a slight nod of his head. 

“Really?” Dan asked and signed. “You will?” 

“Fuck, yes.” Kyle had his hands in his hair again and Dan was distracted for a moment because he knew how soft that hair was and he wanted to touch it. 

Four condoms were going to have to last them a few more days, so maybe playing music was a better way to spend their time after tea. 

“They are going to flip.” Dan stood and walked around the table to push back Kyle’s chair so he could sit on his lap. Dan kissed his forehead and then around his eyes. Moving back so Kyle could see his face, he said, “It will be good to practice playing together as well. Try out whether our signals will work.” 

“You are insane.” Kyle rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and squeezed his arms around Dan’s waist. “What even is life anymore?” 

“A wonderful adventure or nothing at all.” Dan spoke into Kyle’s hair. He knew that Kyle wouldn’t hear it, but it was too nice to have his face touching the soft strands to move back. 

Dan posted that he was going to go live soon from Kyle’s phone and they used their nervous energy to clean up the house a bit. It showed signs of them living in it and it needed some tidying. 

Dan found the best angle to show them and then went through his plans once again with Kyle. Dan would talk and then they would play together. After everyone freaked out from confusion, Dan would introduce Kyle and they would go from there. There were three or four songs total they agreed to play, with the fourth to be used if there was enough time. 

Dan signed ‘ready’ and got a nod from Kyle. 

Pressing the button, Dan leaned into the phone and smiled. “Hello, there everybody. Everyone alright?” 

Dan read through some of the comments and saw that more and more people were joining. 

“It has been a minute, I know. Sorry, I hope everyone is trying to stay sane. I know I have been trying to get used to this new normal. Fucking mad, innit?” Dan stayed close to the screen knowing that he was blocking Kyle from the camera. “I went on holiday and wanted to check in with you lot.” 

Dan felt Kyle’s hand on his thigh and he knew that Kyle must be wondering how much longer until they played. 

“I have a surprise.” Dan grinned into the phone and felt himself start to panic a bit. Maybe this was a terrible idea. His manager was already upset with him and now he was exposing Kyle to everyone. “I have been trying to find someone new for the band for ages, right? You know this. Or maybe you don’t?” 

Dan swallowed and felt his heart rate increase. He really needed to practice talking more if he was going to continue to go live on these things. 

“Oh, that got your attention.” Dan smiled and felt some of his nerves leave him. Being on the edge of making people question things seemed to be a comfort zone for Dan.

Everyone in the comments seemed positive about what Dan was talking about. Some even were taking the piss and saying that Dan had been talking about getting a new member since before anyone even knew their name, so they were going to need some hardcore proof if they were going to listen to this again. 

“I know. I know.” Dan nodded at the screen, acknowledging that he understood their frustration because it was his own as well. Talking without action was something that Dan did not like about himself. “But, tonight, I have someone with me. Be nice, okay? He is nervous. And when I say he, I also mean me.” 

Dan sat back so the camera showed Kyle sitting next to him. Signing ‘ready,’ Dan started them off and Kyle came in just as they had practiced. 

“Anchor” was an older song and Dan felt comfortable playing it. For a few of the higher notes, Dan pressed his hands together and allowed Kyle to play on his own. 

After he finished the last note, Dan moved his head closer to the screen and made a geeked out face. “First time live people.” 

Dan sat back after reading through some of the comments and saw that everyone seemed to be losing their collective minds. 

Dan took a bit of pride in the fact that everyone said that Kyle played the song better than Dan. 

Dan ignored the comments about how cute Kyle was because, while he agreed, he didn’t need to be gushing about that right now. 

“So, what do you think?” Dan smiled into the phone yet pointed his thumb at Kyle. “Can we keep him?” 

The comments buzzed with confirmations and Dan turned to look at Kyle to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing. 

There were still nerves on Kyle’s face, but he was grinning as well. 

Dan bumped his shoulder with Kyle’s and signed ‘they,’ ‘like,’ and ‘you’ when Kyle turned away from the screen. 

“Hello.” Kyle waved at the screen and Dan saw more of the nerves leave him. This was going to work, he was sure of it. “Nice to meet you all.” 

“I see that maybe people have questions about Kyle.” Dan hit his head with the back of his hand in a mocking way. “Fuck, this is Kyle. Internet, this is Kyle.” 

Kyle laughed with him at the response in the comments and they looked to one another before they played the next song. 

“Blame” was a song that Kyle requested and Dan allowed Kyle to take the lead for it, again, pressing his hands together to give Kyle moments to play on his own while he focused on trying to remember the words. 

“Okay.” Dan ran his hand through his hair and pulled at his shirt. “Everyone doing okay?” 

Dan rested his hand on Kyle’s thigh while he read through the comments. There were so many questions about Kyle, yet some only wanted to praise Kyle’s playing ability. 

There was a quick question about what Dan was doing with his hands, and Dan read it as why was he pressing them together. Until another person answered for him and said he was signing in BSL. 

Dan moved back and pointed to the answer on the screen for Kyle. 

In their planning, they had not discussed that. The hearing issue was such an ingrained part of Kyle for him, Dan forgot to mention it. 

“Yes. Dan is learning how to sign to communicate with me. Sad story that I will not bore you with, but I’m losing my hearing.” Kyle spoke to answer the question and Dan moved back so Kyle was on the screen better. 

While he spoke, Dan watched him. Kyle seemed more comfortable now that there were two songs out of the way and he was talking about himself. 

Realizing that he was looking at Kyle for too long, Dan turned back to the screen and read through more of the comments. 

People were asking for more information about Kyle and the hearing issue, while others were telling people to respect Kyle’s privacy. 

“You all have such good questions, but let’s play another one? We don’t want to take up your whole night and Kyle requested the next one.” Dan said to the screen and then looked to Kyle as he signed ‘ready.’ 

They played "Bad Blood" and "Quarter Past Midnight" with a quick break between them. Dan saw that most of the comments were turning to questions about Kyle and he wanted to avoid putting Kyle in an awkward place by answering them. 

Dan made a note to talk to Kyle more about that later and started their fourth and final song. 

Kyle’s hand was on his thigh as they finished and Dan spent a few more seconds reading out where people were from before he wished everyone lots of love and to stay well. 

After confirming that the livestream had ended, Dan turned to Kyle and smiled at him. 

Kyle leaned in and kissed him, and it was then that Dan felt him shaking underneath his hands. 

“You okay?” Dan asked moving his hands up to cup Kyle’s jaw, watching his face for signs that he literally read the whole thing wrong and fucked everything up. 

“I’m amazing.” Kyle smiled at him. “How many times do we have to go through this? I will write it down for you.” 

“Funny.” Dan smiled back but asked again. “Honestly, did I read that all wrong and you hated it? Because you seemed like you loved it a moment ago?” 

“Adrenaline?” Kyle shrugged his shoulders and then moved his hands to rest over Dan’s. “That felt good, but now my body realizes what happened. They all listened to me play.” 

“They did.” Dan nodded his head and kissed Kyle’s lips. He didn’t seem to be shaking as much, but he wanted to keep his hands on him. Moving back, he scanned Kyle’s face again. “You played well. Better than me, by far.” 

“You wrote them, correct?” Kyle teased with him and Dan knew he was okay. Kyle’s rich, brown eyes were holding onto his and everything was right with the world. At least in their small little world. “Maybe you need to practice them more?” 

“Now I have you for that.” Dan teased back and grinned. “Fuck, they love you. So many comments about that gorgeous hair of yours. I wanted to tell them all how soft it was but I didn’t at the same time. That is only for me to touch.” 

“Feeling possessive, are we?” Kyle moved in closer and kissed him. 

Dan didn’t know if it was the adrenaline, the Instagram comments, or that Dan was feeling possessive, but Kyle kissed him deep and time slowed down for them. 

This was going to work. 

******

Dan found himself outside writing the next morning. 

He thought at first that he forgot his notebook and he would have to write down notes here and there with whatever he could find at the beach house, but it was at the bottom of his bag. 

Normally, he would record bits on his phone, but he didn’t want to take up all the space on Kyle’s phone with his random ideas and lyrics. 

So, he went a different route and used up the space on the page with his ideas and melodies for various tracks. 

His brain was always making music, but sometimes it came quicker than he could get it down. 

Kyle’s hand was on his back and Dan startled at his touch. 

Kyle had still been asleep and Dan wanted to go outside to get down the song. Dan figured that Kyle needed rest after their night, and that they might have to break down and go to a shop because there were only two condoms left now. 

“Morning, beautiful.” Kyle kissed his temple and then sat in the chair next to Dan. Kyle set down a mug in front of Dan and grinned at Dan’s surprise. “Found coffee for you. You can thank my nan.” 

“I thank her very much.” Dan took the mug and raised it to his nose. It had been a few days without the wonderful drug and he was going to savour the experience of it. “She is a wonderful person. Her grandson, almost as wonderful.” 

“I know.” Kyle laughed and took a sip of his tea. At least Dan figured it was tea because Kyle had yet to take any interest in Dan’s coffee habit. “What are you doing?” 

“Writing.” Dan closed his eyes as the coffee coated his tongue and he felt the warm liquid move down his throat. Their holiday was complete now. They were definitely moving here. “Had a song stuck in my head. I normally sing them into my mobile, but I had to run into this wicked person and break it.” 

“The coffee that good?” Kyle was laughing at him and Dan opened his eyes to give him a pointed look. It only made Kyle laugh more and Dan was okay with that because he was able to hear that wonderful sound. “I love when you have to close your eyes to talk to me.” 

“Yes. It is that good.” Dan swatted at Kyle’s arm and felt brave so he turned the notebook in Kyle’s direction. “You can read it, if you want.” 

‘Want.’ Kyle signed and moved his mug over to hunch over the notebook on the shared table. 

Dan took the time to use Kyle’s phone and sign into his email, per instructions from his manager. 

There were four emails from her, two from this morning alone. 

Fuck, the livestream had gotten some media attention. Apparently, there was a virus making everything shut down and people eager for news. And now the eager news cycle had introduced Kyle to the world. 

His manager was not pleased with him. Clicking open the second email from her, Dan found a link to an article and he clicked on that. 

An online news outlet had posted a picture from the livestream of Kyle playing while Dan sang. The headline stated that the band had a new member. The article went on to write about how Kyle was fit and deaf, but mostly talking about his hearing loss and how it would impact the band. It was positive, but Dan felt that guilt lump in his stomach act up. 

Replying to the last email with the promise to ring her soon, Dan then signed out of his email and set down the phone. 

He was going to have to have a long talk with Kyle about all that. 

“Kyle…” Dan started once Kyle looked up at him, but he stopped because of the amazing look Kyle was giving him. He didn’t want the morning to turn negative, not when Kyle was looking at him like that. 

“I know what your name sign will be now.” Kyle moved in closer and pointed to the notebook. “I have been going ‘round and ‘round with it because it is a permanent name and I wanted it to be fitting, but I couldn’t use words like ‘wonderful,’ ‘brilliant,’ or ‘beautiful’ in it because I knew you would be too embarrassed to use it.” 

“Thank you.” Dan nodded his head as he signed it. Kyle knew him well. 

“So, my name is the letter ‘k’ but with the movement for the sign for ‘music.’” Kyle explained again but Dan had remembered from before. He thought it was a brilliant name sign for Kyle. “Now, I would use the sign for ‘music’ and ‘d’ for you, but it would be too similar to my own. But, you are a writer! So, ‘d’ and movement for ‘write.’”

Kyle showed him how it would go and Dan grinned. It was similar to Kyle’s in a way, but also fitting for him. 

“I love it.” Dan moved in closer and kissed him. It was a soft kiss and Dan moved back before Kyle could deepen it. “I love you. Remember that when I tell you this.” 

“You hate it?” Kyle’s eyes narrowed and Dan felt him moving away from him. “You only are saying you love it because you are nice?” 

Dan shook his head and took Kyle’s hands in his own. “No. I literally love that name for me. Thank you. But, our livestream went a bit further than the twenty-five minutes last night. You are music news today.” 

“What’s that?” Kyle took back his hands and crossed his arms against his chest. “What does that mean?” 

“Music world is slow right now and you made the top of the list of topics to talk about.” Dan opened up Kyle’s phone and signed back into his email, realizing that he should have just kept it open. 

Clicking the link again, Dan allowed the page to load and then handed the mobile to Kyle. 

Kyle’s eyes went to the article and he appeared to be reading it very carefully. After he reached the bottom, he scrolled back to the top and stared at the picture for a few more moments. 

“Whoa.” Kyle set down the phone on the table and looked back to Dan. “They were nice but also a bit misinformed.” 

“I should have known to warn you about this.” Dan brushed back some hair from Kyle’s face and tucked it under his ear. “I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?” 

“That is okay.” Kyle pointed to the screen, even though it was now dark. “I might need a minute to process this, but that is fine. I’m not, like, upset. Just, whoa.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head but kept his eyes on Kyle. Making sure he wasn’t attempting to hide his true feelings about this. “It can be overwhelming to read about yourself, especially when people get things wrong.” 

“Very odd to see that.” Kyle nodded. “And I’m not Deaf, so we will need to clarify that. I mean, there is a whole community they can offend by writing about that without being informed. 

“We can post something.” Dan agreed. “Or, we can have someone interview us. Or you. Get it all out there.” 

“What?” Kyle shook his head and hugged himself tighter. “No. That is too much bother. People...no.” 

“Trust me, people want entertainment right now and you might be it.” Dan moved his hands to rest on Kyle’s crossed arms. “But if you don’t want it, let me know and I can try to make it go away. At least talk to the people that can make an end to it. Some of it, at least.” 

Kyle shook his head but appeared to be thinking it over. After a few minutes of ocean sounds filling the silence, Kyle uncrossed his arms and took Dan’s hands in his own. 

“An interview?” Kyle raised one eyebrow. “What will they ask?” 

“We can preview the questions or even tell them what we want to talk about.” Dan felt like Kyle was showing he was okay with this and it made Dan feel a bit more okay with it himself. “It doesn’t have to focus only on you, we can make it an update on new music and bringing you in.” 

Kyle nodded his head and then rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. 

Dan brushed down the hair on the back of Kyle’s head and prayed they were not making a huge mistake. 

Going through the list of things he needed to do, Dan put the phone call to his manager on the top of the list. If she was not happy with him before, she must really be loving him now.


	34. Chapter 34

Dan ended up sending an email to his manager after he attempted to make a phone call later that day and heard a nice message about being out of minutes.

Kyle informed Dan that his mobile plan only had a few voice minutes per month. Since Kyle could not make typical phone calls like a hearing person, he only had the extra minutes the plan put on it for emergencies.

Before Dan could sign himself out of the email, his manager sent him a reply. There was more talk and people were requesting interviews with him. The music world was looking for something to talk about that was not virus related and Kyle appeared to be it, at least in their little indie/rock/pop/alternative world.

Dan agreed to an Instagram interview with a radio station that had always treated them well. Dan requested that he speak with the interviewer before they went live and his manager said that she was going to facilitate it. And also added at the bottom to buy a fucking mobile.

"I am going to talk to someone from a radio station about us." Dan set the phone down between them on the table and watched Kyle's face for a reaction. "About the band us, I mean. Not us, us."

Kyle nodded his head and then turned toward the ocean in front of them. Kyle had been quiet for the past two hours, since Dan had shown him the article. Dan thought he was good at reading Kyle's moods by now, but he honestly was not sure what was going on inside that beautiful head.

Dan rested his hand on Kyle's arm and waited for him to turn back to him. "What do you want me to do? I will do it. Anything."

Dan felt that lump of guilt in his stomach react because this was obviously too much. It took ages for Dan to get used to having attention on him, and even now he tries to forget people know he exists most of the time.

Kyle smiled at him and Dan felt himself relax at the sight. Maybe it wasn't all a loss. 

"You are amazing. I don't think I quite realized what this meant. I mean, I saw the videos online and the news about you, but it seems real now. And strange. Very strange." Kyle moved in closer and stayed. "It is one thing to joke about this and another to see myself in a news article. I mean, what the fuck is that?"

"Bizarre, I know." Dan nodded his head and kept his eyes on Kyle's face. "I never wanted my face out there, but it gets easier. Or I learned to block it out more."

"At least it is a good face." Kyle grinned and traced around Dan's face, with his finger settling on Dan's chin before he took it away. "And that picture of me they used, I looked good. Right?"

"I'm biased, but yes." Dan smiled bigger and rested his head on Kyle's. It really was a nice photo of them and Dan realized that it was their first one together that showed their faces. And he quite liked that. 

Later, during lunch, they spoke about what they wanted to address in the interview and if Kyle wanted to talk or if Dan would talk on his behalf.

"I get to talk?" Kyle's eyes widened in surprise. "Like, they will want to talk to me?"

Dan nodded his head. "I mean, if you want to talk. You don't have to. I'm forced to, but I would gladly take that sword for you."

"My martyr." Kyle grinned back and rested his hands on his chest, mocking Dan. Picking up a carrot, Kyle nodded his head as if he decided. "I'll talk. What do I say?"

"What do you want to say? The microphone is yours." Dan finished his food and brushed his hands together while moving his foot closer to Kyle's. It felt better to have some kind of contact. 

"Sharing some of that power, eh?" Kyle laughed and pushed away his plate. Kyle's foot moved up to Dan's ankle and stayed there. 

"Oh course. I will gladly share it with someone. Take it away." Dan mimicked handing over an object and then threw it toward Kyle. 

After clearing their dishes, Dan emailed back his manager with the potential topics and ordered a phone for delivery by the next day. And then, he decided that was enough work for the day.

As they walked along the beach, Dan began to feel a bit doleful. It was their last night here and tomorrow they would drive back. Back to their new normal but back to normal. There would be no more walks on the beach or time truly spent alone. Maybe Dan needed to talk to Kyle about the plan to buy the house. 

"Walk in the water with me." Dan stopped them both and started taking off his shoes. "It is freezing but it will be nice." 

"I believe that will be a solid no." Kyle laughed as Dan stumbled and fell into him. "Easy there, mate. Don't want to quite offer yourself up as shark bait and a clumsy idiot at the same time. Pick a lane."

Dan gave him a look and then raised his hands to his hips. "Shoes off. Now."

Dan waited a few seconds and then signed it for good measure.

Kyle stared at him for a good minute before he realized that Dan was not going to take no for an answer. 

Kyle began to press his shoe off with the opposite foot, but was going way too slow for the task.

"If you don't have them off in one minute, I'm pulling you in with them on." Dan continued to watch and saw that Kyle understood him because he gave a slight smirk in response.

"Sorry, didn't get that." Kyle had one shoe off and was now working even slower on the next one. "But, I know you are not talking about ruining my trainers. I paid good money for them."

"I will buy you more." Dan laughed and decided the minute was up, Kyle was going in with one shoe.

Using all the strength he didn't know that he had, Dan bear hugged Kyle from the side around his waist and moved them toward the water.

"Are you mental?" Kyle shouted at him while laughing. His one foot making a trail in the sand. "My shoe. Daniel, my shoe."

Dan felt the cold water moved against his feet as Kyle was wiggling in his arms. Surprisingly, Kyle was a lot heavier than he looked, all lanky limbs and solid muscle.

The water was freezing but he had started this and they were going in. Maybe he was a bit mental but it was all in good fun. 

"Dan-" Kyle shouted as water hit the back of Dan's legs and Dan jumped at the unexpected wave. The shock of it sent them both into the freezing cold water.

Dan and Kyle fell away from one another as their heads went under water. Fuck, it was freezing. 

They both attempted to stand with the waves hitting them from all around, making the simple task more challenging.

Kyle stood first and lowered his hand to Dan. Kyle was soaked from head to toe and Dan likely looked the same state of waterlogged. "You idiot."

Dan would have felt more concern if Kyle was not attempting to hold back his laughter and failing at it. 

Dan found his footing and stood straight, pulling at his top clinging to him. It didn't do any good because it was soaking wet and fell right back against him. The air hit him and he felt it go straight to his bones. They were going to freeze on their walk back to the house. 

"You ruined my trainer. One shoe. Who has only one good shoe?" Kyle attempted to raise his foot with the shoe on it but settled for pointing to the dry one on the sand where it kicked off. His hair was falling into his face as he fought off the waves crashing into them. 

"A pirate?" Dan offered and started giggling as he moved back from Kyle advancing toward him. His foot fell into a hole and he fell backward, with Kyle following close behind as he attempted to save him.

They both had practice fighting off the water, but it was still a struggle to get their heads above the water. 

"You." Kyle used his hands to hold Dan's shoulders up and out of the water. His hair was completely covering his face now but he couldn't push it back because he was saving Dan from the water. "You."

"What?" Dan smiled and moved himself up. Standing them, Dan used both hands to brush back Kyle's hair and grinned at his face. His hair was wonderful, but not if it covered that face. And his eyes because he needed them to see Dan in front of him. 

Dan scrunched up his face and asked with as much innocence as he could muster, "Have a problem?"

Kyle ignored the question yet still answered with his mouth.

The waves were crashing against their legs but they found balance in one another. 

The whole world could be upset with him and ask all sorts of questions, but Kyle was going to be in the band. No one was going to convince him otherwise.

They quickly changed their clothes when they got back to the house. As Kyle took off his shorts, he felt the phone in his pocket and raised it to show Dan.

Dan gritted his teeth and lowered his jaw, showing that he was sorry.

"Add a mobile to my new trainers order." Kyle laughed and set the dripping wet phone down near the bed. "You know, we have no way to contact the outside world now."

"And no one can contact us." Dan hugged his arms against his new, dry shirt and waited for Kyle to look at him before repeating himself.

"You are going to get in trouble." Kyle made a song of it as he shook his finger in Dan's direction. "That lady on the phone is going to shout at you. At least when people shout at me, I don't have to listen to them."

"Yeah, I don't believe I can get away with that." Dan laughed and decided hugging himself was dumb when Kyle was right there. "She can shout at you. It was your fault anyway."

"Excuse me?" Kyle wrapped his arm around Dan's shoulders and moved his head further back. "This is my fault? Because by my count, you have destroyed three phones and a shoe."

"It is true." Dan smiled and rested his head on his shoulder. Friendly flirting was nice and all, but he was knackered for fighting off the waves and then walking back with extra weighted down clothing. "Let's stay here."

Kyle couldn't have heard him, but he seemed to want a moment with him as well. They stood there for a few more minutes and then started packing their things for the next day.

***

After the long car ride back to London, and a bit of a small argument between them later, Dan was sat in front of his flat share and saying goodbye to Kyle. Which wasn't a real goodbye because Kyle was coming back in an hour, once he went to his and made sure it was still standing.

"I really liked being away with you. All of it." Dan took his head away from Kyle's and continued to stall. He knew that once he left the vehicle, then their holiday was officially over and he wanted to squeeze a few more minutes from it. "I would say text me when you get home, but we went back to the days before mobiles being attached to us."

"And, again, who's fault it that?" Kyle laughed. "I told you nothing good comes from going in the ocean."

"Yes, you were right." Dan laughed with him. "And you were right about needing to turn back there, but let's agree to not disagree."

"Okay. Now, leave me alone so I can get on with my life." Kyle moved back so he was sat proper in his seat. "It is not like I won't be back in less than an hour anyway. I cannot stay away from that beautiful face for long. Even if you might destroy more of my things."

Dan nodded his head and quickly left the vehicle, before he decided to go home with Kyle and come back later with him.

His mates greeted him when he entered and they immediately started teasing him about his slight tan and the lack of his permanent attachment with him.

Dan laughed it off and waved his finger at them while he went up the stairs.

His room was quiet. Too quiet.

Dan threw his bag to the side and looked around. 

He was pathetic. He missed him.

Opening his laptop, Dan found the battery drained and then looked around for the plug.

There were a dozen new emails waiting for him.

Starting with the oldest one, Dan distracted himself by responding back to them.

There was a sound file attached to the one Woody emailed him, so he spent a few minutes listening to it before sending back notes. On the last listen, Dan saw the extra note added on the bottom and decided to ignore it. Woody was teasing him about not expecting a response back like normal and had added a winky face next to it. With the heavy implication that Dan would be too busy to respond back in a timely fashion.

Reading through the one with another link to an article, Dan bit underneath his lip. This article was not as kind and Dan knew that the interview with the radio station would not come quick enough.

They were scheduled to talk to them tomorrow morning. Dan would have to set an alarm to make sure he woke up on time, that is if he was able to sleep at all that night. Early morning obligations typically resulted in not sleeping the night before due to worry that he wouldn't wake up on time. 

While it was common knowledge that he was "late" for things, it was not an active choice on his part. 

Dan heard a knock at his door and he looked up to find Sophie staring back at him.

Dan gestured for her to come in and she sat with him on the bed, so that they were shoulder to shoulder.

"You look relaxed but also tense. How do you do that?" Sophie looked to the laptop and then back to him. "People being people?"

"I was stupid and went live with him. Now, damage control." Dan laughed at himself and closed the laptop. "I miss him. I'm pathetic. He left less than twenty minutes ago and I miss him. I'm not going to survive this."

"Good." Sophie pushed against his shoulder with her own. "You shouldn't have to survive it. Just live it."

Dan nodded his head and crossed his arms, to pinch at the spot under his arm. "It was nice. Really, really nice. He is amazing and I am going to marry him. Mark my words."

"I bet." Sophie's tone got soft. "He is good for you. I don't think I have ever seen you smile so much while you played before."

"You watched?" Dan asked yet already knew the answer. He had seen her name pop up. "Why do you do that? Don't you get enough of me as it is?"

"I told you to stop doing that." Sophie waited for Dan to look in her direction before continuing. "I read something about you and him online. Forget that everyone is bored right now, did you? How is he taking it?"

"Okay." Dan nodded his head yet pinched himself harder. "I think. Mostly okay, but it is weird. Like, really odd. We are doing an interview tomorrow with a radio station. Clear up some of the misinformation. Kyle wants to talk more about his hearing issue and how that will work with being in a band. Things not to write about to not offend the Deaf and hard-of-hearing community."

"I think I already know the answer to this, but you shocked the hell out of me by being with him, so I have to ask. You going to be open about the full extent of the relationship?" Sophie was picking at her nails and not looking at him, which Dan knew she was doing on purpose because of the topic. She knew Dan hated talking about stuff like this. 

"I stand by the fact that is awkward as hell and no. We are going to talk about the band and Kyle's place in the band. End of." Dan uncrossed his arms because the pinching was getting out of hand. The spot was tender to the touch now and needed a rest. However, now he had nothing to do with his hands, so he fidgeted with his shirt. "Kyle wants to be open about himself and I'm trying to figure out how that will work with our situation. Not that I would ever make him deny any part of himself if he wanted to share it. Maybe, I need to get over this and be honest. True transparency. I mean, the world already feels like it is ending, might as well jump off the ship. Or go down with the ship, what is the metaphor there?"

"A bit dramatic, don't you think?" Sophie was only joking with him but Dan knew there was truth to what she said. "Fuck, you cannot talk like that. Especially now." 

"I'm sorry, have you not met me?" Dan laughed and stopped fidgeting with his shirt and went back to crossing his arms. He made a conscious effort to not pinch at his side. "Tomorrow, it will be better. It will be known and then everyone can go back to being obsessed with themselves again. Right?"

"Sure." Sophie nodded her head next to him. "And you can get Kyle all back to yourself." 

They sat there for a few more minutes without talking and Dan was reminded again why he was best friends with her.

"Oh, you have a package downstairs." Sophie broke the comfortable silence. "I was going to bring it up but forgot it."

"No worries." Dan laughed. "I got shouted at by my manager so I had to buy a new mobile. Is it weird that I don't want it? I got used to not having one and I kind of like it."

"You are blowing my mind." Sophie laughed and moved to stand with him. "What else are you hiding from me?"

"I dunno, but I will let you know if I stumble upon something." Dan followed her out of the room and then spent the rest of his time setting up the phone while he waited for Kyle to come back.

At the hour and a half mark, Dan decided he could allow himself to worry.

His mates told him that Kyle probably fell asleep and laughed that maybe he needed to catch up on his lack of sleep, but Dan shot them down. Kyle had slept well over their holiday and it was not like him to stay away from him. For as much as Dan was obsessed with him, Kyle seemed to be obsessed with Dan.

At the two hour mark, Dan was restless to the point that he needed to leave the flat. He told his mates where he was going and took his bike to ride there.

Kyle's vehicle was there when he arrived and Dan let out a short sigh of relief. At least he wouldn't have to track him down.

Dan pushed the doorbell and saw the lights flashing around the flat through the windows. Dan waited for a response. After two minutes of pacing back and forth, Dan tried the door and found it was open.

His heart was in his throat as he walked into the flat and Dan kept reminding himself to breath. Thoughts were only thoughts and they didn't mean anything until they were facts.

The lights were on in the lounge making the room extra bright. There was a light on in the toilet. Maybe the flashing lights were not seen because of the bright lights already filling the rooms. 

Walking closer to the toilet, Dan reminded himself to breath and found himself choking as the air entered his lungs too quickly.

There was a man in the toilet, but from his build and hair, Dan knew it was not Kyle.

Deciding to voice that he was there, Dan gave a loud "hello" and waited to see if there was a response.

The man did not respond to him and Dan wondered if maybe that was John. Now, he was going to scare the man and the authorities would definitely be called.

The interview tomorrow would take an unlikely turn, that is, if he was allowed to attend. He might be in a holding room somewhere waiting his fate. Oh, if the music world was bored, Dan would sure be serving up some interesting news for them this week.

Dan knocked on the inside of the door as he reached it, just in case the man could hear him. 

There was no response and Dan took another step in closer and saw there was another person in the room with the man. 

Kyle's hair could be seen peaking out from the side of the man's arm. The man hovering over Kyle as he sat on the tub. 

And now that he was closer, the relief that Dan had felt momentarily from seeing that Kyle was there as gone. 

Kyle's face was red and swollen on one side. The man was cleaning Kyle's face with something that made Kyle wince and Dan felt his stomach drop further.

Kyle's eyes found him stood in the doorway and Kyle started talking before Dan could form words.

"Dan, this is John." Kyle spoke like he was not sat on the edge of the tub with a swollen face. "John is home from his family."

Kyle gestured toward Dan to get John's attention. Once John looked over his shoulder to Dan and then back to Kyle, Kyle used his free hands to sign Dan's name.

John turned so he could see both Kyle and Dan, and signed 'hello' with one hand.

Dan was going to sign it back, but then he saw that Kyle's shirt was ripped and there was blood on his arm.

"It looks worse than it is." Kyle followed where Dan was looking and then raised his hand to stop Dan from coming closer. "Please. I promise. I'm fine."

John looked down to Kyle and then back to Dan. He said something with his hands that Dan did not get because his eyes were on the blood on Kyle's arm. There wasn't a lot, but no blood should be on Kyle's arm. 

"What happened?" Dan felt his voice shake and he wanted to be closer, but he also didn't want to push John out of the way. Or hurt Kyle more. "What happened?"

Kyle stood and tapped John's shoulder. He told him he wanted to talk to Dan with his hands.

John nodded at him and threw the red stained cloth in the bin.

There was an awkward moment where Dan and John attempted to figure out how to get John out of the small room. With Dan needing to step out completely and let him past. 

"You don't look okay." Dan walked back into the room. He wanted to touch him but he held his hands in front of himself, not knowing what to do with his hands. "What happened?"

"Alex." Kyle turned to look at the mirror and moved the swollen side closer to the light. Kyle winced at his reflection and Dan knew that it must be painful. "He was in rare form today."

"He does this? He has done this before?" Dan felt himself shouting at Kyle's reflection in the mirror and he knew it was for no one's benefit but his own. Kyle had never mentioned that Alex had ever physically hurt him. "What happened?"

"Alex was here a few days ago when John got home and John told him that I was away." Kyle turned back to Dan and put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Dan felt himself starting to breath again and he wondered how Kyle could be so calm about this. "He didn't tell him when I was coming home, but I guess Alex had some free time. When I left to go to yours, Alex appeared and wanted to talk to me. I ignored him and continued to walk toward the vehicle. Then, well, this."

Dan wasn't sure if he had ever felt rage before and now he knew why people said it was so addicting. Dan could feel it move through his body and he felt like he could do anything with it. He wanted to find Alex and do the same thing to him. Dan would never, but for the first time in his life, he wanted to hurt someone.

"I'm fine." Kyle moved his hand closer to Dan's face and then held it there, cupping his jaw. "Alex apologized and left. John has been helping me. He is Deaf and he didn't know anything was happening outside, or he would have jumped him. Probably a good idea that he didn't know, because John wouldn't have stopped."

"We have to tell someone. He...we have to tell someone." Dan felt his brain going too fast and he wanted to go live and blast his name to the world. "Why would he do this?"

Before Kyle said anything, Dan's brain told him. The text messages had been increasing in their intensity and then the article with Kyle and him playing. No matter how small of an article, it started people talking about them. Friends would share with friends, and so on. And, with everyone greedy for something to distract them, someone Alex must have known likely shared the article with him given that it was his former husband.

Alex put two and two together, the picture Alex sent him and the news article with both of their faces. 

Dan took a step back as the realization of the chain of events hit him. Kyle's face was like that because Dan had done it to him. 

He went live with him because he was stupid with happiness. Dan put Kyle's face out there for the world to consume. 

Unintentionally taunting Alex with the knowledge that Kyle was doing well without him. And with another man by his side. 

Dan might as well have texted Alex the information on his own. 

"No, don't do that." Kyle stepped in closer to him but Dan stepped away more. "I know what you are thinking and you are wrong. Listen to me when I say that you are wrong. Alex did this. Not you."

Dan shook his head and actually felt that lump of guilt in his stomach implode on itself. There was a pain radiating through his being and there were no daggers or arrows to fix this. 

Kyle was hurt because of him. Actually, physically hurt. 

Alex was real and he couldn't wish him away with some foolish dream of slaying dragons. 

Dan couldn't breath and the room was too small. There wasn't enough oxygen for both of them and Dan needed to leave. Kyle needed the air more than him.

Kyle followed Dan outside and waited while Dan breathed.

"I'm sorry." Dan shook his head and raised his arms to keep his chest open, it needed all the help it could get. "I'm sorry."

"No. I don't accept your apology." Kyle took a few steps closer and waited for Dan to get his breathing back under control. "You didn't do this. Alex did."

"But-" Dan started to explain the chain of events and how weren't any arrows in his quiver for actual humans but Kyle wouldn't let him finish.

"But nothing." Kyle shouted at him, finally showing the frustration that Dan knew he must be feeling but was protecting the world from it. Kyle was a proud man that learned to take care of himself. He likely felt gutted that Alex had done this to him. "Alex did this. Not you. Don't go there. It doesn't end well."

Dan took in a deeper breath and felt the oxygen move through his lungs. He was sweating and the air felt cool on his skin.

Kyle was stood there with a swollen face and a bloody arm and Dan was freaking out. He should be tending to Kyle, not that stupid monster inside him.

"What can I do?" Dan shook off what was left of his nervous energy and stepped in closer. He needed to be closer to him to make sure he was okay. Running away from him would only make the situation worse. "I want to help you. What do I do?"

"Come inside with me. Help me change out of this shirt. And then hold me." Kyle said the words like it was nothing out of sorts and Dan felt another wave of guilt leave him.

After Kyle was changed over and more cream was on his cuts, Dan held him close to him on the sofa. Kyle's long frame taking up most of the space.

Kyle's head was resting on his shoulder, with Dan able to see the bruise forming on his face from the angle.

John turned on a dim light near them and then sat down.

John signed that Kyle was going to be okay and that he wished he could have stopped Alex before he did anything to him.

Kyle signed back that it wasn't John's fault and Dan watched as they talked to one another. He impressed himself that he was able to understand most of the conversation, even despite Kyle favouring his arm and not using it well.

John made sure that they didn't need anything and then went to his room.

Dan smoothed back Kyle's hair from his face, being extra careful to not touch any part that seemed swollen or a different colour. His fingers kept the even movement over Kyle's temple and then behind his ear long after Kyle's breathing evened out. 

Dan counted Kyle's breaths and focused on the movement of his fingers through his hair. After some time, Dan felt himself relax a bit more into the sofa.

There was still a voice in his head telling him that he did this but Dan was choosing to ignore it for now. It wasn't productive and he would much rather focus on the even breaths of Kyle falling asleep.

The secret cure to Dan's insomnia.

But not tonight. 

Tonight Dan would stay awake and protect Kyle from human threats.

Both real and online.


	35. Chapter 35

Dan woke up to the feeling of Kyle moving off of him. Kyle was moving slowly and Dan wasn’t sure if it was because it was still very early in the morning or if he was in pain. Logically, maybe it was just because he didn't want to wake Dan, but his brain was still in a fog from the night before. 

Even Dan's anxious brain could not have predicted what he walked into at Kyle's flat. 

Dan stopped himself from reaching out for Kyle because it was dark and he didn’t want to startle him. Watching him leave toward the toilet, Dan stretched out his body and tried to center himself back into the present. 

Kyle was hurt, but he was still okay. Dan was okay because he was with him. The doors were locked and everything was okay. 

His dreams had not been okay though. 

He had felt himself falling in and out of sleep throughout the night, with his body and mind restless. Dan wished he hadn't slept at all. It would be easier to deal with the tiredness behind his eyes rather than the unease. 

Kyle turned on a light near the sofa on the way back and noticed that Dan was looking at him. 

“Morning?” Kyle tried to smile at him but his face must have stopped him. Kyle sat down but away so they could face one another. “Sleep well?” 

Dan shook his head because he really had not slept well at all. 

“Don’t worry about this. I’m fine.” Kyle crossed his left arm across his chest and winced as he absentmindedly touched the bruise on his right arm. “Trust me.” 

“I do.” Dan nodded his head and turned so he was facing him better. “I don’t like that he came here and did that to you. Maybe we need to tell the authorities. Get paperwork filed so he will leave you alone.” 

“No.” Kyle shook his head and then brushed away hair from his face with his left hand. The light in the room highlighted his face and Dan could see that it had swollen more overnight. “I handle my own problems.” 

“But-” Dan tried again but Kyle shut it down. 

“I said no. End of.” Kyle’s hand went back to his right arm and Dan wanted to ask him about it, but he seemed stressed so he would wait. “What time is the interview again?” 

“I need to be ready right before nine.” Dan bit underneath his lip and than ran his hand over his head. The headache was right behind his eyes now and he knew that it was only going to spread throughout the day. There was not enough caffeine to prevent it. “You can’t...not looking like that. People cannot see you like that.” 

Kyle nodded his head like he had been thinking the same thing. “I’m sorry. I wanted to talk.” 

“I know.” Dan moved in a bit closer and rested his hand on Kyle’s knee. His eyes went to his knee and then Kyle’s face to make sure it was okay. “What do you want me to say? Or do you want me to say we will talk about it later? When you can speak for yourself?” 

Kyle’s left hand covered Dan’s on his knee and he gave Dan a long look before speaking. “I will write something down. Are you okay? You look like how I feel.” 

“Headache.” Dan said as he signed it as well. “And I’m worried about you. I don’t like that Alex thinks he can do that and get away with it. I really think-”

“No.” Kyle raised his voice a bit and Dan sat back further. Kyle didn’t realize how loud he was at times, but Dan knew that was intentional. “I can handle Alex.” 

“But…” Dan started but he saw Kyle’s face change and he knew that was the end of the conversation. 

After looking around for his phone, he saw that they still have three hours until the interview. 

“I will write it down. What I want you to say. Just make sure that you tell them that I’m saying it. You can’t speak for me. Okay?” Kyle moved in closer and gave Dan a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m not upset with you. I’m stressed and hurt.” 

“I know.” Dan nodded his head once he had Kyle’s eyes. Dan was glad that Kyle had confirmed he was not upset with him because he didn’t realize how much he needed to hear it until after Kyle told him. “So, what am I going to say?” 

They spent the next hour going through what Kyle wanted to be addressed and then found coffee and breakfast. 

Dan borrowed a clean top from Kyle and smiled as he put it on. It was stupid, but it felt nice to have it on for the interview. Like a part of Kyle was going to be on the screen with him. 

John woke up and started talking to Kyle off in the kitchen. Dan had found a spot in the lounge and he was waiting for the notification from the producer that he would go on soon. He had already been messaging back and forth with them about the change in plans. 

The radio host was way too awake for the hour and Dan felt his headache increase as he tried to keep his attention both on the screen and Kyle and John’s conversation in the background. 

From what Dan would tell, Kyle was telling John more about what had happened and that they were not going to report it. John confirmed that it was a good idea and Dan felt a pain move through his chest. 

Dan was pushing Kyle to report it and John just accepted it. Fuck. But Kyle also said that he was not upset with Dan, so maybe it was okay. 

“So, a new member of the band?” The radio host raised his voice at the end to get Dan’s attention back on him. “Did you freeze? Dan? Hold on people, technically difficulties.” 

“Sorry.” Dan switched his eyes away from the conversation in the kitchen and back to his phone. “Yes. Kyle. He is brilliant and I literally stumbled upon him. He will play the keys and allow me freedom to move across the stage more. Sorry for everyone's eyes.” 

The radio host laughed and shook his head. “The dancing is part of the show. I’m sure people love it.” 

“Okay.” Dan shook his head as he highly doubted that. It helped get out the nerves during performances but he could never watch himself back because he would cringe. “Kyle wanted to talk today but he had an emergency that he had to attend to. Everyone is fine, but he had to tend to that. He is gutted.” 

“Producer said you want to read something from him?” The host nodded his head and adjusted the microphone in front of him. “Is he really deaf? Or is that just an exaggeration? Because my hearing is going with age, just ask my poor wife. It comes in handy when she wants me to empty the bins, but other times I get a cold shoulder for the rest of the day.” 

“It is important that I read what he wrote.” Dan reached for the paper next to him and adjusted his glasses. “It isn’t long, he doesn’t waffle on like I do. Maybe I will have him take over these interviews as well.” 

Dan let out a nervous laugh and what he hoped looked like a wink. Why did he have to be so strange? Dan lowered the phone so his face was still shown as he read. 

“Hello, everyone. Dan, that hedgehog looking creature reading this for me, offered me an opportunity of a lifetime and I am humbled to be given the opportunity. Yes, I have hearing loss and it is only going to progress until I likely will not be able to hear anything at all. I do not identify as Deaf, with a capital D, because that is a whole community and culture that I am only just learning about. I grew up hearing and am adjusting to the hearing loss. I do not want to speak for the whole of the Deaf or hard-of-hearing community either. I'm no spokesperson. I'm no inspiration either. I am Kyle and I love music. I caution anyone that wants to write about me, please, don't assume my abilities. I believe most people come from a kind place, but it can be very offensive to people. If you are not 100 percent certain, have an open mind and ask someone for more information. I am only one person with my own experiences. I am just Kyle. But, now I can say that I'm Kyle from Bastille and that is wicked. I wish everyone wellness and peace of mind.” 

The host nodded at him and Dan let out a breath. “Fuck, I didn’t muck that up. Really, I shouldn’t be speaking at all. I’m not qualified.” 

“Enough of that.” The host gave him a lighthearted laugh. “So does this mean new music? New tracks only, or, dare I say, maybe a record?” 

“I am already in trouble with my management so I will officially say we are always working on music. It is about the only thing this brain knows how to do.” Dan let go of the paper and ran his hand across his forehead. 

The headache was getting worse and Dan was glad that this was only a quick spot. 

“I will accept that answer.” The host laughed. He likely got many of the same answers from artists. “Okay, so for now, we have Distraction Tactics and music lives? Any other plans you can share? We won’t tell your management team, promise.” 

“Well, then.” Dan laughed and leaned in closer to the phone despite the brightness of the screen making his eyes hurt. “Nope. Still cannot say anything.” 

“Had to try.” The host laughed again and they started with their goodbyes.

Dan closed out the app and closed his eyes as he leaned his head forward so that it was resting on his knees. He was going to have to take something to fight it off or he would be in bed for the rest of the day. 

Dan heard movement and then Kyle’s hand was rubbing his head. Kyle’s fingers put even pressure from the front all the way down the back of his neck. Fuck, that was amazing. Please, never stop. 

After a few minutes, Kyle’s fingers moved to underneath Dan’s chin and Dan slowly moved up to show him he was okay. 

“It went well.” Dan would have nodded his head but he didn’t want to move it too much. “Can we sleep now? I need to close my eyes and feel you next to me.” 

“Oh course.” Kyle stood and offered his left hand to him. “Let’s sleep in a bed this time.” 

After Dan found some tablets to take for both him and Kyle, and Kyle put more cream on his face, they settled into the bed. 

Dan had his eyes closed but he could feel Kyle watching him, and his breath on his face. 

Reaching out his hand, Dan found Kyle's hip and kept his hand there. They were both lying on their sides and their knees were touching one another. 

Dan liked that because he knew where Kyle was by his touch. 

“I ordered you a new phone.” Dan told his brain to opened his eyes to confirm that Kyle was still watching him, but that seemed like too much bother. “You watching me?” 

“Always.” Kyle kissed his nose and then settled back on the pillow they were sharing. “You didn’t need to order me a phone, but thank you.” 

“I ruined it.” Dan sighed into the feel of Kyle’s eyes on him and his warm breath against his mouth. “I would have ordered you new trainers, but I don’t know anything about them. Show me what you want and I will get you ten pairs. A hundred pairs, whatever you want. All you need to do is stay right where you are at and not get hurt.” 

“I only have two feet. A hundred pairs of shoes would be a bit much, don't you think?” Kyle lowered his voice and Dan actually felt the pleasant tremors move through his body. Maybe this was that ASMR thing everyone was talking about last year. Kyle would do well with it, but Dan was feeling possessive again so he wanted to keep it just for himself. “You trying to buy me, Mr. Jacks?” 

“Cannot buy what is not for sale.” Dan pressed his head further into the pillow and counted Kyle’s breaths as the pleasant feeling moved through his body, allowing the tiredness behind his eyes to take him. 

*****

There were loud voices that woke Dan up and Dan winced into the pillow. Reaching for Kyle, he found he was not there and Dan moved out of the bed quickly. 

He recognized it was Kyle’s voice that was shouting as he went through the door to Kyle's room. 

“I cannot believe you came back!” Kyle’s voice was high and stressed. He was stood at the door and there was another man outside. 

Alex. He would have been cute if not for the massive bruises he had covering his face. Maybe Kyle had given more than he got last night. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Alex spoke and raised his hands, with Kyle quickly pushing them away. “I didn’t realize you weren’t wearing your hearing aids, or I wouldn’t have approached you like that. I thought you were ignoring me.” 

“I was ignoring you!” Kyle took a step back and Dan felt froze in place. 

Should he walk closer and show them he was here? Did he wait where he was and hope that it didn’t get out of control? Should he ring someone? 

“That is harsh.” Alex winced as he crossed his arms and Dan wondered how much Kyle had hurt him yesterday. “We were married. I love you and want to make sure you are okay.” 

“Didn't seem to worry about me when we were married. What changed? Run out of dick to chase?” Kyle crossed his left arm over himself and took a deeper breath. The stress in his tone seemed to have lessened as well. “I’m fine. Now, please leave. Don’t come back here. Don’t contact me or my family. It is done. Move on.” 

“That is not what you said when you would knock on my door during the divorce.” Alex seemed pleased with himself. “Or when you would moan out my name in my bed. Admit it, we were good in bed together." 

“Oh, get over yourself. I was lonely and you were familiar.” Kyle shook his head and leaned in. “Then I realized how pathetic you were and decided I loved myself more than you ever could.” 

Alex turned his head away. “Fucking tosser.” 

“When are you going to learn that I cannot understand you when you don’t look at me?” Kyle voice showed that he was mocking Alex. Taking another step back into the flat, Kyle waved his left hand to signal Alex to leave. “You are pathetic. Just leave!” 

Alex left talking about how Kyle would be back, but Dan was fairly sure that Kyle did not hear him because his back was turned. 

Kyle slammed the door and pressed his head against it before moving back. 

“Fuck.” Kyle swallowed and crossed his left arm over his chest to hold his other arm, the injured one. “You there long? It is not polite to eavesdrop, especially on someone that cannot hear you.” 

Dan shook his head and moved in closer. The hold the moment had on his body was over and he could walk again. 

“Was that Alex?” Dan asked the question even though he knew the answer. If not, Kyle had another ex that he had yet to tell Dan about. “You do that to his face?” 

“Self-defense.” Kyle nodded his head and raised his right hand, it was swollen and blue like his face. Dan instantly felt like an idiot because he had not noticed it until then. “He grabbed me from behind in the dark and wouldn’t let go of my arm. I swung first and then he hit me. I finished it by hitting him back until he let go of my arm. I can take care of myself.” 

“Clearly.” Dan hugged his stomach and pinched underneath his arm. He did not picture Kyle as the fighting type, but having only known him for a short while, Dan supposed they still had a lot to learn about one another. 

“Your headache better?” Kyle took a few more steps closer to Dan and Dan couldn’t stop himself from laughing a bit. “What?” 

“I wake up to you shouting at that dick, who you beat the hell out of yesterday, and you ask me how my head is?” Dan ran his hands through his hair and closed the distance between them. “It is better, thank you. How are you? And don’t tell me fine, please.” 

“I’m upset. He is like a bad stain that will not go away no matter how many times it goes through the wash.” Kyle lowered his eyes for a minute. “I do not like that I hurt him like that, but he shouldn’t have grabbed me. I don’t want to go to the authorities because he will turn it into something it is not. And I don’t want that to have a negative impact on you. If he makes me not be able to play...I will not be able to hold myself back and it will be bad.” 

Dan used his hand to move Kyle’s chin up, mindful to not touch a spot that had a dark mark on it. 

Dan allowed them the eye contact. They could say so much to each other by looking alone. Maybe it had to do with wearing the masks when they first met and eye contact was all that they had then. Or maybe it was because of Kyle’s hearing issues. Or maybe it was because they were just that in tune with one another. 

“He will not take away your opportunity to be in the band. I will make sure of it. And that is not me saying you cannot take care of yourself. That is me saying that he has no leg to stand on if he wants to take us on.” Dan smiled. “Love concurs hate.” 

“Okay.” Kyle wrapped Dan in his arms and Dan felt more of his headache leaving him. Kyle was near him and things were manageable. Alex had left without incident and Kyle and Dan were talking to one another. 

*****

“Rock family meeting time!” Woody called out in an excited voice as his screen connected. He pulled a party popper and then smiled, pleased with himself. “Had a bunch of these things left over in the basement. It is brilliant because it is sound, but also visual for our newest member of the rock family.” 

“Yes, you are a grown child.” Will spoke off the screen. He did not seem to be bothered that no one could see him. “Well done.” 

“I like them.” Kyle spoke and moved in closer to Dan so they were both on the screen. “And before anyone asks, you literally should see the other bloke.” 

“Fucking hell, what happened to your face?” Woody leaned in closer to the camera and then typed it out into the chat. “Dan, that is not nice. We use nice hands with each other.” 

“What happened to your...oh, fuck, mate. That is not a good look.” Will moved the laptop so he was now on the screen, only a bit off to the left as he typed for Kyle. 

Dan looked to Kyle and allowed him to share what he wanted to share. They hadn’t talked much about it, but if they were going to be in a band together, then Dan figured the others had a right to know if Kyle wanted to share it. 

“Okay, long boring story later, I have an ex-husband and he is an arse. He saw the picture of Dan and I floating ‘round and he decided it would be a good idea to sneak up on me in the dark.” Kyle brushed back his hair and left it back so they could see the full bruise on his face. “He got me once but I finished it. No worries. Not that I do that, like normally.” 

“Right. Right.” Will nodded his head and had a smirk on his face. Dan knew that meant Kyle had just been upgraded in the list of cool people Will had. No one would ever reach the status of Daniel Craig, but Kyle must be getting closer. 

“Seriously though, everything okay?” Woody put on his dad face and you could tell he was genuinely concerned as he typed. “That ex going to stay away now? Might be hard to join the band if you are in the nick.” 

“I’m good. Thank you.” Kyle tried to smile but let it go. Dan had noticed that the pain had gotten worse after they came back to Dan's flat. “And, let’s hope. Look at this face, I'm too pretty for the nick.” 

Dan laughed and went to open up the files he wanted to go through with them. 

“First order of business, or second after Kyle’s unfortunate events, I have a mobile now and I believe I smoothed most things over with management.” Dan gave an ‘eek’ face to the screen yet continued to sign what he could for Kyle. “And now, we can focus on what we are paid to do, music.” 

They spoke for a little over an hour, with Will mostly on the screen and not muting himself once. Woody had to call off first, citing a toddler emergency that involved snacks and hungry mouths. 

“They really like you.” Dan spoke and signed as they sat back on his sofa in the shared lounge. It was mid-day and his flatmates were likely going to start arriving back from work soon. “I like that they like you. Do you like them?” 

“I know more words than ‘like.’ Let’s pick a new word, Mr. Writer.” Kyle laughed as he signed and moved Dan in closer to him. “But, yes, I like them. I know they like me. I know you like me. I’m amazing. What is not to like? Maybe if I wasn’t so amazing, Alex would leave me the fuck alone. Shit, too soon?” 

Dan shook his head at him. How he could joke about this was beyond him, but Dan had come to learn that what Kyle said was true. He just used humour to cope. 

“I was thinking maybe we wait until tomorrow before we can start making jokes about the ex-husband that is obsessed with you and tried to re-arrange your face.” Dan gave him a serious face as he signed most of the words. “That seem reasonable, funny man?” 

“Funny man?” Kyle perched his lips and nodded his head, like he was thinking it over. “Nope, that doesn't work for me. Make it about my looks or something. Go with my strengths. Maybe something about my eyebrows? I have heard they are two of my best features.” 

“What am I going to do with you?” Dan kissed Kyle’s eyebrow, the one without the bruise, and then looked into his eyes. “If anything, your best feature is your hair.” 

“Again, with this?” Kyle narrowed his eyes as he exaggerated his facial expressions. “What are the eyebrows made of? I’m pretty sure that is hair.” 

“I love you.” Dan felt like saying it so he did. 

“Good, because I like you.” Kyle laughed as Dan went to push against his chest, but then stopped himself. “Watch out, I hit back. Dammit, too soon again? I will hold them until tomorrow. In my brain, underneath my wonderful hair. And eyebrows. The ones made out of hair.” 

“Okay, funny man.” Dan knew he was winding him up, but he liked it. This was much better than all the tense energy and wondering if Alex was going to do something stupid again. “I don’t get to pick my pet names, so neither do you.” 

“Oh, okay, Mister Instagram Followers!” Kyle laughed harder as Dan made a face at him. “Oh, forgot about that one, did you?” 

“Whatever.” Dan turned his body so that he was facing forward and not toward Kyle anymore. 

“Oh, he is upset.” Kyle kissed at Dan’s neck and then winced when his face touched Dan’s chin. “Okay, you will need to kiss me for the foreseeable future because my poor face hurts. Come on now, pull your weight. Give us a kiss.” 

“I love you.” Dan turned back and attempted to end this banter before Kyle continued it all day long. 

“I know. You already told me.” Kyle laughed and took Dan’s hand in his own, turning it over and slowly tracing a smiley face in the palm. 

Dan got half a smirk from Kyle when he looked back up. Dan's mind went back to the day in the park and then to the present moment. They had come so far from that day. It was quite unbelievable. 

“Say it back.” Dan wasn’t embarrassed that his voice broke in the end. He needed to hear Kyle say it back.

“I love you.” Kyle held the eye contact for a bit longer and then turned his good cheek toward him. “Now, now, give us a kiss.” 

Dan leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek and then another on his mouth. Part of Kyle’s lip was swollen so he didn’t stay there long. 

They would have time for that later. 

Once things healed a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Chapter 28, I wrote about Dan talking to the flowers. written_you_down mentioned two buds growing in love together and I wrote it in the comments. I added Part 1 in the comments for this chapter and also added in Part 2. Enjoy!


	36. Chapter 36

Alex had left Kyle alone for two weeks now following the incident at Kyle's flat.

In that time, Dan and Kyle alternated between flats and the music studio. There were dance parties and hanging out with mates. It was nice.

The pandemic was continuing and there were weekly news updates that they allowed themselves, but otherwise, the focus was on staying safe and connecting with family and mates.

And the internet. After Kyle's face healed, they went live and brought in Woody to play some drums.

Kyle had the largest grin on his face the whole time and people started taking screenshots and making memes with the pictures.

Kyle thought it was bizarre but also sweet. He had never had so much positive attention in his life.

And he was getting it from being himself and playing music. There was nothing better than that.

Well, playing music with Dan was probably the best, but that was a given.

Dan had introduced Kyle to both his sister and his grandparents, and Kyle had done the same with the rest of his family members. And then his mates. There wasn't anyone in their immediate circles that did not know about their relationship.

Kyle felt hope again.

Dan walked into the room in the music studio Kyle was sat at and smiled at him.

That was immediate now. They saw one another and their faces reacted. Kyle was glad that his face had healed, because now he could participate without the added pain.

Dan signed what Kyle was working on and Kyle brushed back the hair that had fallen in his face as he wrote. He wasn't sure if he was ready to share it with Dan, the professional songwriter that had Ed Sheeran's name in his contact list (Kyle knew because he asked to use Dan's phone and has seen a message from him pop up), but then again it was Dan and he trusted him.

Kyle signed back that he was working on a song and Dan's eyes widened. He signed 'really' and then came over quicker.

Dan pulled a chair closer to Kyle at the small table and pointed to the sheet of paper in front of Kyle. Kyle nodded his answer and then waited with bated breath as Dan read through his ideas.

It was mainly ideas for the production and sound of the song, with a few lyrics written down. Before, Kyle had never focused much on the songwriting aspect of music, but now he found he had a lot to say and the words came easy. 

Dan signed that the song was 'good' when he finished reading it and grinned at him while their eyes met. Kyle felt his breathing return to normal and then added that he wanted help getting the music out of his head. And what to do with the lyrics to make it an actual song. 

Dan nodded his head and instantly started making notes on the paper Kyle was using.

Kyle watched him work through ideas and then Dan moved them to the sound booth to start to layer the sounds. 

They spent the rest of the day working on the song.

Kyle would make the sounds he wanted for Dan and Dan attempted to replicate them with the machine. After a good section was complete, Dan would play it back for Kyle through the special sound settings Mark had made for Kyle. Dan's poor ears had to be ringing by the end of each section. 

Kyle felt the bass more through him and he signed that he wanted it more intense. And Dan, and his poor ears, added in what he wanted without question. 

They continued to work through the music and Dan offered a few suggestions to finish the lyrics.

They both seemed to be pulling from the same past pain and their experiences were eerily similar for the words. 

They skipped their tea to finish the song.

Dan offered to record the lyrics with his voice after Kyle refused to use his own. After a few takes, Dan seemed pleased with his work and started adding in the vocals to the layered sounds. 

Afterward, as the track was moving through his body and making every nerve in his being respond, Kyle felt accomplished.

*******  
I wake up in the bed you made  
The one where you’re supposed to lay with me  
I smell you on the pillowcase but don’t see your face and that’s okay with me  
I’d never thought I’d see the day  
I’d see you as somebody I could hate  
I guess that’s just the price I pay for the blood-red flags that I walked past every day

Who are you when I’m not looking  
You’re like an angel sent from Hell  
Despite those lies that hooked me, when I’m not looking you are someone else  
Someone else  
Someone

Who are you when I’m not looking  
I doubt you even know yourself  
Despite those lies that took me, when I’m not looking you are someone else

Hey  
Is it me  
Did I fly you away  
Am I wrong, are you not who I say  
If I call which one of you will answer  
Anyway

Who are you when I’m not looking  
You’re like an angel sent from Hell  
Despite those lies that hooked me, when I’m not looking you are someone else

Who are you when I’m not looking  
I doubt you even know yourself  
Despite those lies that took me, when I’m not looking you are someone else  
Someone

When I’m not looking you are someone else *  
******

They had made a song together and it felt good. It felt natural even.

As the last of the music vibrations left his chest, Dan moved his chair closer and said he loved it. Actually, loved it, but he was wondering something.

Dan spoke and signed a few of the words, with Dan asking him if he wanted to be a solo artist as well. Dan said that Kyle could work on his music through his label. That he wouldn't have to only settle for being in a band with them, he could have his own career if he wanted. Dan would support him through it and help him find a major label as well.

Kyle shook his head quickly and leaned in more. Taking Dan's hands in his own, he said, "No. I wanted this with you. It is fun to do side projects or songs like this there or there, but I want to be with you guys. I want to play on stage as part of a band. It wouldn't work with me as a solo act."

Dan shook his head and tried to tell him that he would be wicked, but Kyle told him no. "I want to be in the band. Are you kicking me out?"

Dan laughed and pushed at Kyle's shoulder, without malice. Kyle was fairly certain that Dan called him a choice word as well, but he wasn't sure.

"Okay, now that I'm not kicked out of the band that I barely became a part of, can we get food? I'm hungry." Kyle laughed along with Dan as Dan nodded his head and stood up.

"Wait a minute." Kyle stopped Dan with a hand on his upper arm. When Dan turned back around, Kyle smiled at him and brushed his fingers across Dan's eyebrows to relax them. "I want to thank you. No, listen. I would have never been able to do any of this without you. Maybe in a different form later on, but not at this level. Thank you."

Dan instantly blushed but kept his eyes up on him and nodded his head. Signing 'you're welcome' Dan held eye contact and told him that he was just as grateful. For the music, but also for so much more.

Kyle went to shake his head, but Dan stopped him by signing 'listen.'

Dan took a deeper breath as his chest moved up and then down again. He signed that Kyle introduced him to a whole new world of experiencing music and love. For that, Dan was grateful for and would never be able to repay him for the experience.

"Well, I am that awesome. Converting hearing people to the hard-of-hearing music world and straight men to the more...colourful side of life." Kyle smirk and stopped himself from adding more about the colourful side of life. Like the things Dan seemed to enjoy in their bed together. 

Dan laughed and pushed against his shoulder again, but made a concerned face when Kyle acted like it hurt.

"Hey now, I need that arm to play your music, remember? Don't break me. You won't be able to replace all this." Kyle pointed to himself and moved his finger down his frame in a sassy fashion. "What do you think? Priceless, right?"

Dan signed 'maybe' and 'hair' making Kyle laugh harder.

"I'm cutting it. Maybe tonight." Kyle laughed harder at the shocked expression on Dan's face. "Maybe you will appreciate the whole person that way?"

Dan shook his head and moved his hands up to brush back Kyle's hair and then kept it in his grip. Dan told him he couldn't be able to cut it if he didn't let it go.

Kyle tickled at Dan's waist, making Dan lean his upper half forward and his lower half back in an attempt to get away. Kyle both loved it and regretted it.

Loved it because Kyle pictured that laugh in his head while Dan's upper half leaned in closer to him.

But regretted it because Dan did not release his hair and he pulled Kyle down with him.

"You win." Kyle laughed harder and used his hands to put them over Dan's hands in his hair. "Now, you do realize that I won't have any hair left if you pull it out, right? Okay, just checking in with that."

Dan allowed them both to stand up straight and mouthed a word to him before he released his grip. Dan straightened himself and pushed down his top before pulling it out at the chest. His eyes stayed on him and Kyle forgot he was hungry.

"You are wonderful." Kyle felt his eyes water and surprised himself. Being with Dan was a wonderful ride of emotions, but he rarely dipped down low. These were not angry or upset tears, they came from pure joy. "So very wonderful."

Dan signed 'same' and kissed him near his mouth. Then he signed 'food.'

Kyle nodded his head but found himself kissing him instead of leaving. It was a chaste kiss, but it hopefully told Dan everything Kyle was feeling in the moment.

*****

  
"There is no way." Kyle shook his head and looked down to the table. They were playing a game with Dan's mates and Kyle was certain someone was cheating. Kyle typically won these games and he was in last place. "Someone is cheating. Who among us is lying?"

They all laughed and Kyle crossed his arms over his chest. Dan signed 'child' to him and Kyle pointed back before signing 'liar.'

Kyle found himself looking at Dan and ignoring those around him.

Maybe that was his problem. Kyle couldn't pay attention to the game if Dan was there being more fun to focus on than the dumb card game.

Sam tapped on his shoulder and Kyle startled himself back into the room. "Yes?"

Sam pointed to the game and said it was his turn.

Kyle gave them a sheepish grin and then picked up a card. He didn't need it so he put it on top of the stack and leaned back in the chair.

Kyle's eyes went to Dan across from him and Kyle wondered if maybe they needed to change the seating. Kyle had chosen to sit away from Dan so he was not tempted to touch him, but maybe he needed to be out of his sight line.

Right as Kyle thought this, Dan's eyes rose from his cards and Kyle knew he was not moving anywhere.

If Kyle moved, then he wouldn't have the direct eye contact with Dan. Best to stay where they were and suffer through a potential loss for the win of watching Dan.

The game ended with Kyle in last place and Kyle blamed Dan fully for his failure.

After saying their good-nights and going through their evening routine, Kyle pushed Dan back on the bed and watched as he moved back so his head was near the pillows. 

Dan signed if Kyle was joining him and Kyle crawled his way over Dan's form. They were both wearing night clothes and Kyle wondered why they had been so foolish to think they would need clothes to go to bed. 

Kyle stopped to kiss along Dan's neck and made a bite mark right underneath his ear. 

Dan's hands were in his hair and Kyle knew he would never be able to cut it. 

Kyle kissed along Dan's jaw but only got halfway before Dan lowered his head and took Kyle's lips. 

He was kissing him with earnest and Kyle knew that them putting on clothes was the biggest waste of time that night. 

Kyle's hands moved away from Dan's face to his sleep bottoms and moved them down with ease. They had this down to almost a science by now. 

Once they were lying naked against one another Kyle asked Dan what he wanted while kissing down Dan's chest.

Dan tapped him on the shoulder and Kyle gave Dan another kiss over his nipple before turning his face toward him. "Hello, my beautiful." 

Dan answered by calling him 'love' and Kyle asked again that Dan wanted. 

Dan reached for the lube and found the condoms were gone again. They were having a problem keeping them in stock and it was foolish to only go to the shops for them. 

"We might need to buy them in bulk next time. Think there is a market for that?" Kyle kissed the pout off Dan's mouth and then moved back to see his face. Dan moved back to lie with his back on the bed. Kyle's finger traced around Dan's face and he smiled seeing him without his glasses. Kyle wondered if it was like his hearing aids and if Dan enjoyed taking them off after a long day. 

Kyle paused for a second and realized he had not worn his hearing aids in ages. He needed to look to see if his audiologist was accepting patients yet. 

Dan's lips distracted Kyle back to the bed and Kyle took his eyes away from them to find Dan's eyes looking at him. Dan seemed to be waiting for an answer, but Kyle had no idea what he had said. 

"Again, please. There is a gorgeous man in bed with me that is hard against my thigh and my brain wants to focus on that more than attempting to figure out what you are saying." Kyle moved his hips against Dan's leg to show that he was in the same state. 

Dan seemed to be asking if they really needed to use a condom and Kyle stopped his hips from moving forward. 

"That is massive step." Kyle moved his hand down Dan's chest to draw a heart on his chest. "The last person I fucked without a condom, I was married to. Which, in retrospect was not as safe as I thought it was." 

Dan's eyes moved to Kyle's finger on his chest and then back. He didn't say anything for a minute and then said they would talk about it again later. 

Kyle nodded his head in agreement and took the lube to coat his hand. "Anything with you feels nice." 

Dan found his lips as soon as Kyle had them both in his hand. Dan was pushing his hips up into Kyle and his hand as gripping the back of Kyle's hair. 

Literally anything they did together was amazing and Kyle felt his body respond to the movements Dan was making against him. 

It was moments like this that Kyle wished he could hear him. He had an idea of what the sounds would sound like given Dan's body movements and facial expressions, but the sounds must be wicked. 

Kyle moaned out Dan's name a little louder for Dan's benefit and kissed deeper into his mouth. Dan's hips instantly started moving faster and Kyle moaned again to the same result. 

Kyle felt like his heart was going to explode in the best way and Dan pulled at his hair again signaling that he was close. Kyle was right there with him and soon he could feel Dan panting against his cheek as their hip movements slowed down. Once it was too sensitive to move anymore, Kyle released them from his hand and kissed along Dan's face. 

Those blue eyes opened to find his and Kyle saw himself loving this man for the rest of his life. 

Kyle thought his first marriage was going to be his last. And then after the divorce, as he was going through all the deceit and betrayal with Alex, Kyle told himself that marriage was a fool's game.

He kept that attitude until this wayward stranger underneath him ran his bike into him. 

Maybe marriage was only a game if the people in it were fools? 

Kyle was no fool. 

And neither was Dan. 

Maybe marriage wasn't a game at all?

Maybe marriage was in their future. 

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Someone Else by Rezz, Grabbitz written by Isabelle Rezazadeh / Alexa Catherine Lusader / Nick Chiari
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox7tI77X4Eg


	37. Chapter 37

“Look at you. You don’t sound half bad now.” Sophie laughed at Dan as she walked out to the patio and sat next to him. “Those poor flowers that had to listen to you practice that thing over these past weeks.”

“They have to listen to you chatting with all your mates and family drama on the phone, and they survived that.” Dan teased with her back. “I think they can survive a few wrong chords on the guitar. And, I talk to them. So they like me better.”

“A few wrong chords.” Sophie waved Dan off and looked around them. “Wait? Could it be? Is Dan out there alone? That cannot be? I thought you went to the toilet together and everything now.”

“First of all, fuck off.” Dan looked at his guitar as he continued to play the chords. He had them down now and needed to practice to make it seem more natural. Charlie had spent a full two hours with him through Zoom and it showed. “And second of all, fuck off.”

“Seriously, where did the long, lanky fellow go?” Sophie asked without the teasing tone in her voice. She almost made it through the last question but her face broke. “Or is he having a lie down because you wore him out?”

“I thought I mentioned fucking off.” Dan laughed with her and stopped playing to turn his attention to her. “He is working. The coffee shop opened for a trial run to see how many people would come now. He will come here afterward.”

“And you are coping?” Sophie almost seemed serious now. “Honestly, it is nice to talk to you on your own for once. We don’t get this as often as before Kyle came around.”

“Don’t get all emotional on me.” Dan made a face at her and pulled out his shirt before smoothing down his hair. It was getting long again. Not Kyle long, but longer than it had been in a few years. “And it isn’t like we don’t talk and isn’t like you don’t have a boyfriend either.”

“My boyfriend is over that infatuation stage with me, though. Fuck, we both have boyfriends.” Sophie sat back and shook her head. “Can this year get any more bizarre?”

Dan shrugged his shoulders because he had no answer to that.

Dan never imagined himself having a boyfriend. For many, many years, he could barely imagine himself having a girlfriend.

But, then he had started to imagine having a wife and that was a huge mistake. His heart went cold following that line of thinking.

But, the even stranger thing of it was that he was starting to imagine himself having a husband.

And that line of thinking made his heart warm.

Kyle had been married before and Dan seriously had no idea if he thought about getting married again. But, as far as Dan could tell, Kyle was it.

Kyle was the ‘one.’ Love of his life and all that mushy family Christmas programming love. 

Kyle seemed to treat Dan like he was the one as well.

“What if we both don’t have boyfriends anymore…” Dan left the sentence lingering in the air and felt his heart starting to beat a little faster.

“Fuck, did something happen?” Sophie turned toward him and she seemed embarrassed. “Fuck, here I am teasing you about him not being ‘round and something happened. Tell me you are still together. Right? Or did I get stuck in it?”

“A lot has happened actually.” Dan brushed his hand through his hair again and wished he had a cap to stop him from fidgeting with it. “I have been thinking that maybe-”

“Holy fuck!” Sophie appeared to suddenly realize what Dan was saying and her voice rose into a high pitch. If anything, the flowers likely hated that screeching sound. “Are you going to propose to him? Did he propose to you?”

“Calm your tits.” Dan laughed and put the guitar down gently so she didn’t do something stupid and jump on him. “No one has proposed anything. _Yet_.”

“Holy fuck!” Sophie's voice rose higher and Dan started to become concern that she was going to lose her voice. “You are going to ask him?”

“No.” Dan shook his head and found his hands in his hair again. Maybe he should cut it. But, then again, that would give Kyle ideas about cutting his own hair and that simply would not do.

He held his hands at the base of his neck and looked over at two flowers that were moving together in the slight breeze. They seemed content with one another. Bet they never had to have serious discussions like this. They could just be together.

“No, what?” Sophie’s voice lowered but it was still loud. Not Kyle loud, but loud. “You gave me a heart attack for nothing?”

“I have been thinking is all.” Dan squeezed the back of his neck and lowered one of his arms to hug around his stomach. “I don’t know what he thinks about this. I don’t want to start thinking something and he is not for it. I cannot take that chance. That will ruin everything. Everything.”

“The way he looks at you? How can you even question that?” Sophie’s voice lowered more and she seemed to be attempting to control herself better now that she saw that was really going on. “Literally, his eyes are always on you. It is hard enough to communicate with him, but if you are in the room, we have all learned to just wait.”

Dan let out a sound and lowered himself down so his head was on his knees. He couldn’t have her looking at him for this part of the conversation.

“Is it because of the fact that he was already married and that turned out disastrous?” Sophie’s voice stayed low and Dan was grateful. “Because, I think it would be worth it to talk to him about it. Don’t just assume he has written off marriage.”

Dan took a deep breath and felt his lungs hurt from the oxygen. Sitting up, he nodded his head and looked toward her. “I know. But what if he says no?”

“Then you talk about that as well.” Sophie gave him a soft smile. “Give him a chance to talk about it before you write the whole thing off.”

“We have only been together for...what? Two months?” Dan tried to do the maths in his head but he felt stupid with the other thoughts. “Who talks about marriage that soon?”

“I seem to recall you talking about how your grandparents fell for each other quickly and married within the same year.” Sophie and her infinite memory. “Aren’t they still together to this day?”

“I’m pretty sure that grandmother had to get married and it was a different time then.” Dan tried to explain it away but even he knew what he was doing. Sophie was not going to buy it either if Dan couldn’t even sell it himself. “Okay, I understand what you are saying.”

“Am I going to be the best man?” Sophie’s face broke her smile. “Or will be it Ralph? Or one of those band mates? Oh, please let it be Will. He will go full James Bond or full leather head. And his speech will be epic. And the stag do! I need to be in the pictures though, so let me be in the wedding party.”

“I need to sort out the groom situation first.” Dan found himself laughing and allowed himself to calm down a bit. “If he says ‘yes’ then I will start thinking about the other people there and their roles.”

“If he says ‘yes’?” Sophie laughed. “Oh, you are cute.”

“He might say ‘no’ so prepare yourself.” Dan picked up the guitar and held it close to him, but didn’t start to play it again. His mind felt heavy with other thoughts. “We wrote a song together. It was mostly Kyle, but I helped him. He is good. Really, really good.”

“Can I hear it?” Sophie smiled at him and Dan felt the need to look away. He knew she was still thinking about what the wedding party would be dressed as and not the track. “Or will it be your first dance?”

“I cannot talk to you.” Dan let out a short laugh and put his hand near the strings. “It is not that kind of track. More a ‘fuck you’ to a past love.”

“You ever hear from her?” Sophie’s attention seemed back on Dan and off the wedding. This conversation was awkward but it felt more manageable than the other topic. “Or was that a complete cut off?”

“I don’t hear from her, no.” Dan shook his head and strummed the strings without thinking about it. “I don’t care to hear from her. So that works well.”

“I just wondered and all. With the buzz around Kyle being in the band.” Sophie looked down to her fingers and Dan felt himself relax a bit with her eyes off him. “She knows you pretty well. She could easy tell there is more going on there.”

“There have been a few comments online.” Dan bit underneath his lip and he went back to the last one he saw as he was going through the comments from their last live.

Dan had already explained that Kyle was quarantining with him to help get Kyle ready for playing in the band with them. Most accepted that answer, but there were others that questioned it more.

Dan almost responded back to one hateful comment that questioned how Kyle was looking at Dan, claiming that Dan better watch himself or Kyle might do something unspeakable to him. Dan almost hit send on his reply, but he deleted it at the last second.

There were a few dumb comments about Kyle and his hearing issues, but the ones that implied that Kyle was a predator were the most upsetting.

But, it was the internet and there were all sorts of people hiding behind the comments out there.

“I can see why. Again, with the way he looks at you and the way you look at him.” Sophie’s voice was still soft. “It is really quite sickening. How are you going to get through a concert with your eyes glued to each other the whole time?”

“Fuck off.” Dan bit harder under his lip and worked through the chord movements without touching the strings. “That is going to be bizarre. I never thought I would look forward to being on stage. It is going to be so odd. Our crew will be happy.”

“You thought about that? Kyle and playing music with you all?” Sophie seemed to be in a talkative mood today or she was taking advantage of the fact that Kyle was not around. “I’m no expert, but how will he know what is going on?”

“We came up with a colour and lighting system that he will follow. And, our sound techs said they are working on something to cue Kyle with the in-ears.” Dan fidgeted with the top string, absentmindedly picking at it. “It will be a challenge, but our crew is amazing. They even-”

“Make you sound good.” Sophie laughed. “Fucking get a new line.”

“I hate you.” Dan smiled at her and stopped picking at the string. “You are not going to be in the wedding party now.”

“Don’t you even threaten my life.” Sophie laughed with him and then turned to the flowers. “They are looking good. Maybe keep playing for them. Or talking to them, whatever it is, it is working.”

“Well do.” Dan nodded his head and strummed the strings in a rapid motion, creating all sorts of annoying sounds. “Like this?”

Sophie waved to him with one finger as she left to go back into the patio.

“Don’t worry about her.” Dan turned to the flowers, especially the two growing near one another. “Kyle ever talk to you? Huh? Does he share secrets? Does he talk about me?”

The flowers continued their slow movements with the breeze and Dan wondered if maybe he was talking to the flowers too much.

******

“We had approximately two and a half customers in four hours.” Kyle wrapped his arms around Dan’s stomach from behind and pulled him in close. His long arms almost wrapped completely around Dan and Dan fell back into him. “A half because one came in and then left without ordering anything.”

Dan was making a plate for Kyle, as he had returned late for their tea. His flatmates had retired to their rooms and it was only Dan and Kyle downstairs.

“I missed you.” Kyle kissed his ear and lowered his hands down so they were closer to Dan’s hips. “Miss me?”

Dan nodded his head and signed that he was practicing the guitar. Kyle’s attention must have been more on his ear than Dan’s hands in front of them because he did not have a verbal response back.

Dan elbowed him slightly and Kyle grunted at the movement. “What? I’m busy being sweet here.”

Dan laughed and turned his head so he could kiss him. Kyle took the hint and moved his lips from Dan’s ear to his mouth.

As the majority of their kisses went, it didn’t take long before their breathing was affected.

Dan moved his hands down Kyle’s thighs and squeezed Kyle closer to him. The angle was awkward and he turned to get more hands on him.

“You did miss me.” Kyle got out before Dan had his mouth occupied again.

Dan ignored his attempt at winding him up and moved his hands underneath the back of Kyle’s shirt.

Kyle smelled like coffee and it was adding an extra element to their time together.

Breaking apart so they could breath, Dan must have lost his mind because he blurted out with his eyes closed, “Do you ever think about getting married again?”

Kyle had his hands on Dan’s hips but he must have not seen his mouth because he didn’t respond.

Kyle’s hand moved down lower and Dan lost the ability to speak. Or he gladly gave it way.

Fuck, they didn’t need to be doing this in the kitchen.

And it had only been around five hours since they had seen one another.

They weren’t animals or teenagers.

Why was it so intense?

Dan moved his hand down underneath Kyle’s pants and pulled him in again. He didn’t need oxygen as much as he needed Kyle closer to him.

They stopped themselves before they started removing clothing, but it was close.

“Upstairs?” Dan asked once he was sure that Kyle was looking at him.

Kyle took his hand, and the plate of food behind them, and led Dan up the stairs and to his room.

Or their room. Kyle had things here now.

And Dan had things at Kyle’s as well.

Kyle set down the food after closing the door and started removing his own clothing.

Dan did the same and soon they were in bed and everything felt nice.

Kyle turned Dan so he was facing the bed and worked his way inside him. They had gotten more condoms and were working their way through them.

They had yet to have a further discussion about not using them at all.

Which was bizarre for Dan as well because condoms were a given when it came to sex to prevent pregnancy.

Without that in the equation, what was the need?

Dan knew he was negative and Kyle said he was tested fairly regularly. Did they really need to wait for another blood test? Were they even doing testing right now?

Dan felt Kyle moving into him and he stopped his brain from thinking and focused on the feel of him.

Kyle’s mouth was sucking on a spot on his neck and his hand was on him, moving up and down his dick.

Fuck, they rarely did it like this because they couldn’t see one another well. Kyle needed that visual input to feel like he was attending to Dan in case there was an issue, but the tapping system would work well.

Dan pressed his hips back and moved his hand to hold Kyle’s arm that was underneath his chest and holding Dan against him.

Dan heard Kyle moaning in his ear and he wanted to do something to show Kyle he was liking it too.

Turning his head so he could look over his shoulder, Dan tapped on Kyle’s arm and Kyle stopped moving as he looked at him.

“You okay?” Kyle panted out his response. He was loud but Dan no longer cared if his flatmates heard them. They were all adults and there was no way that Dan was going to tell Kyle to be quiet while they were doing this.

Dan nodded his head and pressed his hips back. Kyle smiled at him and he seemed to understand what Dan wanted.

They kept their eyes on each other until the very end, with Dan closing his eyes despite his brain telling him to keep them open.

Kyle cleaned them up and then turned his eyes back to Dan.

Dan reached out his hands and pulled him in closer. He was too far away and that wouldn’t do.

“Was that okay?” Kyle asked, his eyes scanning Dan’s face. “I thought something was wrong when you tapped. We can not do it that way if you don’t like it.”

“I love it.” Dan smiled and traced his finger across Kyle’s chest. It was still a bit damp and Dan weirdly liked that. “I wanted to see your face though, so you knew that I liked it. Since you couldn’t hear me.”

“I have an appointment this Thursday.” Kyle moved his hand up and brushed back Dan’s damp hair. “Going to get these ears checked and fitted for new hearing aids. The person I spoke with said that I am long overdue for an appointment.”

“What does that mean?” Dan asked, moving his hand to the top of Kyle’s back and running the tip of his middle finger down the slope of his back to the swell of his bum. “Will you be able to hear better?”

“That is a possibility.” Kyle nodded his head and shivered a bit at Dan’s touch. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, but they said there is new technology since my last visit. They actually scolded me a bit because it has been so long.”

“Can I come with you?” Dan asked and wondered if that was strange to ask. “I mean, if you even want me there.”

“I don’t know if you can come with me. I will have to ask.” Kyle smiled and kissed his nose. “You can come with me if they say yes. You can interpret for me. See me get claustrophobic in a small box and practice raising my hand. It is a blast.”

“I will hold your hand if you get claustrophobic.” Dan teased and got the reaction he was looking for with a smile.

“You are a good hand holder. You have good hands.” Kyle moved Dan’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of his hand. Then turned it over so he could see the palm. “Very hold-able.”

“Thanks.” Dan blushed as Kyle’s lips kissed up to the end of his finger and sucked on the tip for a second. “That is nice.”

“You are nice.” Kyle moved their hands back down and found Dan’s eyes. Kyle seemed to hesitate for a second and Dan’s brain went back to the idea that Kyle really did not want him at the appointment.

“I don’t have-” Dan was interrupted when Kyle started speaking.

“Do you ever think about our future?” Kyle asked quickly and Dan could feel the nerves take over Kyle’s body as Kyle’s eyes moved down to their hands held together on the bed. “Like, moving in together or getting married? Because I think about that. Like, all the time now. I know it is soon, but-”

Dan took Kyle’s face in his hands and kept it still so he could see him. “I have been thinking about our future a lot as well. I know your last marriage ended-”

“This is so much different than that.” Kyle shook his head and covered one of Dan’s hands with his own, the other arm was being used to hold him up. “I cannot describe it, but I feel it in my bones. In my soul, even. We were meant to be together.”

“I feel it in my soul as well.” Dan swallowed but kept his eyes on him. “We don’t have to decide anything right now. But it is nice to know that you are thinking about it as well.”

“Same.” Kyle nodded his head. Kyle’s stomach made a loud sound and Dan grinned. “What?”

“Your stomach is making sounds.” Dan kissed the corner of Kyle’s mouth and moved so he could get the plate for him.

Dan felt exposed as he walked across his room, with Kyle’s eyes moving with him.

“You naked and food?” Kyle sat up near the head of the bed and wrapped his arm around Dan’s side as Dan sat back with him.

Kyle went to reach for the food, but Dan held up the grape for him.

“You feeding me?” Kyle grinned and quickly bit the grape from Dan’s fingers. “Tastes better this way.”

Dan ignored him and raised another grape to his mouth, with Dan pulling away the grape when Kyle moved quickly toward it.

Dan raised his eyebrow at him and then held it out again. Kyle took the hint and slowly moved his head closer, gently biting into the grape while his mouth closed around Dan’s fingers.

“Even better.” Kyle’s voice was in the baritone range and Dan felt himself shiver from Kyle’s mouth and his tone. “More, please.”

Dan repeated the same motion for a few more grapes, swallowing as Kyle’s eyes held tight onto his own.

Kyle’s mouth stayed on his fingers and Dan felt himself respond.

“You want more?” Dan allowed Kyle to lick down his finger and then asked him once he knew he had his full attention.

“Yes, please.” Kyle leaned in closer and kissed Dan’s mouth, making Dan lose his hold on the plate and the fruit and bread fall next to them.

“Wait.” Dan jumped when a wet grape hit his bare thigh but Kyle couldn’t hear him and Kyle’s hands were moving down his body.

Briskly brushing his hand against the sheet to push the food to the floor, Dan moved Kyle so he was on his back.

Breaking them apart, Dan held Kyle’s eyes for a minute and saw their future in front of them.

Sophie in a pretty dress sitting with his parents.

Ralph rocking a dark tuxedo while playing at their wedding.

Will with a Daniel Craig suit and pose to match in the wedding photos.

Woody with his hair tied back for his formal look.

And Kyle standing with him on the beach as the sun sets around them.

He saw all of that in Kyle’s eyes and it wasn’t as scary as he thought when he had thought about marrying someone before.

Maybe it was because it was Kyle.

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100,000+ 
> 
> Officially the longest story I have ever written.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to healthcare workers or the audiology profession in general. I am basing Kyle’s experience in this chapter off the eye-opening experience I had when I attended an audiologist appointment with my family member. Furthermore, since I am American and we do not have universal healthcare (yet), I can only base this off of what I believe would happen within the NHS.

Kyle ate one bite of his toast this morning and ignored the rest. He then proceeded to change his top three times before he settled on one that “felt” better.

Prior to getting into the vehicle, he had snapped at Dan that they were going to be late unless they left immediately.

As they attempted to find a spot in the car park, Kyle snapped again when Dan pointed to an open spot near the entrance they needed.

After Kyle turned the vehicle off, Dan looked at the time and saw that they still had twenty minutes before they were even allowed to text them that they were here.

Kyle’s mobile vibrated again and Kyle looked at it briefly before giving it to Dan.

“Can you reply to her and tell her I am a grown adult?” Kyle tossed the mobile to Dan’s lap and then closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the seat. “My brain cannot handle her right now.”

Dan looked and saw that there were multiple messages from Kyle’s mum. He was giving Kyle a list of questions to ask during his appointment.

Fuck, was Dan supposed to prepare questions for the appointment? Was that a thing he would be expected to do now that he was with Kyle?

“Don’t be cross with her though.” Kyle let out a short laugh and turned his head toward Dan. “She is a nice lady and just being a mum. You okay?”

Dan nodded his head and replied back to the last text a simple, ‘Thank you. I will let you know when we are done.’

“I’m sorry.” Kyle moved his hand over to Dan’s thigh and squeezed it. Dan turned off the phone and looked toward Kyle. He looked a wreck. “I don’t like going to these things. There is never good news but they try to tell me it could be worse. But, I’m being a tool toward you and I don’t mean it.”

Dan signed that he understood and handed the phone back to Kyle. “I understand. I am a tool most of the time when I’m anxious.”

Kyle let out a quick smile and then covered his face with his hands, letting out a slow breath. “You were nice to my mum, right? I don’t need another ten messages from her saying I need to watch my tone.”

Dan leaned over and took Kyle’s hands away from his face and into his own. Dan nodded his head and said, “I was nice to her.”

“Thank you.” Kyle’s eyes moved to the time and he laughed. “Fuck, we are early. I shouldn’t have snapped at you about that. What do we have to do again? Text them that we are here?”

Dan nodded his head. “And then they tell us to go to the door. They meet us there and take temperatures. Masks are required at all times.”

Kyle nodded his head. “You going to interpret for me? Because no one here is going to know how to communicate with me. Especially with the masks. Don’t let them take them off.”

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and smiled. He felt needed in a way and it was nice to help Kyle like this. Go with him to an appointment and be a support. Like something a future husband might do for someone they love. “I will try.”

Kyle had warned him that most hospital staff do not know sign language and that even the audiologist staff likely did not sign.

Kyle said that during his last appointment, way before the pandemic, he even had to remind them to look at him when they spoke to him. And with medical terms and new people, he never truly understood everything they say to him. Now, without Dan with him, Kyle would be completely in the dark unless they wrote everything down.

When it was time, Kyle texted that they were there and Kyle received a message back with more instructions. After answering that both Dan and him were not experiencing any symptoms of the virus, they left the vehicle and walked toward the door.

Staff met them at the door to the hospital building and greeted them with a cheery ‘Hello.’ She then asked what the patient’s name and birthday was, as well as their business there.

Dan signed what she said to Kyle and Kyle answered.

Temperatures were taken and then they were escorted to the lifts to go to the floor for audiology.

The lady told them where to go from there and began to sanitize her hands as she waved good-bye to them.

Dan thanked her and used his elbow to push the correct floor.

Dan looked to Kyle and he could tell he was on edge. His leg was twitching, with his toes moving up and down inside his shoes. Kyle’s arms were wrapped around his stomach and Dan wondered if it was because he was trying not to touch anything or if it was because he was trying to comfort himself. His right hand was fidgeting with the clear plastic bag holding his hearing aids.

There was another staff that met them as the doors opened and the same questions were asked. Dan signed them for Kyle and Kyle responded. The lady checked her board and escorted them to the proper door.

There both Kyle and Dan sanitized their hands after opening the door and walked to the front desk.

There was plastic separating the staff from them and the staff waved a greeting. Then she proceeded to verbalize instructions to Kyle on what he needed to do while he was there.

Kyle looked to Dan and Dan told him the basics. Keep their masks on and sanitize their hands after touching anything. They would be the only ones in the area and would not have any contact with anyone besides the woman completing the assessment with Kyle.

Kyle nodded his head and took the offered paperwork given to him through the slot at the bottom of the plastic partition designed for it.

Kyle refused a pen and used the one in his pocket that he brought with him.

Dan looked over his upper arm as Kyle filled out the paperwork and learned all sorts of things.

Like, Kyle had taken Alex’s surname during the marriage. Kyle corrected his surname back to Simmons on the form and updated his address. Dan was happy to see that if Alex still lived at their previous address, he was completely across town from them. Kyle crossed out Alex’s name as an emergency contact and put his mother’s information.

Dan tried to not take that personally as it would be foolish to put Dan if they didn’t stay together. Kyle’s mum was the more sensible option.

Kyle handed the paperwork in through the slot and the woman looked up at him briefly.

Kyle walked the approximate metre back to Dan and asked if she said anything. Dan shrugged his shoulders, he had not heard her say anything to Kyle but the plastic was thick.

Dan walked to the desk to ask what to do and the woman said she was going to hand the paperwork over and be right back.

It only took another two minutes and they were back in the room with the audiologist.

The woman greeted Kyle verbally and then asked him if Dan was Alex with him.

Dan must have made a face, because Kyle asked him what was wrong.

“Do we have the wrong person?” Kyle asked and kept his eyes on Dan. “What happened?”

Dan signed what she said and Kyle made the same face.

“Alex and I are no longer together. This is Dan. He is going to interpret for me. I cannot hear what you say. I normally try to read people’s lips, but with the masks, that is not an option.” Kyle said turning back toward the smaller lady dressed in hospital scrubs. Her name tag said, ‘Holly.’

“I understand.” Holly nodded. “If you would like, I can take off the mask and we can stay two metres away.”

She looked at Kyle and then to Dan.

Dan shook his head. “No, he told me that you should keep the mask on. I will try to sign for him, but if there is something complicated, please write it down for him. I’m not that smart.”

“What is happening?” Kyle asked Dan, with his eyebrows raised. “She asking me something?”

Dan signed that she asked and Kyle turned toward her when Dan was done. “No, please keep it on. Talk to him and he will sign for me. Or write it down. Don’t verbally ask me questions. I cannot hear them.”

The woman nodded her head and gestured for them to have a seat.

She directed her questions at both of them, as Kyle and Dan sat with their shoulders together.

She asked him about his current hearing aids by pointing toward Kyle’s ears. Kyle released the tight grip on the plastic bag and handed them over to her.

“They are clean. I cleaned them and allowed them to dry before putting them in there.” Kyle stretched out his fingers as Holly looked them over. Crossing his arms over his stomach, Kyle continued. “They don’t work. The left one makes my ears sound like I’m underwater. Like there are waves. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. And the right one doesn’t do much at all. If I wear them, I start to feel nauseated. I haven’t used them in almost seven weeks.”

The lady put the bag down on the table next to her and looked over Kyle’s records.

“It shows that you haven’t been here in three years? You have had these hearing aids for five years?” The woman spoke down to the paper while reading through his chart.

Dan waited for her to finish and then signed it for Kyle.

“Yes. They were working then, at my last appointment, but my hearing was getting worse.” Kyle looked toward the woman as he answered. “Then they stopped working well or my hearing got worse. Or both. Then that left one went into the ocean. I don’t like the ocean.”

“Did they actually go in the ocean?” Holly asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dan shook his head without interpreting it for Kyle. “He likes to make jokes like that. He hates the ocean and it is making a wave-like sound.”

Holly nodded and told them they would see where his ears were at now.

“What did you tell her? Did you say I wasn’t funny? Because that is rude to talk about me like I’m not here.” Kyle lightly smacked Dan’s arm. “She likely got my joke and you ruined it.”

Dan told Kyle that she was ready for him and Kyle stood to go into the small booth. “Tell her I’m awesome, but in an American accent. Wait, I don’t need you for that. Holly, remember I’m awesome, okay? Holly, can you hear me? Oh, that is your job. Sorry.”

Holly laughed at that and Kyle pointed to her while looking at Dan. “See, I’m funny. She understands me. That would be horrible if your audiologist couldn’t understand you.”

As Kyle sat down and put in the ear pieces, Dan realized what Kyle was talking about as the door was closed to the booth.

If Kyle raised his arms out, his elbows would touch the sides.

The woman used her machine to go through and provide different levels and tones of sounds for Kyle, with Kyle pushing a button in the hand of the ear that heard the sound. Maybe he had to raise his hand during the last assessment and technology really had advanced in the past three years.

Holly made notes on her sheet while Dan stood behind her and watched her work the machine. It seems like a low tech version of a sound board. Or maybe it was high tech but Dan didn’t know what the buttons did.

After a few minutes, the woman helped Kyle out of the booth and Kyle stretched his long body.

Holly showed them the sheet she was writing on, with Kyle nowhere near the typical frequency range for hearing.

Kyle’s hearing went into the profound loss range with minimal hearing in his right ear. His hearing was better in the left, but the frequency needed to be as loud as a fighter jet engine before Kyle recognized he heard it.

The woman then went through options for Kyle.

If he wanted, he could order updated hearing aids that would help amplify the sound better than his previous ones. His right ear likely would not benefit much, but his left might be able to get him to the point he could hear sounds directly around him. Technology had advanced tremendously since his last pair and he was due for new ones.

“Will he be able to hear me speak?” Dan asked after they went through everything and she was completing the paperwork what Kyle would need for the new hearing aids.

“Our audio nerves pick up the sound, but that does not mean our brains can process it.” She kept her eyes down while she spoke, checking the boxes that were needed. “He might be able to hear you, yes, but he might not understand what you are saying.”

“What did you say?” Kyle brushed his hand against Dan’s arm. “Are you trying to tell her I’m not funny again? Face it, Daniel, she gets me.”

Dan laughed, pushing back on Kyle’s arm and then moving it so he could sign his question and her response as Kyle nodded.

After reversing the process to get in the building to leave, both Dan and Kyle sanitized their hands with the touchless machine near the exit.

Back in the vehicle, both took off their masks and Kyle went to turn on the vehicle.

Dan stopped him with his hand over Kyle’s on the ignition.

“What?” Kyle looked toward him. Kyle seemed more relaxed now that they were out of the building and the appointment was over. “Something wrong?”

Dan shook his head and pointed toward the list of services the building offered.

Among the numerous services, a sexual health clinic was listed.

Dan signed asking if they should use it since they were there already.

Kyle signed ‘okay.’

Dan rang the clinic number and asked them if there were any restrictions. Same as Kyle’s appointment, they had to be symptom free, wear masks the entire time, and only have one person in an area at a time.

The man on the phone said there was no wait and they could likely be seen right away if they were nearby. He seemed bored. Apparently, there were not that many people wondering about their STI/STD status during a pandemic.

Dan hoped that was because people were respecting the guidelines and not just throwing caution to the wind.

The clinic allowed them both in at the same time after Dan explained their situation. Both of them were given paperwork. Disclosure forms and a physical health history.

As well as a sexual health history.

Dan felt himself blushing as he went through the sheet and checked off various areas. It felt very strange to check off the boxes that he had both given and received anal sex with a man. And given and received oral sex with a man.

He was happy to report that he had not shared any intravenous needles with anyone nor had unprotected sex with anyone. Or had a sexual encounter that he did not want to have.

Once Dan was done with his form, he looked to Kyle and saw that Kyle was waiting for him to finish.

Dan offered his form to Kyle to read and they exchanged the forms.

Kyle had had unprotected anal sex in the past with someone he did not know, but he had listed it as over ten years ago. There was nothing else of concern on his form that Dan was not aware of already.

The man called out Kyle’s name and Dan pointed to Kyle.

“He cannot hear you if you talk to him.” Dan offered without telling Kyle he was talking for him and felt upset with himself for not asking first.

“It is a bit unconventional, but if you would like, you can both come back together.” The man waited by the door with his foot keeping it open. “I’m assuming you came together since you are in the lobby together.”

Dan put down the form on the chair next to them and signed that the man said.

“I want him with me if it is not too much trouble.” Kyle stood with his form in his hand and looked over to Dan as he stood as well. “Did the man say that was okay?”

Dan nodded and they both went back together.

The doctor walked into their room and began her greeting, but Kyle interrupted her to tell her that he couldn’t hear her, so she could direct his questions to Dan.

The doctor nodded her head and viewed their paperwork and asked a few follow up questions after confirming it was okay to talk in front of the other person.

The HIV test was quick, and they decided to wait for the results. Both were negative.

The doctor reported there was minimal concern for other STI/STD issues if they were not reporting any symptoms of them. They could still do the testing if they would like, but those would have to go through a lab and it would take a few days for the results. If not weeks, given the pandemic.

If so, they would be given slips with numbers on them to call and check the results later.

Dan realized once again how able-bodied the world was when it came to anything.

After sanitizing their hands again, they walked back to the vehicle and Kyle complained that he was hungry.

Dan nodded his head and signed ‘food.’

They went to Kyle’s flat since it had been a few days since they had been there.

John had left a note saying that he was going to be at his fiancee's house until at least mid June and to text him with any concerns. There was a cheque on the table for rent and he wrote that he had paid the utilities that were in his name.

Kyle found that there was not much in the kitchen, but they made warm cheese sandwiches and didn’t say anything to one another until they were finished eating.

They had moments like that now. Comfortable silence without the expectation that either of them had to entertain one another.

“Can we go to the studio?” Kyle asked after their dishes were cleaned and put away. “I feel like we did a lot of adulting today and I want to have a dance party or work on music. Something a little less serious.”

Dan nodded his head and smiled, stepping in closer and kissing the edge of Kyle’s mouth.

Dan was very much into something a little less serious.

****

  
Mark had been in the studio and he left a note on the sound board with information on the newest track. He had finished adding in the Graham Coxon vocal and guitar riff. He needed to finish it up, but it would be ready soon.

Dan pumped his fist in the air and twirled half a turn.

The video was still in the works and everything was going along smoothly.

“Did you see this?” Kyle handed over his phone to Dan and pressed the play button. Kyle looked ill and Dan understood as soon as he finished watching the video.

“That is horrible.” Dan looked up and then back to the phone. “What is happening?”

Instead of the dance party, they went through and followed the trail of videos showing the outcry from the man’s death to the small protests forming around the world.

It was both horrifying and inspiring.

Horrifying because a man had suffered and was now dead.

Inspiring because the whole world was watching and a movement was developing.

*****

  
Later that night, lying in Kyle’s bed, Dan and Kyle were going through photos on Kyle’s phone.

“Pride this year will not be the same.” Kyle scrolled through his photos from last year on his phone. Him and his mates had gone, per the photos he was showing Dan, and they all looked like they had a blast. “They like to be loud there.”

“I can see.” Dan laughed as he lied with the back of his head on Kyle’s chest.

Their legs were stretched out near each other. Kyle had his arms on either side of Dan and his phone resting on the top of Dan’s torso so both of them could see the screen.

Using his finger, Dan stopped on a photo and turned his head toward Kyle’s face. Signing, he asked ‘really’ and then pointed to Kyle.

“I was exploring my freedom to be me.” Kyle laughed with him and Dan could feel it move his whole body. “No judgment at Pride.”

The photo showed Kyle with neon pink hair and tight shorts to match. The rest of him was pure glitter.

Dan moved back to his comfortable spot and watched as Kyle went through more photos. There were a few of Kyle being extremely handsy with another lad and Dan felt the jealousy move through him.

Kyle was literally underneath him and Dan had never seen the person on any of Kyle’s weekly Zoom meetings with his mates. But, he didn’t like to see Kyle with someone else.

“You okay?” Kyle asked, using one of his hands to brush back through Dan’s hair. “You went pretty stiff there. And not in a good way.”

Dan nodded his head and ignored the next photo with Kyle kissing the man’s cheek. Kyle must have put two and two together because he hit the delete button and moved to the next photo. That one showed the same man sitting on Kyle’s lap and Kyle deleted that one as well.

“Okay, enough photos.” Dan moved his hand behind him and pressed back against Kyle’s crotch, feeling Kyle instantly respond to his hand.

“No more photos?” Kyle hissed into the room as he raised his leg to press his heel against the outside of Dan’s calf. Dan increased the pressure in response and then turned himself over, so that he was hovering over Kyle.

Dan shook his head and leaned his head down to kiss along Kyle’s jaw to his neck and then sucked on his collarbone. Kyle had nice collarbones that were nice to leave marks on.

Dan used one hand to keep himself up and used the other to push into the waistband of Kyle’s cotton shorts and pants underneath.

Kyle was hard now and Dan sucked harder on the skin over the collarbone as Kyle started to make the most wonderful sounds underneath him.

It had been an exceptionally long day and Dan wanted to celebrate their negative status.

Abandoning the now red flesh, Dan moved down on the bed and pushed Kyle’s top away from his stomach. Dan wanted to make a mark now next to the soft hairs near the waistband of his pants.

Dan’s hand was still working Kyle’s foreskin up and down in an even pattern while he sucked on the new patch of skin.

Dan felt Kyle’s hand in his hair as he bit down a bit too hard on his new mark and Kyle raised his hips into his hand more.

“Fuck, don’t tease me with that mouth.” Kyle whined as his legs moved out and his heels pressed into the bed. “I want your mouth lower.”

Dan followed his request and moved Kyle’s bottoms out of the way, with Kyle kicking them off.

Dan took no time getting him fully into his mouth and Kyle’s hand squeezed the back of his hair. Kyle was getting close, but that was not what Dan wanted.

Moving himself back and leaning over Kyle’s lean form to the drawer by Kyle’s bed, Dan found what he wanted and started pushing down on his own bottoms.

Kyle’s hands were helping and soon both of them were only wearing tops.

Straddling Kyle’s thighs, Dan smiled down as he felt Kyle’s fingers start to open him up. They were slick and moved into him easily, proving how well they fit together.

After Kyle had three fingers inside him and Dan was dripping onto Kyle’s stomach, Dan reached back and coated Kyle’s cock before lining them up.

Sitting back, Dan moaned at the feeling and almost forgot to go slow.

“I like that.” Kyle moaned underneath him, with his hands resting on Dan’s hips and moving him back and forth with gentle pressure. “You like that?”

Dan nodded his head and closed his eyes for a second as he leaned backward. The feeling of Kyle inside him was never going to get old.

Dan hoped it felt just as good, if not better, for Kyle as they moved together a bit faster. Kyle angled himself better and Dan had to close his eyes again. Kyle knew how to move inside him to make him come hard.

Leaning his weight backward, Dan pressed his hips back as Kyle continued to move into him. Dan didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he moved them to rest on top of Kyle’s on his hips.

Kyle’s movements were getting more frantic and Dan lowered his hand to himself.

Kyle’s eyes were on Dan’s hand on himself and Dan felt him release inside him. Fuck, it that wasn’t the sexiest thing ever. Dan only had to press back two more times and he was holding himself tight through his release. His come rested on Kyle’s stomach, hitting the red mark Dan felt behind.

He felt both claimed and like he had claimed Kyle as well.

For a few brief seconds, Dan was contemplating asking Kyle to marry him right then.

Post-sex was not a time to ask for a lifetime commitment to one another.

No, if he was going to propose, he would do it so that Kyle would swoon over him and then say ‘yes’ by tearing up with him.

It would be one of those cinematic moments with soft lights around them and a trail of flowers leading to the perfect spot to take a knee and give a speech that he wouldn’t be able to get through without messing up.

Dan would have a mate film it even. He would get it professionally produced, with sweeping sounds of a string orchestra building until the moment Kyle said ‘yes.’

If he were to propose, he would do it right. It would be grand.

Not after sex. That was for amateurs.

“Dan?” Kyle looked up at him, his eyes wide and full of love. There was a nervous energy about him that Dan recognized right away.

“Yes, Love?” Dan swallowed and felt Kyle softening inside of him. Fuck Kyle if he asked him right now. Don’t take away my moment, you cute bastard.

“I was wondering...” Kyle let his words linger in the room as he found both of Dan’s hands and wrapped their fingers together. “Can we order food? I have not had take-away in ages and I need pizza. Like need it.”

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and collapsed on top of him, laughing into his neck.

Here Dan was planning the perfect proposal in his head and Kyle wanted pizza.

Good thing Dan wanted pizza as well.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medicinal use of cannabis in this chapter.

FUCK! 

FUCK! 

FUCK!

That was the only thing going through Dan’s head. A constant loop inside his head. 

He was so stupid. 

So fucking stupid. 

Why was he so stupid?

FUCK! 

FUCK! 

FUCK!

*****

He woke up with the headache and it continued to build throughout the day. 

Kyle went off to work at the coffee shop for the day and to tell his uncle his plans to join the band and focus on music. Once music was an actual thing that people did again.

Before he left, he kissed Dan’s forehead three times and Dan told himself that it meant ‘I love you.’

Kyle would do that. Kisses or squeezes of some sort in threes. A short hand to express what he was feeling. 

Somehow Kyle knew that Dan had the headache before Dan even woke up. 

Kyle had given him the tablets and a full cup of coffee as soon as Dan opened his eyes and groaned at the light hitting his face. 

Dan didn’t question it at the time, but maybe Kyle could read his mind now. 

Was that a thing? 

Did that happen to people that were constantly around one another and could stare into each other’s eyes and feel what the other person was feeling? 

It would make sense that those people would start to know what the other person was thinking. 

Right?

Or, did Dan just watch way too much science fiction and out-there films? 

Dan decided to not question it anymore because it was making the headache worse. 

He had things to do today and he needed to kick the headache to do them. 

The new label wanted a meeting with him and his management team to finalize what it would look like with Kyle in the band. 

Apparently, adding in a new keyboard player with hearing loss was a great PR move for them and they were all for it. 

In the time of making sure to include diverse talent, Kyle was a golden ticket. 

However, the idea that Kyle’s hearing loss would be turned into such a big deal with Kyle being in the band was not settling well with Dan. 

So much so that he had yet to tell Kyle about the records label’s plan to promote Kyle being in the band. 

Hopefully, today, he would put an end to those types of talks. 

Kyle being in the band was amazing because it was Kyle. His hearing issues were just a part of Kyle, and Dan was not going to allow them to label Kyle as some sort of diversity hire or something.

Looking at the time, Dan groaned and decided he needed more coffee if he was going to be able to pass as conscious during the meeting that would start in twenty minutes. 

“No.” Dan shook his head and pressed against his forehead with the palm of his hand. His fingers were just pressed against it and that didn’t work. “I understand what you are saying, but no. Just no.” 

“It will be a great-” The man with a large painting behind his head attempted to talk but Dan cut him off again. 

“No.” Dan shook his head again and lowered his hand. His eyes felt like they were throbbing in their sockets and it was hard to look at the screen. He had already turned it down to its lowest setting. “Kyle is not some, I dunno, charity case or diversity example. He will hate that. I hate that. No.” 

“Dan-” His manager attempted to talk but Dan ended that as well. 

“The answer is no. End of.” Dan closed his eyes for a minute and it was all he needed to not completely lose his mind. “Kyle will never be comfortable with it. He is going to be like everyone else in the band. Okay? Okay. Do you need me for anything else?” 

Dan felt his manager’s eyes on him through the screen but he honestly did not care. Fuck the whole label if they made him make Kyle into something other than just another person joining the band. 

“We will revisit this later.” The man with the painting behind him said before wishing everyone well.

Dan signed off the screen and closed the laptop at the quickest moment possible. 

His phone was going off with the texts that were most definitely from the management team but Dan could not look at another screen. 

Taking off his glasses and putting them on top of the laptop, Dan held his head and lowered himself down to rest on the sofa. Moaning into the small pillow there, Dan wished the headache away. 

Kyle would not be home for a few more hours, but he wanted his hands. He wanted the gentle pressure of Kyle’s fingers moving across his head and he wanted to bury his head in Kyle’s chest and not think. 

And for the stupid pain to go away. 

Dan knew stressing about it would only make it worse but he was in a bitter mood and fuck everything. 

Pressing the tips of his fingers into his eye sockets, Dan counted to ten in his head. Once that didn’t work, he started again. 

On his fifth round, Dan released the pressure on his eyes and moved to go back to his room. 

The tablets would be useless now and he knew that it would just be one of those miserable days where the headache would dictate what he did. 

And for now, it was telling him to go be disconsolate in his bed with all the light removed from the room. 

The hours dragged on until he heard Kyle opening the door. 

Kyle instantly read the room and kept quiet as he moved into the bed. He pulled Dan to him and allowed Dan to bury his head in his chest. Kyle’s fingers started moving across his head with the exact right amount of pressure. 

Kyle must be able to read his mind because there was no other way to explain it. 

Dan’s eyes started to water and he tightened his grip around Kyle’s stomach. 

Kyle kissed the top of his head in response and Dan felt himself finally drifting off. 

Kyle had daggers to kill the anxiety monsters, the cure to his insomnia, and magic fingers to make the headaches go away. 

And Kyle gave them to him freely. 

Dan’s head felt better when he opened his eyes. Kyle was still underneath him and his hand was resting on the back of his head. 

Turning his head up, Dan saw the light from Kyle’s phone reflecting on Kyle’s face. Kyle’s eyes found him and he smiled. 

Dan mouthed ‘thank you’ and buried himself into Kyle’s neck. His eyes went to Kyle’s phone and he found that the light wasn’t nearly as bothersome as it had been before he slept. 

Kyle was looking through something that had text on it, but with the headache and his lack of glasses, Dan had no idea what was on the screen. 

Kyle kissed the top of Dan’s head and moved the phone down so that they could still use the light but it wasn’t so bright on Dan’s face. 

“There are more tablets ready for you.” Kyle looked toward a spot near the side of the bed that likely had them there. “Do you want more?” 

Dan shook his head no. “I want weed.” 

“What is that?” Kyle asked and turned the phone a bit more toward Dan’s face. 

Dan decided that the sign for weed must be based on the action of it so he raised his hand up to his mouth and made the sucking motion. “Weed.” 

Kyle laughed underneath him, making Dan actually smile for the first time that day. 

It was dark outside as Kyle and Dan sat on the patio. There were a few soft lights around them and Dan found himself looking at them. 

He should have smoked earlier that day and avoided lying in bed, but somehow that seemed wrong. 

Smoking with someone else seemed to make it more acceptable. 

“Better?” Kyle asked as he took the joint back from Dan. It was almost gone and the smoke blew out of Kyle’s mouth in a way that shouldn’t be sexy, but was. 

“Yes.” Dan answered and hugged his leg closer to him. They were sat close together but facing one another. Dan’s other foot was resting next to Kyle’s foot. Dan signed and said, “Better.” 

“Good.” Kyle smiled and put out the rest of the joint. His eyes stayed on Dan and Dan felt himself relax more. 

His hair was still back in a loose bun from work and Dan found himself wondering if Kyle still smelled like coffee or if the weed took over. Maybe his hair would still smell like coffee since it was up. 

If Kyle took it down, those hairs might smell like coffee. Once he was closer to him, Dan would check. 

The night was cool and there was a gentle breeze moving around them. 

“I love you.” Dan said into the night. He didn’t know if there was enough light on him for Kyle to see him, so he signed it as well. He took out the ‘I’ and ‘you’ bit though because he thought he didn’t need it. Kyle knew. 

Kyle always knew. 

Like the tablets and the coffee that morning. 

Kyle knew things. 

So many wonderful things about him. 

Dan knew things as well. About Kyle. 

Yup, he did. 

“You doing alright over there?” Kyle laughed at him and Dan pouted because that sounded mean. Kyle wasn’t mean. 

“Better, remember.” Dan laughed at his own joke and found the headache was gone. Next time, it was weed first and tablets later. At least until lockdown ended. 

Kyle moved in closer to him and Dan smiled. That was better. He was too far away before. 

“How did you know?” Dan asked as Kyle got closer to him. Their knees were touching now and he could see Kyle’s face, so Kyle must be able to see his face as well. “This morning?” 

“Your face.” Kyle leaned forward and Dan had the urge to smell his hair. He had the urge but not enough mind to actually move. “You were squinting in your sleep. And pressing against your head.” 

“You didn’t read my mind?” Dan asked with all seriousness. “Can you do that?” 

“No.” Kyle smiled at him and shook his head. “But I can sense what you are thinking at times. At least I think I can.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and smiled. “Me too. About you. I think.” 

“I believe you can.” Kyle smiled more and Dan wondered if Kyle knew how much he loved him. 

“I love you.” Dan smiled back and leaned in. Or tried to, his leg was in the way and he forgot how to move it. Focusing on his toes, he heard Kyle laughing at him again and he allowed him to laugh this time. Kyle wasn’t mean. 

Dan finally got his foot down, but their chairs were too close together so he couldn’t put it on the ground. Resting it off to the side of Kyle’s other leg and feeling Kyle’s hand on him, Dan nodded his head at his victory. 

Dan looked up toward Kyle’s hair and wondered if it still smelled like coffee. 

“I love you.” Kyle’s hand moved up Dan’s leg to his knee and then toward his thigh. Kyle’s hands felt nice. Kyle was nice. So nice to him. 

“Did I tell you that?” Dan’s face scrunched up and he leaned in closer. “Does your hair smell like coffee?” 

“I dunno.” Kyle laughed and it sounded sweet to Dan’s ears. Yes, Kyle was nice to him. “Maybe later you can check.” 

“I will.” Dan nodded his head and decided Kyle was too far away and later was now. “Or now.” 

Dan moved his leg down and stood on it for three seconds before losing his balance and falling onto Kyle. Thankfully, Kyle could read his mind and he caught him before he fell. 

Kyle sat Dan back down in his chair and moved in closer, lowering his head down. “Here you go.” 

Dan put his nose into the back of Kyle’s hair and smiled. He smelled like coffee there. 

Kyle moved his head back and took Dan’s hands in his own. “Coffee?” 

“Coffee.” Dan nodded his head. Kyle was wonderful. “I like that smell on you.” 

“Thank you?” Kyle seemed confused but it didn’t last long. Because Kyle could read his mind and he knew what Dan meant. What he felt, even. “While I don’t enjoy drinking it, I do enjoy smelling it.” 

“What do you like better?” Dan looked down to Kyle’s hands and became distracted for a minute. There was no nail varnish on his fingers and he swore there was colour on his nails when he left this morning. “What happened to your fingernails?” 

“Hey now, look up please.” Kyle’s voice was rich and smooth. Kyle had a good voice. 

“Your fingernails?” Dan raised his head but smoothed his finger over the top of Kyle’s pointer finger nail. “Was there a coffee accident?” 

“I think I need to get you high more often.” Kyle laughed and turned his hand over so Dan could trace random patterns into it. “Not as cute as the hiccups, but just as entertaining.” 

“Kyle.” Dan ignored the words because they didn’t make any sense. He was not hiccuping. Or was he? 

Dan looked down to his chest and watched. One, two, three, four, five-

“Dan?” Kyle laughed more and took away his hands, waving them underneath Dan’s face. “Where did you go?” 

“I’m not hiccuping.” Dan raised his head and smiled. He was right. “Are you hiccuping?” 

“What? No.” Kyle put his hands on Dan’s knees and shook his head. “You are fun right now.” 

“I’m sorry I’m not fun all the time.” Dan felt some of the high go away with his words. “I try, but I don’t always get there.” 

“That is okay.” Kyle nodded his head and Dan wondered if his hair smelled like coffee. Maybe if he took it out of the bun. 

“Why are you hiding your hair?” Dan felt concern move through him. “Did you cut it?” 

“No.” Kyle shook his head and Dan felt relief move through him. That felt better. 

“Kyle.” Dan turned over his hands and took Kyle’s in his own. “We should go live. Play them a few songs. That will be fun.” 

“You sure?” Kyle asked him but he was already moving them inside the house. 

Dan had no idea where his flatmates were, but there was no one in the lounge so it was theirs for now. 

Dan found that it was much easier to set up to go live when he was high because the usual nerves were not there. 

Maybe this was his new thing? 

Lockdown Lives While Lit. 

He would work on the title later. 

Dan signed ‘ready’ and pressed the button on his phone before sitting back. 

“Hello everybody.” Dan smiled into the phone and found that he couldn’t see any of the words on the screen. Moving his hand up to his face, he found he was without glasses. “Keep typing things but I cannot see them. Here, Kyle will entertain you. I will go get them.” 

Dan heard Kyle talking to his phone while he looked around the room. He was fairly certain that he took them off here. But, his laptop was moved and so must have been his glasses. 

It was hopeless. 

Dan sat back on the bench with Kyle and accidentally bumped Kyle’s arm with his elbow. 

“Sorry, Love.” Dan smiled toward Kyle and then back on the screen. “Sorry everyone. I cannot see what you are saying. I will assume you are not saying we are shit or something. Like our surprise? Me too.” 

Kyle started them off by playing a song and Dan joined in. The high was lessening as they continued to play, but the headache was not coming back so that was a success. 

“Okay, maybe that is enough for now.” Dan waved to the screen. “Lots of love and wash your hands.” 

Pressing the button to turn it off, Dan smiled toward Kyle. That was the best one yet. 

“Bed?” Kyle asked and Dan nodded his head. 

He might have slept earlier, but maybe they could wear themselves out before sleeping again. 

****

Morning came early and Dan rose with a clearer head. The headache was gone and his brain felt like it worked again. 

Today could be a productive day and Dan could make up for the time missed yesterday. 

Kyle was still asleep when he returned from the toilet, so Dan went searching for his glasses and found them on the desk in the lounge. 

Returning with them and his phone, Dan sat on the bed and brushed back Kyle’s hair from his face before turning it on. 

He had a few texts from his manager in regard to the meeting yesterday, but Dan did not care if they were upset. Kyle was not going to be some diversity poster boy for them. Not happening.

Moving on, Dan switched over to Instagram and scrolled through his tags. 

Huh, the live last night seemed to be quite popular. 

There were multiple screengrabs from it and some were edited with words added. 

Dan’s smile left his face when he saw the word, ‘Love’ repeated over the majority of the posts. 

Clicking on one that was a video, Dan saw himself move back onto screen, bump into Kyle, and then give him an adoring look while calling him ‘Love.’

If it was just the word and not the stupid look Dan gave him, then it could be explained away as a simple term that people called one another. 

But, together….

FUCK!


	40. Chapter 40

Dan never wanted any of this. 

If he had done it like he wanted in the beginning, he would be some faceless man fronting the band. 

He was sternly talked into putting his face out there. 

Which made sense because he wouldn’t be able to keep his face hidden if they went on tour. 

And apparently music was the only thing he was remotely qualified to do in life. 

But, maybe if he had stuck to the original plan and not allowed them to make his face known, then none of this would have happened. 

Which was also stupid because the band would have ended a long time ago and Dan would have never met Kyle. 

At all. 

Dan would be….where the fuck would he be right now? Some copy editor for a music magazine? Stuck in some office job that would be literally draining his will to live? 

He had no clue what his life would look like, but he was fairly certain that whatever life that was, it would not have the adorable man sleeping next to him in bed. 

Dan brushed back a few more hairs that had fallen back into Kyle’s face and let himself stare at him. He had his face memorized. Seriously, give him a test right now and he could tell you where every freckle and mark was. Where his hairline started and the soft hairs of his beard began. The shape of his eyes and those long, long lashes. The lines in his lips. He could tell you everything. 

Dan, with his horrible drawing ability, would be like one of those sketch artists and draw a picture of Kyle. It would look like shite, but it would have all the details. 

Kyle was lying on his side and facing Dan. Sound asleep in a world that allowed him to have a faint smile on his face as Dan went through an emotional crisis next to him. 

Biting underneath his lip, Dan decided to be brave and searched for the full recording of the livestream. Maybe it wasn’t so bad and people had taken artistic liberties with that one ten second bit. 

Dan pushed up his glasses and held his face as the recording began. He was high and loving life, that was for sure. 

The ‘love’ bit happened in the beginning and Dan saw again the love he projected to Kyle in those seconds. There was no denying that. It was there. It happened. 

Putting back on his glasses and turning up the volume, Dan suffered through watching himself to have a clearer picture of what happened last night. 

Fuck, they were flirty with one another. Kyle would flirt with a flower, so that was not a surprise. Dan, not so much. 

Within the sixteen minutes they were live, Dan had called Kyle ‘love,’ ran his hand down Kyle’s arm to signal him to start playing, laughed way too loud at a dumb joke Kyle made about Dolly, started talking about how Kyle’s hair smelled like coffee, and bit his lip looking on as Kyle played on his own. 

It was nothing that he didn’t do automatically now in his everyday, private life, but he would never act like that for the world to see. 

For one, it was embarrassing. Dan never liked talking about his romantic relationships, even with people he trusted with his life. 

For two, Dan was not ready to disclose to the world that he was in love with Kyle. He wanted Kyle to have a place in the band and for everyone to fall in love with him on their own first. He didn’t want their relationship together to give any false impressions of what it meant that Kyle was now in the band. 

For three, Dan was not ready to declare whatever sexuality he was to the world. With Kyle, it felt natural, but if he sat and thought about it for long, on his own, it was right confusing. He didn’t have any answer to whatever box he fit into now. Nor, did he want to answer any question that would give people any sort of false idea about him. Dan really did not know what that said about him either, but his brain was not ready to go through all that. 

For four, fuck for him for four because he shouldn’t have to even think about any of this. 

The headache that led to weed that took away the physical headache but gave him another one instead. 

Kyle was moving next to him and letting out soft sounds. Dan knew that he had around three minutes before Kyle would open his eyes. 

Three minutes to figure out what he would tell Kyle about what happened. 

Or apparently two because now Kyle’s eyes were looking up at him and Dan felt his chest start to hurt. 

Kyle loved him. 

The rest didn’t matter. 

“Morning, beautiful.” Kyle smiled at him and then closed his eyes as he stretched. Kyle’s beard was getting long again and Dan knew that Kyle would likely trim it today. “Sleep well?” 

Kyle wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist and looked back up at him for an answer. Dan started to say something but the words were not coming. 

“I know my hearing is shite, I’m fairly sure you did not give me an answer.” Kyle smiled at him and that pain in his chest increased rather than lessened. 

Fuck, he was going to lose him. 

Kyle was going to be upset. 

About the label and their stupid demands to make him some diversity case. 

About the fans and whatever ideas they had about them now. 

About the journalists and radio hosts that would have questions. So many questions. 

Dan couldn’t bear it. 

“Let’s go back to the beach. The house. Can we go? Like, now?” Dan willed his heart rate to lessen and moved down in the bed. His phone was still on and playing the end of their livestream, but he held it close to his chest and Kyle couldn’t hear it. 

Kyle smiled at him and kissed his nose. Maybe that would be the last nose kiss he would ever get. 

“Can I wee first?” Kyle laughed a bit and started to move out of the bed. Dan used the hand that was not holding his phone to stop him from moving. Kyle turned to him and must have seen the panic in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Were you watching the news? It is not time for all that.” 

Dan shook his head and felt the love Kyle was giving him. He couldn’t lose that. 

They would run away together. 

To a world with no mobiles and internet connection. 

No one would find them. 

And for now, that would be at the beach house. 

“I need a break. A real break. I’m serious, can we go?” Dan turned off the phone, ending the livestream before it reached the end. It was okay though, because Dan already knew how it ended because it was his second watch through. “Please?” 

Dan was glad that Kyle couldn’t hear his tone because he was desperate. 

“I will text my father and make sure no one is there. But, I seriously need to wee.” Kyle smiled at him. “We can deal with this crisis once I can focus on that, okay?” 

Dan nodded his head and left the bed as Kyle left the room. 

They needed to pack. 

Kyle was not happy that Dan made them leave without a proper breakfast, but Dan promised they would get food soon. 

He needed to be outside of London to think and there was not stopping the forward movement now. 

Dan had turned off his phone and hid it underneath his pillow in his room. Like a child that believed if no one could see it, then it was not happening. 

He almost had Kyle’s phone hidden under there as well, but Kyle remembered he needed it last minute and took it off the bed. 

In terms of safety, it was probably good that they had at least one phone. 

Dan’s flatmates were left a note, so at least people would know where they were. 

After an hour of silence in the vehicle, Kyle turned to him and asked what was really happening. 

“It’s too much.” Dan said as he signed it. Kyle was good at attending to the road and their conversations if they stayed brief. That was about as much as Dan could articulate without Kyle’s full eyes on him. 

“Okay.” Kyle took his hand and squeezed it three times. 

Kyle was wonderful.

He was going to miss that. 

They stopped at a shop near the house to stock up on food, with Dan insisted that he was the one to go inside while Kyle waited. 

Dan would not be able to wait alone in the vehicle without anything to occupy his mind. 

Soon they were at the house and Dan allowed himself to let out the breath he had been holding the whole way there. 

This house was amazing. 

It was a shame that Kyle and him would never be able to own it now. 

They put away their bags and Kyle made them food to eat. 

Kyle was so hungry that he ate it in the kitchen. Dan pushed around the food on his plate but he couldn’t get himself to put any of it in his mouth. 

His stomach wouldn’t handle food. 

Kyle either didn’t notice it, or more likely, he realized and knew that Dan couldn’t talk about it. 

Kyle suggested a walk and Dan took his hand immediately and they started on the path they took while visiting here last time. 

There were a few clouds in the sky, but it was warmer than London. The sounds of the ocean surrounded them and it felt peaceful here. 

Kyle pulled him away from the surf coming in and Dan couldn’t hold it any longer. 

He was going to miss him so much. 

“Hey, now.” Kyle pulled him in for a hug and wrapped his long arms around him holding him close to his chest. Dan turned his head in and took in the smell of Kyle. 

He would remember that smell for when he wanted to torture himself at night. When he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore because he couldn’t count Kyle’s breaths to allow him to fall asleep. 

Dan gripped onto Kyle’s shirt and didn’t allow him to move back. He knew Kyle must be freaking out and he needed to look at him to know what was happening, but Dan couldn’t let him go. 

He just couldn’t let him go. 

“Okay.” Kyle said into the back of his head and Dan felt his hands start to hurt at the grip he had on him. He wasn’t going anywhere. Not as long as Dan held onto him. 

Just a little bit longer. 

Kyle started kissing along his neck and Dan couldn’t torture himself anymore. 

Kyle needed to know. 

He needed to leave and kissing him like that was only going to make it worse. 

Dan pulled himself away and brushed away the tears with both of his hands. 

Once his eyes went back to functioning and Dan straightened his glasses, he saw the lost look Kyle was giving him and his heart sank. 

Oh, what he must be thinking right now. 

Being able to read his mind might come in handy right now. 

“I…” Dan couldn’t get his mouth to work. 

The wind moved Kyle’s hair into his face and Dan had a brief moment of those eyes not on him, and he felt the tears start up again. 

That was going to be his life now. 

“Talk to me.” Kyle brushed away the hair and Dan saw him again. 

Those kind, rich, brown eyes framed by those wonderful eyebrows that he was obsessed with. Looking at him with such adoration and love, it almost made Dan believe they could work this out. 

That it wouldn’t have to end. 

Dan signed ‘sorry’ and paused. 

He wouldn’t be able to say this out loud. 

‘We’

‘Can’t’

‘Together’

‘Now’

‘Sorry’

‘End’

‘Us’

Dan finished and crossed his arms across his chest, holding himself up right. 

The look Kyle was giving him broke him more. 

Dan knew that it would hurt him, but he forgot he would have to see it on his face. 

Or more likely his brain blocked out that part because it knew Dan wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. 

There was hurt there and confusion. 

Dan hugged himself tighter and felt his stomach explode with his heart. Guilt moved through him and he felt ill. 

Better get used to that feeling. This would be his life now.

“No.” Kyle shouted at him and took a step closer. Dan took one back and Kyle stopped advancing toward him. “Why? At least tell me why.” 

Kyle’s eyes narrowed at him and he saw what he was doing to him. Kyle didn’t deserve this. No one deserved this. But, especially wonderful, amazing, and everything great, Kyle did not deserve this. 

Dan shrugged his shoulders and went to turn around like the coward that he was. He didn’t know how he was getting home, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. 

“You are just going to leg it? Walk away?” Kyle shouted behind him and Dan felt the anguish in his words. He felt them because he was experiencing them as well. 

Dan couldn’t turn around so he kept walking. 

“Fuck. I thought you were going to propose to me. I thought maybe that was what this was. That you were so nervous because you wanted me forever.” Kyle was getting closer to him and his broken voice carried over the sounds of the ocean. “Fuck you for making me love you.” 

Dan stopped at that. 

“I don’t know what this is, but I know that this is not what you want.” Kyle’s voice was still loud but he was not shouting at him. Dan could feel him behind him. 

If Dan turned around, Kyle would likely be in his reach. 

“This is not what you want, Dan.” Kyle’s voice broke and Dan almost turned around to stop it. 

Looking up into the sky, Dan closed his eyes and tried to sort out what he needed to do. 

Kyle’s warm hand touched his shoulder but Dan couldn’t allow that. 

If he touched him, then he wouldn’t be able to protect Kyle from this. From him.

Dan started walking and it turned into a run. 

He had no idea where he was going or what was going to happen, but he needed to run there. 

The sounds of the ocean faded away and Dan could only hear his loud breathing in his ears. 

Dan swore he heard Kyle’s voice telling him he loved him, but he couldn’t focus on that. 

One, two in. Three, four out. 

One, two in. 

Three, four out. 

End Part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will continue.


	41. Chapter 41

The salty breeze hit him in the face and Kyle aggressively pulled his hair back. Tying it off in a knot a bit too tight, Kyle watched as Dan ran away from him and his heart sank further in his chest. 

Kyle prided himself on anticipating Dan’s moves. He had countless hours of observation on his favourite subject and, to be honest, Dan was not all that complex to figure out. 

Massive self-esteem issues with an amazing sense of loyalty and respect for other people. 

He was brilliant at music, but would never admit it because that would be too self-assured for him. And, there was a part of Dan that still didn’t believe any of his success had happened to him. 

He made corny jokes that sometimes took a minute for everyone else to understand and he loved with his heart on his sleeve. 

He loved being alone, but there were times he couldn’t stand to be on his own. Especially at night. Being alone with his thoughts and insecurities were unsettling and he needed distractions. 

Thus why he never wanted the night to end and his mates to never leave him. 

And Dan loved Kyle. Full stop loved him. 

For as much as Kyle watched Dan, Dan watched him right back. 

But, also like Kyle, Dan also had a voice in his head saying that he was not worthy of love. At least not true love. 

So Dan running away from him and saying their relationship had to end in hindsight made sense. 

But, Kyle had been foolishly in love with him and misread the signs. 

Dan being nervous this morning and wanting to go away with him. Kyle thought that was Dan getting them to go back to a place they fell even more in love with one another. A special place for Kyle to be proposed to at and have forever memories of the day. 

Kyle saw Dan grab something (what Kyle thought might be a ring) from underneath the pillow. Dan’s face went pale when Kyle noticed it as Kyle reached for his phone on the bed. 

Dan insisted on going into the shop to get their supplies. Kyle thought he was getting something special for the proposal. 

Dan being so nervous that he didn’t say much during the car ride and he couldn’t eat when they arrived. 

Kyle honestly believed he was working himself through the nerves to propose to him. 

So, Dan signing to him that the relationship had to end, crushed him. 

Because Kyle was starting to allow himself to be happy again. Starting to believe that maybe love was for him. 

That maybe Dan was working through those issues as well and realized that love was for him.

And they could continue to work on those issues together. 

They didn’t need to be married right away, but perhaps a long engagement. A deeper commitment to one another. 

Instead, Dan allowed whatever monster he had inside his head to talk him into ending it with him. 

Kyle sat down on the cold sand and brought his knees up to his chest. Leaning his head down, Kyle allowed the oxygen to move through his lungs and throughout his body. 

He wasn’t going to run after Dan. Dan knew where he was and if he wanted to be with him, he would come and find him. 

For now, Kyle was going to be selfish and focus on his breathing and nothing else. Because, he literally could focus on nothing else. 

If he focused on the pain in his chest, then he would start crying and he didn’t want that. 

If he focused on the fact that he had a ring for Dan sitting on the bed in their room for when they returned, he wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore. 

Instead, he sat with his head down, the slight breeze moving against his warm skin. Skin warm from the ill feeling moving through his body and the sun high in the sky. And he focused on his breath. 

One, two in. Three, four out. 

One, two in. 

Three, four out. 

That was all that mattered now. 

For there was a dark place of his mind pleading to take over but Kyle couldn’t allow it. If it took over again, he wasn’t sure if he would come back from it. 

No. 

None of that now. 

One, two in. 

Three, four out. 

****

Dan ran until he couldn’t feel his legs anymore and collapsed onto himself. He knew he needed to stay upright to help with the flow of oxygen, but he couldn’t make himself. 

Fuck, what had he done?

Kyle’s eyes had almost killed him. 

And his voice, how it broke as Dan ran away. 

Fuck, what had he done?

Sitting down onto the cold sand, Dan felt the slight breeze hit his warm skin and he closed his eyes. 

One, two in. 

Three, four out. 

That was all that mattered right now. 

Work through this and then think it over. 

Fucking breathe first and then get yourself together.

To remind yourself that you are impossible to love. 

Kyle, he didn’t know yet. Kyle knew all sorts of things about Dan, but he didn’t know that yet. 

Now, he did. 

The monsters in his head had been celebrating but now they saw him for what he was really: Pathetic. 

Fuck, he couldn’t even breathe right. 

One, two in. 

Three, four out. 

Pathetic. 

****

Once Kyle found he could stand without collapsing on himself, he made his way back to the house and found the dark liquid. 

Kyle needed a break from his mind and he was going to use some help. 

Sitting on the deck with the bottle and two glasses, Kyle watched the waves crash against the shore and waited. 

Dan had nowhere to go. He had no money and no phone. He didn’t even know the area all that well. 

And, they were in the cusp of a pandemic. 

The sun had about two more hours until it set and Kyle would wait it out. 

Dan would return. 

And he would wait for him. 

Right here. 

Alone. 

Drinking his feelings. 

One, two in. 

Three, four more. 

****

Dan realized fairly early on that he had nowhere to go. The sun was still in the sky, but it was on its way down. 

Dan had no means to get himself anywhere else and there was no one around him. 

Not that he could talk to them anyway because, pandemic and deadly virus and all. 

His things were at the house. 

Kyle’s family beach house. 

Eventually, Dan would need to go back there. 

But, if he went, he would have to see what he did to Kyle’s eyes and he couldn’t bear it. 

Not yet. 

Instead, he looked to the sky and tried to find clouds to distract his thoughts. 

It was a stupid game but he didn’t have any better options. 

For the alternative was walking back to the house and he was not ready yet. 

He needed time. 

One, two in. 

Three, four more. 

****

Kyle saw Dan walking toward the house as the sun was making its descent toward the water. 

The water was turning colours and Kyle found them refreshing. 

The blue of the water was too similar to the blue of Dan’s eyes. 

Instead, he wanted to look at pinks and reds. 

The breeze had picked up some and the clouds were getting darker. 

It was cooling off and it would likely storm later. 

Kyle liked storms now. 

When he was younger, the thunder would keep him awake at night. 

Now, he could feel the vibrations if it was loud enough, but the sound was hardly nothing. 

He liked to watch the lightning and feel the static in the air. 

Mother nature’s way of telling you she is still boss and you are merely a speck on her earth. 

Or maybe Kyle’s head was in a dark place right now and that shouldn’t feel comforting. 

Dan stopped at the end of the steps leading up to him and their eyes met. 

Kyle wanted to hug him close and tell him that everything would be alright. 

But, he couldn’t because he no longer knew if anything was going to be alright. 

He thought it was and then Dan said what he said. 

Instead, he filled the unused glass and slid it across the table to the seat Dan sat in last time he was here. 

Dan took the offering and sat, his eyes never leaving Kyle’s. 

Kyle wished he could read his mind, because this communicating thing was getting complicated. 

Dan signed ‘thank you’ to him and downed the drink. It was strong, but he had some catching up to do. 

Kyle kept his eyes on Dan’s and leaned over to fill the glass again. 

Sitting back in his seat, Kyle watched as Dan took that drink as well. Dan’s eyes never left his and Kyle searched a bit deeper to try to find out what was happening behind them. 

*****

Dan felt the liquid move through his body as he finished his second glass but his main focus was on Kyle’s intense eyes on him.

He was used to being watched by him. 

He knew what it felt like to feel the love and adoration through them. 

Unfortunately, he also knew what it looked like to feel hurt and confusion through them. 

He first experienced it when Kyle realized that Dan wasn’t exactly who he said he was given the status of the band. 

The second time was on the beach a few hours ago. 

That one stung the worse. 

Now, there was a mix between love and hurt and Dan knew that he couldn’t look away. 

If he looked away, this moment was over. 

It couldn’t be over until there was a resolution. 

Kyle filled his glass again and Dan finished that one as well. 

The bottle was getting low and he wondered which would run out first. 

The liquid or the silence surrounding them. 

****

It was odd. Kyle didn’t feel drunk. He had drunk enough to be feeling it, but it wasn’t coming. 

Maybe because his brain was focused on something else. 

Maybe it would hit him later. 

Once whatever resolution came from this staring contest. 

Kyle poured the last of the liquid in his glass after filling Dan’s again but he waited to drink it. 

He took in the picture of Dan and his disheveled look in front of him. The serene backdrop of the sun setting behind him. 

Darkness blocking the light. 

Fuck his brain. 

****

Dan saw that the bottle won this battle and it was now sitting empty between them. 

Kyle’s glass was full and waiting for him. 

The sun was setting behind Dan and he could see it in the reflection of the windows behind Kyle. 

Kyle’s face was dark in contrast to the serene landscape playing out behind him. 

Despite the darkness in front of the beautiful colours, Dan found he would still pick Kyle. 

Darkness and all. He would pick Kyle. 

If he still could. 

****

Kyle finished his drink and put it on the table. 

The sun was set and there was still no resolution to the staring contest. 

Neither of them had said a word. 

****

Dan set down his empty glass and sank into the feeling of the liquid easing some of the most worrisome parts of his brain. 

The sun was gone and now only the dark sky was reflected in the windows behind Kyle. 

They had yet to say a word. 

****

Dan’s eyes were hidden now. 

Maybe this was it. 

This was the end. 

*****

Dan found it harder to see Kyle’s eyes in the darkness and he felt like this was his last chance. 

He needed to fix this before it was too late. 

Before it really was the end. 

****

Kyle conceded and broke the eye contact to stand. 

That was his answer. 

****

Dan stood and stopped Kyle from moving with a hand on his forearm. 

Kyle turned to him but it was too dark for him to see Dan. 

****

Dan had stopped him. 

Was there hope? 

Or had the darkness won?

****

Dan stepped in closer and found Kyle’s face in the dark. 

Their lips found one another and it felt right. 

The whole day had felt off. 

But not this. 

This was right. 

*****

Kyle sighed into the kiss and instantly deepened it. 

They were amazing at this form of communication. 

No barriers with their lips. 

And their hands. 

Dan’s hands were on his back and Kyle finally felt right again. 

This was right. 

This was how it was supposed to be. 

****

Dan moved his hand up to the back of Kyle’s head and found his hair up. He pulled the tie and allowed his hand to move through the soft locks. 

That was better. 

Kyle deepened the kiss and the world started to move back on its feet. 

****

Dan’s hand was in his hair and Kyle moved in closer, his hand moving down and pulling Dan in tighter toward him. 

He needed this. 

They needed this. 

****

Dan moaned into the kiss and fought the need to pull away to breathe. 

Kyle was panting against his mouth and he knew he needed air as well. 

****

One, two in. Kyle found his breath. 

Three, four out. Dan found his breath.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy September.

Kyle somehow had enough coordination and forethought to get them inside before the rain started. 

Dan’s back was against the clear door and the storm was brewing behind him. Kyle could feel the static in the air and Dan’s hands moving against his skin, nothing more. 

Dan heard the thunder coming in but it didn’t matter because they were inside and safe. Together and breathing in one another. Kyle was on a mission and Dan had no will to stop him. Whether he was going to fuck him or punish him, Kyle could do whatever he wanted and Dan would be a willing participant. 

Dan’s hands were attempting to move under his shorts and Kyle allowed it for three seconds. Pushing his hand away, Kyle took a step backward and saw the lightning crack through the air. There were no lights on and the brief flash of light allowed Kyle to see Dan and the anguish on his face. Dan was as lost as he was. 

“Wait.” Dan found his voice and felt it crack from either the emotion or non use. His hand reached for Kyle but it was pushed away. He hurt him and now he needed to pay the consequence. 

“Stop.” Kyle’s voice was clear and with it he turned away from Dan. Kyle needed light to see him and the old house did not have an overhead light in this area. Turning on the lamp near the lounge and then another one closer to Dan, Kyle looked toward him. 

Dan knew he needed to say something. Explain himself and apologize. Beg. Something, but the words couldn’t form. He started to feel the alcohol in his system and he wondered if maybe he had drank too much. 

Kyle crossed his arms against his chest and felt the alcohol take effect of him. He was upset and angry with him, but he also knew that something else was going on. Dan wouldn’t have done what he did if there was not a reason for it. And Kyle had all the time in the world to wait him out. 

Dan heard some thunder behind him and he moved away from the glass door. The light in the room allowed him to see that Kyle was upset with him. Not that he needed light to see that. Oh course, Kyle was upset with him. After what he did? Fuck, Dan was upset with himself. Out on the deck, Kyle seemed lost. Hurt. Now, he also seemed sympathetic and Dan hated that. If only he could talk. 

The sky behind Dan was getting darker and the lightning flashes more frequent. Kyle couldn’t hear the thunder, but he was starting to feel the vibrations of it. The storm was getting closer. How poetic. 

Dan wondered if maybe he could sign this and at least allow something to be said. The alcohol and the sinking feeling in his chest made his brain foggy and he found he lost all ability to remember anything. Fuck his brain for failing him. 

“I’m waiting.” Kyle broke the silence again and allowed his face to relax. Dan was obviously battling with himself otherwise he would have said something by now. 

Dan took another step forward and Kyle saw a trail of sand come with him. He must have ran far away and then had to come back. Good, maybe he got whatever it was out of his system. 

“I.” Dan found a word and almost smiled because he could talk, but he didn’t want to confuse Kyle any further. Dan ran his hands through his hair and took a deeper breath. He could do this. “I panicked.”

“No fuck.” Kyle felt the bitterness take over and he squeezed his arms tighter across his chest. “Why?” 

“Everything.” Dan knew that meant nothing when he said it out loud, but it was true. Everything felt like too much and he panicked. Dan took another step forward and felt sand falling from the bottom of his jeans. Kicking off his shoes, he jumped as the lightning struck close to them. “Dammit.” 

“Fitting, right?” Kyle let out a bitter laugh and took a step in closer as well. “We have an argument while the storm picks up. Like what we have is not intense enough. Fuck.” 

Dan nodded his head because he was thinking the same thing. It was cinematic even. If this were a film, the orchestral drums would be rumbling with the thunder and the strings adding in the eerie lightning strikes. 

“You haven’t said anything yet.” Kyle found himself within reach of Dan but he kept his hands to himself. Their kissing session was needed to settle whatever that was out on the deck, but it didn’t solve anything. Or give Kyle any answers. “What made you panic? Specifically related to what happened out there when you literally stomped on my heart and then walked away from me.” 

“The record label wants to market you as some sort of hard of hearing poster boy for diversity and I have been fighting with them over it.” Dan fought to keep his breathing under control and his eyes up, but in the end he had to close his eyes. “I only want you as Kyle in the band. I want them to know you for you and learn to love you the same way I did.” 

“Okay, Mr. Jacks. You said you could talk to them about it. That they liked you and understood that the talent gets their way. Or was that a lie?” Kyle uncrossed his arms a bit but then didn’t know what to do with them. His anger was coming in waves and now it was high. High enough that he said something he knew would hurt him. “Not as big as you thought you were?” 

Dan felt his face react and his body reject Kyle’s words. Dan was nothing, he knew that. But, he did have some say in what happened to his own band. His creation and all. Kyle was hurt and trying to hurt him. “Don’t say it like that.” 

“So, that is not a reason to end things between us. Not because you think you need to save me from something.” Kyle crossed his arms again because there was nothing to do with them. If he didn’t cross them, he would reach out for Dan and try to make that hurt expression leave his face. But, that would not solve anything. “I don’t need you to save me. I fight my own battles.” 

“I know.” Dan nodded his head because he did. He had been worried when Kyle was hit by Alex, but seeing Alex afterward, Kyle was no victim. And he had been fighting his own battles way before Dan even knew him. “I wasn’t trying to...I don’t want them…”

“Whatever.” Kyle could manage that. He was used to well-meaning people thinking something was a great idea when it was actually offensive. “I understand. Still, not a reason to panic and tell me our relationship needs to end.” 

“And, we went live last night and we were flirting with each other.” Dan said it out loud and opened his eyes, jumping as the thunder cracked in the sky. “Fuck, it is really storming now.” 

“So we were flirting with each other. We didn’t fuck or anything. Did we even kiss?” Kyle looked behind him quickly and saw that the storm was blowing a few of their chairs around on the deck. They were heavy and he was not all that concerned for them. They were built to withstand the storms. Turning back to Dan, he saw something else in his eyes and he really hoped it wasn’t it. “Did you panic because they think you are gay?” 

Dan shrugged his shoulder because he didn’t know the answer. He had always, at least since he had been aware, supported everyone's right to happiness as long as it didn’t hurt someone else. They flew pride flags and Woody had a rainbow kit. He knew people and worked with people that were various sexual orientations. It never bothered him before. 

Dan realized that he might have fancied a few lads over the years, but it was never something that he acted on. Until Kyle. And with Kyle, he had questioned it but decided that it didn’t matter. Being with Kyle was amazing and natural once he allowed himself to accept it. 

But he had always been a private person and embarrassed when anything related to his relationships were brought up. Even with Ralph and Sophie, two of the people that knew him the best. It wasn’t him to shout that stuff to the world. He barely even whispered it. 

“I dunno.” Dan shook his head. “No. Maybe that it was anyone? If you would have been a woman, I think I might have done the same thing.” 

“But it is different because I’m a man. I told you I’m never going to deny that. Who I am. Not even for you.” Kyle felt the anger rising again and he needed to look away. The storm was upon them and he saw more lightning breaking, and Dan jumping from the sound. The static was high now. “So what, you cannot handle a few people knowing that you love me?” 

“A few?” Dan felt himself laugh and he bit underneath his lip as he leaned forward to emphasize his point. Dan liked to deny that anyone knew him or cared about him, but that was a lie that he told himself. No one else ever went along with it. “A few? It will be everyone. People love this and talk. And talk. And talk.” 

“And?” Kyle challenged him and waited for a response. Dan’s eyes looked away from him and then back. There was more. Something else he was hiding behind those beautiful eyes. “Dammit, talk to me.” 

Dan jumped both at Kyle’s words and the lightning hitting close to the house. The thunder followed and Dan felt it in his chest. “I need to protect myself from you. And you from me. I’m impossible to love. You will only hurt me. Leave me. Just like her. She told me all sorts of amazing and wonderful things. She made me believe them. We made promises to each other. Then she left and said she couldn’t love me because I was impossible to love. I’m the type that ends up alone. Don’t you see that?” 

“That is a lie.” Kyle allowed himself to step in closer and put his hands on Dan’s upper arms. “You know that is a lie. Right? I love you. You are challenging to love at times, especially when you panic like that and try to hide. But, you are worth it. And, to be honest, I like challenges. Talk to me next time. I will remind you as often as you need it. Okay?” 

Dan nodded his head and told himself to listen because Kyle had never lied to him before. Dan let out a deep breath and felt his body protest the effort. He was exhausted, intoxicated, and needed rest. He had eaten nothing all day and then drank his tea. It was a wonder he was even standing upright. 

“How far did you go?” Kyle saw that Dan was losing the battle to remain on his feet and he ran his hands down Dan’s arms, stepping in closer. Kyle had yet to see Dan eat anything all day and Kyle fed him spirits for his tea. “You are a mess.” 

Dan nodded his head. In so many ways, he was a mess. At least Kyle knew now. Dan felt sand all around him. He needed a shower but didn’t want to think about the effort to get through that. “Far enough. I came back.” 

“Come on. Let’s clean you up and we can sleep. Or just lie together.” Kyle briefly thought about the ring on the bed, the one that he was going to give Dan to match whatever one that he thought Dan was going to give to him. 

Once Dan was in the shower, Kyle would move it and put it away for later. 

“I feel horrible asking this because I’m an idiot, but can you come with me?” Dan knew he was asking too much but he didn’t want to fall and he wanted to be close to Kyle. For whatever reason, he felt that their conversation went too smoothly and if he didn’t have him in his sights, then Kyle was going to leave. 

Like Dan had left him. Unfair, he knew, but that was his brain. 

“Okay.” Kyle nodded his head and gave him a quick kiss near his mouth. They didn’t need to get lost in each other again. Best they shower and then sleep. 

Rest and restart for the next day. 

The water was warm on them and there was a pile of clothes that needed washing on the floor. 

Dan wrapped his arms around Kyle and held him close to him as he hiccuped. Still half believing that if he let go, Kyle would be gone and he only dreamed the past hour. That Dan was still on the beach somewhere with the storm raging around him. The warm water was actually cold and his hiccups were actually sobs moving through his body. 

Punishment for hurting someone he loved. 

Kyle brushed back the wet hair from his face and pulled Dan in closer. Dan hiccuped and his whole body moved. At first, Kyle thought he was crying, but then he remembered what happened last time they had gotten drunk together. 

And they were properly intoxicated this time, with an empty bottle to prove. Fuck, that was still out there with the glasses. That would need cleaning up in the morning. But for now, they both needed stability and he would stay close to him. Maybe if he kept him close, Dan wouldn’t try to run away again. 

As the water started to run cold, they toweled off and made their way back to the room. 

Kyle honestly was not sure if he had forgotten about the ring on the bed or if he wanted Dan to find it there. Or, his intoxicated brain was making decisions without him. 

Dan entered the room first and turned on the light, his hand was in Kyle’s and he didn’t want to let it go to find clothes. He would be okay with just sleeping in the towel or nothing at all if it allowed him to be able to sleep faster. And with Kyle secured next to him. 

Kyle’s eyes went to the ring and then to Dan. Dan hadn’t seen it and he was pulling Kyle closer to the bed. It was only a matter of time. 

Dan saw something shiny on a dark pillow catch his eye and for a second, he thought it was lightning returning. Squinting his eyes toward the bed, his glasses still on the counter in the bath, he hiccuped and saw that that shiny object was permanent. 

“What’s that?” Dan walked closer to it, his hand holding onto Kyle’s and leading him toward it with him. “You lose something?” 

“Sort of.” Kyle felt himself smiling and he knew that was the alcohol. The joke was dumb. “You want it?” 

“Is it a ring?” Dan picked up the shiny object and turned it toward the light to see it better. It didn’t look like one that he had seen on Kyle before. Maybe another person had left it here. It was a bit plain but it looked like there was something written on it. He wished he had his glasses. 

“It has our initials.” Kyle smirked at the utter confusion on Dan’s face and counted to see how long it would take for him to understand. He allowed for the inebriation and started after the count of five. “I had it made near the coffee shop.” 

“Why does it have our-” It hit him with another hiccup and Dan squeezed Kyle’s hand tighter. His brain went back to the horrible time on the beach and Kyle shouting at him that he thought Dan was proposing. 

Kyle had gotten him this ring to propose to him. 

Well, he royally fucked that up. 

Dan looked up and paused. That was before, did he even still mean it? 

Kyle wondered how much longer he was going to make him suffer before he said something. He knew Dan’s mind must be going through a whole list of worries and reasons why Kyle didn’t want to marry him. 

“Here.” Dan found himself handing back the ring as another hiccuped moved his chest up. Kyle didn’t want him to have it anymore. The monsters were laughing in his head. Dan fucked it up. He always fucks it up. “You probably want this back.” 

“I do.” Kyle nodded his head and bit his lip. Oops, that was the wrong line. Best save that for later. Yup, he was feeling the alcohol fully now. 

Dan nodded his head and handed the ring over. There was his answer. It was ruined. Hiccup.

“Dan?” Kyle waited for those eyes again and he wished they didn’t look so lost. Holding up the ring near Dan’s chest, Kyle smiled and he saw Dan's chest move up. “The offer still stands.” 

“The offer?” Dan felt his brain try to put the information together. Offer= marriage? Offer= relationship done? Offer= give me the ring back?

“Marry me?” Kyle smiled and dropped his hand to pull Dan in closer around his back. His towel fell to the floor but he was not concerned. Dan was close to him and would keep him warm. He couldn’t run with Kyle’s arm around his back. Being this close, Kyle felt the hiccups with him. 

Kyle’s eyes saw Dan’s face change through a full away of emotions until he smiled and nodded his head. 

Fuck, what was happening? Dan nodded his head and felt himself smiling. “I mean, really? Hiccup. Are you sure? I can be-” 

Kyle leaned in and kissed him through another hiccup. Best way to shut up that anxiety monster inside his head was to show it kindness and love. The daggers were only temporary. This would be more permanent. 

Dan moved his hand away from his towel and pulled Kyle in even closer. He wasn’t going to let either of them leave. Hiccup.

*******

Dan woke first with a slight headache. It was an alcohol-related headache and he knew how to manage those. Water and coffee. It would fix it quickly. 

Dan turned his head up and saw Kyle on the pillow with him. His warm breath was hitting his lips and Dan wanted to kiss him, but he also wanted him to sleep. 

Kyle seemed to have drank more than him the night before and he would likely have a headache as well. 

Dan raised his hand to brush back some hair falling onto Kyle’s face and he paused as the light entering the room reflected off the shiny silver ring on his finger. 

Fuck, the ring felt like every grounding exercise Dan had ever engaged in. 

A symbol that he was not in this alone. He had someone. 

He had Kyle. 

Dan turned his eyes away from the ring and to the face of the man he would be forever tied to now. 

Kyle had a good face. He needed to trim and tidy up his beard, with some of the hairs near his mouth moving as he slept. 

Dan could wake up to that face every morning and be content for the rest of his life. 

They would have to get new bunks on the bus because Kyle would have to sleep with him. 

Dan was tracing around round Kyle’s right eyebrow when he saw Kyle’s face twitch. He was waking up. Would he wake up to remember what happened the day before? Would sober Kyle kick him out of the house and demand the ring back?

Kyle opened one eye and squinted at him before groaning and burying his head into the pillow and closer to Dan. At least he had stayed through the night. Kyle moved his hand lower on Dan’s back and almost touched his bum. 

Dan raised his hand up and moved it through Kyle’s hair, giving him the same pressure that Kyle gave him on his head when he had a headache. 

The silver ring stood out against Kyle’s dark hair and Dan grinned to himself. That shouldn’t be sexy, but it was. And he shouldn’t be feeling a certain sort of way if Kyle was in pain. 

But, fuck if that wasn’t a sexy look.

“Morning.” Kyle mumbled into Dan’s cheek and made a whining sound. Kyle’s word was deep and it contrasted the higher pitch whine. Much like the silver ring moving through Kyle’s dark hair. Fuck, he was obsessed. 

Kyle felt the even pressure of Dan’s hand on his head and he whined into him. The bottle hadn’t been full last night, but he drank his fair share waiting for Dan to return to him. 

Maybe with the ring on his finger, the little fucker would remain put. A constant symbol that they were together through and through. Messes and all. 

Kyle bit at the skin near Dan’s mouth and wondered what they would do today. He needed something for the headache but he was used to dealing with hangovers. It would lessen soon. 

“Want to stay in bed all day?” Kyle continued to give small bites along Dan’s mouth. As Dan nodded his head, Kyle kissed him properly and lowered his hand down to cover Dan’s bum. 

They were both naked. They never dressed after the shower and fell into bed together after thoroughly kissing one another. They would have done more to celebrate, but both were drunk and exhausted. 

Kyle knew this would happen in the morning and that he would be able to enjoy it more this way. 

Dan nodded his head but knew he would need coffee before they did anything. And food. His stomach was upset with him for not eating the day before and running it through the ringer of stress. He wanted to be fully present and the hangover and hunger would not do. 

Dan pulled back and made the sign for ‘coffee’ and ‘food.’ He left as Kyle nodded his head. Dan knew Kyle didn’t drink it, but he would bring him some tablets and water. And toast, with jam. 

Kyle waited for a few minutes in the empty bed and then went to find Dan. Only a small part of his brain allowed him to realize that he was also checking to make sure that he was still there and not halfway down the beach by now. 

Dan had put on loose shorts and they were currently falling down on his hips in the kitchen. Kyle smiled at the sight and the fact that Dan was still in the house. 

Looking out on the deck, Kyle saw the smashed glass on the boards. The chairs had shifted some, but they held their ground. He would clean it up later. After their breakfast and making Dan come while scratching at his back. Priorities. 

Dan felt Kyle’s eyes on him and he used one hand to pull up his sleep shorts. The hand with the ring on it. Dan loved his ring. 

Kyle walked behind Dan and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him back into his chest and resting his chin on Dan’s shoulder. This was familiar. Dan could still sign to him if needed. “Looks good.” 

Dan signed ‘thank you’ and continued spreading the jam on the toast. It wasn’t much, but Dan appreciated the compliment. Anything Kyle was willing to give him he would accept with gratitude. He could have spent the night out in the storm, but Kyle forgave him. 

“Lets eat quickly.” Kyle moved his hand underneath the loose shorts and took Dan fully in his hand. Dan leaned his head back and pressed his hips back as Kyle started to gently slide his hand up and down. 

Dan was filling in his hand and Kyle wondered if it would be rude to ignore the toast Dan made from him and swallow him instead. Fuck, he was randy and he wanted him. If memories of his nan were not all over the kitchen, he might have taken him there. 

“Fuck.” Dan reached back with his hand, the one with the ring, and tried to get his hand behind him to touch Kyle. The angle was wrong and Kyle was doing that little twisty thing that made him raise up on his toes. 

Dropping the knife, Dan turned around and took Kyle’s lips. Kyle adjusted his hand and it was right back on him. Dan used his left hand to return the favor, only Kyle didn’t have any clothes in the way. 

“Bed.” Kyle breathed into Dan’s ear and took his hand to move them there. 

They somehow managed to keep their hands and mouth off each other enough to find the bed and fall back on it. They were lying horizontal to the direction of the bed, with Dan’s head almost falling off the edge. 

It didn’t matter though because Kyle’s fingers were moving inside him and if he didn’t feel his cock soon, he would lose his mind. 

Kyle pushed in enough to make sure that he wouldn’t hurt him and then pushed Dan’s legs back. The back of Dan's thighs were resting on Kyle’s forearms as Kyle's arms pressed into the bed and they were one again. 

Dan moved his hands to Kyle’s hair and directed him back to his lips as Kyle rested fully inside him. He thought he could leave this? End this? He was a fool. 

Kyle felt Dan’s hands in his hair and he smiled into the kiss. He was sure that Dan was moaning by now and it would increase once Kyle’s hips moved back. Testing his theory, Kyle moved his hips back and Dan’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. He must be moaning now. 

They continued like that until both of them couldn’t anymore. 

Both of their hearts were beating loudly in their chest and their eyes found one another. 

“Do you like your ring?” Kyle managed to get out, brushing back damp hair that was falling down onto his face. Dan took over for him, holding Kyle’s hair back as he lowered his legs and stretched them down. 

Dan felt the pleasant ache in his legs from their activities and grinned up at Kyle. “I love my ring.” 

“I’m chuffed for you.” Kyle leaned his head down on Dan’s cheek and took a few deeper breaths to even things out. He had yet to pull out and he slowly moved his hips back before lowering them onto Dan again. They would need another shower, but they needed to get their strength back first. 

Dan wondered yet again how he got to be so lucky. Fuck, Kyle needed a ring. He would get him one soon. Once he could feel his body again. 

Until then, he was going to stay like this. Wrapped up in love and with a ring on his finger. Dan closed his eyes and wrapped his arm back around Kyle’s shoulders, keeping him close to him. Until he had a proper ring on his finger, just like Dan.


	43. Chapter 43

Eventually, Dan and Kyle made it to the shower. There were a few short kips and lying near one another in between snack breaks and being together. 

As Dan pressed into Kyle, he moved the wet hair off the back of Kyle’s neck with his left hand and stared at the ring on his finger before kissing up to Kyle’s ear. One of Kyle’s arms was supporting their weight against the slippery shower wall and the other was gripping onto Dan’s bum. 

Kyle moaned out as Dan bit at his ear and Dan had to close his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he could come again without passing out, but he was willing to try. Being inside Kyle felt amazing and he was happy to move into him until the water went cold. Maybe even longer. As long as he was making Kyle feel good as well.

Kyle gripped at Dan’s soft skin and moaned out loud for Dan’s benefit. He got Dan’s teeth to bite down harder on his ear and he had to close his eyes. He lost count of the number of times he had came today, but they couldn’t stay off one another. 

Maybe it was Dan trying to run away the day before or Kyle asking Dan to marry him, but the need to be together was strong. 

Kyle moved his hand up to pull on Dan's hair and everything slowed down. Dan's hand moved down to help him through it and then he stumbled into him. Kyle pressed his eyes closed tight and almost ripped out the patch of Dan's hair.

Dan felt himself get light headed from everything and the pain of Kyle pulling on his hair kept him upright. This would be his life now.

Kyle was making them a proper meal to help regain their energy from their activities throughout the day while Dan went outside to clean up the broken glass. 

The bottle was mostly in large pieces, but the glasses they were drinking out of had shattered. The sky was cloudy and the ring on his finger stood out with its shine. 

Dan couldn’t stop looking at it. It was light, but he could feel it on him. Weighing him down in a way he didn’t realize he needed until he had it. He was never going to take it off. 

“It's almost done.” Kyle brushed his hand over Dan’s shoulder as Dan knelt down picking up the broken glass. Dan was on one knee and Kyle’s thoughts went back to the room and Dan on his knees for him there. The image alone would have set him off again if his body didn’t feel so spent. Pleasantly spent.

Dan kissed the back of Kyle’s hand and smiled at his touch. It had been less than fifteen minutes without Kyle’s hands on him and he missed them. He was done with his cleaning task so he stood with the broken glass in the bag and kissed Kyle’s shoulder before pointing to the bin. 

Kyle’s eyes followed Dan into the house and then back to him. Dan had a permanent grin on his face, but he also looked exhausted in the best way. “You look happy.” 

“I’m so happy.” Dan stopped near Kyle but kept a short distance between them so Kyle could see him. Dan pointed to the ring and then signed ‘happy.’ “I’m never taking it off.” 

“Good.” Kyle laughed and moved his hand around Dan’s back to bring him closer. Looking into his eyes he grinned. “It was meant for you to keep. Unfortunately, my grand proposal was ruined but I forgive you.” 

“What was your grand proposal?” Dan’s grin fell. Had he really ruined it? Dan knew that Kyle was going to follow up with the supposed proposal he thought Dan was going to do that day, but he didn’t know what his plan was within having the ring on the bed. Maybe Kyle really did not want him to have the ring. “What was the plan?” 

“I was going to cover your eyes and walk you into the room.” Kyle moved his hand up to Dan’s face and covered one of his eyes before removing it. “Once you opened them, I was going to be on one knee and tell you that I love you and wanted you to be my forever.” 

“I’m sorry I ruined it. I’m sorry for most of yesterday.” Dan moved his head down and took a break from those wonderful eyes. The ring on his finger was likely the only reason he was not completely in his head about what he had done to Kyle. 

“Hey now.” Kyle moved Dan’s chin back up so he could see him. “You obviously needed to work through something and the important thing is that you came back. And you agreed to wear the ring.” 

“I’m serious. I’m never taking it off.” Dan moved in closer and gripped onto Kyle’s top. “Unless you ask for it back.” 

“Never.” Kyle shook his head and kissed Dan’s cheek. “You are stuck with me now. Funny jokes and all.” 

Dan laughed and pushed back a bit on Kyle’s chest. As much as he teased Kyle about the jokes and the dumb pet names he loved to give people, Dan loved them all the same. It was part of Kyle’s charm. 

Dan nodded his head and kissed Kyle’s chin before moving back. “Need help with the table?” 

Kyle nodded his head and released his hold on Dan to go back into the kitchen. 

Once they were sat at the outside table and Dan had his foot in between Kyle’s feet, Dan thanked Kyle for cooking and they ate. 

The sky was still cloudy, but it was nice outside. And both of them needed the fresh air. 

Dan’s eyes kept moving to the ring on his finger and he found himself smiling in between bites. 

“Okay. I might need it back.” Kyle almost choked on his food with the look Dan gave him. “Easy there. I mean that your eyes used to look at me like that and now they keep going to the ring. I mean, I’m right here.” 

Kyle pointed up and down to himself with a massive grin to make sure Dan knew he was not going to take the ring back. 

Dan signed ‘sorry’ and kept his eyes on Kyle throughout the rest of their meal. It was enough that he could feel the weight of the ring on his finger, he didn’t need to look at it to make sure it was still there. 

Dan had never worn a ring before and maybe it was just the newness of having something on his finger, but he was very aware it was there. 

They went for a short walk after dinner, in a separate direction than the day before, with the pair stopping and sitting in the sand with their house still in view. 

“This was the perfect day.” Kyle rested his knees near Dan's as they sat facing each other. He found Dan’s eyes looking at him. Good, Dan was going to get a neck cramp if he kept looking down. “We should have a dance party when we return. Turn up the music and dance with whatever energy we have left. I think we earned dessert as well.” 

Dan nodded his head. Signing, he said ‘like’ and ‘dance.’ He then pointed to Kyle and leaned over to kiss him, just in case Kyle didn’t know that he meant specifically that he liked dancing with him. Sitting back in his spot, Dan looked down to Kyle’s hand and found a few rings but none from him there. 

Yet. 

Dan had plans. But, they needed to be back in London for them so he would have to wait. 

“You don’t have to worry that I don’t have one.” Kyle seemed to have read Dan’s mind. “I won’t run away or anything without one.” 

“Too soon.” Dan pushed at Kyle’s shoulder gently. It was too soon to kid about anything related to what happened yesterday. Dan couldn't handle it.

“Yeah.” Kyle nodded his head. “Even I thought that was too far after I said it. Question, did you bring your phone with you?” 

Dan shook his head no. It was back in London hiding underneath a pillow. “It is under my pillow. It needed to be isolated. Too many people trying to contact me. Best it stayed in London.” 

“How you going to handle that?” Kyle looked down quickly to the ring and then Dan’s face. His beautiful, clear eyes behind his glasses. Yesterday, Kyle hated the colour blue because of Dan’s eyes. Today, he fell back in love with it. 

“I’m not quite sure.” Dan moved his hand to fidget with the ring. He could just not say anything about it. It could just be and people could assume what they wanted. “I’m not taking it off.” 

“I know.” Kyle laughed at the serious look Dan was giving him. Kyle liked that Dan wanted to keep it on and that he wasn’t planning on hiding it like his phone. “People will talk.” 

“Let them.” Dan twisted the ring and pushed it further back. Somehow Kyle had made it the perfect size. “What other people think about us is none of our business.” 

“Oh, how you have changed.” Kyle laughed and looked out to the ocean. The waves were crashing against the shore and Kyle was reminded of the text he had gotten from the audiologist office. “My hearing aids are ready for me next Tuesday. I can pick up them and see how much I can hear.” 

“That is exciting.” Dan smiled until he saw that Kyle was not smiling. “Is that not exciting?” 

“I have a wish.” Kyle rested his hand on Dan’s knee. “I really, really want to know what you sound like. I don’t want to use them and still not be able to hear you.” 

Dan swallowed and moved in closer to hug him. He was going to make sure Kyle got his wish. 

Kyle hugged him back and then kissed the top of his head before Dan moved back. 

“If not, we can do something in the studio. Maybe use the loud setting and the new hearing aids. Something.” Dan smiled and kept his hands on Kyle’s legs. “I want to make your wish come true.” 

Dan felt strange talking about his own voice like that because he thought it was no prize to hear himself all the time, but he couldn't imagine what it would be like if he didn’t know what Kyle sounded like. Or how he laughed. 

“Okay, no crying.” Kyle stood up and brushed off some sand while he waited for Dan to follow him. “Let’s go back and eat some more. Someone took all my energy today and I need more food.” 

The rest of the evening went well. More food and a loud dance party on the deck. After the third song, they slow danced together despite the loud music around them. It was going to be an early night. 

Kyle would wait to show Dan what he found on his phone until after their mini holiday was finished. Their mini engagement holiday. It didn't matter right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post. I had a late Zoom ASL class last night and fell asleep writing this chapter.


	44. Chapter 44

Kyle grinned as he woke up because he woke before Dan. It was rare because he was a heavy sleeper and he loved to sleep. To rest and be a bit lazy waking up to the new day. Especially with Dan in bed with him.

Tomorrow they would leave their little isolation nest and return to London. They had been there for four days and business called. 

Or in Kyle’s case, texted. 

His uncle knew that Kyle would be leaving the business once the world went back to their normal scheduled events; however, until then, he wanted Kyle to help out as much as possible. People were slowly coming back into the shop and there was a need to continue to clean as well. 

Kyle wouldn’t mind working and helping his uncle, but he had been spoiled with having so much time with Dan. Very, very spoiled. 

And it seemed that Dan did not do well when Kyle left, even for a short period of time. 

Which Kyle knew was not healthy, but at the same time, it made him feel needed. 

And it went the same way, because he needed Dan as well. 

Falling in love, much like everything else in the world, was different yet oddly the same. 

Dan was lying near him, his left hand gripping onto Kyle’s top tight in his sleep. Kyle had to admit, the ring did look good on Dan’s finger. 

Kyle found it sweet that Dan was so obsessed with it. 

With Alex, they only wore them following the wedding. Much like Dan, Kyle had found himself a bit obsessed with it. Especially for the first month. And then, like everything new, it wasn’t as powerful over time. 

Maybe the newness would wear off for Dan as well.

But when Kyle learned who Alex truly was, the ring was removed immediately and sold. It wasn’t worth all that much, but Kyle couldn’t stand to look at it and he was not going to give it back to him. 

Dan’s nose was twitching in his sleep and Kyle wondered what he was dreaming about. Was it them? Monsters trying to ruin the absolute bliss they found themselves in? Or something random? 

The next day Kyle could go and get his new hearing aids. He wanted to hope against all hopes that he would be able to hear better with them on. That finally he would get some good news about his ears. But more than anything at the moment, he really wanted to be able to hear what Dan sounded like. 

If only just so he knew when his hearing would eventually get worse and he lost all of it. 

Kyle would study Dan’s voice and know what notes it sounded like on the keyboard. What notes his laugh was and if he really said “yeah” at times when he was laughing. Maybe, maybe, he would even know what he sounded like when he hiccuped. 

It would be memorized and never forgotten. At least he hoped. 

Dan moved in closer and his grip on his top increased. Maybe Dan was fighting with those monsters in his head again. Kyle needed to tell him the trick about using love rather than fists or daggers. 

Dan’s fingers dug into the skin underneath Kyle’s top and Kyle knew he needed to wake him up. Dan would be gutted if he knew he was hurting him. 

“Dan.” Kyle shook at Dan’s shoulder and found little response. Shaking him harder and increasing the projection of his voice, Kyle got Dan’s eyes open and he saw the shock and fear there. “Morning.” 

Dan nodded his head and lessened his grip on Kyle’s top. His hand hurt and Dan allowed himself to wake up more before he said anything. The dream was already fading from his memory, but he still felt the unease it caused. Dan looked to the ring and saw it was still there. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan said without thinking through his words. He signed it as well because he wasn’t sure why he was sorry, at least not specifically, but he needed Kyle to know regardless. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey now.” Kyle moved his hand up from Dan’s shoulder to his face, tracing his cheek and then resting on his chin to keep his face up. “No need to be sorry. All is well.” 

Dan nodded his head and looked toward the ring again. It was still there. Dan moved so he was sitting up and began to fidget with it, turning it back and forth before pressing it up again. 

Kyle followed Dan’s movement and sat up as well. Dan still seemed upset and he wondered if he was even truly awake. Allowing a few more moments of Dan repeatedly twisting the ring and then pushing it back, Kyle wondered if he gave Dan another obsessive habit. At least he wasn’t pinching himself. 

“You okay?” Kyle asked as Dan’s eyes appeared to focus more with his glasses on his face. “Did I lose you to a dream?” 

Dan shook his head because he really wasn’t sure. Tomorrow was the day they would go home and Dan didn’t want to leave. However, he knew that Kyle’s hearing aids would be ready for him and he didn’t want to take away that for Kyle. Maybe Kyle would be able to hear him. 

“I’m fine.” Dan found his voice was rough from sleep. He signed as he spoke. “What do you want to do today?” 

Kyle smiled at him. Much like the day before, they had spent the majority of it in bed. It wasn’t as urgent as the day before, but they had been together. Kyle’s body was sore from their activities together and he knew he wouldn’t be able to survive another day in bed. No matter how glorious it was when Dan’s body shivered against him or when he bit his skin as he came. 

“Maybe we clean and then go to the pier. Or you can talk me into putting my feet in the water. Only my feet though. Sharks cannot run, so I have them beat on that.” Kyle moved his hand over and took Dan’s left hand in his own, attempting to subtly stop the excessive fidgeting pattern Dan appeared to have created. 

“Sorry.” Dan knew taking his hand was Kyle’s attempt to stop him from messing with the ring. He would need to work on that. Switching his brain over, Dan smiled at Kyle’s words and took his hand back to sign, “You will go in the water with me?” 

“My feet.” Kyle used his hand to point to Dan’s ear. “You need a hearing assessment? I know a person.” 

“Funny man.” Dan smiled bigger and moved so he was straddling Kyle’s thighs. They had done that yesterday as well, but his movement was a lot more tame than it was yesterday. His neck was beginning to hurt at that angle and he wanted to be in Kyle’s sight line. Dan continued to sign as he spoke, both for Kyle and because it gave his hands something to do. “But no funny business. I need a break from you.” 

“No funny business.” Kyle agreed with a grin on his face as he signed it back. So he had worn Dan out as well. He wondered. It almost seemed like they were in a competition, a friendly competition, on who could make the other one come the most. Best game of Kyle’s life, but they needed a break from it. “Not that I didn’t love that.” 

“I loved that as well.” Dan nodded his head and pressed in a bit closer. His head and body were screaming at him to not do it, but it was almost automatic now to want to be closer to him. Shaking his head to clear it, he moved back to where he was and said as he signed, “We are bad.” 

“Or very, very good.” Kyle laughed as he signed and then moved his hands down to Dan’s waist. He wanted to move them lower, and take off the shorts Dan was wearing, but that would not be productive. Kyle licked at his lip and had to shake his head to avoid thinking about what he did with his tongue the day before. Fuck, maybe they needed to move away from one another. “Maybe we need to separate a bit?” 

Dan nodded his head and felt himself think better as he moved away from Kyle so they could start their day. 

Breakfast was packed to eat out on the beach and Dan smiled taking a bottle of wine with them. Wine for breakfast was appropriate for when on holiday. Especially an engagement holiday. 

Dan had checked again and saw that the ring was still there. 

“It is beautiful out here.” Kyle was taking off his shoes and placing them next to Dan’s. If he was honest with himself, he was stalling a bit but he did believe it was nice. The wine had tasted well with their breakfast and Kyle felt the gentle ease of the alcohol move through him. 

It wasn’t like the other night when it took over his brain. And Kyle was in a much better place mentally as well. 

“Stop stalling and get your cute bum in the water.” Dan signed and then stood with his hands on his hips near the water’s edge. Kyle was not close to him to pull him away from the surf and he felt the water on the back of his heels. It wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t cold either. “Come on, hurry up now.” 

“I’m telling my person that you need a hearing assessment. I clearly said ‘feet’ and not ‘bum’ when I agreed to this earlier.” Kyle smiled and slowly started walking toward Dan. Kyle’s legs were long and he had always been shouted at to be considerate of others with shorter legs and not rush everywhere. 

“You offered this!” Dan found himself laughing both at Kyle’s words and the slow movement toward him. Dan signed all the words except shark. He hadn’t learned that one yet. “Come on, the water awaits. I’ll protect you from the sharks.” 

“Have you seen a shark? They will eat up your scrawny form.” Kyle laughed with him and made a point to show Dan the sign for shark. “Hell, I ate up your scrawny form yesterday.” 

Dan looked around them even though he knew they were alone. The only people they could see were mere specks of colours far, far away from them. 

“What, you afraid that someone is going to hear that you like your-” Kyle was stopped from speaking with Dan’s hand over his mouth. Kyle licked at it and did not get the same response he did when he licked Dan’s bum the day before. Steadying himself from the push on his shoulder, Kyle laughed harder now that he could speak again. “No worries. The sharks won’t care that you almost squeezed my head off with your thighs when I licked you there.” 

“Stop it.” Dan said with fake malice. Dan had never had that done before and he was skeptical that it would be nice. But now he knew and he had almost hurt Kyle when he initially licked there. He took pride in the fact that when he did it later to Kyle, he got an even bigger reaction. “You like it as well.” 

“Correction, I love it.” Kyle walked in closer and took Dan’s shirt in his hands. “I love everything about you. Everything we do together. In fact, I would be in bed right now with you if you didn’t want us to lose our feet to a shark’s mouth.” 

“Fuck off.” Dan went to push Kyle’s shoulder, but Kyle moved swiftly and sidestepped his movement. Moving behind him, Kyle wrapped his arms around Dan from behind. He was dangerously close to pressing his front against Dan’s bum, but Dan was going to allow it for now. “Fuck.” 

“Water time.” Kyle laughed in Dan’s ear as he walked them toward the water. Once it reached his toes, he paused and waited for a reaction. “You can save me by taking one for us and allowing the sharks to eat your toes. Hey, that is something that we haven’t tried yet.” 

Dan grinned and pressed his hips back, distracting Kyle enough to get out of his loose grip and turn himself around. Dan raised his hands as if he knew how to wrestle Kyle and laughed as Kyle took the same stance. Kyle would win, but Dan would give it a go before he admitted defeat. 

“Going to take me out? Huh?” Kyle laughed with him and advanced quickly. Dan was prepared for him but he only kept them upright for a few seconds before he tripped them both. 

The water was cool on their bodies and both scrambled to get up. 

“Shark!” Kyle shouted at the top of his lungs and stood, brushing his now wet hair off his face. “You were supposed to save me, not throw me in for shark chow!” 

Dan took in the sight of Kyle breathing hard in front of him with wet clothes and wet hair and had to bite his lip. Fuck, he was hot like this. Like when they were in the shower and their skin was wet and slippery. 

“You leave me again.” Kyle walked through the waves crashing around their ankles and stopped right in front of Dan. He was ready for another attack, but he wasn’t sure if he would get it. “Or is there some truth in you needing a hearing assessment?” 

Dan swallowed and looked around them again. Pointing to Kyle, Dan signed ‘hot’ and ‘wet.’ It wouldn’t hurt to kiss him. Before he could talk himself out of it, he took two steps in and did just that. 

Kyle kissed him back instantly and hands moved down to each other’s backs. It wasn’t urgent but neither were letting the other break the contact. 

Kyle thought if a shark took them now, at least they would go together. Maybe he needed to get a mental health assessment again because his thoughts were turning a bit twisted. 

Dan deepened the kiss, thinking that Kyle was pulling away from him. He felt the ring on his finger and he wanted more. He didn’t know what more was out here, but he wanted it. 

Kyle broke away first by gently removing his hands from inside the back of Dan’s wet pants and raised his hands to push back his own hair again. It needed to be trimmed. He used the hair tie on his wrist to put it in a knot above his head and he focused on getting his breathing under control. 

“We could out here.” Dan found himself saying without thinking it through. They had not done that yet either. Well, they had their moment on the deck during their first stay, but that had been more private. He had never done anything as bold as have sex out in the open like this. “If you want.” 

“I want.” Kyle nodded his head. He looked around again before moving them a bit closer in land. Lowering himself to his knees, Kyle pushed down Dan’s shorts and pants and took him fully in his mouth. 

Dan looked around them before allowing his eyes to close. It was dangerous but no one was around. No one cared about them here. There were no cameras. No phones pointed toward him. And Kyle’s tongue was wicked.

Kyle swallowed around him and felt Dan’s hands trying to move through his hair. He knew that Dan was irritated that it was back and he couldn’t get it in his fingers, but that was Dan’s problem because Kyle was focused on his task. 

Dan felt his knees buckle as a wave crashed into Kyle and the water splashed up to the exposed part of his dick. Falling down to his knees, Kyle helped him there. 

Kyle laughed as another wave hit them. It was not practical to suck someone off with waves around them. Fuck the shark, he would drowned before one found him. 

Kyle’s laughter lessened as Dan’s hand entered his pants and started moving. Dan knew what he liked now because Kyle would moan out when he did something right. Not that there was anything wrong with what he did, but Kyle liked an even amount of pressure and a slow hand up and down. 

Kyle knew that Dan liked something similar, but with a twist at the end. Kyle closed his eyes and leaned his head against Dan’s shoulder, kissing at his neck. 

They were hopeless. 

Walking back with their wet clothes, both of them kept looking at one another. It was a shame that their holiday was ending, but they still had one more night there. 

Tea and a night out on the deck was had. This time, they kept more of a distance between them. The constant need to touch was getting less strong but best not tempt it. 

“If we go on tour, we shouldn’t buy a place, right?” Kyle swallowed his food and looked toward Dan for the answer. They had been talking about their living situation and how it worked now, but what would the future look like. “John wants the flat for him and Molly. They would take over the payments together. I love your mates, but that is a crowded house.” 

“Places are so expensive in the city. Especially if we are only home a few days out of the year. I dunno. Maybe it would be worth looking into it. Who knows how long this will last? Or people will even care about us.” Dan allowed familiar thought patterns to take over but he wasn’t anxious. Only realistic. “Our shelf life as a band must be getting near its end. It would be worth it to invest in a home together now. While I still have money.” 

“Bring me on board to allow me to sink with you.” Kyle nodded his head. “I see how it is. You really want to feed me to the sharks, don’t you?” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and finished his food. “I have a curse over my head and I need to bring a man to a shark to get it to go away.”

“I knew it!” Kyle’s voice went loud and he kicked at Dan’s foot. Normally, Dan would put it in between his own, but with their new distance arrangement, he was sitting farther away than usual. 

“Seriously though.” Dan brushed away his plate and took a drink. Water tonight. “Can we buy this place? It is far from the city, but we could make it work.” 

“My family might not agree with that.” Kyle finished his food as well and put his empty plate on top of Dan’s. “It has been a family holiday house for decades.” 

Dan nodded his head and crossed his arms. He wanted to fidget with the ring, but he knew that Kyle was looking for that now so he stopped himself. Living in the city was not practical with the amount of time they would use it and this place was really far away anyway.

“We could put a bed in the studio? Live there?” Kyle laughed at his joke but Dan seemed to be considering the idea. “That was a joke.” 

“There is a space we don’t use. It could be a bedroom. At least temporarily. Until people stop caring about us and we stop touring.” Dan pinched underneath his arm and thought it through. “It might work.” 

“We don’t have to decide this now. I mean, the wedding won’t be for ages.” Kyle took a drink of his water and found he had Dan’s eyes on him. “What? What did I say?” 

“Ages?” Dan pinched harder at the skin and then said fuck it and started fidgeting with the ring. “I don’t want to wait ages.” 

“Well, you see, we are in the middle of a pandemic and people are not allowed to gather.” Kyle knew he was being facetious, but maybe Dan had forgotten. “Best to wait until we can have people there.” 

“We can be married and have a gathering later.” Dan was serious and he wanted to make sure Kyle understood him. Signing it to emphasize his words. “I want to be married to you as soon as possible.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kyle leaned in closer but didn’t reach for him. That didn’t work for them right now. “I’m not-” 

“If you fucking mention me legging it, I swear…” Dan fidgeted with the ringer harder. 

“I was going to say that I’m not in a rush to get married.” Kyle knew his mistake as soon as he said it and he actually reached for Dan this time. “Fuck, not like that. Only, I want to do it right. You know? It is my second time and that is embarrassing enough. But I want a proper wedding, with my family there. Your family there. I want to make people cry and envy us. I want it all.” 

“I’m sorry.” Dan looked toward Kyle’s hand on his knee and let out a long breath. He didn’t know why he wanted to get married so quickly. When it thought about it before, he was okay with a long engagement. Get to know each other better. Know one another without a pandemic happening that made everything seem more urgent all the time. But for whatever reason, he didn’t want that anymore. 

He liked the certainty of the ring on his finger and he likely wanted the certainty of the permanent commitment to one another. 

“It’s okay. I won’t joke about that anymore.” Kyle moved his hand in closer and then removed it. No need to go closer to anything. “Coping mechanism, you know? Still processing what you said.” 

“I didn’t mean it.” Dan bit underneath his lip. Fuck, he was fucking it up again. No. “I panicked. I didn’t mean it.” 

“I know.” Kyle nodded his head and crossed his arms against his chest. “But, I still get to have my feelings about it. I still get to have time to process it. It doesn’t change the fact that you have my ring on your finger and we are sitting here talking about our future.” 

Dan signed ‘understand.’ 

The silence filled them and both kept their eyes on each other. It wasn’t like the other night, but something had changed. Just a bit. 

“Want to go to bed?” Kyle asked after the light started to go away. He was tired and wanted to lie in bed with Dan. “No funny business.” 

Dan smiled at that and nodded his head, signing it back. Standing he took their plates while Kyle grabbed their glasses. 

Lying together yet clothed on the bed, both of them were thinking about the future and what it would look like. Both knew that it would be a future together but there were many details to sort out. Many, many details to factor in when combining two lives together.


	45. Chapter 45

Dan was reluctant to leave their isolation nest, but he knew that running away from your problems only gave them power. While scary, it was best to face your fear head on. Sometimes he needed to panic first and then he was reminded about needing to be brave.

Work in progress and all.

Dan drove them back to London. He said he needed something to do and sitting in the passenger seat was not going to keep his brain occupied enough.

The vehicle was old and Dan had to literally press his foot to the floor to break, but that was good sensory input.

And he could fidget with the ring by pressing it against the steering wheel.

"You drive like an old man." Kyle shifted in his seat, his long legs protesting being sat in one spot for so long. They were almost to his flat, but the time seemed to drag as they got closer. "Can we go a bit faster please?"

Dan shook his head and used one hand to sign 'safe.' Kyle laughed in response but allowed it.

They were going to stop by Kyle's flat quickly and then drive to the audiologist office.

Dan did not want to be back in London, but he did want to get Kyle's new hearing aids so he decided to go a bit faster.

"Found the other petal, congratulations." Kyle shifted again and moved one leg up. "We need a bigger vehicle."

"We can get one, but I don't know where." Dan had not owned a vehicle in ages. And it wasn't even his, it was his parents'. "Are those places even open?"

"I forgot who I was talking to. We don't need a new vehicle. I was just making a comment." Kyle shifted again as he turned his head away from him and wondered maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to get a vehicle that actually fit him.

Kyle did not want to have that conversation with Dan though. They had a considerable gap in their wages and Kyle was barely making ends meet as it were. Kyle felt the unease that money created when Dan was talking about getting a new place to live. Kyle was joking about living in the studio, but Dan seemed to think it was a wise plan. Kyle's account balance also liked the idea because he wouldn't be able to contribute much.

They had yet to discuss how much Kyle would make being in the band and touring with them. Awkward conversations to be had at a later date. Too busy falling in love and proposing to one another. 

Dan waved to get Kyle's attention and asked him again, this time making sure his face was turned in Kyle’s direction. "You have food at the flat?"

Dan signed 'food' to help as well.

"We might have to stop somewhere. I don't believe we have anything." Kyle turned in his seat and regretted allowing Dan to drive. Maybe the passenger side was shorter? "It would be nice to have something new. I am getting sick of eating the same thing all the time. Don't offer to pay for a chef for me or anything."

"What?" Dan pressed down on the ring and turned to look at Kyle, he was moving again and Dan wondered if there was something else wrong with him. "You alright over there?"

Kyle didn't answer him and Dan knew that he didn't hear him. Waving at him to get his attention, he started with the first question. "Why did you say that? About the chef?"

Kyle looked toward Dan and got most of what he said. Driving and signing was a skill that Dan would need to practice if he bought them a vehicle. "Nothing. I mentioned where we would live and you offered to get us a house. I mention the vehicle being too small and you offer to buy a vehicle. I didn't want you to offer to buy me a personal chef or something."

"I never offered to buy a place to live. I said they were expensive. And, what are you implying?" Dan had a bite in his tone that he knew Kyle would not pick up on, but he didn't know how else to express it.

"Can we talk about this when I can understand what you are saying and I don't have to fear for my life?" Kyle said in the kindest way possible. From the reaction he got from Dan's body tensing, he guessed that was not how it was perceived. "Listen, I don't want to be cross with you. I don't want you to be cross with me. We are both stressed and I shouldn't have said that. We can talk about it later. When I can see you and there won't be any misunderstanding on what each other means."

Dan took a deep breath and nodded his head. Kyle was right. It was not the time to have any serious conversation and they were both stressed.

Kyle's place had bread and jam, so they had a quick meal of it before going to the audiologist office. Kyle drove this time, with Dan getting in the passenger seat without saying anything about it.

The process for getting in the office was similar, but this time both of them were prepared. Kyle gave the information with only a quick prompt from Dan and to both of their surprise, there was a white board message welcoming Kyle to his appointment in the actual office.

Kyle smiled under his mask and read that someone would be with him shortly. And that they were going to continue to use the white board for him.

Dan followed Kyle into the back office and saw how anxious Kyle was with his leg twitching and his hands crossed over his stomach. He felt upset with himself for snapping at Kyle earlier, even though he couldn't hear the tone. Kyle was stressed and they were both learning how to manage that with each other.

Kyle read on the board from Holly that he could put them in when he was ready. They could make adjustments to the fit, but they were formed after his previous ones so they shouldn't need too many adjustments.

Dan waited anxiously as Kyle put the first one on, the right ear that he didn't expect much from. Kyle appeared to turn it on and wait, looking at both of them.

"Well someone say something-" Kyle stopped because he could hear it. It was very faint and quiet to him, but that was him. That was his voice echoing through the room and he had to stop himself from making a complete fool of himself and crying. The right ear wasn't even the good one.

Dan figured something happened because Kyle went quiet and then his eyes appeared to water up a bit. Could he hear that?

Dan signed for him to put the other one in and Kyle responded by doing so.

Kyle adjusted the fit before turning it on and looked toward them again. He didn't want to hear his own voice again. He needed to hear something else to prove they really worked. 

Kyle signed 'talk.'

"Hello, beautiful." Dan stole Kyle's line and wondered if he heard him.

"Holy fuck!" Kyle turned to Holly and then back to Dan. "Talk more."

"I don't know what to say." Dan uncrossed his arms and took a step in so he was closer. Kyle didn’t seem to need him closer to hear him, but Dan wanted to be closer anyway. "I’m sorry about earlier?"

Kyle nodded his head and looked toward Holly again. "You are one of my favourite people right now. Seriously, what do you want? He was going to buy me a vehicle earlier, you want it? A house? Name it."

Kyle was shocked at how loud his voice was in his ear. He hadn't heard himself this clearly since he was in uni. It was surreal.

Holly smiled at him and shook her head. "No need to give me anything. I just helped the process. Thank science and technology."

“I know you said something because I can hear your voice, but I’m not sure on the words.” Kyle looked toward Holly and was pleased to see that she was writing it out on the board for him. 

"Kyle-" Dan stopped when Kyle turned immediately toward him at his name being called. Wow, that was new. Finding his voice again, Dan smiled. "I like that."

"You have no idea how surreal it is for me to know you said something to me." Kyle smiled back and found he could hear Dan talking but still could not understand the words. They would have to practice more later without the masks. So he could stare at his lips and memorize the sounds that came out of it. At least that wouldn't be a problem for him.

Holly said something and Kyle turned toward her again. His new hearing aids were quite impressive. "Can you write that? I only heard you start to talk."

Holly went through instructions on how to clean them and to contact them with any issues, but that Kyle was free to go. And to not wait another three years for his next appointment.

"No kidding, by that time I might be able to hear everything!" Kyle found his voice was loud but he didn't care. He could hear how loud he was and that was amazing.

Kyle could barely wait to get to the car park and take off their masks, with Kyle accidentally knocking into someone in his rush. “Sorry, mate.” 

The person said something back to him and Kyle grinned. He was likely cussing him out, but he didn’t care. He could hear him. 

Dan couldn’t stop smiling as the man Kyle ran into called him a few choice words. 

As the doors shut behind them, Kyle made sure no one was around and pointed to Dan’s mask. 

“Hello, beautiful.” Dan didn’t wait for Kyle to say anything because he knew what Kyle wanted. Dan smiled bigger as Kyle stepped in closer and kissed him. Public car park and all, nothing was going to stop him from celebrating. 

“You stole my line.” Kyle laughed as he pulled back and put his hands on Dan’s arms. “I want you to talk to me all night. I want to go to the studio. I want to have a dance party. Fuck, I need to ring my parents!” 

“We can do all of that.” Dan nodded his head before pulling them to the car. Kyle jumped hearing someone else unlock or lock their vehicle and he started laughing again. 

“This is amazing.” Kyle moved into the vehicle and started on their way to the studio. “Turn on the radio, please.” 

Dan had the radio on earlier, but had turned it down when they got closer to the car park so they, he, could focus on a parking spot. Dan turned it up and Kyle sighed into the seat, momentarily forgetting he was driving out of a car park and needed to pay attention to his surroundings. “I don’t even care what is playing, that is nice.”

Dan nodded his head and turned it up more. It was a good song and Kyle would like it based on his tastes. Dan realized that Kyle was hearing the sounds but maybe not processing the words. Holly had been right at their last appointment. 

Kyle jumped as the car door shut behind him as they left it to go inside the studio. 

Dan knew Kyle was heading to the piano and he opened the door for him and stood out of his way. 

Kyle sat at the piano with his hands hovering over the keys and paused. Looking around the room, he found Dan’s eyes on him and he almost didn’t want to try. What if it wasn’t the same? Everything was going so well. What if it ruined everything? 

Dan saw him hesitate and sat on the bench with him. Smiling at him, he pointed to the keys and said, “Come on, give it a go.” 

Kyle smiled at that and pressed down. 

There it was. 

Kyle’s hands knew how to move without him thinking it through and Kyle felt his eyes water at the sounds he was making. It was different than before, but almost better because now he appreciated it so much more. 

He wanted to stay and play all night. And have Dan sing for him. Could he ask? 

Kyle kept playing and turned his head, he knew his eyes were watering, but it didn’t matter. “Sing for me? And if you fucking deny me it, I’m going to...I dunno, but it will be bad.” 

Dan nodded his head and moved his hand to the sheet music Kyle had been practicing with. “Pick one. Your choice.” 

Kyle paused playing enough to go through the papers. Finding the song he wanted, Kyle moved it on top of the papers and looked toward Dan. 

“Really?” Dan laughed to himself. Corny, motherfucker. Okay, whatever he wanted. “Okay.” 

Kyle started in and smiled, he didn’t need to look at the music for this song. Dan started singing and he looked at him the whole time. It was perfect. Just perfect. 

Oh I feel overjoyed  
When you listen to my words  
I see them sinking in  
Oh I see them crawling underneath your skin

Words are all we have  
We'll be talking  
We'll be talking  
These words are all we have  
We'll be talking

And I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night

You lean towards despair  
Any given opportunity you're there  
But what is there to gain?  
When you're always falling off the fence that way.

Words are all we have  
We'll be talking  
We'll be talking  
These words are all we have  
We'll be talking

And I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night

Ooh  
Ooh  
Ooh  
Ooh

And I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night  
Oh I hear you calling in the dead of night

Ooh

Oh I feel overjoyed, Kyle, you corny motherfucker

When you listen to my words

"Tell me you love me." Kyle leaned in close to Dan's lips as Dan finished the last word and spoke against them. His hands leaving the keys to find Dan's hand and move around his back. "Please. I want to hear it." 

"I love you." Dan grinned as Kyle kissed him again. "Did you hear it?" 

"I know it is you talking." Kyle nodded his head. "You sound different than the music. Different when you are singing. Different than Holly even. My brain filled in the rest." 

Dan moved so Kyle could see his eyes. "I do. Love you." 

"Good thing. Because now that these things work again, I want to listen to you all the time." Kyle kissed Dan's nose and heard him make a sound at that. "Oh, that is fun. If I kiss you different places will you make different sounds?" 

"Let's find out?" Dan gave his sassiest face and failed as he laughed falling into Kyle. Kyle froze and Dan moved back to find his eyes. "What's wrong?" 

"I heard it." Kyle felt his eyes water again. "I heard you laugh." 

"Is it what you imagined?" Dan felt tears in his eyes as well but he was trying to keep it together. 

"Better." Kyle grinned and leaned his forehead against Dan's. "So much better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song, obviously, "Overjoyed"


	46. Chapter 46

As Dan watched Kyle rest his head back on the swirly chair with his eyes closed listening to the music, he was transported back to one of their first encounters. 

It had been in the same room in that very studio and both in similar positions. Only Dan didn’t know what the lower half of Kyle’s face looked like because both of them were wearing a mask and now Dan knew intimate details about Kyle’s body. 

And like before, Kyle was blissed into silence with tears in his eyes. 

Kyle’s hair was longer now and Dan knew what it felt like. How Kyle liked it when Dan played with it in their silent moments, or in their more passionate moments. 

Kyle’s eyelashes were just as long and beautiful resting on his cheeks. And his fingers were keeping the beat on his thighs. 

But, unlike before, Dan knew that Kyle could hear the music this time. And it didn’t need to be blasted at the highest setting. Oh, what Kyle must be experiencing right now. 

Kyle kept his eyes closed after the last note ended on their playlist. He would need to make more. This playlist was loud and he didn’t need that as much anymore. He had catalogs of songs in his head he needed to listen to again. Needed to. 

But there would be time for all that later. Because the hearing aids were new and not going anywhere. 

Kyle finally opened his eyes and turned his head to the left to see Dan watching him. Being able to hear Dan was his biggest wish and it had come true. Kyle almost couldn’t believe his luck.

Finding love among the chaos and panic of this year. Being offered to be in a professional band that toured and made records. And now, being able to hear in a way he had missed so dearly. And in a way he thought he would never be able to experience again. He was so grateful and lucky. 

“I cannot even tell you…” Kyle tried to find the words but he couldn’t find anything that could express himself the way it deserved to be expressed. Kyle felt a bit like a fool but he didn’t care. The words got stuck in his throat but he powered through them. “I never thought it would happen. And now, it is like it isn’t real. I will wake up and this will be the cruelest dream imaginable.” 

Dan signed ‘not,’ ‘dream,’ and ‘real.’ 

“Talk to me. Please.” Kyle smiled at him and wheeled himself closer to Dan. He could see wetness in Dan’s eyes as well and it made him feel a bit better about being all weepy himself. “I hope you like to talk because it is like my ears are craving input. I want to hear everything. Well, except maybe some blowhard politicians, that I will gladly turn these things off for.” 

“People say I waffle on, so the talking bit will be easy.” Dan smiled back at Kyle’s hands moving onto his own and turning them over. Kyle’s palms brushed against Dan’s and he shivered from the touch. “Unless you do things like that, then my brain misfires.” 

“Eyes up please.” Kyle kept moving his hands gently back and forth, barely giving any pressure to the hands underneath him. “I need to see your lips still.” 

“How does that work?” Dan almost let out a moan as Kyle switched to moving his fingers up and down Dan’s palms. Fuck, that brought back memories as well. “Like, you hear it but you don’t understand it?” 

“I’m aware of the sound, yes. But, I dunno, it is like a radio station that won’t tune all the way in and it sounds off. Like the music, I can hear it, but the words don’t make that much sense. The music itself, for whatever reason, I can understand it. Or I know what it is supposed to sound like. I dunno. It is hard to explain.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head. “Do you still want me to sign to you?” 

“Yes.” Kyle nodded his head back and stilled the movement of his fingers, moving his hands to take both of Dan’s in his own and tread their fingers together. Moving them up and squeezing Dan’s hands to his own, Kyle kept his eyes on Dan’s face. “It will help me understand you better. You know, with your broken lips and all.” 

Dan giggled at that and found Kyle laughing with him. 

“I will never get tired of hearing that.” Kyle moved in closer and allowed their joined hands to move down. Right before their lips met, Kyle said, “Now I only need to know what you sound like in bed and I can be the happiest person ever.” 

“Stop it.” Dan shook his head slowly, but stopped with Kyle’s lips on his own. Kyle was a fabulous kisser and Dan loved the attention he gave him when they were like this. Dan opened his mouth a bit and sighed as Kyle’s tongue entered his mouth. 

Kyle pulled away to share his good news but stopped when he saw the shocked expression on Dan’s face. “What? What did I do?” 

“I wasn’t finished kissing you.” Dan gave him a slight pout and Kyle kissed it away before moving back again. “Don’t tease.” 

“I heard that.” Kyle leaned in closer to get the pout away again. “Geez, wanted to share some news with you.” 

Dan grinned into the kiss and took his hands away to move them on Kyle’s thighs. Kissing in the chairs made them too far away from one another. Continuing to move his hands up to Kyle’s waist, he stood and Kyle followed him. 

Kyle wrapped his arm around Dan’s back and the other went to the back of his head to grip into his hair. It was long enough in the back that he could wrap it a bit around his fingers. Dan appeared to love that by the sound he made when Kyle tightened his hand. Kyle kept the knowledge of that to himself and focused on Dan’s mouth on his mouth. 

Dan felt himself responding and moved back. “Did you hear that?” 

Kyle nodded his head and found himself grinning again. “You sound amazing. I need to have more evidence to support my theory, but you might sound the best when you are moaning because of me.” 

Dan gently pushed at Kyle’s shoulder and found himself returning the grin. There goes all his facial control again. He thought they had gotten over the constant need to smile at one another, but there it was, returning with Kyle’s ability to hear. 

“I wasn’t sure at first what I wanted more.” Kyle stepped in a bit closer, Dan had moved them away when he broke the kiss and Kyle didn’t like that. “You talking to me all night or you moaning out my name all night.” 

“Oh, did you come to a decision?” Dan sank into the feeling of Kyle close to him. 

“Funny you use that phrasing.” Kyle laughed as Dan’s face showed him exactly what he thought of his dumb play on the pun. “Oh, you love me, get off it.” 

“I do.” Dan laughed with him. “Your place or mine?” 

“Mine but an option to have a place of our own?” Kyle kissed Dan’s nose and allowed them to separate so they could gather themselves and prepare to leave. “We still need to have a proper adult discussion about all that.” 

“Fuck adult discussions.” Dan said as he turned off the lights. He was only half facing Kyle and it was likely on purpose. 

“All I got was static on the airwaves and something about fucking?” Kyle pulled on Dan’s top to get him to move with him toward the exit. “I wouldn’t use such a vulgar term to describe what we do together, but okay.” 

“Oh, get off it.” Dan shook his head and locked up the main door. Turning to face Kyle, using the lights from the street and his hands, “You have called it fucking.” 

“Daniel Campbell Smith, language.” Kyle pressed his hand against his chest and made a dramatic sigh. “I have never.” 

“How do you know my middle name?” Dan narrowed his eyes at him. Had Kyle been searching out information on him again. “No fair to stalk me when you have the internet to assist you.” 

“I know something else as well.” Kyle smiled at Dan as he did a little shimmy dance around him. “Someone has a birthday in two days.” 

Dan groaned and stopped Kyle from dancing around him. It wasn’t cool to do that in public, even though there was no one around them. It was dark now and the random people from the daylight were long gone. 

“I will make you breakfast in bed. And get you flowers.” Kyle took a step in closer and pressed Dan closer against him as he did the shimmy again. “Maybe even use that vulgar language you exposed my precious new hearing to in the studio.” 

Dan felt his knees weaken a bit at how sweet Kyle was to him. It hit him at the most random moments. He hated the attention birthdays created but it would be nice to spend it with Kyle. Their first birthday of hopefully many, many more. 

Dan kissed him, forgetting where they were at for a moment. Remembering, he signed ‘home’ and they went to leave. 

Back at Kyle’s flat, they readied themselves for bed and made it to Kyle’s room before their hands found each other again. 

Kyle knew he was going to keep his hearing aids on for this and did not bother taking them off like he normally had with the previous ones. The ones he barely wore around Dan before they didn’t work. 

“Want me to moan loud for you?” Dan asked with what he hoped looked like an innocent face. “Or will that be too much for you now?” 

Kyle responded by moving them to the bed and allowing Dan to fall into it before chasing him back. “You can be as loud as I make you be.” 

“Sounds like a challenge.” Dan smirked and felt extra flirty. “You up for the challenge?” 

“You using vulgar language again or using a pun?” Kyle smirked back and didn’t wait for a response. Pressing himself against Dan’s leg, Dan felt how up he was for the challenge and Kyle prided himself on the loud moan Dan had already given him. “Either way, I think I won.” 

Dan kissed him back and moaned louder as Kyle’s hand moved down to grip him. The coldness of Kyle’s rings on him made his attention go to the ring on his own finger. Dan deepened the kiss and knew that he already won. Not that it was a true competition, because Dan hardly won those, but Dan had won this challenge because he had Kyle. And Kyle’s ring on his finger. 

Kyle fell asleep quickly after he removed the hearing aids. Dan wondered if all the auditory input wore him out. Or if Dan had worn him out. 

Dan was surprised he wasn’t more embarrassed given the extra performance he gave Kyle. Not that Kyle wasn’t amazing, but Dan had added in extra sounds to see the reaction he got from Kyle. 

Dan wasn’t all that tired, so he found Kyle’s mobile. Signing into his email, Dan let out a genuine groan at the number of unopened mail there. Dan didn’t want to look at any of them yet, but the ones from his manager likely need his immediate attention. 

A meeting was being requested between Dan and Kyle and the rest of the members of the band with the record label. Apparently, more people were talking about their livestream and a few details of Kyle being in the band needed to be addressed. Dan saw the word "immediately" three times in the email and hit the reply button to tell her that she could schedule them for whenever. 

That was enough emails, so Dan switched over to Instagram and signed into his account. There were a few DMs from people congratulating him on his new out status. 

Scrolling through his tags, Dan saw his name attached to several LGBTQA+ posts. 

There were stories upon stories of how Dan being “out” now validated their own sexuality and identity. 

Dan had people unload all sorts of personal stories on him, but not quite from this angle. 

He had people say his lyrics allowed them to be more comfortable to be themselves or they met their significant other through the music. 

Dan never had someone tell him that Dan being “out” allowed them to finally tell their conservative parents that they were gay. 

Or that Dan being “out” now made them feel hope that the year was not a complete cancelled event. 

Dan found himself going through more and more of the stories. Each one led to another one. 

Fuck. 

Did he respond? Like a few posts?

Should he ignore them and allow people to think what they want? Like he had told Kyle, what other people think of him is none of his business. 

Should he make a video addressing all this? Was that even him?

Was Twitter the same? Facebook? Whatever site that was attached to him, would there be more? 

Dan felt that general anxiety in his chest, but it wasn’t overwhelming. 

The stories were positive and supportive. Dan hoped he wasn’t lying to them. That he wasn’t misleading them into thinking he was something that he was not. Because, apparently, these people that posted the stories about their own experiences needed him to be “out.” 

Scrolling back up to the top of the feed, Dan found there were more posts and DMs. 

People he knew from touring and had followed because he was a fan of them were messaging him. 

Ignoring them for now, because he was fairly sure he saw a name that he was not ready to acknowledge seeing, Dan clicked on the button to add a new post. 

Finding a picture of Kyle and him that had been taken at the studio, during a dance party and before they ran away together the last time, Dan wrote over it, “Beyond anything I could have ever imagined.” 

The words went right underneath their chins and their heads were pressed together. 

Two idiots in love smiling into a camera lens. 

With nothing to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story needs to breathe a bit, so I'm going to take a few days off. Returning soon.


	47. Chapter 47

Dan pointed to himself and signed ‘miss’ before pointing to Kyle. Kyle signed back ‘same’ and returned the smile as well. 

Kyle had to work a long shift, but he planned to return that night and surprise Dan in the morning for his birthday. It had been a while since Kyle had a partner to spoil on their birthday and he planned on using some of his time away to get the present.

Kyle was beyond ecstatic that Dan blasted their happiness to the world, but he also was a bit cautious given that Dan appeared to drastically change his views on privacy overnight. It likely still had to do with Dan panicking on the beach and running away. Kyle was simply waiting for something to fall apart again. 

Or maybe it also had to do with the fact that Alex was silent. A silent Alex right now was unsettling. 

Forcing himself away from the kiss, Kyle sat back and watched Dan’s eyes. There didn’t seem to be panic there, but maybe he was masking it. He hated to admit it, but Dan running away from him had put him on high alert. 

“I’m fine.” Dan smiled at Kyle, the same as he had smiled that morning when Kyle pushed his phone across the table with Dan's Instagram open. It was scary to be this open with the world, but it was his new, permanent reality and Dan was going to face it head on. “Honest. Ring is on my finger and all is well.” 

“I didn’t know that one piece of metal could change your world so much, but okay.” Kyle smiled back at him but kept looking. What are you hiding? The voice in his head screamed at him. Kyle wanted to tell the voice that it didn’t need to scream so loud now with the new hearing aids, but that seemed a bit mental. “I will miss you. I’ll come back here, likely late.” 

“Okay.” Dan nodded his head and avoided thinking about how many hours away that would be. He had things to do, but it was better doing things with Kyle around. “Go make some coffee.” 

“Will you really miss me?” Kyle grinned as he turned his head to the side. “Or do you just want me to come back smelling like coffee?” 

“I will miss you.” Dan signed as he spoke. Honestly, Dan wanted Kyle to quit the coffee job altogether so he never had to leave, but that didn’t sound healthy in his head so it definitely would not sound healthy out loud. “I have loads to do. The time will fly by.” 

With another soft kiss, Dan went inside and found the place empty. 

Silence is not what he wanted, so he opened a playlist as he sat in the kitchen and went through Instagram. Much like before he posted the picture, there was genuine love and support in the replies and DMs. 

The DM from Frank Ocean, he still couldn’t allow himself to open that one. A reality in which Frank Ocean actually knew who he was seemed beyond belief. 

After going through stories upon stories, Dan decided he needed a break from the phone and went upstairs to start going through his emails. 

He stayed up there for the majority of the day, and slept through tea. He wasn’t all that hungry so he decided to avoid his mates and stay in his room. 

He got a few texts from Sophie, all of them making sure he was okay. Dan replied back quickly that he was fine, but he still wanted to go through the emails and be alone.

At least until Kyle returned. 

Sophie didn’t know about the ring. She knew about the Instagram posting, but not the whole story of Dan running away. There was a part of his brain trying to analyze why he was avoiding his mates, but it wasn’t the part that he was allowing control. 

The part in control was the one that celebrated the last email reply and the end of the playlist. And the text he received from Kyle saying he was 20 minutes out. 

Kyle was in his room in less than 25 minutes so he must not have spent much time visiting with his flatmates. 

“Hello.” Kyle smiled entering the room. Dan was there laid out on the bed on his back in his sleep clothes and listening to something on his phone. Kyle couldn’t tell what it was, but he could hear it playing. 

Kyle was exhausted. Hearing was amazing, but after not having that input for so long, his brain felt drained. His body as well. There were more customers and the need to clean was constant throughout the day. 

Dan signed back his greeting and raised his arms out for Kyle to come to him. It had been long enough and Kyle looked cute with his sleepy eyes. 

Kyle shook his head in answer and tried not to smile at the pout he received in return. “I want to change out of these clothes and take these hearing aids off. Then I will join you on the bed.” 

Dan watched without shame as Kyle followed through on his intentions and soon he had Kyle’s head resting on his chest. Kyle had taken off the hearing aids and untied his hair, with Dan’s hand naturally going to his head to smooth down the soft hair. 

“We were busy. And there were so many sounds and noises coming into my brain. People talking to me and talking far away from me. Machines making sounds. The door opening and closing. My uncle tapping a spoon. Too much input. My vehicle makes way too many sounds as well.” Kyle closed his eyes and pressed into Dan’s chest more as he wrapped his arms around Dan’s torso. Dan’s hand was in his hair and he had to smirk a bit. “I know you like the coffee smell. Don’t talk to me now. I want to lie here on you and breathe you in. Feeling your heartbeat and your breathing.” 

Dan listened to Kyle mumble a few more words about how he forgot how so many things made noise. Kyle’s voice faded off and soon he was asleep. Kyle’s breathing evened out and his body twitched a bit as he fell further into sleep. Continuing to brush his hand through his long hair, Dan smiled as he watched the top of his head. 

His ring still looked the best in contrast to Kyle’s dark hair. 

Dan only had a soft light on in his room and he was tempted to fall asleep as well, but his phone flashed with another text from Sophie. She wanted to talk to him and check in on how he was given the recent changes. 

Dan read the message and looked down to Kyle asleep on top of him. He was not moving with Kyle sleeping. Texting her back to come to him but that he didn’t want the food she was offering, Dan continued to focus on making every strand of Kyle’s hair lie flat as he waited for her. 

There was a soft tap on the door before it opened. Sophie peeked her head in and then apologized as she went to leave before Dan called her back in. 

“He is asleep. Absolutely knackered. We can talk, he cannot hear us so we won’t disturb him.” Dan looked toward Sophie in the doorway and patted the free spot on the bed with his free hand. “Honest, he is a heavy sleeper.” 

“You lot are fucking adorable and I don’t know how to process all this.” Sophie shut the door and moved to sit on the bed. She looked from Dan’s face to his hand moving through Kyle’s hair and appeared to lose all sense of the quiet voice she was using as the metal shined in the dim light. “Holy fuck, is that? That is a ring!” 

“It is a ring.” Dan smiled at her and felt himself blush. Looking down to it, even though he knew it was there but he needed time away from her eyes. “I panicked after the livestream. Like, broke up with him on the beach and literally ran away from him. But, we talked it out and the ring was on the bed. He thought I was going to propose there but I fucked that up. He still asked me though.” 

“Oh, Daniel.” Sophie raised her hand to her mouth and appeared to be keeping a squeal down. “Only you would break up with someone that is proposing to you. But, you are wearing it, so you made the right choice in the end.”

Dan nodded his head and moved his eyes back to her. “I need your help. I want to put something together to propose to him. I cannot make up for what I did, but I want to make it special.” 

“Okay.” Sophie nodded her head, with her hand still over her mouth. “Fuck, you are like freaking me out a bit here. Not going to lie. First that post with your stupid smiles and now a ring. Like, who the fuck are you? What happened to you?” 

“He happened.” Dan moved his other hand up to brush some hair behind Kyle’s ear, making it curl underneath it. Dan saw Kyle’s perfect eyebrows, but not much else from this angle. Dan kept his eyes down because there was no looking at her. “I mean, how could he not? He is everything I didn’t know I needed. I feel calm with him. Actual peace. Well, most of the time. You know I hate talking about this stuff, but...it is like he was meant for me.” 

Dan finally looked back to Sophie after a few seconds and saw that her hand still had yet to move and she had tears in her eyes. Dan went to apologize but Sophie shook her head. “Nope, give me a minute.” 

After a few minutes of avoiding her eyes, Dan heard her ask what help he needed and they spent the next half an hour planning out the proposal. 

*******

Kyle made a point to wake up early the next morning. He was still tired when he pried himself away from the warm bed and Dan’s arms holding him against him. But, he had plans and the first one was waking Dan with coffee and breakfast. 

Plan Two involved some time alone without clothes. 

Plan Three involved a picnic with Dan’s mates. 

Plan Four involved the present in his vehicle. 

Plan Five involved more time alone without clothes. 

The park was almost empty when they arrived. Sophie and Sam insisted on singing to Dan the birthday song, much to Dan’s red face, but his face broke into an actual smile as the pair finished off the song with a full verse in BSL. 

Kyle had Dan pulled in close to him, with them sitting with Dan’s back to Kyle’s chest, and he raised his hands to clap for the pair at the end. “Nicely done!” 

“You are very sweet.” Dan signed as he spoke, making sure to have his hands out enough so Kyle could see them. “You sang to embarrass me, but I forgive you because you signed the last bit.” 

Following the cake and a lovely day in the park, the group walked back to the flatshare and went their separate ways. Dan chose to actively ignore the sounds Sophie made when Kyle and him walked up the stairs to his room. 

“You okay?” Kyle asked as he shut the door behind them and fully took in the look on Dan’s face. He seemed to be happy but he also seemed to be forcing it a bit. “You didn’t eat much cake.” 

“You ate enough for both of us.” Dan pulled Kyle in closer to him and smiled at him, attempting to change the subject. “Thank you for today.” 

“It is not done yet. I have a present for you. Sit on the bed and close your eyes.” Kyle kissed Dan’s nose and waited for Dan to follow his directions. “And I already know what you are thinking. No, I am not your present. I know, what can top this, right?” 

“But you are.” Dan said quietly to himself as he followed orders and sat on the bed with his eyes closed. Being with Kyle was enough of a gift in itself. Fidgeting with the ring, Dan kept his eyes closed and hoped he could open them soon. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on around him. 

Dan felt the bed move as Kyle sat next to him and he peeked one eye open, not able to wait any longer without at least knowing something. 

“Open those beautiful eyes.” Kyle said in a sweet tone. He was a bit nervous because it wasn’t much, but he hoped Dan appreciated the present. 

“What is it?” Dan smiled as he opened his eyes and found Kyle holding a small tin box out to him. It was about seven centimetres long and three centimetres wide. On the lid it said ‘Love Kyle.’ 

“It is a music box.” Kyle turned the small box over and twisted the windup key before opening the box. He could hear the song starting and he looked to Dan for his reaction. “I thought you might like it, since you are so in love with the ring.”

Dan listened to Canon in D play from the tin box and looked up to find Kyle’s eyes on him. Those intense, brown eyes that he craved even more now than he did when he first met him. 

“It was the song that I played at my sister’s wedding that made everyone cry.” Kyle continued to watch Dan’s face for a reaction, but Dan wasn’t giving him anything he could read. “Is it stupid?” 

Dan shook his head. The song had finished playing, but Dan could still hear it and he could imagine what it sounded like with Kyle on the piano. “I love it. I love you.” 

“Good-” Kyle was cut off with Dan’s lips on him. Kyle smiled into the kiss and moved so he could follow Dan onto the bed. It had been a few hours since Plan Two and it was time for Plan Five. 

As they lie, catching their breath, Dan turned Kyle’s head up from his chest to his own. “The only reason I am obsessed with the ring is because it is from you. It feels permanent. Certain. I have never quite had that feeling before. It is nice. You calm me.”

“I love that you love it.” Kyle brushed back his damp hair and moved up more so he was face to face with Dan. Dan’s blue eyes glued to him and Kyle felt that same peace. “You calm my anxious brain as well. I love you. Happy birthday, future husband.” 

Dan moved his hands up to push back Kyle’s hair from his face and kiss him before Kyle saw the tear threatening to fall from the corner of his eye.


	48. Chapter 48

“Why does it seem like we are waiting to talk to the headteacher?” Will voiced as he typed into the Zoom chat. “Flashbacks to my misguided youth.” 

“Once had to go to the headteacher because I got wanked off in French class.” Kyle laughed as he sat back into the chair at the studio. Kyle heard a loud uproar at his words and he found both Will and Woody were laughing on the screen. “He said he understood but asked me to refrain in the future. I told him that, frankly, it was out of my hands.” 

The sounds of Will and Woody laughing out loud without a care brought Dan back to the last time they gathered, before the virus, on the bus. It had been a great but long night and everyone was pleasantly drunk. Dan felt like it was a lifetime ago and not only a few months since then. 

“That didn’t really happen, did it?” Dan nudged Kyle’s arm with his own before signing it as well. Dan was sat in his own chair, but with how close they were, they might as well have shared one seat. “You’re joking?” 

“No.” Kyle shook his head as he signed back. “Happened. I think Mary was more proud of herself than embarrassed. I think it was a dare or something. Her mates made her out to be some hero for it.” 

“You are joking.” Dan shook his head in disbelief. Watching Kyle’s face for the telltale grin he broke into when he would give up on a ruse, Dan found Kyle never broke into the grin. It hit Dan that he knew nothing about Kyle's schooling or most of his childhood. And Kyle knew nothing of his either. “You are serious.” 

“One does not joke about a wank in French class, Daniel.” Kyle smiled at Dan, but it wasn’t the grin. Kyle watched a range of emotions move across Dan’s face and he decided he would ask him more about it later. 

“Kyle.” Woody increased his voice as he waved at the screen. Once he had Kyle’s attention, he raised his thumb and said, “You are a legend.” 

“I am, aren’t I?” Kyle took a small bow by dipping his head down. He had his hair up in a knot, but he still brushed it back by habit. He was nervous and attempting to hide it with humour. “One small wank for Kyle, one giant leap for mankind. Or the laundry machine.”

“Did you hear that?” Will asked leaning in closer to the screen. “Woody didn’t type it. Do we not have to do that anymore?” 

“What’s that?” Kyle asked looking between the screen and Dan when the words did not come up in the chat. “Did they get the space reference?” 

Dan nodded his head and pointed to the chat as Will typed out what he said. Ignoring the nagging voice in the back of his head that told him Kyle knew nothing about him. 

“Oh, no. I am recognizing your words better now. And it was only a few words. Hearing aids are wicked, but I don’t understand the words you say. Getting better with Dan.” Kyle leaned forward and covered the side of his mouth closest to Dan. “He mumbles, right?” 

“Fuck off.” Dan gently hit Kyle’s arm and ignored both Will and Woody nodding at the screen. Would Kyle laugh at his childhood pictures? Or the lack of them? “All of you, fuck you.” 

Their manager signed on right as Dan was cursing them and Dan felt himself getting a headache. Or, rather a worse one. He had woken up with one and couldn’t eat. His coffee didn’t seem to be lessening it much. Would Kyle be disgusted with him? 

“Hello, gentleman. Dan, I’m glad this new normal hasn’t improved your cursing habit.” She smiled into the screen as she waved at them. “Woody! Will! Looking dashing as always. Hello, Kyle.” 

Everyone did their greetings and small talk as they waited for the record executives to join the meeting. Dan pointed out that she would need to type into the chat for Kyle to understand what was happening and she typed in her greeting to Kyle. 

“Thank you.” Kyle waved to the woman and then looked toward Dan’s hands. He was fidgeting with the ring and he seemed like he was in pain. 

By now Kyle knew Dan had a headache and it was brought on by stress. He was also concerned with Dan’s new habit of only taking a few bites of food. Another thing to add to the list of things they needed to discuss in private. 

Dan nudged Kyle’s arm as someone else joined the meeting. Three other men joined them and Dan found he almost completely ripped the ring off his finger. Kyle might want the ring back if he saw the pictures. Or heard the stories. 

The men said their greetings and their manager decided she was going to type in their words rather than request them to type into the chat. Which Dan was grateful for because his brain couldn’t process words, let alone the hand movements to interpret what they were saying. What would he say to explain how it had been? Would Kyle understand?

The main point of the meeting was including Kyle into the band and finalizing financial compensation. The band had agreed prior to the meeting that Kyle would be added as an equal member, but his compensation would reflect his time in the band and not include anything the band made prior to his joining. 

“Another thing to discuss is the concern about how your relationship will affect the band. We are not going to interfere with your private business, but we are making an investment in you as artists. Therefore, we would like to propose the idea that in the event of dissolution of the relationship, all agreed upon commitments as a band would resume until the next scheduled negotiations.” The man with three buttons undone on his business shirt raised his eyebrows as he waited for an answer. 

Kyle was still reading the transcript as Dan answered for them. 

“Oh course.” Dan felt the skin around the ring become sore and he pulled hard on it to relieve some of the pressure. As the ring left his finger and flew across the room, Dan felt himself panic. The ring rolled out of sight and Dan knew it was gone. Just like the relationship. Maybe there was still hope? “We are professionals first.” 

Dan swallowed and felt his hands go clammy without the weight of the ring on his finger. What if it was gone for good? Would Kyle forgive him? If he had another ring, would it be the same? Kyle wouldn't give him another ring. Not if he knew. 

Kyle felt Dan’s mood change and he looked down to see Dan pulling at his finger that was now bare. Where was the ring? 

“You alright?” The man with the three undone buttons asked as Dan’s heart rate increased. Dan felt his chest get heavy and his mouth go dry. 

“Fine.” Dan nodded his head and bit underneath his lip. His finger felt bare and he hated it. Pulling harder at it, Dan swallowed again and started moving his leg up and down. He needed to find that fucking ring before Kyle ended it. “Anything else?” 

Kyle put his hand on Dan’s thigh and that helped a bit. The meeting wrapped up with a few more concerns that needed to be addressed. The updated business agreement would be emailed out for signatures soon. The record executive left with their manager and the band was left on the screen. 

“Okay, what the hell happened?” Woody had his dad voice on and Dan felt his heart drop as he pushed away the laptop to stand. No need for a new contact if the relationship status was dissolution. 

Kyle watched Dan move to the other side of the room and drop to his knees to start looking for the ring. “We will find it. No worries. My eyesight is excellent.” 

“What did he lose?” Will asked typing into the chat. “Went a bit pale there, like he had to go on stage or something. What did you do to him?” 

“I put a ring on his finger and I believe he might have lost it. Momentarily lost it. The ring. Not his mind.” Kyle said with his eyes still on Dan. He was now crawling around on the ground and pulling back rugs. “We can get it later.” 

Kyle heard a loud sound in response and decided he was not getting Dan to come back without finding the ring. 

Kyle turned back to the screen and found a lot of text in capital letters. “Oh, yes, Dan probably wanted to tell you this, but we are engaged. The ring he is looking for is his engagement ring.” 

“Congratulations!” Both Will and Woody said at the same time. Woody had a large grin on his face and Will had what Kyle was coming to realize was his happy face. It was almost exactly like his typical face, but it had a bit of twinkle in his eye. 

“I understood that.” Kyle nodded to the screen and signed ‘thank you.’ 

Dan felt lightheaded. The lack of food and extra caffeine in his system was not setting well with him crawling around on the ground. Nor was the stupid anxious thoughts swimming through his brain. Tidal waves were crashing and he was slowly losing his grip on sanity. The ring was gone. He knew it. It was gone. It fell into some crack in the wall and would be forever lost in the walls of the building. 

Dan would destroy the walls looking for it and yet never find it again. 

Dan felt the sick move up from his stomach and he tasted the acid in his mouth. Fuck, he couldn’t sick up on the studio floor. Sitting down and closing his eyes, he felt the room spinning around him. 

Breathe, motherfucker. 

The sick returned and Dan heard his heart pounding in his ears. 

Breathe. 

“Dan.” Kyle said softly as he sat on the floor near Dan. His hand on his knee and waiting for him to open his eyes. He had ended the Zoom meeting when he found Dan sat on the floor with his eyes closed. Dan looked pale and like he was fighting off something. Maybe both physical and mental. 

Kyle had the ring in his hand when Dan opened his eyes and Dan felt like an idiot. It was likely right in front of him all along and here he was losing his mind sat on the floor. 

Dan signed ‘thank you’ and swallowed. The bitterness was still in his mouth and he wanted something to wash it out of his mouth. He had enough coffee for now, but water would be nice. 

As if by magic, Kyle handed Dan his glass of water and Dan lost it. 

He couldn't risk it. Kyle would never know.

“Hey, now.” Kyle set down the glass and moved in closer, bringing their bodies together in a hug. “No need for all this. All is well. Ring is here.” 

Dan clung onto Kyle and buried his head in his neck. The nausea was passing but he could still hear his heartbeat in his ears. And that annoying, fucking voice saying hurtful things to him. 

He wasn't that person anymore. Fuck off. 

Kyle felt Dan rubbing his fist in a circle against Kyle’s back and he knew he was signing ‘sorry’ to him. Kyle kissed Dan’s temple and pulled him in a bit closer. “No need to be sorry. You haven’t been eating and you are stressed. Headache is probably pounding. However, nothing is wrong. Not really. All things we can solve.” 

Dan let out a quick laugh and moved his hand up Kyle’s back to press against Dan's forehead. Kyle knew him too well. It had only been a few months, but Kyle had Dan figured out. At least what Dan had shown him. 

He didn't need to know. 

Pulling back so he could see the ring, Dan adjusted his glasses on his face and reached for it. Putting it back on, the weight did its job and he felt like he could breathe better. 

The bitter taste was still in his mouth and Dan drank the full glass before it left him. 

“Sor-” Dan was cut off with Kyle’s finger on his lips. 

“Stop.” Kyle shook his head and lowered his finger to find Dan’s hand. Brushing against the ring, he smiled down to it and then back up at Dan’s wrecked face. Even like this he was beautiful. “What’s the matter? Anything we cannot solve? Huh? Tell me.” 

“No.” Dan shook his head and closed his eyes briefly as he felt his heart rate and breathing go back to normal. He had already solved the problem years ago. The headache was still there, but Dan was used to managing those. “I want more water.” 

In the kitchen area of the studio, Dan busied himself by filling his glass and one for Kyle was well. 

Kyle signed ‘thank you’ and took a drink from it as he watched Dan do the same. Kyle knew there was something else going on with him and, while he wasn’t glad it came out like that, he was glad that Dan appeared to be acknowledging that he didn’t need to hide it from him. 

Sitting down his glass on the counter behind him, Dan looked to the ring and took a deeper breath. Kyle sat his empty glass near his and then stood back. 

‘Overwhelmed’ 

“Worry’ 

‘Panic’

“Better’ 

“Now’ 

‘But’ 

‘Before’

‘Cannot’ 

‘Eat’ 

‘Body’ 

‘Mind’ 

‘Break’ 

‘Sometimes’

‘Better’

‘Breathe’

‘Now’

‘Calm’ 

‘Now’

‘Understand’ 

“Yes.” Kyle nodded his head. Kyle went to pull Dan into him, but Dan took a few steps and buried himself back into his neck before he could move. “Hungry?” 

Dan shook his head and pushed away any thoughts of eating. Food did not sound appealing right now. 

“Sleep?” Kyle asked as he smoothed down the back of Dan’s hair. It was sticking up in the back and Kyle wondered if the old pictures of Dan showed how his hair naturally grew, and not how he styled it. 

Kyle had assumed that whatever product in his hair made it stick up like that, but there was no product in Dan’s hair now. Kyle would know, he had been with him since they woke up this morning. 

Dan nodded his head and moved them to the sofa in the upper loft of the studio. It was cozy enough up there and Dan had plans of adding more to it. He was sure that a bed would fit in there nicely. 

The sofa barely fit them both, but they made it work. Dan was half on Kyle and half pressed against the back of the sofa. His left hand was on Kyle’s chest, with Kyle’s hand covering Dan’s. 

The ring was safe. On Dan's finger. And held in place by Kyle's hand. 

Nothing changed. 

“Sleep now.” Dan heard as he closed his eyes and followed directions. Letting out a slow breath, Dan willed the shame away and focused on Kyle’s breathing. 

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four. 

Five. 

Six. 

Seven.

Eight. 

Nine. 

Ten. 

Ele-


	49. Chapter 49

There was a loud tapping noise near him that directed his attention away from the coffee he was making and up to the man that had left a few minutes ago. 

“Sir, please don’t tap on the plastic.” Kyle nodded his head in the man’s direction and raised his voice so he could hear him. He knew the man was hearing, but he wanted to make sure he could hear over the sound of the machines, the plastic, and Kyle's mask. “If you need anything, please fill out the sheet near the order station.” 

The man proceeded to shout a few things at him, none of which Kyle understood but he didn’t sound happy. 

Raising the completed order to a woman that had been patiently waiting, but was now clenching her bag to her chest, Kyle told her that her coffee was ready. Opening the small plastic window to the customer side, Kyle waved as she took the drink and quickly turned to leave. 

As Kyle heard the door shut behind the woman, the man lowered his mask and shouted at him through the now opened plastic window on the customer side. 

“Sir, please. Shouting is doing nothing for you. Please put your mask back on and write on the sheet.” Kyle pointed to the sheet and made a point to stand back further from him. There was another plastic door on his side of the counter, but now he would need to clean it after the man left. “I cannot understand you, no matter how loud or illegally you shout at me.” 

The man’s voice got louder and he pushed open the employee side plastic door. As he proceeded to push the warm drink onto the counter, the cup fell and coffee spilled all over the counter and the floor. His face was now red and Kyle thought he saw him call him a name. 

“I will have to ask you to leave.” Kyle stood back more and ran into the counter behind him. Thankfully there were no other customers in the shop, given he had his mask off and was making a scene. Kyle was very aware that he was alone with the man and the man was upset. And not wearing a mask. “Please, before I will have to notify the authorities.” 

The man started pounding on the plastic separating them and Kyle knew it wouldn’t last long. Thankfully, he was no longer shouting through the plastic window. 

Kyle read him saying another name to him and something about his order, but the words were lost on him. There were a few loud machines going on his side and the sound of the air moving through the vents. 

“Please, sir, stop doing that and leave. Before you cause damage. We will have to report you.” Kyle tried again, with his voice raising a bit in his own anger. Kyle wanted to say many other words, but he realized the man was obviously stressed and clearly uncaffeinated, with his coffee splattered across the counter and the floor. 

Kyle had been dealing with Dan’s stressed mood for the past two days. Ever since the Zoom conference meeting with the record executives. Kyle thought the meeting had gone amazingly well, but then Dan appeared to react to something. 

Then he “lost” his ring and a bit of his mind. Even after he woke up from his kip, with the ring on his finger, he had been off. 

Kyle asked him about it, but Dan said it was nothing. Just general nerves and the times they were living in. That he was missing his parents and family. Nothing to be concerned about. That it would likely pass soon. 

Except he wasn’t eating and, outside of the naps he had on Kyle, Kyle was worried Dan wasn’t sleeping well either. 

Kyle had asked him again this morning, before Dan had coffee, and Dan said he was fine. That he was going to the studio to work on some music and that Kyle should join him afterward. 

Kyle smiled as he nodded his head and tried not to frown as Dan quickly moved away from him to sit outside on the patio. Kyle had offered to bring Dan to the studio, but Dan brushed him off. Dan said it would be better for him to clear his head with a bike ride, but that he appreciated the offer. 

He seemed extra nervous when Kyle questioned it, so Kyle let the matter go and went to work. 

He now had thirty minutes before he was to leave and his uncle would take over for the rest of the evening. 

The man’s face went redder and he pounded his fist against the plastic, making the whole thing shake and continue to move after he removed his fist. 

“Leave.” Kyle shouted back at the man, no longer caring if he was a customer or if he was stressed. Dammit, everyone was stressed right now. It didn’t give the man a free pass to be a complete idiot and break their safety measures. “Now. Go.” 

The man shouted something back at him, but before Kyle could focus on his lips, a machine went off right behind him and he jumped at the loud sound. 

Turning to make the horrid noise stop, the man must have pounded his fist again because the plastic broke and fell backward onto Kyle. Pushing it off him enough so he could get to the door leading to the back, Kyle cursed at him and called him something that would make his nan smack him on the back of his head. 

By the time Kyle was in the back room, the angry man had left and Kyle was left breathing hard. Muppet.

Kyle jumped from the feeling of a hand on his shoulder and he raised his fist to strike before he saw it was his uncle. 

“Bloody muppet threw a coffee at me and broke the fucking plastic divider! Then the coward legged it!” Kyle knew his voice was louder than needed but he was upset. “Now we will have to replace it! Fucking arsehole!”

Kyle’s uncle signed for him to take a breath and calm himself down. He also asked if he was okay. 

Kyle nodded his head and focused on his breathing. 

Kyle’s uncle walked in further and assessed the plastic partition. It would need to be secured again to the ceiling and the walls. They would have to close for that to happen. 

Kyle’s uncle signed him what Kyle knew he was going to say and Kyle nodded. 

“He isn’t the only one that is stressed.” Kyle said once he had his breathing under control. 

He kept his mask on around his uncle and his uncle did the same. They both lived in separate houses and Kyle would feel horrible if he spread anything to his aunt and younger cousins. 

Kyle’s uncle agreed with him and asked him about Dan. Kyle said they were good but dealing with everything. 

Kyle was close to his uncle, but he didn’t want to share his worry that something else besides the general stress of the times was affecting Dan. It would spread through his family and Kyle didn’t need that right now. 

Anyways, Kyle and Dan would sort it out on their own. Best leave Kyle’s family knowing that Dan was a wonderful bloke and he was amazing for Kyle. That they were hopelessly in love with one another. 

That is what people needed to hear right now. 

Anything else would be too much to manage. 

After closing down the shop early and both of them moving the plastic to leave against the customer side of the counter for now, Kyle’s uncle waved him on and told him to leave. 

Kyle offered to stay and clean, but he was glad that his uncle insisted that he leave. 

The multiple sounds of the day and the added stress of playing nice had left Kyle exhausted. He wanted to go to the studio and watch Dan record. Or turn off his hearing aids and sleep. 

Kyle looked to his mobile as he walked the short distance to the studio. There were no new messages and only a random notification. Texting Dan to let him in, Kyle received back a message to wait a minute outside. 

Kyle put the phone away and waited outside the door. There were lights on inside the building and it was starting to get dark outside. 

Looking around the city, Kyle smiled as he saw there were more people moving about now. Things appeared to be going in a good direction. Despite the random idiots, most people were taking the pandemic seriously and doing their part to allow life to return to normal. 

At least the normal that was safe right now. 

After waiting ten minutes, Kyle texted Dan again and asked him if everything was alright. Typically, Dan would have rushed to the door after being away from each other. 

Was Dan over him? Was that the added stress?

No, that was stupid. 

Kyle shook his head and jumped hearing the door unlock behind him. 

Turning with a smile, Kyle’s smile dropped as he saw who was at the door. 

“Sophie?” Kyle lowered his mask as he asked. It was weird to see her here. She was Dan’s mate, but only a mate that Kyle associated with Dan and the house. Never the studio. “Is Dan alright?” 

Sophie nodded her head. She said that Dan had forgotten something at the house and she was running it to him. She would get out of their hair and that Dan was expecting him inside. 

Sophie patted Kyle’s arm as she turned to walk down the pavement toward her vehicle. 

Kyle didn’t realize she had a vehicle. 

Kyle was too stunned at the time, but as he walked inside, he realized how strange it was that Sophie was smiling at him the whole time she spoke. 

“Dan?” Kyle called out as he locked the door behind him. “Since when does Sophie have a vehicle?” 

Kyle took a few steps inside and then the whole place went dark. 

“Dan?” Kyle raised his voice. Did they lose electricity? Was the whole city out? Kyle looked behind him and saw the town was still lit. “Dan? Is everything okay? It is not funny to play a prank on a person with hearing loss by turning off the lights! It is one of my best senses!” 

Kyle listened for another indication that Dan had heard him and then jumped when he saw lights turn on. 

There was a lit path in front of him leading toward the piano Kyle loved to play while he was here. As he started to walk, Kyle heard music playing from the room and he wondered if he was dreaming. 

It would certainly explain how odd the day had been. 

“Daniel?” Kyle called out again. “Is this a dream? What is going on?” 

The path of light led him directly to the piano and a dim light turned on in the room as he reached the bench. 

A light shown from above on the piano deck and he saw sheet music. Above it, it read: Please play me.

“Daniel, you get bored and decide to get clever?” Kyle laughed to himself as he sat on the bench. “Thought you didn’t do sheet music? What even is this?” 

Kyle settled on the bench and played the song as written. It wasn’t something that Kyle recognized and he wondered if maybe it was a new track Dan was working on. 

Maybe the first track Kyle would work on with the band? Kyle still did not understand why most of the lights were off and why even though he was playing the piano, there was music playing around him from the speakers. 

As Kyle reached the end of the second sheet, he saw another note. 

Follow the light to the stairs. 

As if on cue, the path was lit as Kyle stood and Kyle shook his head again. If this was a dream, it wasn’t the worst one he had ever had. 

As Kyle reached the stairs, the soft lights turned on and Kyle saw a series of pictures leading up the wall of the steps. 

The pictures were of Kyle and Dan. All taken from their mobiles over the course of the past few months. All of them together. All of them smiling, either at each other or the camera. 

Some of the best bits of their time together. 

Did Kyle forget an anniversary? 

“Dan, I’m not sure what you are doing with all this. I know we are adorable! I mean, look at me.” Kyle walked up the stairs and made his voice carry. There was still music playing around him through the speakers and he wasn’t even sure if Dan could hear him. “And you, damn. How could we not be adorable together. Ah, that is my favourite one.” 

The picture was the last in the series and it was one of the firsts they had taken together. Outside of the picture they sent to Alex, it likely was the very first one of them together. 

They had planned to look at the camera as they laid in bed together, but the timing was off and Dan was still looking at Kyle. The look of love on Dan’s face made Kyle believe once again that the relationship was meant to last. 

At the top of the stairs, Kyle pushed open the door and smiled at the sight in front of him. 

The room was lit as it normally was, but most of the items had been removed. 

In their place, was a large bed and a picture of the view from the deck of the beach house blown up on the wall. 

And, his favourite bit, sitting on the bed was Dan with a huge, nervous grin on his face. 

Kyle read the stress on Dan’s face and Kyle wondered if this was what had been making Dan upset for the past few days. They never had the proper discussion about where they would live and Dan seemed to have made the discussion for them. 

“This place looks incredible.” Kyle smiled as he walked in. It was still bare, but they could decorate it together. Kyle brushed back a loose piece of hair and signed ‘thank you.’ 

Dan waited until Kyle was closer to him and then put up his hand to stop him. 

‘Wait’

‘Please’ 

Dan pressed a button on his phone and the lights dimmed a bit, leaving most of the light on Dan and him. Dan pressed another button and the music changed to one that Kyle was fairly certain he recognized. 

It was on one of their new playlists. Kyle didn’t need the music as intense to experience it with the new hearing aids and they had been dancing to different tracks now. 

The song playing as one off the playlist Dan had named “Kyle.” 

“Are you playing me Frank Ocean?” Kyle smiled as he found Dan’s eyes back on him. Dan’s eyes were looking back at him with as much love as the last picture on the stairs but with the worry of when he was sitting on the floor thinking he had lost his ring. “Because I love this track. Makes me think of you. Us. Of marrying you. Why so worried?” 

Kyle saw Dan put the mobile in his pocket and run a hand through his hair before signing to him. 

‘I’

‘Want’

‘Tonight’ 

‘Special’

‘Because’ 

‘My’

‘Ring’

'I'

‘Love’

‘My’

‘Ring’

‘But’

‘I’ 

‘Need’

‘Ask you’

‘You’

‘Want’

‘Marry’ 

‘Me’

Dan took a ring out of his pocket and raised it toward Kyle. It was a light smokey grey colour and appeared to have the same markings as Dan’s ring. Their initials, only listed opposite as K and D, in black.

Dan’s hand was shaking and Kyle stepped in to make it stop. 

Kissing his nose, Kyle took a small step back and allowed Dan to put the ring on his left ring finger. That finger had been bare since he removed his wedding ring. 

At the time he removed it, Kyle wondered if he would ever want to marry anyone else ever again. 

If he wanted to put his trust and heart with someone else ever again. 

Now, the answer was obvious. 

“Yes, I want to marry you.” Kyle smiled down to the ring and then back to Dan. 

Dan appeared to have the weight of the world on his shoulders only a few seconds ago, but with Kyle’s answer, all the stress appeared to drain from him. 

“Is this why you have been so odd for the past few days?” Kyle asked, raising his hands to cup Dan’s face, right underneath his chin. “Did you think I was going to say ‘no?’”

Dan nodded his head in Kyle’s hands and Kyle smiled at him. Oh course that anxious brain of his was going to think that Kyle was going to deny him. With a ring and a promise on his own finger, oh course Dan thought Kyle was going to take that all way. 

“Tell that voice in your head that it cannot get rid of me that easily. I said ‘yes.’” Kyle kissed Dan’s nose and then his mouth. Deepening the kiss and smiling as Dan rose up a bit on his toes in response, Kyle knew he was going to love this man forever. 

“I love you.” Kyle kissed Dan’s forehead as they pulled away from each other. “I love my ring. Do I get to be obsessed with it as much as you are with yours?”

Dan nodded his head and then moved them closer together, leaning his head against Kyle’s. Dan’s arms moved around Kyle’s back and he signed ‘love’ with them. 

Kyle melted a bit and raised his own arms to repeat the sign against Dan’s back. 

Kyle could feel the new ring on his finger and he made a point to press that against Dan's back as well.

Kyle listened to the music playing around them and the sounds of Dan breathing as he began to sway their bodies.

Only a few short minutes ago, Kyle was frustrated and hating how people could be such idiots.

Now, that didn't matter.

He had Dan in his arms and a ring on his finger.

And a soft playlist to slow dance to all night if they wanted.

And a bed that looked extra cozy and warm for their first night together with two rings symbolizing their love and commitment to one another.

Certainty in an uncertain world.


	50. Chapter 50

“Fuck.” Dan moaned out as he pressed back his hips and bit into the skin on Kyle’s forearm. It was the closest skin he could find and he needed something to anchor him into the moment. 

The bed was oversize and the biggest bed Dan had ever slept in. With both of them being tall, Dan wanted something that would fit them both well. 

For sleeping cuddled together. 

And moments like these. 

Where Dan felt like he could feel every molecule in his body responding to having Kyle all around him. 

And inside him.

He bit harder into Kyle’s skin and heard Kyle wince as his teeth went too deep. He didn’t want to hurt him so he needed to find something else to do with his mouth. 

Tapping Kyle’s hand on his waist, Dan took advantage of the stillness to take a deep breath. 

“You okay?” Kyle took a few deeper breaths as Dan did the same underneath him. His angle was great for making Dan moan, but it limited his ability to read Dan’s face. Kissing along the back of Dan’s neck, Kyle felt Dan moving away from him and tensed, thinking he did something wrong. 

Dan turned quickly in the bed and cupped Kyle’s chin in his hand. He would have put his hand in his hair, but Kyle still had it tied up behind his head from sleeping. They hadn’t planned this, but sleepy kisses as they woke up lead to Dan pushing down his pants and Kyle following suit. 

Thankfully, Dan had thought through and brought a few things with them for the overnight stay in the studio. 

“I want…” Dan kissed the confusion away from Kyle’s face by showing him he was fine. Pulling back so Kyle could see him, Dan smiled as he reached for more lube. “I want to see you.” 

Kyle nodded his head but then went against the agreement as he closed his eyes at Dan’s hand on him. Dan’s hand fit him just right and he knew the perfect pressure to put on him to make it good, but not so good that he came too soon. 

Once Dan had Kyle moaning with his eyes closed, he lined them back up and felt Kyle gasp against his throat as Kyle sank back into him. 

Dan let out a loud moan of his own and wished Kyle had on his hearing aids because Dan knew he sounded as amazing as it felt. 

After settling back into the feeling of being inside him, Kyle moved his head back and found Dan’s eyes watching him. 

Dan’s eyes were wide and his pupils were blown, with Dan biting down on his lip as Kyle unhurriedly moved himself out and then painfully slowed back in. “Better?” 

Dan nodded his head in response but needed something to do with his mouth. The inside of his lip was almost raw from biting it and he knew that Kyle was going to have a bruise on his forearm shaped in line with his teeth. 

Kyle knew that Dan liked to bite when they were like this, with Dan’s bottom lip bright red from use. He would kiss him through it, but Dan appeared to want his eyes as well. “Tell me what you need.” 

Dan closed his eyes briefly as he pressed his head back into the pillow as Kyle moved in just right. Fuck, Dan needed a lot but did not have any brain cells right now working properly. 

“You.” Dan managed to get out while opening his eyes and then immediately almost having to close them again. Kyle’s eyes were always intense on him, but now, as Kyle’s hips were moving so well, he felt Kyle looking all the way inside him. “Your fingers.” 

Kyle smiled at him and raised his left hand. He wanted to show Dan the ring on the finger. Dan had fallen asleep by fidgeting with it and Kyle knew that Dan liked seeing it there. 

Dan broke eye contact to look toward Kyle’s hand and moved his legs out wider, pressing his hips up to get more of Kyle. The ring on his finger was the sexiest thing Dan had ever witnessed. Switching his eyes back to Kyle’s, Dan opened his mouth and took in Kyle’s middle two fingers. 

Kyle felt himself whine as Dan sucked on the fingers and increased the movement of his hips. It had always been wickedly hot between them, but this felt different. 

Pressing down into him and following Dan’s lead, Kyle kept his eyes locked on Dan’s and panted at the brilliance of what they were doing together. 

Dan sighed at the weight of Kyle’s fingers in his mouth and the feel of him pressing into him. He was so close to the edge and he was struggling to decide if he wanted to come like this or slow down their movements again. Let the moment linger a bit more. 

Kyle felt Dan suck on his fingers more and lost control of his hips. Pressing into him in a few rapid successions, Kyle broke the eye contact as he lost control and felt himself tip over the edge. 

Dan chased Kyle there and removed his fingers to find his mouth. After a few messy kisses, Dan stroked himself to the same pleasant feeling. 

Kyle used his now freed hand to move underneath Dan’s bum and hold him close to him. He didn’t want Dan to get any mental ideas like they were moving away from one another anytime soon. 

Dan lazily kissed Kyle as he hooked his leg over the back of Kyle’s knee. Kyle was holding him against him and keeping himself inside, with Dan having no plans to move away anytime soon. 

Kyle used his other hand to press against Dan’s neck. The lazy kisses were barely kisses anymore and Kyle rested his forehead against Dan’s and breathed him in. 

They were properly and officially engaged. They consummated the engagement in a room that was theirs and they had no place they needed to be. 

Kyle had to help his uncle put back up the plastic, but surely he would understand that Kyle was unable to move himself with the body attached to his own. And the bed that they now shared together. 

“I love this.” Dan smiled as Kyle finally opened his eyes and found his again. Kyle had moved outside him, but he was still staying almost as close. “Lazy mornings in our bed together.”

Kyle traced Dan’s bottom lip with his left ring finger and felt Dan keen underneath him. Oh, Kyle could get used to this. “We are hot together. I have never had this with anyone. Anyone.” 

“Same.” Dan licked at Kyle’s finger and felt himself respond in interest. 

“Now, now.” Kyle allowed Dan one last lick and then moved his hand away. He wouldn’t survive going again and he was starving. Hopefully, Dan had found his appetite again now that Kyle had his ring. “Breakfast?” 

Dan felt his stomach growl and he found that he was actually hungry. Something he hadn’t experienced in the past few days. 

Dan knew that Kyle was going to accept the ring, but there was still a nagging voice that was telling him to prepare for the worst. Dan hated that side of himself, but it was who he was and he was learning to live with it. 

It helped that Kyle was always consistent with him and showed him time and time again that he understood that Dan never meant it when he panicked. Kyle was quickly learning how to work Dan through it as well. 

Probably because Kyle displayed similar features in himself. 

After cleaning themselves and dressing, they found themselves in the kitchen of the studio eating the food Dan had thought to pack for breakfast. 

“You thought this whole thing out, didn’t you?” Kyle smiled from his spot sat on top of the counter. Dan was standing in between his legs and eating. Kyle didn’t know he would be so happy to see Dan eating again. “You surprised me. Truly thought I was in a mad video or something.” 

“I surprised you?” Dan said and took a bite of his muffin. He found eating made him more hungry and he knew they would need to find more substantial food soon. 

Kyle nodded his head as he finished his muffin and then followed it with a long drink of his orange juice. “I had a shite day. Horrid customer and all those sounds.” 

Kyle pointed to his hearing aids. “I love them, but wow, it is taking its toll on me.” 

“If they are too much, you can take them off with me.” Dan smiled as Kyle’s hand found its way to his hair. Absentmindedly playing with a long piece in the back. “I will make sure to sign more.” 

“Now, why would I deny myself the sweet sounds you make?” Kyle laughed and leaned forward to kiss Dan’s hairline. He must have bleached it again, because the roots were almost non-existent. “I will take them off with the rest of the world and soak up all of your sounds.” 

Dan blushed and bit his lip, looking down and then right back up again. How? How was he so lucky? Kyle’s hand stilled in his hair, holding it steady in his grip. 

“Speaking of sounds.” Kyle smiled at him. “Why did you have me play that piece on the piano. Is it something new? And, why was it needed during your romantic proposal? Did I miss something?” 

“No.” Dan shook his head and took a drink of his orange juice. Setting it down, Dan moved his hands to rest on Kyle’s thighs. “Don’t be upset, but I filmed everything.” 

“Everything? You dirty slag!” Kyle pulled at Dan’s hair and smirked at him. “Us together this morning? If that on film? I want a copy. I need a copy. Like, now.” 

“Fuck, no.” Dan’s face went pale thinking of what that would look like on film. The Kyle bits would be fine, but Dan did not need to see himself on film like that. “I turned them off before we went to bed.” 

“That would go in my permanent mind bank if you had. I mean, we are always good together, but that was some next level love making.” Kyle smoothed down the longer bits in the back of Dan’s head and then pushed his hand fully back from the top. Mimicking the movement Dan’s hand would frequently make on his head. 

Dan felt his cheeks darkening but he couldn't go there with Kyle. He wouldn’t ever be okay with having himself on film like that. 

A sick part of Dan’s brain wondered if Kyle and Alex had ever filmed their time together. If there was some video out there of Kyle’s eyes looking at Alex with the same amount of love Dan had this morning. 

Kyle saw Dan’s eyes darken and he knew what Dan was stewing over in his brain. “No. There are no videos of me out there with anyone. I am only half joking when I say lets film ourselves. But I would love to watch us together.”

“Not going to happen.” Dan shook his head and broke eye contact. Pushing down those thoughts, Dan felt himself righten again and he looked up. “I am going to send the footage to my mate. He can cut it together with you playing over it. It is a song I wrote for you. It has lyrics, but you need to wait for them.” 

“Can we trust this mate?” Kyle teased. “I mean, will he only use all my best angles?” 

“All of you is the best.” Dan said quietly as he looked down to his ring on his finger, but he knew Kyle heard him. He needed to watch that now. He wouldn’t be able to get away with saying quick things like that anymore with these new hearing aids. Looking back up, Dan repeated himself. “I said, all of you is the best.” 

“I know.” Kyle nodded his head and then Dan’s, with the grip on his head. “Oh, what is that? Dan agrees that he is all the best as well.” 

Dan laughed as he allowed himself to fall into him. Wrapping his arms around his back, Dan leaned his weight into Kyle’s chest and closed his eyes. 

There it was. 

That sense of peace he had been missing these past few days. 

“Don’t fall asleep on me.” Kyle moved both hands to Dan’s head and held it close to his chest. “I am beginning to think that you only want to marry me because I’m some sort of giant pillow or something. Not that anyone has ever called me plump. I’ve always been the skinny lad that people joke will blow away with a good wind.” 

Dan stayed in his spot but moved one hand to sign ‘stop’ and ‘awake.’ Dan hoped Kyle understood him with only one hand being used, because he was not moving from their spot. 

Not yet. 

Everything felt amazing and he wanted to capture the moment. 

For his mind bank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50 chapters. 
> 
> 140,000+ words. 
> 
> 125 comments (minus my replies). 
> 
> 100 likes. 
> 
> What even is this story? 
> 
> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


	51. Chapter 51

“A bit higher.” Kyle raised his voice, making it echo through the empty room. “Fuck, watch it! Nearly took off my finger.” 

“Pay attention!” Kyle’s uncle shouted back. 

“Shouting at me does nothing.” Kyle shouted back even though he knew what his uncle said. At least he could assume. Either way, he had little malice in his tone. They were both stressed and the plastic was not going up without a fight. Almost as if it was as fed up with the restrictions as the rest of the world was at the moment. “We need another person.” 

Kyle’s uncle nodded his head and gestured with his head to have them place the plastic back on the ground. 

“Your man handy?” Kyle’s uncle asked as he signed. He had a bit of a smirk on his face, but Kyle chose to ignore that. 

“Maybe.” Kyle reached for his mobile and hit the top name. “I’ll see if he is busy.” 

_Want to help your future husband and in-law with a project at the coffee shop? It requires a bit of brawn and a lot of brains. And, you know, you get to see me._

__

__

_And the ring. :)_

Kyle felt it was appropriate to tease since Dan had been obsessed with the ring since Kyle accepted it. It was nice to have Dan so invested in them, but he hoped that it wasn’t something that would become an issue later on. 

Kyle’s uncle waved in his direction and called his name. 

“Yeah?” Kyle asked looking up but feeling the vibration of his mobile at the same time. 

“Look.” Kyle’s uncle pointed to the door and there was a shy looking bloke with bleached blonde hair, clear glasses, and a mask that was faded from use looking through the door window. 

Kyle quickly read the message and wondered if Dan had enough time to lock the studio and get here without some sort of magic being involved.

“You waiting outside the door stalking me?” Kyle teased after unlocking the door and allowing Dan to enter. “You were meant to be Zooming with someone, right?”

“They cancelled.” Dan signed and looked toward Kyle’s uncle. “Hello.” 

“Hello.” The man laughed at their exchange. “You come to pay for your coffee? You have a tab now.” 

Dan reached for his wallet and started opening it, when Kyle rested his hand on his forearm. 

“What are you doing?” Kyle looked between his uncle and Dan and saw he missed something. His uncle was laughing and Dan’s eyes looked embarrassed. “What did you say to him?”

“It was a joke.” Kyle’s uncle signed. “He didn’t pay for his coffee last time. I’m not serious. Put it away.” 

Dan put his wallet away and felt the nervousness linger. He had had limited interaction with Kyle’s family and he already felt like he had gotten off on the wrong foot. Hugging his arms around himself, Dan fidgeted with the edge of his shirt sleeve and looked toward the plastic.

“Our bad humour is obviously a family trait.” Kyle brushed his hand against Dan’s arm and hoped he was able to relax himself. Dan interacting with his uncle was probably the tamest person to have his first in person interaction with. “Laugh every now and then to spare his feelings.” 

“I heard that.” Kyle’s uncle said behind Kyle’s back. “Spare him the family history. He has ages to learn all our family secrets. Right now, we are losing money and need to get this back on the wall.” 

“Is he talking to me again?” Kyle leaned in closer to whisper to Dan and that appeared to do the trick. Dan relaxed his body a bit and lowered his arms. Now his thumb was rubbing against his ring and he nodded his answer. Kyle nodded his head in return. 

With the three of them, it only took twenty minutes and the plastic was back on the wall and secured to the counter and the ceiling. 

Kyle’s uncle thanked them and said he needed to go get more supplies. The delivery was going to be late this week and he was going to the market to get what they needed to get by for now. 

Dan decided to stay back with Kyle and keep him company. 

“Hand me the milk, please.” Kyle asked Dan as he made the woman’s coffee. “It is in the small fridge there.” 

Dan nodded his head and turned both ways to try and find the milk. All counters and cabinets looked the same. After opening two cabinets, Dan found the milk and handed it to Kyle. 

Kyle tried to show him he was smiling as he signed ‘thank you.’ 

Dan signed back ‘welcome’ and smiled underneath his mask.

“You must be new.” The woman said through the plastic and her mask as she looked up from her phone. “His uncle and him are the only ones ever here.” 

“Helping out today.” Dan nodded his head and crossed his arms again, hugging himself tight. Kyle was still making her coffee with his back turned to their conversation. “I have no skill in making coffee. Not qualified. Unless that includes spilling it everywhere and messing up everyone's orders.” 

“Shame.” The woman laughed. “I like fit blokes that can make coffee. I know Kyle is a hopeless cause, but I thought maybe we were meant to be.” 

“Sorry.” Dan felt his mouth go dry and he wondered what to say. It was rare that someone hit on him and he always felt like a twat when it happened. His brain forgot how to function and he either scared them off or endeared them into thinking he was cute. 

“I would be willing to overlook the lack of skill in making coffee if I can have your number.” The woman clicked on her screen and then looked to Dan waiting for his response. “I will put you under ‘cute, blushing coffee man’ until you give me a name.” 

Dan pinched underneath his arm and felt his brain stop working. Why was he such a twat with this stuff? Obviously, he was not interested. But how do you let someone down gently? Dan wasn’t sure if he had ever had this happen. Outside a music fan encounter, but Dan didn’t count that because the woman did not know him from that. 

“Thanks for your patience, Kathy.” Kyle raised his voice so she could hear him through the plastic. “I added in an extra shot for your time.” 

Kyle placed the coffee inside the middle area for Kathy to open and get when she was ready. Looking back to Dan, he raised his eyebrows. “What did I miss? You were talking to each other.”

“Kyle.” Kathy waved in his direction. Once she had Kyle’s attention, she asked, “You can hear me now?” 

“What did she say?” Kyle asked, looking forward toward Dan. 

Dan signed back what she said to Kyle and then what she asked Dan. Dan felt the beads of sweat at his temples and he wanted the floor to open up. 

“You want me to answer her?” Kyle stepped in closer and brushed his hand down Dan’s arm. Dan was fidgeting with his ring by rubbing against it with his thumb and appeared stressed. 

Dan shook his head and turned to face Kathy. Swallowing, he ignored the pain of the skin on his finger being rubbed with the ring. “You seem wonderful, but I’m not...I’m not…” 

“Oh, no worries.” Kathy laughed. “The good ones are always gay.” 

Kathy raised her coffee and told Kyle she would see him soon. 

Dan leaned back against the counter and ran his hand through his hair. 

“She left quickly.” Kyle stepped in front of him and was thankful that there were no customers. “You tell her?” 

Dan shook his head. Signing his answer. “I tried to but she assumed I was gay.” 

“Oh.” Kyle nodded his head slowly. Stepping in closer, he found Dan’s eyes and held them. “You okay with that?” 

Dan shrugged his shoulder. The whole of the internet was talking about it, at least that is what it felt like when Dan would go on any form of social media. Why was it different for a person in front of him to assume it? 

“Kathy is kind. She has supported this place since we opened. She flirted with me for a whole week before she figured out that I did not lean in her direction.” Kyle moved Dan’s hand away from his ring and placed it in his own to stop the fidgeting. “She probably saw what I saw in you. Cute, shy bloke with amazing eyes.” 

Dan leaned his head against Kyle’s shoulder and focused on breathing. He was fine, but he needed a minute to sort out why he was reacting to this. 

Dan needed to get used to this. People were going to assume now and that was fine. Just strange at the same time, because Dan never had to think about it before. What others thought about his sexual orientation never mattered to Dan. 

And now, maybe it did.

“But only I get to know all the other bits about you that made me fall even more in love with you." Kyle took off Dan's mask after freeing his hand and then his own. "Give us a kiss. Remind yourself that what other people think is none of your business. Only us, that is what matters with us." 

Dan leaned forward and gave him a chase kiss. Kyle wasn't having it and instantly deepened it, leaving Dan a bit breathless as he was pushed back against the hard counter. 

Dan decided to participate in the kiss and raised himself up on his toes as his tongue moved into Kyle's mouth. 

"Nevermind." Dan heard near the door and then a snickering noise as Kathy closed the door behind her. 

"What?" Kyle looked to Dan's eyes and then the door. It had made a sound like someone opened it, but there was no one there. "Did we give someone a show and they left without tipping?" 

"Kathy." Dan panted a bit and didn't want to explain it. He wanted to go back to their kiss and ignore the fact that other people existed. At least for a few minutes longer. "She came back but then left." 

"Guess she believe you now." Kyle laughed and kissed Dan's nose, ignoring the whining sound he heard when he stepped away from him. "Work now. It is not professional to snog in one's place of work. Didn't you read the employee handbook? I wrote it." 

Dan laughed and watched as Kyle went about cleaning the machine he used to make Kathy's coffee. Picking up a cleaning rag next to him, Dan started wiping down the counters. He didn't want to leave and, if he was going to stay, he might as well be helpful. 

It was dark when Kyle's uncle returned and he told them to close up while he put away the supplies. After counting the till, Kyle waved good-bye to his uncle and they left. 

"Do you need to go back to the studio?" Kyle asked as they walked toward his vehicle parked in front of the studio. Kyle had his pinky finger wrapped around Dan's pinky finger as they walked. Their plan was to sleep at Dan's flat and gather more clothes for the next night, which would be spent in the studio. 

The day after that, they were going to attempt to have a social distanced practice session with Will and Woody. Charlie would be added into the mix later, as he was busy finishing up his own record. 

"No." Dan shook his head. His mind was still on Kathy and how she had flirted with him and then just was easily accepted that he was gay. Kyle's pinky holding his own helped, but he felt like he was going to get lost in his thoughts that night. 

"Good." Kyle dropped his pinky as they reached the vehicle. "Ready? They all know?" 

"Sophie likely told them by now." Dan nodded his head and sat in the passenger seat. Was he gay? Did a label matter? Was there something else that best described him? "She was almost more excited about it than me." 

"What's that?" Kyle turned on the overhead light and cursed as it flickered and went out. "Old car is falling apart." 

Dan signed that they would talk when they got to his and Kyle allowed the conversation to pause. 

Kyle knew Dan was likely obsessing about what happened earlier with Kathy and he wondered how Dan was going to resolve it. He had a few ideas to run past Dan, but he knew he would need to wait until Dan wanted to talk about it more. And when they were not driving in the dark.


	52. Chapter 52

After tea with Dan’s flatmates and a long game of Monopoly, Dan and Kyle went out to the patio while everyone else went to sleep. Everyone else had work in the morning. 

It was nice to not have a traditional job. At least sometimes. 

A game of Never Have I Ever was started without either of them realizing they were playing the game. 

As most games of that nature, the game started superficial and silly and turned more serious and revealing as the shots were had. 

“Never have I ever had a wank in the toilet at a house party.” Kyle grinned and took a shot. He was pleasantly drunk and did not care that he was breaking the rules by offering something that he did. 

Kyle wasn’t even sure if there were rules to the version they were playing. 

Dan shook his head and did not take a drink. By far, Kyle was more intoxicated than he was and he decided he was too pathetic to play this game. 

“Never have I ever been…” Dan trailed off with his words and he got Kyle’s attention from his lack of sound. Dan, while not completely drunk, had a few drinks and it was making him lower a few shields. 

“Forget?” Kyle rocked forward on the chair he had turned backward. Kyle was hugging the back of the chair and holding his half full glass in his hand. It was easier to keep a full glass and take shots as needed rather than continuously fill up a shot size cup. “Or are my batteries drained?” 

Dan shook his head and placed his glass down near his feet. It was likely not the safest place, but he needed two hands. Signing as he spoke, Dan explained. “I don’t know if I want to say it, because it sounds pathetic.” 

Dan fingerspelled the last word because he did not know the sign. 

“I won’t judge you.” Kyle moved his chair in closer and made sure to not spill his drink. Moving made him a bit dizzy so he stayed put and did not rock for a few seconds. “Promise.” 

“I was going to say that I never had a kiss in secondary school, but that is stupid because I know you have.” Dan was proud he was able to sign the majority of the words. His drunk brain was not allowing him proper BSL grammar, but he was trying. It was hard to speak yet sign the different order of words, so he just signed what he spoke. 

“No kiss?” Kyle tilted his head to the right and lowered his smile into a more neutral mouth shape. “You were too shy?” 

“I was too...a lot of things.” Dan hugged his arms to his chest and pinched underneath his arm. The skin around his ring was sore, so he had been trying to leave it alone. “No one wanted to kiss me. I’m not sure if I wanted anyone to kiss me. I didn’t like myself.” 

“That is sad.” Kyle lowered his drink to the ground and kept his eyes on Dan’s mouth. "I know many people struggle with liking themselves. Especially during those years." 

There was enough light out there that he could still read his lips. It was nice when Dan signed, but Kyle was getting better at associating the words he read with the sounds he heard from him. Likely because Dan was the one he listened to and studied the most. 

“It was.” Dan nodded his head. He was removed from that time, but he still remembered what it felt like to be an ‘other’ in a world of people that seemed to know all the rules to a book Dan never read. “I was quite the sad kid. My parents had me evaluated, because they were concerned. I wasn’t sleeping and I basically hid in my room. I was still quite little. Maybe ten? Eleven? The counselor said that I was depressed and anxious. I was prescribed tablets.” 

Kyle nodded his head to show that he was listening. His brain was a bit foggy given the alcohol, but he was following along. 

“They made me gain a lot of weight. I slept a bit better, but I was still the child that liked to be alone and in my room.” Dan broke eye contact to look at the flowers around them. He had been away but they continued to grow. Hopefully someone else was tending to them. 

“Did they help?” Kyle asked, brushing back his hair off his face and putting it up for now. Dan was too far away to play with it and the night was warm. “The tablets?” 

“A bit.” Dan felt the skin underneath his arm start to hurt so he switched to pulling at the material of his shirt. “I kept gaining and the physician removed them when I was around seventeen because I was unhealthy. The insomnia came back. The kids at school were horrible to me. I didn’t want to be friends with them. I had film and books to escape in. And music.” 

“Art is a great comfort for a wounded soul.” Kyle moved his chair in closer yet, so he could touch Dan. Placing his hand on Dan’s knee, he found his touch settled it and he stopped bouncing it. “All those years being comforted by art and now you make it yourself. I’m positive you are a great comfort to others with it.” 

Dan pulled at the front of his shirt and looked toward Kyle’s hand on his knee. It was no accident that Kyle used his left hand. 

Dan gave a quick nod of his head, but didn’t say anything else on the matter. That was still strange for him to think about. Especially now with all the messages and support he continued to receive. 

“I’m not gay.” Dan found Kyle’s eyes and held them. He signed as he spoke to give his hands something to do. “I know I have had crushes on lads but nothing I acted on. I didn’t want to act on them. Only you. Not that I don’t think gay people are valid, they are. I just don’t believe I am gay. Maybe bisexual? But it is confusing. People are messaging me. Saying wonderful and amazing things. But...so many questions as well.” 

“Hey.” Kyle rubbed his hand up and down Dan’s thigh, hoping it eased some of Dan’s discomfort. Kyle knew how vulnerable Dan was being right now and how thinking about sexuality was confusing and scary at times. “I didn’t wake up one morning and had everything figured out with my sexuality. I didn’t know how to accept it at first. I’m not saying that you are gay or that you just need to accept it about yourself. But, it took me time. I didn’t like myself for a long time as well. Not the gay thing, but other pieces of me. We are human so we are flawed. My ears, that was soul crushing. You know that whole story. I’m still a work in progress. Aren’t we all?” 

“What if I say the wrong thing and people turn on me? If they don’t think I’m gay enough or whatever? Or if they think I hid something from them?” Dan signed most of it but his brain was starting to hurt. Taking a long drink from his glass, Dan held it against his stomach as he continued. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing and everything goes away. I joke that it will, but I won’t be able to manage it if it did. I love it. I miss it.” 

“I have been stalking you since I found out about you. People love you. They won’t turn on you. Yes, there are some ignorant and hateful people out there, but don’t focus on them. They stand out because of their cruel words, but there are so many amazing and wonderful people out there.” Kyle smiled and used his fingers to make a stepping motion across Dan’s thigh. “I was worried how they were going to react to me. I didn’t want people to think I was ‘taking’ you away from them. But, from what I have seen, everyone has been lovely. They gave us a name.” 

“A what?” Dan laughed and sat up straighter. He felt the continuous, but varied touch from Kyle and it helped. 

“A name. You know, like they give celebrities.” Kyle laughed at the face Dan made. “Oh, hush now. It is Dyle. Isn’t that adorable? Mainly because most of that is my name.” 

“Dyle?” Dan laughed with him and covered Kyle’s hand with his own. “I like it. Simple and not too gushy.” 

Kyle nodded his head and took a drink. “Oh, I thought of one. Never have I ever talked to flowers.” 

Dan took his drink while flipping off Kyle. “They like it!” 

“Sure.” Kyle nodded his head while he laughed. “They do look lovely. You will make a good father someday.” 

Dan felt his face go pale and Kyle must have seen it as well. 

“Did I overstep there? Do you not want children?” Kyle narrowed his eyebrows some and attempted to hide his anxiety surrounding Dan’s answer. Kyle wanted children. Loads of them. He wanted to spoil them and teach them about music and art. All the wonderful things in life. Now that he had Dan, his dream extended to raising these soulful and creative children with Dan. 

“No.” Dan shook his head and realized that was not clear. Pulling at his shirt more and running a hand through his hair, Dan nodded his head. “I want children. Maybe I never thought I would have them? You know. Never thought I would marry someone. Children always felt like a dream.” 

“I thought you were going to ask...whatever her name is, you never told me. Ask her to marry you?” Kyle took Dan’s hand back and moved their fingers together to attempt to distract him. Kyle wasn’t entirely comfortable with the conversation and it was nice to distract himself as well. 

“I never thought she would agree.” Dan looked toward Kyle’s fingers moving with his own and took a deep breath in. Slowly letting it out, he looked back up. “Honestly, I never thought anyone would want to marry me. Ever since I was a teenager, I figured no one would want to put up with me. Especially when I wasn’t healthy. Falling in love and having someone forever was for other people. Never me.” 

“I’ve been there.” Kyle nodded his head and moved their fingers so they were entwined together. Making sure that Dan’s eyes were on him, Kyle smiled. “You are worthy of love, Daniel. Just as you are. Everyone is. I’m so lucky you love me. I believe we were meant to be together. As much as people fight the idea, there is someone out there for everyone. I had to go through a few people and learn more about myself to be ready for you.” 

“I like that.” Dan smiled and moved in to kiss him. Allowing them both time with the kiss, Dan took his hand away from Kyle’s and moved up to his hair. It was up, but Dan could still get his fingers up through the underside. Dan whispered against his lips, “I love you.” 

“I love you.” Kyle smiled into the kiss. He heard that. Only a little bit with his ears, but fully with the rest of his being. Dan made him feel loved every day. His eyes and hands on him. The obsession with the rings. Being vulnerable and open with Kyle. He loved it all. There was something inside him that would be forever connected to Dan and he loved the feeling. “More and more every day.” 

Dan moved them back so he could see Kyle. Dan wanted to tell him a million more things, but Dan had a feeling that Kyle already knew them. Sometimes Dan felt like Kyle could understand him, even when he never said a word. 

“Say good evening to your flowers and we will go to bed.” Kyle smirked. “I have more things to tell you, but I cannot with their innocent ears listening.” 

Dan smiled back and stood with his hand already taking Kyle’s. Their drinks were brought inside and Dan locked the door behind him. 

Dan waved goodnight to them as Kyle led them up the stairs, with his hand holding Dan’s.


	53. Chapter 53

“They are demanding that you entertain them.” Kyle handed his mobile over to Dan. They were sitting in the studio and winding down for the night. 

Kyle had made a few additions to a new track and Dan decided they needed to record it right away. Kyle had to remind him that Kyle’s memory was better than Dan’s and he wasn’t going to forget it that night, but Dan insisted. 

They had finished recording and sat scrolling through their phones after their late meal. “You likely can imagine the number of requests I have from people. They are commenting on my posts now.” 

“Sorry.” Dan swallowed and closed out Kyle’s app as if to make the situation disappear. “I shouldn’t have posted that picture with us without asking.” 

“Are you joking?” Kyle laughed and brushed back his hair dramatically. “I’m a motherfucking star, mate.” 

“Stop.” Dan brushed against Kyle’s arm and then properly moved Kyle’s hair back behind his ear, careful not to mess with the hearing aids. If Kyle allowed his hair to grow for a few more weeks, it might touch his shoulders. 

The sofa was small and the pair were turned facing each other for easy communication. Their opposite knees touching one another. 

Moving his hand down Kyle’s arm, Dan bit underneath his lip. Maybe he should go live. It had been ages since he played anything live. 

The last livestream changed his life forever. 

“You want to?” Kyle asked, turning his head slightly to the left. “I’ll be your cameraman. Person? Camera person.” 

Dan set up his phone in the studio so that Kyle didn’t need to hold it. Instead, he said they were going to play together. Much like their first live together, Kyle would sit off view of the camera and then join in. 

“Hello.” Dan leaned into the camera and adjusted his glasses. There weren't many people joining them yet. Which seemed fair given that he did not announce it. “Hello, all three people watching. Oh, four. Five. Six. Okay, I’ll stop. This isn’t ‘Dan Can Count Live!’ Never mind, twenty!” 

Dan left out a quick laugh and pulled out his shirt. He stayed closed to the screen to block Kyle from view. 

“Everyone alright. I hope you all are well and staying sane.” Dan smiled, feeling brave. “Anything new with you lot?” 

Kyle tapped Dan’s thigh, likely inpatient and wanting to play. Dan signed to him to wait off screen.

Kyle laughed at the sign and decided Dan was likely milking it a bit longer. 

“I’m doing well, thank you.” Dan responded to the questions popping up on the screen. “Oh, yes. A few new things in my life.” 

Dan rubbed his hair back and decided he had teased them enough. There were close to 400 people now and more were likely to join. 

“Kyle?” Dan read and jumped a bit when Kyle poked him in the ribs. He forgot that Kyle could hear Dan say his name now. Dan signed underneath the screen to wait. “Who is this Kyle?” 

Kyle poked again at Dan’s rib and wondered what he was talking about using his name. He thought maybe it was time to reveal him, but there he sat. 

Dan felt Kyle squeeze his thigh and he decided it was done teasing. Sitting back and pulling at his shirt, Dan gave a sheepish smile. “Oh, this guy? This Kyle?” 

“Why do you keep saying my name?” Kyle kept his hand resting on Dan’s thigh, way below the camera angle. With his other hand, Kyle waved to the screen with a large smile. “Hello.” 

“They were talking about you.” Dan smiled at Kyle and then pointed to the screen. Signing his response, “See, they only care about you now.” 

“About time.” Kyle laughed and read the words moving across the screen. His speed reading ability had increased with his decreasing hearing. “Like the new accessories? I can hear when Dan says my name now, isn’t that wicked?” 

The pair read through a few more messages yet Dan tried to ignore the ones gushing over them. 

“Want to hear a song?” Dan asked to the screen and then signed to Kyle the first song to play. “I’m going to let Kyle play because he is loads better. I now have to get him to sing as well and I can retire to behind the camera.” 

“What did you say?” Kyle laughed reading the comments. They were going fast but there was a combination of ‘NOOOOOOO’ and ‘YESSSS’ scrolling with a few other comments talking about wanting to hear Kyle’s singing voice. “You sharing secrets?” 

Dan shook his head and smiled in his direction. Signing, he said, “Never.” 

“What did he say?” Kyle asked the screen. Ignoring Dan attempting to cover the comments from his view, Kyle lowered Dan’s hands and read through the comments. “He tell you I was singing? For shame. I would never. I love Dan’s voice.” 

Dan felt himself blush and he started to regret going live. Pulling out his shirt with his left hand, Dan pointed to the piano with the other one. “Play.” 

Dan made it through the song, with Kyle playing well throughout. Opening his eyes, he made a weird face of relief and then his face dropped. 

Every comment was talking about the ring on his finger. 

Fuck. 

Kyle tapped on Dan’s waist, attempting to get his attention. When Dan looked at him, Kyle saw the fear there and he wanted to do something. Signing, he told him to breathe and take a minute. 

Dan turned toward Kyle and put his back to the screen. Signing, Dan didn’t voice the words. 

‘What do?’

Kyle signed back that it was fine and to keep breathing through it. 

Kyle leaned around Dan and put a finger up to the screen. “One moment please. Technical difficulties.” 

Dan took a few deeper breaths and then moved to his original position. Rubbing his ring with his thumb against his finger, Dan ignored the pain and smiled. “Not ready to talk about it. Music now. Okay?” 

Dan made it through another song with a few minor mistakes. He played with Kyle this time to distract himself more and attempt to stop fidgeting with the now sore finger. 

“Okay, one more.” Dan looked to Kyle. “What do you want to play?” 

“Can I do my piece?” Kyle asked, smoothing down his top. “The first one I played you?” 

Dan nodded his head and felt the relief wash over him. He wouldn’t have to sing anymore and he could merely watch. 

Kyle finished the first half and then added in the words toward the end. He had written a few lyrics to accompany the song. He could hear himself singing and it was very surreal to be singing with the number of people watching them. 

If it were truly live and there were that many people in front of them, Kyle would have likely passed out by lack of oxygen by now. 

Dan smiled hearing Kyle’s rich, baritone voice and hugged himself so he didn’t do something stupid and kiss him at the end of it. 

“That sound alright?” Kyle asked as he finished. His eyes moving back and forth from the screen to Dan. “I think you are all biased, but I need the compliments so I don’t mind.” 

Dan smiled bigger and wondered if anyone had actually broken their face from smiling too much.

“You are amazing.” Dan finally found words and realized he had been staring at Kyle the whole time without speaking. Turning back to the camera, Dan laughed. “Okay, I think I made enough of a fool of myself. Stay sane everyone. Lots of love. Wash your hands!” 

“Bye.” Kyle waved to the screen. “Stay well.” 

As the phone was turned off, Dan looked toward Kyle and found he was being watched. 

How rare. 

“You sound really good in that.” Dan pointed to the piano and signed with his words. “Like, really good. You want to be in my band?” 

“I’ll think about it.” Kyle smiled and bumped his arm against Dan’s. “Any fit lads in it?” 

“Why, yes.” Dan laughed. “We have two fine gentlemen coming tomorrow to fall in love with you in person.” 

“I’m nervous.” Kyle made a face. “What if I pass out? Did I forget to tell you I don’t breathe when I play? Especially in front of new people.” 

“We will put pillows on the floor. It will be fine.” Dan smiled and kissed near Kyle’s mouth. “Speaking of pillows. Bed?” 

“You mean that big, cozy bed that you spoiled me with?” Kyle stood and lowered his hand for Dan to take. “I need to buy you something nice now. I’m not a kept man.” 

Dan swallowed and wondered how much of that was Kyle teasing and the truth. Dan had been avoiding the financial discussion and he really did not want to go there now. 

“Would it make you feel better that it was on sale?” Dan asked, following Kyle to their new room. Kyle was walking backward and Dan was gently steering him with his eyes. “Or that you can buy a wardrobe for us?” 

“I don’t have any money.” Kyle pouted, attempting to keep it light. It was not the time to have this conversation, but it was creeping its way into their bedroom time. “Can we talk about this later? I want to cuddle you and whisper nice things in your ear.” 

“Only if you whisper more randy things as well.” Dan laughed at the interested face Kyle gave him in return. “What? You are literally a walking stick of sexy and I get to sleep with you.” 

“Keep talking.” Kyle sat back on the bed and leaned back on his hands, opening his legs. “Keep stroking my ego.” 

“Or…” Dan lowered himself down one knee at a time and rested in between Kyle’s legs. “Can I stroke something else?” 

“You lock the door?” Kyle asked as he undid his belt and then worked on the jeans zip. 

“When we first arrived.” Dan watched as Kyle pushed down the jeans and pants. Dan helped once they reached Kyle’s calves. “Do I get my reward for keeping us safe?” 

“Reward?” Kyle asked laughing and then swallowed the laugh as Dan had his warm mouth on him. Dan did not go deep down, but it was lovely all the same. “Fuck, Daniel. That feels good.” 

Dan beamed at the praise but tapped at Kyle to get him to open his eyes. “Don’t press in too much. I am not an expert, but if I’m going to sing tomorrow, I believe you need to go easy on me.” 

Kyle bit his lip and nodded his head in return. Dan’s mouth was right back on him. As much as Kyle wanted to memorize every image of Dan, he found his eyes closing and he leaned his head back. 

This was everything. 

Kyle wanted to touch him, but his arms were holding him up so he settled on making loud noises to allow Dan to know he was doing good. 

Dan moaned hearing the response he was getting from Kyle and in his fog, he went too deep. Pulling back as he gagged a bit, Dan looked up. 

Kyle’s eyes were tightly closed and he was sucking on his bottom lip. 

Maybe a few rough notes tomorrow would be worth it to keep Kyle looking like that. 

Swallowing most of him in one go, Dan heard Kyle moan out his name and Dan fell forward. That time, he properly gagged himself and he decided it was time to move fully to the bed. 

Reluctantly opening his eyes and moving himself away from the daze Dan put him under, Kyle saw that Dan was removing clothes so he moved back up on their bed and threw off his top. 

Dan settled on top of him and Kyle smiled hearing Dan say his name. 

That was everything right there. 

Kyle found Dan’s mouth and the two worked on wearing themselves out enough to sleep through the night. 

Tomorrow was going to be an amazing day. 

The first practice of the new band.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had most of this chapter good to go last night and then I learned of RBG passing. She held out as long as she could and that will only enhance her legacy. 
> 
> Wow, what unprecedented times we live in. 
> 
> Please, everyone that reads this that is American and of age to vote, VOTE. It is not being dramatic to say that our lives and rights literally depend on people joining together and demanding our voices are heard. Enough is enough. /end political rant

Dan walked up beside Kyle and rested his right hand on Kyle’s right hip to get his attention. Dan watched as Kyle’s fingers moved across the keyboard as he practiced. For the past hour, Kyle had been going through song after song, both new and old. Despite being near Kyle and the arm around his lower back, Kyle continued to play. 

Dan rocked up onto his toes and kissed Kyle’s temple, interrupting the song enough to get Kyle’s eyes to open and move to Dan’s face. 

“You will do great.” Dan smiled and kissed Kyle’s warm cheek. Maybe he should be concerned about Kyle’s habit of holding his breath while he plays. Kyle had not done it with Dan; however, the idea that Woody and Will would be judging him obviously was getting inside Kyle’s head. “If not, let me know and we can put the cushions around you.” 

“I know you said I’m good, but what about them?” Kyle felt his anxiety on high alert, with his chest tight and his stomach in knots. They would likely arrive any minute and Kyle did not feel prepared. Before, Will and Woody had only been small little squares on the computer. Kyle could watch them with Dan literally plastered to his side. Now, they would be real live people and Dan would be away from him. “What if I mess up?” 

“I am going to mess up, like a million times.” Dan rubbed his fingers against the warm skin on Kyle’s hip, his fingers finding their way underneath the layers of cloth covering it. “Woody is going to mess up. Will will mess up and blame Woody or me. If he blames you, then you have been accepted by him. Though, seriously, tell him you love Daniel Craig and Will will love you by default. Tell Woody you love Plymouth footie and he will love you for life.” 

“But, if I mess up, it is because of my ears and it is not the same.” Kyle leaned his hip into the touch and closed his eyes briefly to focus on Dan’s fingers and not the acid moving around in his stomach. “I want to show them that I deserve to be in the band. That I can do it.” 

Dan waited for Kyle to open his eyes and held Kyle’s eyes with his own. There was absolutely no universe in which the other members would not accept Kyle into the band. Kyle was amazing at playing and he learned their whole catalog in less than a few months. Fuck, Dan wrote the music and he was still learning it. 

“You will.” Dan kissed Kyle’s cheek again and then the corner of his mouth. Moving his head back, he waited for Kyle’s eyes and told him, “You already have. Today, we simply learn how to play together. And practice the new songs. The new track will be released soon and we are going to film us playing it. Live.” 

“The video is wicked.” Kyle nodded his head. Dan’s fingers were moving down further and adding more pressure to his skin. Kyle’s arms were pressed tight against his stomach, attempting to calm it as well. “Is it really going to be okay if I mess up? Like, what if I faint?” 

Dan smiled and pressed the tips of his fingers more into Kyle’s warm skin. Moving them in a small circle, he waited again for Kyle to open his eyes. Once Kyle was looking at him, Dan said with all seriousness. “I will run over and catch you.” 

“I’m being serious.” Kyle smirked at the idea of Dan racing toward him and saving him at the last moment. His mind went back to their meeting and how Dan appeared to have little control of his body then. “Maybe we need the cushions and the pillows. Let’s move the bed in here.” 

“Veto.” Dan smirked back and kissed Kyle on the mouth. Pressing his lips against Kyle’s, Dan sighed into the kiss. There was no time to give him a proper kiss as there were sounds of people entering the studio. 

Dan felt himself get a bit emotional that there were people in the building with them. A first in too many months to count. 

And, that it was Will and Woody, two people he considered as his band family. People he had literally been his best and his worst around. And Dan knew that they loved him just as fiercely. 

“They are here.” Dan pulled back enough to make sure that Kyle understood and then gave him another quick kiss as he saw Kyle’s face go pale. “They already love you. Remember that. And I love you more.” 

“Hun, hun. I’m home!” Woody cheered as he entered their practice space. He had put his hair back to help combat the heat of the day and the long car ride there. His smile lit up his face. 

Raising his hands in the air, Woody gave a victory bounce that Dan had seen him do when he scored points in footie. Much to no one’s surprise, he was wearing a Plymouth mask. “My kit!” 

“Missed you as well.” Dan greeted back as he saw Woody making love eyes at his drum kit. Dan reluctantly removed his fingers from Kyle’s hip to raise his own arms back toward Woody. Dan made a few long strides and bear hugged Woody to his chest, likely squeezing him way too tight. He didn’t care though. “Fuck, missed your solid frame in my arms.” 

Woody patted Dan on the back a few times and then pointed toward his mask as they released their embrace. “We wearing these?” 

Dan, realizing that he was not wearing one, took three long strides backward and shook his head. “We can just ignore I did that and stay distanced from one another. And Kyle!” 

“Hello.” Kyle waved from his spot frozen behind the keyboard. Woody was shorter than he thought and Dan seemed so natural around him, it made Kyle realize how little he knew about the band. Which only increased his anxiety back to the level it was at before Dan calmed him down a bit. “Nice to meet you in person. I would bear attack you, but I follow the safety guidelines.” 

Woody took off his mask and raised his finger. As he squinted up the side of his face, he made the eye on that side close in concentration. After a few seconds, he signed: 

‘Hello’

‘Name’

‘Fingerspelled W-O-O-D-Y’

‘How’

‘You’

‘Welcome’

‘Band’

‘Friend/mate’

Kyle felt some of his nerves leave him as he saw how proud Woody seemed at his signs. The signs seemed well practiced. “Very nice. You are a natural.” 

Woody gave a bow and the loud sounds of the quietest member of the band filled the room.

“Look at these lot!” Will raised his voice entering the room. “My music family. The band is back together again. Cue the loud victory scene music.” 

Dan ignored his previous comment about social distancing and gave Will the same bear hug that he had given Woody. Will squeezed him against him just as tight was Woody, but the hug did not last as long. 

“Fucking nice to see your eyes.” Dan smiled as he tried to read Will’s mask. It had been a few years since his French lessons, so he was not entirely sure on the phrase, but he was fairly sure it was a social commentary on the intelligence of people not wearing masks. 

“Same, mate.” Will said and then turned his attention to Kyle. With a general ease that seemed to surround Will, Will signed: 

‘Hello’

‘Name’

‘Fingerspelled W-I-L-L’

‘How’

‘You’

‘Welcome’

‘Band’

‘Friend/mate’ 

Kyle smiled and felt more of the anxious feeling leave him. They had obviously planned the sign greeting and it showed their acceptance of him within the band. Two men that had no reason to learn BSL other than to include him in the group. 

“Cheers.” Kyle allowed his arms to fall to his sides and looked between Will and Woody. His new band family. He could get used to this. “I feel most welcome. You sign well.” 

Will raised his eyebrows in answer and then turned to Dan, “We keeping these on? Or can we space ourselves apart? I feel like a dick being the only one wearing one.” 

Dan moved to his previous spot besides Kyle and placed his hand back on Kyle’s hip, only over his clothing this time. “We can take them off and stay distanced. If everyone is okay with that? It will help Kyle read what is happening.” 

“What did you say?” Kyle had been distracted by the extra people in the room and he did not look toward Dan’s mouth to read the words. He recognized his name though and he figured Dan was talking about the masks. “You tell them to take them off?”

Dan nodded his head as he found Kyle’s eyes on him. The intense contact gave Dan a wealth of information. Mainly that Kyle was settling into the idea of being in the band, that he was controlling his anxiety about playing around the others, and that he loved Dan. 

Dan wasn’t sure if it was Woody or Will, maybe both, but he heard a little squeal and he ignored it. 

They spent a few minutes getting everything into order, with Woody and Will both commenting on the fact that they had missed their instruments held in the studio.

Dan allowed the others to get reacquainted with their instruments while he went through the plans again with Kyle. 

Dan was going to stand in his usual spot, which just so happens to be turned in Kyle’s direction anyway. He would stay near his keyboard and Kyle would be at his. At the beginning of each song, Dan would sign the keywords that went with the song and indicate when Kyle was to start playing. 

The first two songs were a bit of a disaster, much to be expected given the gap of time between when they last played live together to now. Dan had to smile to himself because it felt like one of their early practices a decade ago. 

Fuck, a decade. 

Dan would only imagine how his life would be different if Dan had known Kyle back then. 

After the first song, Kyle’s stomach dropped and he felt unease until Dan smiled at him and signed that everything was fine. And that Woody stopped playing halfway through because he forgot the rest of the song. 

By the third song, Kyle felt like he could breathe better and he found a groove to his playing. The hearing aids allowed him to hear the others as well and his brain was attempting to process all the input at once. He was even able to open his eyes enough to glance in Dan’s direction, all three times, finding Dan watching him. 

Dan could tell that Kyle was nervous, but his playing hardly suffered from it. As the fourth song started, Dan knew that this was going to work out well. Kyle was doing amazing and their playing was blending together. They were finding their way as a band. 

Dan made a note to discuss with Kyle in private about how he would like to be notified if he was off, but that might be something related to the sound techs as well. 

“That felt good.” Will gave a rare smile and he looked around at everyone. Once his eyes settled on Kyle and he found him looking in his direction as well, Will continued, “You are playing better than Dan.” 

Woody waved to get Kyle’s attention and nodded his head in argument. “Will, he doesn’t give compliments unless they are earned, so you know it is true.” 

Dan smiled at everyone and felt his heart swell. They were all in the same room together and they sounded amazing together. Dan had missed this so much. 

So much. It made his heart hurt in a good way. 

“Want to go through the new track?” Dan asked, signing for Kyle as he spoke. “Watch me suffer through guitar. Poor Charlie, he will cringe so hard when he hears me in person.” 

“He joining us for the recording?” Woody asked, brushing back a few strands of hair that had fallen as he played. “Or is he off doing his own thing?” 

“He will join us tomorrow.” Dan nodded his head, interpreting for Kyle. “Charlie is going to love Kyle.” 

Kyle blushed and raised his thumb to press it out. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon going through tracks and cheered when the food was delivered. 

Dan gave an extra large tip for delivering the burritos and they ate distanced away from one another. 

Yet, not entirely because Dan attached himself back to Kyle as soon as he could. 

Taking a long drink and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Woody broke the food silence. “Dan, how is it being engaged?” 

Dan swallowed his bite and looked to where his leg was resting against Kyle’s. Kyle was face deep in the burrito and appeared to be enjoying himself. “Better than I even knew.” 

Woody nodded his understanding and turned his attention to Kyle. He was wiping his mouth as well and appeared confused. Woody laughed as Kyle asked with his mouth half full what was happening. 

“I told them how happy I am, with you.” Dan signed and then took a long drink as well. “Go on now, tell them the same.” 

“It is a hardship, let me tell you.” Kyle lowered his burrito down and gave them all a serious face. “But, being this amazing, I am helping him. You should have seen his hair a few nights ago. You are welcome.” 

Will gave out a snort. Oh yes, Kyle was increasing in Will’s ranks. 

“Long engagement or quick wedding?” Woody continued to ask questions as he ate his food. It was nice to have an adult conversation in person and not through the internet. And with someone other than his wife. He loved her dearly, but there was a reason married couples did not spend 24/7 together. “Actual wedding or quick ceremony?” 

“We are discussing all our options.” Dan said while looking toward Kyle. Kyle seemed to be debating whether he wanted to continue to smash on the burrito or pay attention to the conversation around them. The burrito appeared to be winning at the moment. “Actually, we will be discussing all our options. Just chuffed to be engaged right now.” 

“I remember the feeling.” Woody and Will said at the same time and then laughed with each other. 

The evening carried on after their meal break and most of their songs were finalized. 

Kyle was even breathing more within the song rather than the gasping breaths in between them. 

However, toward one song, Dan moved with his mic to Kyle and placed his hand on Kyle’s back. Kyle was a bit red and he needed the reminder to breathe. Kyle listened to the touch and opened his eyes enough to see Dan and take a large breath. 

Dan smiled back and then moved back to his designated spot. 

After the last song, they talked about what still needed to be worked on and the plan for the next day. Will and Woody would stay, camp style in the studio, and they were going to record a few new tracks the next day. Or at least attempt to record. 

Setting the other two up in the large room with roll out beds and bedding, Dan teased them to not stay up too late as they had school in the morning. Will, without missing a beat, said, “Yes, Dads.” 

As he said it, he also signed for Kyle and Dan felt his heart swell again. 

Kyle and Dan readied for bed and Kyle took off his hearing aids at the first chance he got. The day had been amazing, but very overstimulating. Both with his ears and his nerves. 

He wouldn’t change it for the world, but his brain was telling him he needed rest. 

Kyle felt his eyelids dropping as he laid on Dan’s chest. They were wrapped up in blankets and each other, both silently reflecting on the day. 

Dan’s hand was moving through Kyle’s hair and Kyle knew he would be sound asleep soon. The comforting feeling of Dan’s chest rising and falling in combination with the gentle touch of Dan’s left hand moving through his hair. 

Kyle traced a heart on Dan’s chest in response to the heart drawn on his back. Afterward, Kyle laid his left hand back on Dan’s chest and pressed his ring finger against Dan. Kyle hoped Dan understood what he meant because he was not opening his eyes. 

Dan smiled down and hugged Kyle closer to him, enjoying the weight of him pushing him into the bed. Anchoring him into the present and not the rush of thought that typically came after a day in the studio. 

The day was the first in many to come and Dan couldn’t be more happier that he was playing and that Kyle was accepted into the band. 

Everything was falling into place. 

The old Dan would be suspicious because everything was going so well. 

And there were still voices saying that a second lockdown was inevitable, but Dan chose to ignore those voices for now. 

Now, all that mattered with Kyle against his chest and Dan’s hand moving through his air. 

And the soft sound of Kyle’s breathing signaling that he was asleep. 

Dan looked around the darkened room and felt himself crying before he realized what was happening. 

Dan really was not sure if it was happy tears or sad tears. Or a combination of both. 

He kept his breathing even to not disturb Kyle but didn’t hold back on the sounds. 

Rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his right hand, Dan took a deeper breath and felt the wave pass. 

That was unexpected but probably a long time coming. 

Moving his head down, Dan buried his face in Kyle’s hair and wished him a good night. 

Lying back, Dan focused on Kyle’s breathing and lulled himself to sleep.


	55. Chapter 55

“What do you think they are talking about?” Will leaned closer into Woody as he asked the question. They were finishing their breakfast and watching from afar Kyle and Dan signing with each other in the soundboard room. “Think they are having a domestic? Or talking about us?” 

“I think, whatever it is, it is none of our business.” Woody swallowed the last of his breakfast and took a long drink of his orange juice. “But definitely flirting.” 

“You think?” Will kept his eyes on the pair and studied their interaction with one another more closely. Dan, when he was not using his hands to sign, was resting his hand on Kyle’s upper arm. Kyle would do the same with his hand on Dan’s lower arm. Both of them had a permanent smile on their face and both of them were giggling. Especially Dan. “You’re right.” 

“Told ya.” Woody nodded his head and sat back further in his chair. “Ten to one, Dan will keep his eyes on Kyle for the majority of the day. Kyle, when he is not focusing on playing, will have his eyes on Dan.” 

“That is a horrible bet.” Will shook his head as he crossed his arms against his chest. “They did that yesterday. Not betting on that.” 

“Okay, you pick the terms.” Woody smiled as Dan leaned forward and gave Kyle a quick kiss. Dan broke his eye contact and looked in their direction before blushing. 

Dan was smitten with Kyle and likely forgotten others were in the room with him. As soon as he noticed again, he went right back to the bashful lad that he first met before the band even had a name. 

“Charlie will make a joke about them eye fucking each other.” Will offered. Giving a soft smile as Dan blushed and turned away from them. Will realized he was smiling and went back to his stoic face. “And Dan will blush so hard he will turn red.” 

“And Kyle will miss the comment yet do something to make Dan blush even more.” Woody nodded his head in agreement. “Wait, didn’t we just agree on the same thing again? Okay, I will take Kyle blushing.” 

“Agreed that Charlie will make the joke, but we have different sides on who will blush first?” Will confirmed. Pointing at the pair, Will gave a short laugh. “You think Kyle will blush before Dan?” 

“What is life without some risk?” Woody laughed and stood to clear their dishes. 

Knocking on the glass between them, Woody gave a look to them both. “Lovebirds, time to play with others now.” 

In unison, both Kyle and Dan flipped him off. 

Will howled behind him and they all found their places once again. 

Within twenty minutes, Kyle had found his groove and was learning to breath yet again. Will was glad because he couldn’t handle dealing with another band member that was great at what they did but got too stuck in their head. They had finally broken Dan of most of his habits. 

As they finished the song, Woody noticed another person in the room and stood raising his sticks. “Charlie!” 

“Woody!” Charlie cheered back and soon he had everyone’s eyes on him. Charlie had his mask in his hand and a large grin on his face. And then Dan’s arms around him and picking him up off the ground. “Hey, now. Tiny but still able to give consent. Put me down!” 

“Missed your face.” Dan smiled at him as he took a few steps back. “Sorry, didn’t mean to crowd you within the first three seconds of being here.” 

“Sure you didn’t.” Charlie nodded his head and turned his attention to Kyle. “You are new.” 

Kyle pointed to himself and said without missing a beat, “You can see me? Help, I’m stuck between dimensions and need your help getting back to my universe.” 

“Oh, you will be fine.” Charlie smiled at him and then gestured around the room. “What did I miss?” 

“Not much.” Will called out from his spot near the wall. “Just these two lovebirds making eyes at one another.” 

Charlie covered half his face and leaned in the direction of Woody and Will. “Eye fucking?” 

Dan instantly blushed and waved them off. 

“You cheated!” Woody pointed his drumstick in Will’s direction and then decided it was perfectly acceptable to throw it as well. He hit Will’s arm and Woody raised his eyebrow and finger at him. “Admit it, you had it coming.” 

“Hey, watch the throwing, mister. Dads will put you in a time out.” Will rubbed his arm dramatically. “Never said I couldn’t push the dialogue. Always settle the terms before agreeing to a bet.” 

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” Kyle waved his arms at everyone and waited until he had their attention. “What is happening? The wired one is throwing things at the stoic one. The tiny one is laughing at the door and Dan is as dark as a tomato. I want in.” 

Dan stepped in closer to him and explained the situation by facing him and signing. Kyle watched and then started laughing. 

“I love this band.” Kyle let out a long breath and pointed at Charlie. “Nice to meet you, Charlie. Name is Kyle. If you need to get my attention, please wave at me. And look at me directly when you are speaking to me.”

Charlie waved and said it was nice to meet Kyle as well. 

Dan was still red when he asked everyone if they were ready. 

They spent the next few hours making jokes and practicing. There was a gig coming up where they would film in the studio and then another at Abbey Road. 

“Wait.” Kyle walked in closer to Dan and pulled his arm to get his full attention on him. “Say that again.” 

“Abbey Road. There is a television thing we will do there.” Dan looked over Kyle’s face and saw him go paler. “Did I not tell you that?” 

Kyle shook his head and asked again to clarify. “Abbey Road? Like the Beatles?” 

“Yeah, pretty wicked, huh?” Dan smiled back and rested his hand on Kyle’s forearm. Kyle was shaking and Dan felt him move underneath his hand. “First time we played there, I about weed myself.” 

“That is a thing you do?” Kyle leaned in closer to him. “Not the weeing. You play at Abbey Road?” 

“We play at Abbey Road, yes.” Dan nodded his head. “We, meaning you as well.” 

“Fucking hell.” Kyle crossed his arms and looked around the room as he swallowed. “Where else?” 

“A lot of places, really.” Will said from his spot near the wall. He had been watching the whole scene unfold and it hit him how much his life had changed in the past few years. Playing a gig at Abbey Road was amazing, but it had been a while since any of them had a freak out about playing somewhere iconic. "Royal Albert Hall was a bit surreal. The O2 as well."

Dan, forever Dan, now just ignored the fact that they did things like that and Will was not surprised that he did not tell Kyle about it. 

“Okay.” Kyle nodded his head and found Dan’s eyes again. “When?” 

Kyle needed to prepare and tell his parents. And his whole family. 

Damn, Nan would have loved to have watched Kyle play there. 

“I dunno. Soon?” Dan lowered his head and found that Kyle’s eyes changed a bit. From panic to sorrow. “You okay?” 

“Thinking about my grandmother.” Kyle rubbed his hands against his face to settle himself. “Okay, I feel like I need someone else to do something because, yes.” 

“I’m hungry!” Charlie whined from his spot near Woody. “Feed me.” 

“Hungry?” Dan asked when he had Kyle’s eyes back on him. Dan signed it as well because Kyle still seemed a bit off. 

Kyle nodded his head but he really was not sure if he could eat. 

Kyle smiled at the happy dance he witnessed when Charlie learned they were going to get food. 

“You didn’t eat much.” Dan asked after pulling Kyle aside and shutting the door to the room. Kyle seemed a bit overwhelmed and he wanted to give him a few moments alone. Or alone with him. “Did I do something?” 

“Yes.” Kyle nodded his head in exaggeration. Stopping his head movement and placing both hands on Dan’s hips, Kyle held Dan’s eyes. “You...like blew apart my world and I feel like I’m living in a dream. Such a wicked, wonderful dream.” 

“But it is okay? You are okay?” Dan wanted to make sure he was not missing something and Kyle was going to run. Which was unfair because that is what Dan did. 

“So much more than okay.” Kyle kissed him and then moved back to see his eyes again. “Are you real? Can I pinch you to make sure it is not a dream?” 

“I believe you are supposed to pinch yourself for that.” Dan grinned at him and let out a laugh as Kyle pinched him anyway. “Hey.” 

“Wanted to hear you laugh.” Kyle grinned back and felt another wave of emotion move through him. “Like, the Abbey Road?” 

“Yes.” Dan nodded his head and gripped on tight to the sides of Kyle’s top. “It is nice there. We have been a few times. Recorded some strings for the first record there. It was surreal because that doesn’t happen for average people.” 

“Oh, I am well aware.” Kyle nodded his head back. “Thank you. Forever, thank you.” 

“Stop it.” Dan felt himself blushing and he almost turned away, but then he remembered it was Kyle and he didn’t need to. “You will love it there. The acoustics are amazing.” 

Kyle nodded his head again and then pulled Dan into him. Wrapping his arms around his back, Kyle rested the side of his head against Dan and closed his eyes. 

If Kyle didn’t know any better it would be a dream. 

Dan closed his eyes and allowed himself to take in the moment. Truth be told, he was a bit overwhelmed as well and it was nice to pause for a second and be with Kyle without added eyes on them. 

Isolation and quarantine was awful, but it was nice to have Kyle all to himself. All too soon, their lives were going to change and he wouldn’t have as many days alone with Kyle anymore. 

Kissing his neck, Dan pulled back and found Kyle’s eyes before giving him a quick kiss on the mouth. 

Dan could hear the others yelling for him and he ignored them for a minute longer. 

“I love you.” Dan said without thinking about it. “I’m so, so grateful that you are in my life.” 

“Same.” Kyle grinned and kissed Dan’s nose. He could hear loud sounds coming from outside the room and he put together that it was likely the rest of the band. His band. “We better go back, right?” 

Dan nodded his head but then moved Kyle in closer to give him another cuddle. Kyle felt nice against him and he wanted more time with him. 

The rest of them could wait. This was more important.


	56. Chapter 56

With the way Kyle had been acting for the past few days Dan would have thought it would be Kyle unable to sleep the night before the television recording. 

Kyle had been nervous before the cameras started during their mini session at One Eyed Jacks. They went through a few takes because everyone was messing up and that made Kyle calm himself a bit. And he said he was surrounded by people that cared about him, so that helped the most. 

However, there Dan lied on the bed with Kyle’s bum resting against his hip. Kyle had fallen asleep with his head near Dan’s head but turned two hours into the night. 

And Dan knew that because he had been awake the entire time. 

Without Kyle attached to him, Dan decided to exit the bed and walk around a bit outside. Maybe that would help calm his own nervous thoughts. 

Damn brain. 

It was nice to find that he was not worried about his own performance. Instead, he was nervous for Kyle. 

The television programme had asked that they create a meshup of the two other featured artists on the programme. 

Which Dan loved because it was amazing to take something whole, deconstruct it, and then put it back together again in a whole new way. 

However, for Kyle, that was a bit more of a challenge. 

Dan requested the artist’s names and the song choices beforehand and went through the music sheets with Kyle. Kyle said that he understood the meshup concept but it would be more challenging without having the music in front of him. 

Therefore, Dan’s habit of last minute changes would have to adapt as well. 

“Hello my lovelies.” Dan shared some of the water from his glass with the flowers near his chair. They had continued to grow in his absence and he was proud of them. “How you holding up? You look good.” 

Dan paused for a moment and then realized he was not going to get a response from them. Maybe he was more tired than he thought?

“I forgot you don’t talk.” Dan took another drink and then rested the glass on a small table near him. “At least not English. I don’t mean to assume. Humans like to do that.” 

Dan folded his arms across his chest and looked up into the night sky. It was clear and there were stars in the sky. 

Was there really anyone looking down from up there? 

Dan got lost looking at the stars for way too long and by the time he looked back down again, his neck hurt. 

Reaching for his phone, he told the flowers to ‘hush’ because he was allowed to stare at his phone if he couldn’t sleep. Those were the rules. 

Dan scrolled through a few social media posts and skipped over the news articles. It was too late for negative news. Best save that for the daylight. 

Stopping on a picture of Kyle and him, Dan smiled. While it was absolutely bizarre that the world knew about them, Dan found that it really was not that big of a deal. 

It was. Obviously. 

But it really wasn’t at the same time. 

Everything was still the same in his life. 

Now, more people knew something else about him. 

It was that simple. 

The photo brought Dan back to the conversation he had forever ago with Kyle. The one in which Kyle mentioned a blog he was keeping to chronicle the pandemic and his experience within it. 

Could Dan find it? 

Dan looked again to the flowers and they seemed to be leaning into the screen with him. Maybe they wanted to know as well? 

“I appreciate your support.” Dan nodded his head and then yet out a quick laugh. He was obviously losing his head. 

Searching a few keywords related to Kyle and the pandemic, Dan searched through multiple results. Apparently, there were loads of people documenting the pandemic. 

Removing the words related to the virus, Dan typed in more keywords related to Kyle. On the fourth result, there was something about a coffee shop opening that caught his eye.

Clicking on it, Dan swallowed his breath. 

Fuck, there it was. 

Should he read it? 

Was that an invasion of privacy? 

Kyle had posted it for the world to see and Dan knew very intimate details about Kyle. Like, very intimate details. 

Kyle never offered to show it to him, but he also never said Dan wasn’t allowed to read it. 

Running a hand through his hair, Dan looked up to the door and then the flowers. “This is okay?” 

If they would have answered him, Dan would have screamed. But, it just so happened that the wind caught them and they swayed a bit in the wake. 

Yup, he was reading it. 

Dan found the blog started way before the pandemic. It appeared to start following the divorce and the start of therapy. Kyle spoke fondly of his therapist and Dan would not be surprised if it was his therapist’s suggestion. Or if Kyle was inspired by the therapist to start it. 

The first few posts were mainly inspirational quotes about finding yourself and being your own champion. About working through pain to find the reason for it. 

Dan knew there was likely a million songs in the quotes alone. 

Kyle started to write about his adventures of building his life back up and how his new flatmate was helping him navigate further into the D/deaf and hard-of-hearing community. John was born without the ability to hear and identified as Deaf. 

Dan smiled reading how fond Kyle was of John and how John helped Kyle with a few months rent to help him make ends meet. Dan chose to ignore the fact that Kyle did not seem to mind receiving help from John but apparently had a huge issue with receiving help from Dan when it came to money. 

A conversation they started to have but then it was abandoned because Kyle said that Dan would never understand his point of view. Dan took offense to the comment and they both decided that it would not be productive to continue the conversation at that time. 

They had yet to return to it. 

Dan read through a few more posts about how Kyle was working multiple odd jobs here and there. And how he paid back John as soon as he could. Okay, maybe he didn’t willingly take help from John. 

Dan read through a post where Kyle was talking about going on a date and found the subject was upsetting to read. Apparently, Kyle had a horrible time and, while that made Dan a horrible person, Dan was glad. 

There were more quotes about love and relationships. Finding your path after the love of your life betrays you. 

That made Dan sad for Kyle because no one deserves that much misery.

Dan bit his lip harder as he read through Kyle confessing that he slept with a random man that night just to make the loneliness go away for a few hours. 

Soon the posts changed to Kyle’s uncle and his offer to start the business together. How Kyle was skeptical to start a business given their success rate, but that he wanted something more substantial in his life rather than meaningless jobs that would get him nowhere. 

There were a few mishaps with the opening of the business that made Dan chuckle to himself. Kyle had a way of writing horrible things in a way that was amusing. Maybe why he and Dan got on so well? 

Dan continued to read until he saw the posts about the news of the virus and the safety precautions. 

Dan paused because he knew that Dan would come into the story soon and Dan second guessed himself whether he wanted to read what Kyle wrote about him. 

Would it change the way Dan saw Kyle? 

Would it make Dan love him more? Was that even possible?

Dan took another drink of his water and then nodded toward the flowers. In his head, they were telling him to be brave. 

Dan read Kyle's description of their first encounter and stopped breathing for a few seconds. 

Kyle wrote that he felt a connection with Dan that he couldn’t explain given the amount of time that they had known one another. 

Kyle wrote that he wondered if Dan was sent from his nan because she knew the loneliness was slowly killing him. 

Kyle wrote about the uncertainty he had about opening his heart up to someone that he felt that strongly about given his previous marriage. 

But the next post spoke about their day in the park and how Kyle knew that it was right because Dan had kept his eyes on him. And he looked back as he left. 

Dan rubbed his thumb against the ring on his finger and ignored the slight pain he felt from the movement. Inside where the ring was, if there was better lighting, Dan would be able to see how red and irritated it was from his new habit. 

Dan lowered the mobile down and looked toward the door. He felt like he was going to get caught if he continued but that was silly because the whole house was asleep. 

Looking to the time, Dan groaned. He will be a mess tomorrow. 

Dan was practically begging for a headache at this point and he knew he needed to sleep. 

But the words. 

The wonderful glimpse into Kyle’s thoughts. 

His beautiful and raw thoughts about Dan and their relationship. 

Fuck it, he would drink more coffee to stay awake tomorrow. 

The telly makeup artists will hide the dark circles under his eyes. Like they had done several times before. 

Kyle wrote about their first kiss and how it literally took his breath away. How anxious he was when he was waiting for Dan to arrive that night and yet how unexpected the kiss was given the safety precautions. 

How Kyle felt himself falling deeper and deeper into love. How he should be frightened but Dan made it seem like the easiest thing in the world. 

To open his broken heart and find it was only cracked. 

And Dan was the glue to put it back together. 

Fuck, Dan was going to lose it if he kept reading so he turned off his phone and signed 'good night' to the flowers. 

Dan was in bed soon afterwards. 

He moved himself so he was tight against Kyle, mimicking his position on the bed. Dan’s arm was wrapped around his middle and he held him like Kyle was going to disappear if he left go. 

Dan buried his head into Kyle’s neck and kissed him three times. 

Sleep didn’t come soon. 

But it didn’t matter. 

Kyle was the most wonderful and kind person in the world and he was in Dan’s bed with him. 

After what felt like forever, Kyle turned back toward him and sighed as he moved his face into Dan’s and rested their foreheads together. 

Their knees were touching and all was right with the world. 

Dan closed his eyes and counted Kyle’s breaths until he was asleep.


	57. Chapter 57

Kyle felt Dan bite into the skin on his neck and he slowed his hips down to make the moment last longer. 

Dan was making the most wonderful of sounds underneath him and Kyle didn’t want them to end quite yet. 

The slowing of Kyle’s hips made Dan increase the grip on his hair and Kyle vowed to never cut it. Dan’s other hand was underneath his bum and likely making a mark on the back of his thigh. 

It was worth it. 

Just like the mark he knew he would have on his neck from Dan’s teeth. No one had commented on them yet, but Kyle was waiting for his mates to inquire if he was sleeping with a vampire. 

Kyle let out a long moan as Dan said his name against his neck. Kyle’s hips started working faster again on their own free will. 

Who was he to deny himself the sweet sounds of Dan losing his mind around him? 

They had filmed the telly spot for the music programme and Kyle actually thought he was going to be sick throughout the practice. 

Kyle had been in his head and worried about messing up during the recording. Kyle had every note memorized, everyone’s notes really, and he knew he was going to be fine. He held his breath throughout the first run through and felt lightheaded as he opened his eyes. 

Woody threw a drumstick at him and told him to look around every now and then. It would help him remember to breathe. 

Woody was right and Kyle found his eyes went to their favourite subject. 

Kyle had never watched Dan work. 

Sure he had seen the videos the band completed over the years and some recordings of programmes and concerts, but he had never seen Behind the Scenes Dan. 

Behind the Scenes Dan was powerful and knew what he wanted. 

Behind the Scenes Dan was quite sexy. 

Yet, at the same time, he would still crack a smile and go right back to that shy, bashful lad that Kyle fell in love with. 

Dan was commanding to watch as he took control of the song. 

So much so that Kyle had to remind himself to breathe while he was looking at Dan as well. 

Afterward, they hung out with the band and then came to Kyle’s flat. John was there and they spoke about their plans to transition Kyle out of the flat. 

Dan had signed with John and Kyle felt proud at how natural Dan was becoming with his hands. 

Dan liked to talk with his hands anyway based on the interviews Kyle had seen of him. Signing gave Dan another way to use his hands and help calm his brain. Focusing on the signs was a nice distraction to not obsess over random thoughts. 

Dan titled his hips up to match Kyle’s movements and Kyle’s head fell onto the pillow beside Dan’s head. Dan was squeezing him and Kyle couldn’t hold back anymore. 

Kyle increased his hand movement on Dan and heard him come right after him. Dan’s voice was loud in his ear and Kyle eased his hips as he settled into the aftereffects. 

Dan was slowly kissing the side of his head and Kyle sighed into the soft touch of Dan’s lips on him. 

Dan was one of the few people that Kyle had slept with that could instantly make Kyle go from wanting to ravish them to wanting to cuddle them close. 

Thankfully, Dan had a ring on his finger and Kyle had a matching one to show that Dan would be his to ravish and cuddle for the rest of time. 

Dan’s eyes were bright as Kyle found the strength to move his head up and find Dan looking back at him. 

“You are more amazing every day I know you.” Kyle kissed Dan’s nose and eased himself slowly out of Dan. Resting back against him, Kyle moved his hand up to brush back a few hair from Dan’s forehead. “I love to watch you in work mode. You are wickedly hot.” 

Dan blushed yet kept his eyes on him. He told Kyle that he liked to watch Kyle work as well and that he had fit in the band beautifully. That people were going to watch it and realize how amazing Kyle was for the band. 

How amazing Kyle was for him. 

At least to the extent that they shared with everyone. The interviewer had asked them about their newest member and how Kyle would fit into the band. 

Dan instantly told her that Kyle was a happy accident and now a wonderful fixture in their world. 

She had been gently warned to not talk about the rings on their fingers and she had respected their wishes. 

Kyle might have seen a wink here or there when the cameras were not filming, but there was nothing about their romantic relationship going onto the aired portion of the programme. 

“I’m proud of you.” Kyle moved them so they were lying on their sides and Kyle could rest his head on the pillow underneath them. And still keep his hands on Dan’s form. “Sharing us with the world was a massive step and I understand how scary that is now. Now that I am having people message me as well.”

Dan nodded his head and must have found the bruise forming on Kyle’s neck because he started rubbing the skin there with light pressure. Dan apologized for the bite and Kyle laughed it off. 

“I will have your dental record on my skin if anyone ever needs it.” Kyle joked and lowered his hand down to rest on Dan’s bum. “Along with other DNA.” 

Dan became shy and then asked when Kyle wanted to have children. 

“Not quite yet but soon. I want to enjoy having you all to myself for a bit longer.” Kyle smiled as Dan’s hand moved to his hair and tucked it underneath Kyle’s ear. His hearing aids were still in and Kyle was going to leave them in as long as possible. 

He was understanding more of Dan’s words and Kyle wanted to study them as much as possible. 

It was still a lot to process and his brain got foggy around this time of night. 

Especially today with the stress and the added sounds of playing the music over and over again. 

“When touring is a thing again, will we be able to sleep together?” Kyle asked after resting his eyes for a bit. Dan was right there watching him as he opened them. 

Dan shook his head and gave him an explanation of the bunks. Some buses had larger back areas for bedrooms, but Dan always thought that was a bit pretentious. Instead, the extra space on the bus was used for places to hang out together and record. 

“I don’t even know if I can sleep without you anymore.” Kyle grinned. “I have been so spoiled as of late.” 

Dan nodded his head and moved his hand down Kyle’s arm and then back to his hair. Dan was lulling him to sleep and Kyle knew he needed to take his hearing aids off before he fell asleep. 

Kyle removed them quickly and placed them on the bed table. Turning back, he cuddled up closer to Dan and wrapped the blanket tighter around them. 

The night was warm but it was cool enough in Kyle’s room that he and Dan could cuddle up close. 

“Give us a kiss goodnight and I will wish us sweet dreams.” Kyle got out before he yawned. His brain was turning itself off yet he had enough strength to smile into the kiss. 

Sweet, sweet dreams. 

*****

“Daniel.” Kyle shook his head as he sat near him. Breakfast was cereal and toast, with a coffee for Dan and tea for Kyle. “You need to open it up.” 

“Correction.” Dan shook his head back and swallowed his toast. Using his hands, Dan told him the DM would remain unopened. “If I open it, he will know that I have seen it.” 

“And?” Kyle emphasized his word by opening his eyes a bit more and moving his head in closer to Dan. 

“Then I have to acknowledge that he knows I exist.” Dan said as he started to fidget with his ring. The skin was starting to get rough around it and it was less sensitive. “That is bizarre.” 

“He knows you exist.” Kyle narrowed his eyes and gestured in some random direction. “You told me the story of your drunken encounter with him and playing directly before him at festival. He knows you exist.” 

“Not like this.” Dan shook his head and went back to eating his breakfast. “Not like this.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” Kyle took a drink of his tea and swirled in his chair a bit as he thought it over. “Like, that you are into men as well? Unless he is offering to jump your bones, I don’t see how that is a problem.” 

“I’m not sure how to say it.” Dan bit underneath his lip and abandoned his breakfast. He wasn’t hungry anymore. “It is...what if it isn’t nice?” 

“Why would he take time to send you something that isn’t nice?” Kyle asked, genuinely not understanding what the issue was with opening the message. 

“The first encounter with him made me realize how it is not a good idea to meet people you admire.” Dan crossed his arms against his chest. “Not everyone is as lovely as they make themselves appear when there are cameras around.” 

“Is he a wanker?” Kyle asked, copying Dan’s arms and crossing his own. Making his face as serious as possible, Kyle asked, “Do I have to fight Frank Ocean?” 

“No. Fuck off.” Dan laughed and felt some of the unease go away. Kyle was the antidote to whatever allied him. “I guess, I would rather live with the idea of him rather than the reality of him.” 

“But, what if the message is amazingly sweet and kind?” Kyle attempted to appeal to the good nature of people. “What if it makes you realize that no matter how amazing his music ability is, he is still a person like you and me? Likely flawed but making the most of it.” 

“My brain knows that.” Dan nodded his head. “But, either way, I’m not there yet.” 

“Okay.” Kyle nodded his head in agreement. “What are we doing today? Fueling up the private jet?” 

“I thought maybe we could talk about the wedding. What we want and the like.” Dan smiled as the topic changed to one more pleasant. “Where do we want to go on our holiday afterward?” 

“Oh.” Kyle grinned back and moved his hand down to touch Dan’s thigh. “What if you want to go somewhere I hate? And vice versa? What if it makes us have a row and we go on separate holidays? What if you meet a lovely man and the wedding was wasted money?” 

“If you are trying to prove some point about overthinking things, I completely get the point.” Dan rested his hand on top of Kyle’s hand. “However, brain is soaked in old habits and that is not going to change overnight.” 

“Understand.” Kyle nodded his head and smiled. “What if we go to Africa?” 

“Honestly, I will go anywhere you want to go.” Dan leaned in a bit closer and kissed Kyle. After moving back, he added. “Pick a place and we will go there.” 

“Can I think about it?” Kyle leaned in and ignored Dan’s answer. Dan shouldn’t have kissed him if he wanted to have a serious conversation. 

Now, all Kyle could think about was how the jam on Dan’s toast tasted different on Dan’s lips than what it tasted like when Kyle ate it. 

It was much, much better on Dan’s lips.


	58. Chapter 58

“Ahhh, that is my face.” Kyle screeched as he looked over Woody’s shoulder. Woody was playing a game on his mobile and it had all of their faces on it. “Why is my face on the game?” 

Woody looked up from the screen and heard the game end showing he had lost. Kyle was looking at him so he spoke. “Dan told them to add you. It is a free app to help promo the new track.”

“Promo?” Kyle asked to clarify and nodded his head when Woody confirmed it. “I can download it and play with my face?” 

“Yes.” Woody smiled as he nodded his head. “Pretty wicked, right?” 

“Beyond wicked.” Kyle reached for his mobile and started searching for the download. He would have to tell his family. Especially his father. “My face on a download?” 

Dan watched on as Kyle played on his phone, brushing back loose hair away from his face. Dan had asked the nice woman to trim his hair and take away most of the bulk in the back of his head. He had hesitated though because he did not want Kyle to get any ideas of cutting off his long hair. 

Kyle looked very smart in the outfit picked out for him. It was the first time that Dan had seen Kyle all dolled up and he loved it. His brain wanted to flash to wedding ideas, but he told himself that he needed to stay in the present. 

Photo shoots were never his favourite. It was as if the photographers thought he had control over his facial expressions and body. As if. 

Now they had Kyle to add to the photos and Dan had the stupid idea that Dan’s face would do its thing and continue to look in Kyle’s direction instead of where directed. 

The photos would expose how much he was in love with him and the people would use those photos. 

“Daniel.” Kyle’s tone was accusatory as he looked up from his screen and saw Dan walking toward him. “You are allowed to trim your hair? For shame. For shame.” 

Dan signed for him to be quiet and then ran his hand through Kyle’s hair, brushing it back away from his face, before he realized they were in public. Crossing his arms against his stomach, Dan played with the ring on his finger and smiled toward Kyle’s screen. 

Maybe he could change the subject. 

“Like it?” Dan asked, pointing toward Kyle’s mobile and then tucking his hand back against himself. There was no way to add Kyle into the months of animation that was needed for the music video, but the app writers said it was simple to add Kyle in. “I contacted them right in time to add you in.” 

“My face is on a game.” Kyle beamed as he stood up and stepped in closer to Dan. He wanted to kiss his head, but that seemed awkward with the random people around them. There were not many, but enough that Kyle knew he had to check in with Dan before touching him. “Your face is there as well.” 

Dan nodded his head and looked around them briefly before raising himself on his toes and giving Kyle a quick kiss on the mouth. Pulling back, Dan smiled and looked around them again. No one was paying them any mind but it felt momentous to kiss him in public. 

“Don’t distract me.” Kyle put his mobile back in his pocket and shook his finger at Dan. He looked really good in white and his hair styled a bit. “Where are the scissors? I have waited months and I need it cut.” 

Dan shook his head and signed that the hair was staying. He smoothed back a few stray hairs to prove it. “Told her to pay you no mind. That you were a bit delusional and couldn’t be trusted ‘round scissors.” 

“You are not funny.” Kyle took back his finger and rested his hand on his belt buckle. “Seriously, I will keep it long but it needs a trim.” 

Dan’s eyes went to Kyle’s hand on his belt and he licked his bottom lip. Kyle looked amazing and now he was giving Dan all sorts of sass with his pose. 

The photographer needed to make haste and get through the photos quickly so they could go home. 

The hair stylist was calling out Kyle’s name and Dan took his eyes away from Kyle’s hand and pointed toward her. “She wants you now. Be good.” 

Kyle fanned himself with his hand as he asked, "She wants me? You going to let her take your man?" 

Dan smiled and then dropped it. It wouldn't be wise to encourage him. "That is not being good." 

Kyle took a step in closer and whispered into Dan’s ear. “But I’m so good at being bad. At least that is what you-” 

Kyle laughed as he was pushed away by his chest. 

“He is ready for you.” Dan turned Kyle around and gave him a gentle push toward the woman. “No matter what he says, he is not allowed to cut it too short. Please, don’t listen to him if he tries anything.” 

“Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain.” Kyle almost tripped over his foot as he was pushed toward the woman. “He is merely an illusion. We are buzzing my hair, right?”

“No!” Dan shouted from behind him and Kyle smirked as he walked toward the chair. 

Sitting in the chair, Kyle found the lady’s eyes in the mirror. “I need you to look at me when you speak to me. If you need my attention, wave at me or tap my shoulder. I have hearing aids in, if you need, I can remove them.” 

The woman nodded at his instructions and asked how much Kyle wanted to take off. 

Kyle debated with the idea of trimming it short and allowing it to grow, but he also knew that Dan liked consistency with band eras so he told her only a healthy trim. 

Oh, what he does for that man. Kyle smirked to himself as the chair was spun around and the woman surveyed his hair. 

*****

“It will grow back. I promise.” Kyle made puppy eyes in Dan’s direction and attempted to hold back his laughter. “Honestly, it was barely anything that I had her take off. Ha, it has been ages since I had a female remove anything from me.” 

Dan ignored the comment as he pouted and signed he was sad. “It looks great, but, ugh.” 

“Want to play with it? Make yourself feel better?” Kyle asked, lying his head on Dan’s lap. They were in the studio and sat on the sofa. They were the only ones around and it was nice to have Dan for himself again. 

The world of photo shoots was one that Kyle never thought he would experience. While it looked effortless when admiring the end results, posing for the camera and lighting was maddening. Turn here. Look there. Kyle missed most of the instructions and had Dan interpreting for him when he could. The other times, Kyle was going off what it looked like everyone else was doing at the moment.

Kyle had already taken off his hearing aids for the day and wanted some, literally, quiet moments with Dan before they were to sleep. 

Kyle looked up from Dan’s lap and used his left hand to take Dan’s hand and move it to his head. “There you go. You know how to do the rest. Go on now. Make it better.” 

“You.” Dan shook his head but gave in and ran his hand through Kyle’s hair. It was soft and looked healthier than it had been. But, it was not as long and Dan found it incredibly sad. He knew he was being ridiculous but he didn’t care. 

Dan’s eyes narrowed in on Kyle’s eyebrows and he yanked on the hair in his hand. “You had her trim your eyebrows?” 

“Ouch.” Kyle made a face and used his hand to release Dan’s from his hair. “Play nice.” 

“Kyle.” Dan sighed and went back to the gentle pattern of moving his hand through Kyle’s hair. It was still long enough that the hair flowed from Kyle’s head to the cushion on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I really do like it. But…” 

“You are impossible.” Kyle laughed and saw his mistake broadcasted on Dan’s face as soon as he said it. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck.

Dan swallowed his breath and closed his eyes for a minute. He knew Kyle didn’t mean it like that, but his brain still went there. 

“I’m sorry. I did not mean it like that.” Kyle ran his hand up Dan’s chest and traced a random pattern on Dan’s cheek with the tip of his finger. “Please come back to me. I love you.” 

Dan nodded his head and took a deep breath as he opened his eyes. Kyle’s eyes were looking back at him with slight fear but total love and adoration. “I know. Stupid brain and certain words.” 

“I understand.” Kyle’s hand rested Dan’s chin in it. “I love you. Permanently. Never going anywhere without you.” 

Dan moved his other hand underneath Kyle’s and then leaned down to kiss Kyle’s eyebrows, one at a time. 

“Your eyebrows are sexy.” Dan gave him a gentle smile. “I love your hair. It looks good. I’m being a prat and I’m sorry.” 

“You are fine.” Kyle squeezed Dan’s hand and then moved his own back so it was resting on Dan’s neck. Pulling him down, Kyle grinned and whispered, “You are forgiven. Forgive me. Please.” 

“You are forgiven.” Dan said back and returned back against the sofa to move his hand through Kyle’s hair. After a few moments of silence, Dan opened his phone with his free hand and showed Kyle the message. 

“Look at my brave, brave man.” Kyle grinned up and then read what was on the screen. It was a full paragraph and filled with support. “He appreciates your openness and gives you his full support. And asks for your information to write together?”

“He is only being nice.” Dan turned off the mobile and tossed it behind Kyle’s head. Tracing over both eyebrows and then moving his hand back through Kyle’s hair, Dan smiled. “He doesn’t want to write with someone like me. I don’t see it working.” 

“To quote a famous musician, never say never.” Kyle grinned to himself and closed his eyes. Dan’s hand felt good and he wanted more quiet time with him. “No more talking for now. My brain needs a break.” 

Dan nodded his head despite Kyle’s closed eyes. Dan’s eyes were studying Kyle’s face and he found Kyle looked knackered yet content. 

Dan wondered what Kyle was thinking and then his brain drifted to wondering what Frank Ocean was thinking, offering to write with him. Like they were even on the same level. 

“Stop thinking so much. I can hear it with my eyes closed.” Kyle leaned his head in closer to Dan’s waist and crossed his arms over his stomach. 

If Kyle wasn’t careful, he would fall asleep like this and then Dan would tease him for falling asleep on the sofa rather than the bed. 

Dan’s hand was moving through his hair and tracing around his eyebrows. Maybe it would be worth it to stay still and allow whatever to come what may. 

“Sweet dreams, Love.” Dan whispered into the air yet knew that Kyle would never hear it. Maybe it was more for Dan? 

Maybe. 

Flashing on the screen as the mobile lied face down on the sofa, Dan received a text message from a non-saved number. 

_Can we talk?_


	59. Chapter 59

Maybe in another life, Dan was a screenwriter. 

His songs were stories that Dan could envision in his head. 

If he were to write about this moment, there would be strings. 

Sharp sweeps of the bow on the violin creating sounds that matched the panic he was experiencing. 

The strings being stroked in quick succession in the high register. 

Erum erum erum 

Does everyone soundtrack their lives like him? 

“Hello. How are you?” Dan said first to get the pleasantries out of the way. 

They were meeting in a park and stayed the two metres away from one another. Dan looked around them and took off his mask. 

With his left hand because he was petty like that. 

“Fine. Thank you.” She followed suit and took off her mask as well. Dan had the odd thought that she looked different somehow. He hadn’t seen her in over a year and his brain was already erasing her. “How are you?” 

Dan opened his mouth to respond back with the typical ‘fine,’ but found that he couldn’t get himself to say it. 

Erum erum erum erum erum erumerurmeruemeurm

“Sorry. Why does it feel like we are strangers that need to make small talk?” She gave a slight smile and Dan remembered every smile she had given him over the years. His heart sank and he remembered their last encounter had no smiles. “You seem happy. At least from what I have seen. You are likely panicking right now and that is why you look a bit pale.” 

Dan swallowed and hated how she knew him. Five years together and she knew likely all there was to know about him. 

At least, most everything. 

“Kyle, is it?” She raised her eyebrows and studied his face. Her eyes drifting up to his hair and then down to his arms crossed against his chest. Dan had his ring hidden from her view, protected by his other arm. But he knew she was looking for it. “Seems like a nice lad.” 

Dan squeezed his arms tighter around his chest. He already wasn’t breathing so it didn’t matter if he hugged himself too tight. 

Kyle, as it were, did not know that Dan was here. Meeting with her following the text from three days ago. Dan had seen the text the next morning, but he ignored it for most of the day. 

Her number wasn’t saved in his contacts because he didn’t want to do something stupid and text her while drunk. 

He was happy to see that when he changed phones, the number did not save over from the cloud. 

Kyle was at the coffee shop today after taking time away to be an official member of the band. Dan was supposed to be in the studio going through more mixes with Mark for the album. 

Dan decided he could call it that now. 

Much like his relationship with Kyle, he could call it what it was. 

If anything, this year has taught people to be direct. 

Dan found himself nodding his head but forgetting the question. Fuck, he was losing it. He shouldn’t have agreed to meet her. What did she even want? That was the only reason Dan was here. 

“What do you want?” Dan’s voice shook through the nerves and he hated that she knew he was losing it. Pinching underneath his arm, Dan bit underneath his lip and shifted his weight to the other foot. 

None of that worked and Dan felt himself start to sweat. 

It was humid and likely going to rain soon. 

But the reason he was sweating was because he was standing within distance of her and Dan didn’t know what he wanted to feel about it. 

He had loved her. Painfully and beautifully loved her. 

She had loved him. 

Now, what was she? 

Someone that broke his heart and put him off relationships? 

Or, could Dan look beyond that and they could be friends? 

“I don’t want anything.” Her voice was sad and Dan regretted his question. His tact was gone and Dan had better manners than that. Blame it on the panic building through his chest and into his arms. “It has been ages and I figured we could be friends at least. Am I wrong to want that? I still care about you. I spent five years of my life with you. Doesn’t that mean anything?” 

Erum erum erum 

Dan again couldn’t get his mouth to form any words. There was moisture in the air yet his mouth was dry. 

She stood there and waited for a few more moments before dismissing him with her hand. “Fuck it. You obviously don’t want to meet with me. Why even come? Huh?” 

Another half of a second and she turned to leave, her long hair flowing behind her as she turned. 

Dan swallowed to get some moisture back into his mouth and raised his voice in her direction. “I thought we were going to be together forever. I want us to be married. I never thought you would say yes. Then you absolutely shatter me. You text me after how long? Sorry, but I need a minute to find words.” 

She stopped at his words and turned back to him. She had no expression on her face as she retraced her steps to stand where she was before she turned. “I wanted that as well. Forever with you. But, look at us now.” 

Dan looked at her and found she seemed well. Dan always knew that she would be doing well without him. 

It was him that needed her. 

She could have anyone. 

“Yes.” Dan swallowed again as he pinched underneath his arm. He couldn’t feel the pain and it worried him. Maybe all his energy was focused on allowing his brain to communicate with his mouth. “Look at us now.” 

“You always been gay?” She asked and the small bit of confidence Dan had gotten back since seeing her walk toward him was instantly gone. “You never seemed gay.” 

Erum

Dan shook his head and looked around them. What even were they doing? Would this ever end well? 

Focusing his attention back on her, Dan shrugged his shoulder. 

The question of his sexuality was a mystery to Dan. He tried to process it with Kyle and even Sophie, but there were no answers. 

He had loved the woman standing in front of him. His body had craved her and loved her. 

Yet, Dan also loved Kyle. His body craves and loves him. More than he ever loved her. 

Would that love extend to another bloke? Dan had no fucking idea. 

And he hoped that he never had to test out that question because that would mean he wouldn’t be with Kyle anymore. 

That was a future Dan couldn’t entertain. 

“I guess it is complicated.” Dan bit harder underneath his lip and stopped when he tasted blood. 

Erum Erum erum erum Erum Erum 

“I would have never thought.” She shrugged her own shoulder. “But, there you are plastered over social media with his ring on your finger. You ooze love in the limited clips and photos I have seen.”

“I love him. I’m in love with him.” Dan found his heart rate decreasing to a more normal level. At least his normal level. “He is the one.” 

She nodded her head and said something but Dan didn’t hear her because everything blurred together around him and all the sound was sucked away. 

Erumerumerumerum-

“Daniel.” Dan heard a gentle voice in his ear and found himself smiling. He knew that voice. It was Kyle’s rich, baritone voice. “Time to open those eyes. Come on now. Don’t deny me those beautiful eyes.” 

Dan rolled his head to the side and found instant pain shoot through his head. Wow, that felt like no headache he had ever had before. Maybe he needed some coffee? 

“Coffee?” Dan asked as he opened his eyes to slivers and then shut them again. It was way too bright for his brain. “Turn the lights off please.” 

Dan heard laughter and he frowned a bit. No need to be mean to him. He would turn the lights off himself. As soon as he could open his eyes enough to walk without bumping into anything. 

“Be nice.” Dan whined a bit and reached for Kyle. Instead of the feeling of their bed underneath him, he found a different texture all together. Was he on a lawn? “Where are we?” 

“He okay?” Dan heard from a distance and wondered what sort of nightmare included his ex and a massive headache. 

“Kyle?” Dan forced his eyes open and blocked the light with his hand. Kyle was kneeling down next to him with his knees bent. There was the green of the grass underneath them and Dan closed his eyes again. 

Fuck. He was at the park and something must have happened. 

How did Kyle get here? 

“I think so.” Kyle answered and Dan frowned. Did Kyle not know who Kyle was? “Thanks for texting me. He didn’t sleep last night and he didn’t eat breakfast. Must have fainted on us.” 

Dan groaned and moved his hands up to cover his face. He was pathetic. 

“I’m going to go now. Tell him that I said he can text me if he wants.” Dan heard her voice leaving and Dan let out another groan. 

“I think she said that you need to text her.” Kyle’s voice was soft and close to his ear again. There was a gentle hand moving through the hair on the top of his head and Dan’s eyes started to water. Thankfully, he had kept them close and Kyle wouldn't be able to see. “Your eyes are watering.” 

Damn Kyle and his ability to read Dan like a bestseller. 

No, Dan took that back. No damning Kyle. That was rude. 

“Did I really faint and make a massive idiot of myself?” Dan asked as he felt the harsh sunlight blocked by Kyle’s hand in his hair. “You looking at me?” 

“Always.” Kyle kissed Dan’s forehead and Dan sighed at the care Kyle was giving him. “You frightened me. New rule: No meeting ex’s without food in your system. And at least, what? Is four hours of sleep manageable?” 

Dan nodded his head slowly and winced at the movement. His head hurt but he didn’t feel like he needed hospital. 

“Okay, now that that is settled.” Kyle’s hand on his head stilled. “You okay? Like, seriously?” 

“Yes.” Dan reached for Kyle’s hand and used it to lift himself up. He opened his eyes again and took in the scene around them. There was no one other than a few people in the distance. “Did you have to close the shop?” 

“Actually, yes.” Kyle smiled at him and moved to sit next to him. “My uncle will add it to your tab.” 

Dan raised his hands to his head and lowered his head down. Why was he like this? 

“Your pity party done?” Kyle said without malice. His hands were gently moving through the hair on the back of Dan’s head, likely looking for signs that Dan needed hospital. “You are not bleeding and seem alert. Can you stand?” 

“No.” Dan said into his hands and hoped Kyle heard him. This was his new way of life. 

Dan was going to live right here with his head down and his hands blocking his face from view. 

“Let’s give it a go.” Kyle stood and reached down his hand. “Oh, come on. All is well. Up you go.” 

Dan had to grin at the cheery tone to Kyle’s voice. Kyle did not seem cross. 

He had every right to be upset at him. 

Dan had hid something massive from him. 

And then endangered his life by being a massive tool that couldn’t even stay conscious. 

Kyle must have grown tired of waiting because he lifted Dan up from underneath his armpits. Dan, because he was inconveniencing Kyle enough, helped as much as he could to stand upright. 

Dan swayed a bit as he found his footing. Kyle’s hands were on his waist and holding him in place. 

Dan wanted him closer, so he narrowed their distance and bear hugged Kyle. 

He wanted to be closer to him. And he needed the stability. 

And because Kyle was a saint and the most patient with Dan, Dan felt him kissing along the side of his head. “There, there.” 

Dan gave it a few more moments and then moved his head back. Signing, he told Kyle that they could go home now. 

Today’s home would be the studio. But Dan had plans for possible future homes. 

The studio would be there home a while though. And then a tour bus and hotel rooms. Backstage areas. Portacabins during festivals. 

Dan had plans. 

“So your body wanted to practice being horizontal without your consent?” Kyle gave out a short laugh as they walked back toward the direction of the studio. Kyle’s hand was on Dan’s back and providing a little extra support to keep him moving forward. “How is the vertical world?” 

Dan signed ‘great’ and then took a deep breath. 

The panic was gone and now he felt uneasy at the conversation he needed to have with Kyle. But, that needed to wait because Dan needed to focus to remain in the vertical world and wait to have Kyle’s full attention. 

“Oh, no worries.” Kyle let out another short laugh. “We will talk all about it when we get back and allow you some more rest.” 

Dan nodded his head and took long strides to get back to the studio. 

He needed to be inside and alone with Kyle.

Then the damn racing of his heart would stop. 

He would be able to breathe better. 

“I love you.” Dan spoke as they turned a corner and passed by a few people walking. Dan and Kyle had put back on their masks as he headed in the right direction. 

“That sounded like love.” Kyle’s eyes showed that he was smiling and Dan nodded his head. “Okay, save the rest for home. We have time. I got off early from work. Long story. You will love it.”


	60. Chapter 60

“I’m an idiot.” Dan signed as he spoke. He had finished his meal and drank a full glass of water. He was still embarrassed from fainting yet his body felt much better. 

Kyle was sat next to him, his leg folded and resting on the sofa with his other foot on the floor. Dan was mirroring him and fidgeting with his ring when he was not signing. 

“I know you enough now to understand why you did not tell me.” Kyle signed back. Keeping Dan’s eyes, Kyle continued, “However, I hope that you know me enough now to understand that you could have told me.” 

Dan bit underneath his lip and gave a slow nod of his head. He trusted Kyle and Dan knew wholeheartedly that Kyle would have been okay with Dan meeting with his ex. But those damn voices in his head win out on logic sometimes. 

“I apologize. I do know that I can tell you these things. Fuck, I’m going to spend my life with you. We can talk about difficult stuff.” Dan signed and then ran his hands through his hair quickly. “But those damn voices. They don’t listen and then I do stupid stuff like what I did today. I don’t even know why I wanted to see her. I don’t even think I did. Maybe I wanted to rub it in her face? That I’m happy. That I’m not...that I’m not impossible to love.” 

Dan swallowed and then crossed his arms against his chest. Looking down toward the sofa for a few seconds, Dan counted to three in his head. Kyle’s eyes were watching him as he raised his head. 

Those rich, brown eyes on that beautiful face. Framed by gorgeous hair and everything wonderful. It made his heart hurt sometimes how much he loved him. And how much love Kyle showed him in return. 

Kyle waited for Dan’s eyes to come back to him and then gave him a gentle smile. They were both works in progress but Dan had put so much trust into Kyle since meeting each other. Kyle saw every day how much Dan was growing to love and accept himself. And accept Kyle’s love for him. 

Receiving the text earlier that day had been a shock. A panicked text from Dan’s phone saying that Dan had fainted and they didn’t know what to do. The irony was not lost on Kyle that Dan’s ex did not know what to do and contacted Kyle assuming that Kyle knew what was needed. That Kyle would know what Dan needed. 

Now those deep, blue eyes were looking at him with such love and trust that Kyle felt his heart swell in the best way. Dan was his as much as Kyle was Dan’s constant. 

Kyle went to say something but paused, trying to form the right words. This was important and he didn’t want Dan to misunderstand him. 

“You may be impossible to love for some people.” Kyle rested his left hand on top of Dan’s knee and moved in a bit closer on the sofa. His eyes held tight with Dan’s eyes. “However, you have been the easiest person to love for me. Even with all of your flaws and insecurities. I mean everything that I have said to you. You are the most amazing person and I love you with all of my being.” 

Dan nodded his head and willed away the wetness in his eyes. Dan believed him. “Thank you. I need to hear that. I feel that from you every day, but I need to hear it. They [Dan pointed to his head] need to hear it.” 

Kyle grinned. “I will tell them every day if needed.” 

Dan grinned back and felt another layer of shame and guilt leave him. Oh, that was a freeing feeling.

“I love you just the same.” Dan moved his hand over Kyle’s and allowed it to rest there. “Maybe even more because you are a fucking ray of sunshine and rainbows to my dark storm clouds. You are the only person...the only person that they listen to.” 

Kyle leaned forward and kissed him. Their lips briefly touched one another and he went to pull back to add more. About how he would forever talk back to the voices in Dan’s head and how Dan calmed all his nerves and anxieties as well. But then Dan’s tongue was in his mouth and all that could be said through their kiss. 

Kyle was still amazed at how he felt all of Dan’s love when he kissed him. All the way down to his toes and higher than the hair on his head. 

Dan felt Kyle’s hands moving underneath his clothes but he wanted to stay kissing him longer. He needed this right now. Kyle’s lips and love the antidote to Dan’s life until the point he met Kyle. 

Right outside the building. 

The pavement was busier now with lockdown restrictions lifting, but Dan knew the exact spot that forever changed his life. Every time he passed by it, he grinned like the fucking idiot he was. 

Kyle sighed into the kiss and took in the sounds of them both breathing each other in. Kyle’s hands were holding tight to Dan’s lower back, his hands touching Dan’s skin. 

There was no time that existed in moments like this. 

Only touch and air. 

Dan stood and brought Kyle with him. Dan giggled as Kyle’s hands got stuck in Dan’s top and almost made them fall to the floor. 

“Easy there.” Dan felt his face smiling as he found Kyle’s eyes. Kyle was pure trust looking back at him. “I want to dance with you.” 

“Loud dance party?” Kyle savoured the sound of Dan’s giggles and the sight before him. Dan’s lips red and wet with their actions. “Or slow and sweet?” 

“Both.” Dan and Kyle answered at the same time. 

Dan quickly found the sound board and went through his mobile to find the right playlist. Dan didn’t even startle when Kyle came up behind him and wrapped his long arms around his front, holding him close to his body as he rested his chin on Dan’s shoulder. 

Kyle was reading through the playlists on Dan’s mobile and allowed his hand to wander down. There was no clear destination, but it ended up resting with his fingertips underneath the waistband of Dan’s pants. 

If not for wanting to see Dan completely lose himself to the music, Kyle would have moved his hand further down. Then he could have seen Dan completely lose himself to their bodies moving together. 

He would save that for later. 

When they were both sweaty and out of breath. 

Dan felt Kyle wrapped around him and covered Kyle’s hand on his waist. Allowing it to rest there, with no intentions of moving it anywhere else. 

The loud sounds of their first playlist together started and Dan put down the mobile to lean his weight against Kyle. 

Kyle swayed them for a few seconds and then turned Dan around, moving him to the larger room. The speakers were louder out there anyway. 

Dan bopped to the beat and kept Kyle’s hand in his own. Kyle had removed his eyes from him as he took in the music surrounding the space in the room. 

Soon, both of them were bumping into one another and laughing as the music increased around them. The next track was as upbeat as the last and both lost themselves more. 

By the end of the playlist, both Dan and Kyle were breathing hard and in need of a slow track. 

As if by chance, the playlist ended and started with the song that Dan had written for Kyle. 

The song that was going to be used for the engagement video and that was still being edited by a mate. 

The song that Kyle had not heard yet. 

“What’s this?” Kyle asked, titling his head to the right as he stretched his arm out and twirled Dan around him. “Something new? It is slower than the rest, right?” 

Dan rested his hands on Kyle’s sides, gripping onto the sides of his top. Looking up, Dan felt his cheeks grow redder than they were. “It is your song. I wrote it for you.” 

Kyle ignored the blush spreading across Dan’s face and wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders. Whispering into his ear, Kyle asked, “Dance with me?” 

Dan started the easy sway side to side and leaned in to kiss him again. It had been too long since he felt Kyle’s lips against his own. And he could hide a bit there from the curious eyes. 

The lyrics went against all the songwriting rules he unconsciously placed on himself. 

The lyrics were honest and raw. His heart bleeding out for Kyle, exposing his love for Kyle for the world to hear. 

Kyle wasn’t able to comprehend the lyrics, but it helped that it was in Dan’s voice. He knew it was not how Dan likely wanted to share it with him. Dan would have given him the lyrics to read if he planned on sharing it with him. 

“How are you real?” Kyle asked into Dan’s ear. His lips brushing against the outside of Dan’s ear and making him shiver, either by his touch or the words. “You are so easy to love.” 

Dan wrapped his arms around Kyle and held him close to him. Their bodies pressed together and breathing almost as one. 

This was everything. 

In Dan’s head he wanted to tell Kyle so much more, but he would wait to show him the lyrics. 

Kyle would understand all of it then. 

The hope that Kyle gave to Dan. 

The security. 

The certainty. 

Everything that helped calm Dan’s brain and place him inside his body. 

Kyle wished he knew the lyrics, but it was enough that Dan was in his arms. Pressed so tight against him that he wasn’t quite sure where he ended and Dan began. 

Just as it was intended. 

Just as love intended. 

Dan who gave him hope for the future. 

That proved to Kyle that Kyle was worthy of love. 

Of healing yourself from absolute heartbreak and abandoned. 

Love. 

The song ended yet they stayed pressed together and dancing. 

No music was needed. 

They had love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True confession: I don't want this story to end. But alas, I believe 60 chapters and 160,000+ words is well enough. 
> 
> Thank you for everyone that read and responded to the story. You are all wonderful, amazing, and everything great. Especially the lovelies that left comments throughout. 
> 
> Here are clips of Kyle using BSL. It was part of the inspiration for the story. There are two clips if you click though.  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDEuLlCHA5V/?igshid=b84khqewbe3a


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